"Why do I feel so sad about losing my mermaid side when I never wanted it in the first place? I thought being part mermaid was just a burden I could’ve done without, something that made my life miserable. I thought I’d finally feel complete once I had my wolf... why does it feel like there’s a lump in my throat that refuses to go away anytime I think about it?" She whispered against his back, fighting back tears. She listened to the steady thrum of his heartbeat and the sizzle of the pancakes in the pan.
"You lost your mermaid side?" Sebastian asked, surprised, he hadn’t realized what she’d given up to help him, to save him yesterday. They hadn’t talked about this part yet.
He felt her nod against his back.
"I was told to pick one. Natasha, my aunt, said I couldn’t keep both sides of myself. She said if I chose the mermaid side, I’d unlock the full potential of the Child of the Sea, I will be able to bring back the dead, grow close to the Sea Goddess, and so much more, but I could never come back to you...
"She said if I chose the werewolf side, I’d lose my ability to return to them... but I never realized that meant losing the abilities themselves, and Wave. I tried this morning, and I can’t control water anymore..."
Sebastian was quiet for a moment, letting her words settle. They had come as a surprise to him. Though he had hated mermaids for most of his life, everything that had happened had changed his perspective, especially his view of the creatures with tails who had helped him against the sea witch.
He had never minded that Viola was part mermaid, and he wouldn’t have thought any differently of her because of it. But he could tell from her voice and the emotion behind her words that she had come to accept that part of herself enough to grieve its loss. So, he chose his words carefully.
He gently turned to face her, guiding her arms from around his waist and up around his neck before placing his hands on her waist and drawing her closer.
"Shouldn’t I be relieved? I finally got rid of the part of me I never wanted and became a full werewolf, just like I’ve always wanted. So why don’t I feel happy about it?" she asked, looking up into his eyes. He was the only person she could confide these confusing feelings in.
"Maybe it’s not that you hated being a mermaid, amor. Maybe you hated what being one brought into your life."
She frowned deeply, tears still clinging to her lashes without falling. He stared into her orbs, which shimmered so beautifully that they made him wish he were an artist, just so he could capture their depth on canvas, where they glowed like diamonds.
"You spent so long thinking of it as a burden that you never got the chance to wonder what it would feel like to lose it. Now that it’s gone, you’re realizing it was still a part of you. That’s bound to hurt."
His thumb brushed beneath her eye, tracing the curve of it.
"And you didn’t just lose the ability to control water. You lost a connection to the sea, and to a part of your own history. You don’t have to pretend that doesn’t matter, just because you chose your wolf."
Viola swallowed, her gaze dropping to his throat as she fought against her own tightening one.
"I just don’t understand why it hurts this much..."
"Because sometimes we don’t know what something means to us, until it’s gone." He gave her waist a gentle squeeze. "Give yourself time to sit with what you’re feeling. You don’t have to figure it all out this morning, mi amor."
He leaned down and kissed the corner of her lips. "And for what it’s worth, sunshine, I don’t think you’ve lost that part of yourself forever. Maybe you just don’t know yet what remains." He pulled her into a hug, and she rested her head against his chest, closing her eyes.
"Maybe I’m feeling this way because I’ve finally learned to accept my mother. Sebastian, I met my father and my mother. I saw them fall in love, saw how they met, and how they lost each other. It was saddening to watch."
"When was that?" He asked, pressing his lips to the top of her head.
"I saw their memories, through my mother’s preserved body. My aunt took me there. My father was so handsome, and she was so beautiful... if he’d only been able to accept her, Ivy and I would have grown up with parents who loved us, and we would have been happy children." She said bitterly, and went on to tell him everything, the memories, and how her grandparents had flooded the pack her father came from because they believe he had hurt their daughter.
"All these years, I lived without knowing who my parents were, and now that I’ve seen them... I can’t help wishing there was something I could have done," she confessed. "My father was loved by his people because he was so easygoing."
"Your father was the Mooncreek Alpha..." Sebastian muttered, finally understanding why she had an Alpha wolf, and where her father’s bloodline came from.
Gilbert had always claimed the flood was caused by mermaids, though few had believed him, it turned out he’d been right all along. And Sebastian realized that if Mooncreek had still stood, if she’d grown up with her father, they likely still would have met, his own father and Vincent had been close friends before Vincent’s death, sharing ideas for how to build their packs in similar ways.
"What a small world," Sebastian muttered. "My father always told me Vincent was one of the kindest men he ever knew. I remember him telling my mother once that Vincent had fallen in love with an omega, and that the love ended in tragedy, that he was forced to marry another woman to protect the one he truly loved. If I’m remembering right... the woman he loved was your mother."
Viola’s eyes trembled at the realization that her father had never stopped loving her mother, that he must have married someone else just to protect her, somehow.
But rather than feeling comforted, she felt only pain, she had always wanted a father, and now she’d lost the one she might have had. She could have saved him from that sea, alongside her mother, but Viola knew there was no way she would have let her husband go in his place, and that only made everything feel worse, given how things had turned out.
"Amor... if Vincent was your father, doesn’t that make you related to Gilbert? Clara, Vincent’s sister, was his birth mother." Sebastian put the pieces together, and felt Viola stiffen slightly in his arms, as though she hadn’t made that connection until just now.
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