Lucien was quiet, watching Elian for a while.
The moonlight streamed through the leaves, making Elian’s smooth skin glow like silk under the sun. His blue eyes looked magical, like the sparkling ocean on a sunny day.
He looked away, mentally mocking himself for feeling like a slave to Elian’s beauty.
"Go up, Elian. I don’t need your hug," Lucien said dismissively.
Elian sighed and turned away, frowning. He didn’t like it... getting rejected. He hated it.
He was simply offering company, but Lucien was unfamiliar with that concept. All he knew was duty this, and duty that. His hate should have driven him far away by now, but it did the opposite.
Elian turned back to face Lucien, face determined, "It’s just a hug, Lucien."
"It’s Your Grace to you," Lucien corrected.
"You never mind what I call you when you shove your cock in me... or is that the only time I’m allowed to say your name, Lucien?" Elian arched his brows, challenging Lucien to deny him.
Lucien sighed, shaking his head in disbelief, mostly at himself. He could not believe he was letting Elian get away with all the insolence, and quite frankly, he was struggling to keep reminding himself exactly which part of Elian he hated. It was becoming taxing to keep finding reasons to punish Elian when all he wanted to do was draw him close whenever he saw him.
"You’re stubborn," Lucien heard himself say softly.
Elian stepped closer, "Not as stubborn as you are, Your Grace." Now, they both knew that title was more of a tease than an honor.
It was a dangerous non-verbal communication, one that should have never existed between the Duke and his attendant in the first place.
Elian was now toe to toe with Lucien, face lifted as he searched the taller man’s face.
"I will always hate you for killing my father. I will always be thankful to you for freeing my mother from the dungeon... even though you put her there. I will always wish I can hurt you just so you feel the pain you’ve put me through. I will always be human, who shows compassion to those whom I think need it because I do not let my history shape me..." He murmured, his hand slowly reaching for Lucien’s collar.
Lucien’s chest tugged painfully from Elian’s complicated words, but somehow, he understood him. He was simply reminded that the only thing keeping Elian from ending his life was morality, something he and other nobles might have lost on their journey a long time ago.
He felt Elian digging his collar gently and willingly leaned lower, allowing Elian’s slim arms to wrap around his neck.
The moment Elian’s body touched his, he let all restraint go and gathered Elian into his arms. This time, the hug was soft but firm, his warmth warming Elian’s cold body as he pressed Elian flush against his front.
"You’re freezing," he murmured, his arms tightening around Elian’s waist.
"A hug," Elian sighed into Lucien’s chest.
"That is what it’s called. A hug," he glanced up at Lucien’s calm face.
"As humans, we’re bound to show compassion. You show it because you’re empathetic, not as an act to gain credibility in front of the king or other nobles. You show it because you’re simply human," he whispered.
Lucien blinked slowly, thinking deeply about Elian’s words.
When was the last time he felt or showed that? He could not even remember. It was better not to; if he let those misguiding emotions get in his way, he would never have made it this far and so close to his goal. And he was never planning on letting those feelings cloud his mind.
"I am not like you, young Morel," Lucien stated. "I don’t feel those things... I can’t feel them."
Elian scoffed softly, "I do not believe that." He shook his head.
"That is left to you to believe what you want," Lucien shrugged.
"It’s left for me," Elian said, lowering his hands from Lucien’s shoulders, expecting Lucien to release him.
But the Duke didn’t move a muscle. Instead, Lucien held Elian closer, holding onto that soothing comfort he was feeling.
"You lied," Lucien said, narrowing his eyes at Elian.
Elian’s brows knitted in confusion. "I lied?"
Lucien leaned in, the tip of his nose brushing against Elian’s cold one, "You said you were with Rowan," he whispered.
Elian paused for a second before blinking up at Lucien in disbelief. He dares to bring that up?
"What would you have had me say?" Elian questioned. "That I was in the Duke’s chamber having my ass wrecked by him?" There was a hint of seduction and anger in his tone.
Lucien didn’t answer right away; he imagined a world where Elian could proudly say it... where they could boast of what they had just so people like Rowan, Cassian, Soren, Rosalie, even Chester would stay the hell away from his man.
Unfortunately... that would never happen, not even in the next lifetime.
Seeing Lucien was quiet, Elian shrugged, "I didn’t know what else to say. You wouldn’t want anyone knowing, right?" He asked slowly, a stupid stir of something akin to hope rising in his chest.
"No." Lucien crushed that hope in one word. "No one should know. It’s not only a disgrace to my name... it will be disgusting to whomever learns it–"
"What about you?" Elian cut him off, placing his hands flat against Lucien’s chest, feeling the steady thump-thump of his heartbeat. "Is it disgusting to you, too?" He gazed into Lucien’s eyes with a sudden vulnerability he couldn’t even explain.
And Lucien didn’t miss it. He saw the vulnerability in those blue eyes, he saw fear and hope shining through them. Out of everything, it was the horror in Elian’s eyes that scared him the most.
Because, whatever it was Elian was hoping for, it would never come to be. Even if they magically tried to make it happen, the world would simply quench it.
"I do not know why I want you, Elian. But that’s what it is. A want. A need. I am not proud of what I do... there are a lot of things I am not proud of. Wanting you is one of them," Lucien spoke in his smallest voice, a sharp voice in his head mocking him for lying even to himself.
Elian smiled, "You’re right. I do not know why I want you, either." He nodded. "I hate myself for it, my mother would weep if she ever heard of it, and my father would choose to be burned all over again." He sighed. "For once, I agree with you."
Lucien frowned, hard.
He had given a similar answer, but hearing Elian give such extreme instances made him feel like he was an unwanted stain on Elian’s pristine white.
"Is that how deeply you hate me?" Lucien asked, fingers clutching Elian’s shirt.
Elian nodded without hesitation, "Yes. My body is simply cursed for craving your touch each moment I set my eyes on you–"
"Perhaps we’re both cursed, Elian," Lucien whispered huskily against Elian’s lips, his breath turning hot. "I never want to hear how much you hate me. Keep it to yourself, not in your actions, not in your words," he warned darkly.
Elian gulped, refusing to acknowledge the command.
"You’re only allowed to want me, Elian. And stay by my fucking side until I tire of you, do you understand?" He growled lowly.
Elian lowered his face, not wanting to face that dark side of Lucien that had awakened.
Truly, Lucien was incapable of compassion.
"Earlier, why did you go down without waiting for me?" Lucien questioned, trying and failing to curb that aggressive possessiveness taking over his mind.
And all this was triggered because Elian simply gave a similar heartless reply as he did.
"I did not want any suspicion if we appeared together–"
"You don’t get to abandon me after that, Elian. I am your master and you go wherever I go–"
"You sent me out on the first night like I was a whore!" Elian snapped, letting the pain and shame he had buried resurface.
Lucien grabbed Elian’s jaw, breathing hard as he lowered his darkening eyes onto Elian’s, "You’re my fucking whore–argh!" Lucien’s head whipped to the side from Elian’s suddenly hard slap, the soft skin on the side of his lower lip splitting slightly.
His cheek stung, his tongue darting out and tasting metallic blood on his lower lip. His eyes, charged and dark, found Elian’s unapologetic ones, staring back at him in intense fury.
"You hit me," Lucien’s deep growl vibrated against Elian’s skin.
Elian hardened his eyes, "You deserved it." Despite his gravity, his voice shook.
Lucien smiled, a cold, evil smile, "You hit me," he repeated, his fingers surprisingly gentle as he caressed the sides of Elian’s face.
"I am not your whore. If I had a choice, I would never offer my body to you. You’re literally abusing me and yet you twist it like I am the one begging to get fucked out–"
"Shh..." Lucien whispered into Elian’s ear.
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