Dao of Language

Lianhua carries me in her arms behind my mother, crossing the threshold of the very same inn where we stayed almost two years ago, when we were on our way to Xi’an. The main hall of the inn looks exactly as I remembered it, as if no time had passed since our stay.

“Mother”, I say before she approaches the manager. “Can we stay and rest for a full day in the village? We weren’t able to stop and do that before crossing the marsh, as you had planned.”

My mother turns slowly, one eyebrow raised and a questioning look on her face. For a moment, she remains silent, sizing me up as only she knows how and probably wondering what I’m planning to do to make that request.

“One day shouldn’t be a problem”, she replies finally, without further ado and without asking me. Then she turns to Lingxi and nods, after which my mother’s faithful Fei Yi turns to the innkeeper and begins to arrange our stay.

After the arrangements are made, we have dinner in the main hall. The food is simple, but hot and comforting, a clear improvement over the rations at the Nei Wei, just as on our previous trip.

We barely speak, each of us lost in our own thoughts, while Xia, sitting next to me, devours her rice with the enthusiasm that only a young body can muster after the torture she’s been subjected to, in her own words.

After dinner, we go up to our room. Lianhua carries me in her arms while Xia follows us with a slight smile of satisfaction. Once inside, Lianhua changes me into my nightclothes with her usual ease, though she tries to get Xia to help so the little girl can get used to it and feel useful.

And while they’re changing me, I think that now that we’ve arrived, it’s time to carry on with my plan to turn Xia into a little version of myself, at least when it comes to cultivation, but first I have to get past a small hurdle.

“Lianhua”, I say as she finishes changing me. “I have some orders for you tomorrow morning.”

“What orders, Zhāohuán Wen?” she asks without raising her voice, her attention fixed on her task.

“Early tomorrow morning, I want you to go to the Yao clan”, I tell her. “I want you to try to negotiate the purchase of a bath like the one they offered me two years ago. Tell them it’s for a girl who hasn’t started cultivating yet, but who is just a few months away from turning eight.”

Xia, who was folding my clothes in a corner, turns abruptly.

“Huh? Are you talking about me?” she asks with a mix of surprise and suspicion.

I raise a hand to stop what is about to become a barrage of questions.

“I’ll tell you later, if it works out”, I say in a calm voice. “Don’t worry about it now.”

Lianhua stops folding my clothes and looks at me with a doubtful expression.

“They probably won’t agree”, she says at last. “It’s a secret of the Yao clan. And besides, I don’t think her mother would allow it.”

“For the first one,” I reply. “Tell them I’m willing to pay with Spirit Stones. Go ahead, as long as the price isn’t ridiculous, since the temptation of a large quantity of them falling into their laps like a gift from heaven might be enough to make them accept.”

“And as for the second part?” she asks, though knowing Lianhua, I suppose she already imagines the answer.

“I don’t plan on telling her”, I reply. “She’ll find out once it’s done. Sometimes, it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.”

Lianhua sighs with resignation as she listens to me, then says “I’ll try it tomorrow as you command, Zhāohuán Wen.”

When Lianhua finishes speaking, I feel Xia tugging at my sleeve as she asks “But tell me what it is! What are you planning?”

“If it works out, I’ll tell you”, I reply, pinching her cheeks. “And if not, it doesn’t matter anyway because it won’t affect you.”

Xia frowns, visibly annoyed, but doesn’t press the issue. Shortly after, we go to bed, and the night passes peacefully.

The next morning, Lianhua wakes me up early, and she and Xia help me get dressed, after which we go downstairs for breakfast. Then, just as we had planned, Lianhua leaves for the Yao clan after Xia and I return to our room so as not to attract attention.

In the room, we play various games to pass the time. Xia, despite her obvious curiosity, is lively and competitive, but I just smile and let her win a few rounds.

After two and a half periods, Lianhua returns. As soon as she enters the room, I set the game pieces aside and ask her without preamble “How did it go?”

Lianhua sits down slowly before beginning to speak.

“Your proposal sparked a storm within the Yao clan”, she begins to tell me. “Some said that once was enough, that allowing it again would be a betrayal of their heritage. But others, as you had very well anticipated, could not ignore the temptation of the Spirit Stones.”

She pauses briefly, then continues her report. “It also carried weight that the request came from the imperial family. And that their previous offense against you is still fresh in everyone’s minds.”

“And the result?” I press her impatiently.

“They had me leave the room while they discussed it”, Lianhua continues. “But in the end, they called me back to tell me they’ve agreed. The price was three hundred Spirit Stones, and that we must never speak of the process to anyone or ask them again.”

“I suppose you told them the procedure had to be done today”, I say to Lianhua as her eyes still reflect the weight of the negotiations.

She nods with her usual composure.

“Yes, Zhāohuán Wen”, she replies. “We’ve agreed to do it first thing in the afternoon.”

A terrifying thought suddenly strikes me, and I sit up slightly, cursing myself for not asking sooner.

“Do you have access to the storage bag?” I ask urgently. “Can you collect the payment without any problems?”

Lianhua doesn’t hesitate to answer without losing her composure, which reassures me.

“Don’t worry”, she tells me calmly. “I can access it without any trouble.”

I breathe a sigh of relief as I slump back against the chair.

At that moment, Xia, who had remained silent, gently tugs at my sleeve.

“What is it you want to do to me that’s so hard?” she asks me, her voice heavy with apprehension. “Whatever it is, it’s not worth it.”

I take her hand as I look at her firmly.

“That’s for me to decide”, I reply. “And as for what we’re going to do to you, I’ll explain it to you now.”

I see her eyes widen as she swallows, but she seems to be listening to me carefully.

“Later”, I begin in a measured tone. “Lianhua will take you to the Yao clan’s residence. There, they’ll immerse you in a bath with a solution made from water treated with special herbs that will give you greater resistance to toxins and poisons, or so I’ve been told.”

Xia watches me with a mixture of doubt and fear as she listens to my explanation.

“They did this to me almost two years ago”, I continue, trying to reassure her. “It’s not dangerous, though it might be a little scary at first. You just have to follow the instructions they give you, even if they seem strange or frightening. I followed them to the letter even though it was hard for me, and here I am.”

Xia looks down and nods slowly, still nervous but a little calmer.

“I don’t want to draw attention to myself”, I say, turning my gaze back to Lianhua. “Bring the food to the room.”

Lianhua nods and leaves. Shortly after, she returns with a tray holding bowls of rice, sautéed vegetables, and hot soup, after which we eat quietly, the silence broken only by the sound of chopsticks.

Once we’re finished, Lianhua stands up and turns toward me.

“Zhāohuán Wen”, she says firmly. “We have to leave now if we want to get there on time.”

I see the tension in Xia’s shoulders, so I take both her hands in mine and look her straight in the eye.

“I believe in you”, I tell her firmly. “You’re stronger than you think. I’ll wait here for you to come back.”

She nods silently, after which Lianhua and she take the tray with the leftovers and leave the room together.

With no one to help me, there’s little I can do but wait without making a futile effort, so I settle in and close my eyes, mentally reviewing some texts stored in my memory to keep myself entertained.

Time passes when I hear a commotion in the inn and hurried footsteps begin to approach my room. I calculate how much time has passed since Lianhua left and sigh as I realize how long it’s been.

“It’s about time they came back”, I murmur to myself just as the door opens.

Lianhua appears carrying Xia, who is clearly asleep.

“Put her in bed”, I say as I brace myself for the inevitable.

Lianhua gently sets her down just as my mother walks through the door, closely followed by Lingxi. She stops right in the middle of the room and then fixes her gaze on me.

“Was this the reason you asked me to stay one more day?” she asks me in an icy voice.

I nod without trying to hide anything “Yes, Mother.”

“And why didn’t you tell me what your plans were?” she asks next.

“Xia is my maid”, I reply calmly. “She is my responsibility, and therefore I didn’t think it necessary to ask for permission.”

Her expression hardens for a moment as she says to me “I remind you that you are still a minor.”

I look her straight in the eye, without looking away.

“You also made me take on decisions and responsibilities that aren’t appropriate for a minor”, I tell her firmly. “You can’t use my age only when it suits you, Mother.”

For a moment, our gazes meet in a tense silence.

Then, in an even harsher voice, she asks me “Where did you get enough money to pay the Yao clan?”

I hold her gaze as I reply “I gave them some trinkets that Lianhua brought back for me from the Celestial Fragment. Things I wasn’t interested in.”

My mother and I pause again, locked in another silent stare-down.

Finally, she nods once “All right. But you can’t leave this room for the rest of the day.”

“Agreed”, I reply without hesitation.

My mother turns to leave, but before she walks out the door, I say “Part of the deal was promising we’d never reveal that the process exists, or ask for it again.”

My mother stops, and without turning around, she replies “I understand.”

And with that, I watch her leave the room, followed by Lingxi, leaving behind only the sound of Xia’s calm breathing and the strange feeling that when my mother answered me before leaving, I detected a hint of pride in her voice.

Through the carriage window, I watch as we pass through the gates of the Imperial Palace, the sound of hooves on stone and the muffled rumble of the wheels mingling with the murmur of the crowd waiting for us on the other side.

The vast imperial square opens before us like an ocean of marble, flooded with the crowd that has gathered to await our return. Guards, servants, and maids, all eager to help us settle in after our exile, causing my stomach to clench with a pang that has nothing to do with the journey.

I have lived within these walls for eight years, and yet, now that I am returning, two feelings are battling within my chest. On the one hand, it is like coming home, and I am sure that when I arrive at the Pavilion of the Scent of the Clouds, I will be flooded with all sorts of memories of the time I spent there, not to mention the park or the Imperial Library. On the other hand, I know I’m stepping into a gilded cage, and the days of relative freedom in the city of Xi’an are behind me. Here, every word, every gesture, every breath will be watched by ten eyes, analyzed by a hundred tongues, and recorded by a thousand invisible hands.

I sigh and push my thoughts aside before they become even more depressing as the carriage stops in the center of the square and the doors open.

My mother steps down first with her usual dignity, followed by Lingxi with a gracefulness worthy of her shadow.

I take that moment to turn toward Xia.

“No matter what happens”, I say in a low but firm voice. “Don’t stray from me or Lianhua. And if anyone tries to make you, call for my help by shouting my title, Zhāohuán, as loud as you can. Understood?”

Xia nods, a hint of fear in her eyes.

“I don’t think anyone will try anything”, I add quickly, realizing that. “Especially with the Nei Wei escorting us. But it doesn’t hurt to be cautious.”

Xia swallows and nods again, this time with a little more confidence in her movements.

Lianhua, without needing to say a word, bends down and picks me up in her arms with her usual familiarity, then carefully steps down from the carriage, after which Xia gets down and stays by our side as I’ve asked.

From where I stand, I see my mother speaking quietly with Nei Baihu. I’m about to ask us to go over when I notice a stir in the crowd.

A group of men is heading toward us. Their formal robes give them away even before I can see them clearly, so I realize they are officials. And by their insignia, from the Yushitai.

The Nei Wei intercept them with the effectiveness of a closed gate, after which a brief discussion ensues, almost inaudible amid the murmur of the square. One of the Nei Wei, a woman with an angular face, looks toward where my mother continues to converse, so she hesitates for a brief moment and finally walks toward us.

I recognize her rank by the insignia on her breastplate and realize she is a Nei Shiwei.

“Zhāohuán Wen”, she says, bowing her head slightly. “A group from the Yushitai is requesting to take agent Wang Lianhua back with them.”

My eyes narrow.

“Lianhua?” I ask her without taking my eyes off the Nei Shiwei. “Do you have your transfer papers?”

“They should be in the carriage with her things”, Lianhua replied calmly.

“Xia”, I say immediately, looking at her. “In the compartment where my luggage is, there’s a small box with documents about Lianhua. Bring it to me.”

“Yes, Zhāohuán Wen”, Xia says firmly, and, surprisingly, addressing me by my title. After that, without wasting any time, she climbs into the carriage.

While she searches, I turn to the Nei Shiwei and say “Tell them that only one person may approach me to speak, and that he must be escorted.”

The woman nods and returns to the Yushitai group.

Shortly after, Xia comes down with the box in her hands and hands it to me. I open it and, after checking the contents, see that they are correct. The transfer order and, most importantly, the acknowledgment of receipt with the Yushitai seal, so I take out the papers and hand the box back to Xia.

Then, the Yushitai representative approaches, escorted by two Nei Wei. A middle-aged man with a pale face and an expression that reminds me of a weasel.

“Zhāohuán”, he says, bowing. “I’m sorry to bother you on the day of your arrival, but we’ve received orders to take agent Wang Lianhua back to the Yushitai so she can report to her superiors.”

“There must be some mistake”, I reply firmly. “Wang Lianhua hasn’t been a member of the Yushitai for months.”

The man blinks in surprise, then replies “What do you mean, Zhāohuán?”

I hand him the documents without changing my tone of voice as I say “I issued an official transfer order for Wang Lianhua to my personal service. Here are both the order and the Yushitai’s acknowledgment of receipt.”

The official looks at the papers as if he expects them to bite him, but finally takes them and examines them. As he reads, his expression grows tense, and when he finishes, he swallows hard as he looks up.

“Even so, my orders are that I must take Wang Lianhua…” he begins to say.

“No”, I cut him off brusquely. “You no longer have jurisdiction over her. If your personnel department is so incompetent that it hasn’t processed a simple transfer order in all these months and hasn’t even heard about it, that’s not my fault.”

I hold out my hand as I say “Give me back the papers.”

He hesitates as he looks at the documents, then glances sideways at the Nei Wei, and finally, with a resigned sigh, hands them back to me.

“If the Yushitai needs anything from a member of my staff”, I finally say. “Let them use official channels.”

The man nods and bows as he says to me “We will do so.”

And with that, he turns on his heel and leaves, escorted.

I watch him disappear into the crowd as I carefully fold the papers and put them away in the chest I ask Xia to hand back to me.

All this, and we’re still in what could be considered the entrance hall of the Imperial Palace.

“Lianhua”, I say without taking my eyes off the official walking away with his back tense. “Take me to my mother.”

Without saying a word, Lianhua adjusts me more comfortably in her arms before pushing through the crowd, while Xia follows us at a brisk pace, never leaving our side for a single moment.

When we arrive, my mother is still speaking with Nei Baihu, both with serious expressions and measured gestures, so I wait for the right moment before interrupting.

“Mother”, I say in a firm voice. “As we suspected, the Yushitai sent some of their men to try to take Lianhua away as soon as we arrived, but I’ve already driven them off.”

My mother barely turns her head to look at me.

“Well done”, she replies simply, though I know this isn’t the place to say much more.

I have nothing more to add, so I simply wait in silence while the two women continue their conversation. Finally, Nei Baihu nods slightly and takes her leave, after which my mother turns around, gives us a nod, and sets off with a determined stride, so we follow her, escorted by the Nei Wei.

We follow my mother as we approach a carriage that feels all too familiar to me, since it is almost identical to the one that took us to the square the day we left for exile. We climb aboard, and I settle in next to Lianhua as the doors close and the carriage begins to move, carrying us into the Imperial Palace.

Through the window, I see the road and soon remember having traveled this very same route almost two years ago, but in the opposite direction. The carriage moves along the white stone paths, between ornate pavilions and covered walkways where officials, servants, and nobles watch us pass just as they did two years ago.

And the morbid echo of my thought from two years ago about the walk of shame, that we’re still not naked, suddenly strikes me, though I dismiss it just as quickly.

Soon we pass through the park where I used to feed the ducks, and for a moment I wonder if they still remember me just before I see the Pavilion of the Scent of Clouds, which I might consider my home.

The carriage passes through the courtyard gates and comes to a gentle stop in the center of the courtyard. My mother and Lingxi step out first and head toward a group of maids waiting in the courtyard, and soon they begin giving instructions, my mother’s gestures as precise as ever.

“Lianhua, Xia”, I say to them. “We should get out too.”

Lianhua nods and steps down from the carriage first, with Xia following her. Then, as always, Lianhua gently picks me up and cradles me in her arms.

I look out at the courtyard with a mixture of nostalgia and curiosity, since everything is the same, and yet, at the same time, so different.

“Lianhua”, I say with a faint smile. “Sit me down where I used to read. That spot under the eaves, right in the corner.”

“Yes, Zhāohuán Wen”, she replies, and without further ado, she leads me there and carefully helps me settle in.

Once settled, I turn to her again and say “Show Xia the inside and the rooms where we’re staying. You’d better do it now before the trucks start arriving with our things and you have to start unpacking.”

“Good idea, Zhāohuán Wen”, Lianhua tells me in her usual tone, and with a gesture, she calls Xia to follow her.

While the two of them enter the building, I stay behind, gazing at the courtyard, where I see my mother, along with Lingxi, continuing to give orders to the maids with their usual efficiency. I look at their faces, one by one, but I don’t recognize any of them. I suppose it was too much to ask for the court to keep our former maids without assignments for two years, so I’m sure they’ve been reassigned.

Shortly after, a first cart full of our belongings passes through the pavilion doors, so the maids spring into action immediately, organized like a swarm, and part of me can’t help but marvel.

It will never cease to amaze me how these people can lift loads that in my old world would require several people or mechanical assistance.

As I watch a single woman unload a trunk that seems to weigh more than she does, I notice that someone has left a tray next to me with sweets and tea.

I smiled, thinking about how Lianhua always seems to find time to look after me, as I pick up the cup and take a sip before grabbing a bun, popping it into my mouth, and starting to eat without paying much attention while I watch the maids work.

But halfway through a bite, a sudden sharp pain pierces my chest, my breath catches, and the world begins to spin slowly.

Too late, I realize that Lianhua would never have left the tray for me without saying anything, and I curse myself for my stupidity.

The air seems to thicken around me as my vision blurs and weakness spreads through my limbs with nothing to stop it.

With the last ounce of strength I have left, I open my mouth and scream “MOTHER!!”

Everything starts to fade around me, and I feel myself beginning to fall to one side.

But just before the darkness swallows me, I hear my mother’s voice shouting, though it sounds as if she were far away.

“WEN!!!!!”

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