I had made a mistake.
I should have told Rias no when she asked me to help her.
I should have taken things slower and kept myself more calm.
But I hadn’t.
And now Rias had avoided me on the walk to the garden.
She did it neatly enough that I might not have noticed if I had not been paying attention to nothing else.
She had looked lost in thought ,and I hadn’t been the only one to notice her acting off.
Whenever I tried to move closer to speak to her, she would shift away from me.
If I tried to make eye contact she would look away.
She hadn’t really interacted with anyone as we headed to the garden to meet Azazel-sensei to start our training.
I didn’t know what to do to try and get her to talk to me, without cornering her.
And I don’t know what to think of how she had been acting.
If she had been cold, or visibly angry, or had simply told me to leave her alone, then it would have been easier to understand.
Instead, she was distracted and distant.
That left too much room for thought on what was going on between us.
I had spent the rest of last night and the whole morning trying to settle what, exactly, I had done wrong last night.
The simplest answer was also the most likely one.
I had let it go too far.
That was what made the most sense to me.
Rias came to my room because she wanted help for Issei.
She had been embarrassed, jealous, determined, and more vulnerable than she liked to be.
We had agreed to keep things normal between us and simple after we had talked about whether or not it should be done at all.
I had questioned it but still agreed anyway in the end.
I should have kept the whole thing clean and harmless.
I should have stayed inside the boundaries that we had set and stopped myself from pushing it any further.
I told myself that I wouldn't lose myself in the moment like I had with Akeno.
Instead, I had let it become something else.
The memory returned in pieces as I had walked.
Rias on my bed.
Her hands on my neck and waist.
The way she started kissing me back instead of only following.
My tails around her.
My hands behind her head.
The point where the lesson stopped feeling like instruction and started like something else.
The way our bodies pressed closer as we kissed.
I pressed that thought down.
That was where I had lost control of the moment.
We were supposed to keep things platonic and simple.
Rias didn’t feel anything for me in a romantic way.
She was there for Issei and that was the only reason we were in that situation in the first place.
And I did not feel that way about Rias either.
I wasn’t going to let myself feel that way about anyone.
I cared about her and appreciated her.
I sometimes admired her for her strength and kindness as my [King].
But I did not love her, and it was only a single heated moment between us.
Nothing more.
And even if I had wanted to mistake it for something more, what would have been the point?
That road ended nowhere good.
I had learned long ago not to let myself think that longing for affection would not result in any.
Wanting affection and having it returned were two very different things.
The first was easy.
The second was a luxury I didn’t have.
I still wanted love sometimes, despite knowing that it wasn’t something that I would ever fully receive.
I still wanted warmth, closeness, the easy certainty of being wanted on purpose.
I was not dead or empty.
Desire still happened.
So did the occasional impossible wish.
But I had made peace with not building a life around those things.
It was easier to want nothing from the girls in the peerage beyond what they already gave me than to want more and make a fool of myself for it.
Even if it was difficult to not want to have something more.
I trusted them more than I had anyone else in a very long time.
They were all beautiful in their own way, and anyone would be very lucky to have any one of them.
But if any of them ever loved anyone that way, it would not be me.
That wasn’t a bitter thought.
It was a fact that I had been taught to be true.
But whatever had happened with Rias, it was not that.
For one weak, ugly instant last night, I had entertained the idea that perhaps the look on her face had meant the beginning of something else.
I crushed the thought immediately.
That was precisely the kind of fantasy that made people unbearable to themselves later.
That kind of thought was the kind of thing that had caused Rias to shove me away and run from my room.
Even if she had been getting caught in the moment too, I wasn’t the one to stop us.
I had kept going and I had frightened or disgusted her with it.
And now she wouldn’t look at me despite my need to fix things.
Rias was kind.
Rias was complicated.
We had had our differences, and I had lost my trust in her for a while, but things were better between us.
And Rias was emotional enough to get swept up in a moment if she came to it already flustered and wanting something badly.
None of that meant anything more.
It would be foolish and self absorbed to think otherwise.
And even if some confused, half-formed spark had started in her without her understanding it, what would it matter?
She would understand herself properly soon enough.
The answer would still not be me.
I was wrong, and broken, and dirty.
I could tease Akeno, or help Rias practice kissing, but it wouldn’t be anything more than something physical between us.
So I did not let the thought stay.
I turned it into the only explanation I trusted.
I had made her uncomfortable.
Or frightened her.
Or pushed her into some kind of confusion she now resented.
That was understandable.
It made sense.
But now there wasn’t anything I could do until I could talk to Rias about what happened and apologize for what happened.
I had training that I would be able to focus on while I tried to figure out what to do.
And I should talk to Akeno and make sure she is alright after how she reacted to Azazel-sensei’s training plan.
On top of that I wanted to talk to Koneko about her Youkai heritage she had been hiding.
I had suspected that her off mood had been because of it, or at least that her hidden traits were a part of it.
And now after Azazel-sensei pointed it out as a problem just like Akeno’s Fallen Angel blood, Koneko’s pretty much confirmed it to me.
I wanted to talk to her about it.
I don’t need her to tell me everything, but I wanted to understand whatever had caused her to want to hide herself like that.
As another Youkai I could understand her better than the others could in that regard.
I would need to get a chance to talk to her alone as well.
Hopefully it would be easier than talking to Rias.
And then I could talk to Akeno.
But now we each had our own individual training to focus on.
And mine would be focusing on working around the backlash of my curses.
I would have a teacher to assist me with coming up with a method to do so.
If I could reduce or redirect how my backlash affected me, then I would be a much more valuable member of the peerage in a fight.
I had plenty of utility and my attacks could pack a punch, but I was essentially a glass cannon.
I could take myself out of a fight with one or two of my own spells if I gave them enough strength.
Despite everything else, I was excited at the chance to improve myself and remove one of my weaknesses.
This was all running through my mind before the massive figure of a Dragon landed in the garden in front of us.
Azazel-sensei introduced the Dragon as Tannin and said that he was going to be Issei’s teacher for his training.
Issei shouted in confusion at hearing that the massive, intimidating Dragon before us was who would be his mentor for the next twenty days.
“It’s been a while, Ddraig. Can you hear me?” Tannin said, looking at Issei.
The Boosted Gear appeared on Issei’s arm in a flash of light
A voice came from Issei’s gauntlet.
[it’s been a long time since we last met, Tannin]
Ddraig’s voice spoke to Tannin through the Boosted Gear, so that people besides Issei could hear him.
Ddraig was always with us since his Sacred Gear was attached to Issei’s soul, but it was rare to hear him speak aloud.
It typically occurred when another Dragon was present, like now.
“You two know each other, Ddraig?” Issei asked.
[Yes, we do.] Ddraig replied. [Tannin is a famous Dragon like myself, and used to be a Dragon King. I’ve told you about the Five Great Dragon Kings before, right? Well, before he became a Devil, they were called the Six Great Dragon Kings. Tannin is even referenced in the Bible.]
“…. A Dragon King. Azazel-sensei, you managed to get a Dragon King to train me? How does that make any sense?” Issei asked, beginning to look panicked. “Do you really think I’ll be able to survive training with him? He’s huge! I’ll be crushed, and I can’t let that happen before I’ve accomplished my dream of becoming a harem king!”
“You see, Tannin became a Devil, for personal reasons, and when he did the Dragons decided to remove him as one of the Great Dragon Kings. And since he was never replaced, the title became the Five Great Dragon Kings.” Azazel-sensei explained. “But he didn’t lose any of his strength when he became a Devil. Even as a reincarnated Devil he is considered to be one of the strongest. He is an ultimate-class Devil, the highest grade there normally is.”
Azazel-sensei’s explanation seemed to make Issei even more nervous for his training.
It was impressive that Azazel had managed to secure Tannin as a teacher for Issei.
Issei’s panic and fear at having such a powerful Devil teach him, however, was ridiculous.
Even if it was Azazel-sensei setting up the training, it’s not like Issei was in any risk of really being harmed.
…probably.
I decided to ignore it and listen to Azazel-sensei instead.
“He is known as [Blaze Meteor Dragon] Tannin. It’s said that his fire breath is equal to the impact of a meteorite. He’s one of the few legendary dragons that are still active in the world right now. So, Tannin, I want you to help with the training of this generation’s Red Dragon Emperor. Please train this kid so that he will be able to stand against the White Dragon Emperor. I would like you to teach him how to use a dragon’s power from scratch.”
Tannin tilted his massive head.
“Shouldn’t he have Ddraig teach him? The two of them are connected, so it should be easy for him to train the boy.”
“You’re right, but Ddraig can only tell him so much. He needs someone to train him physically. Ddraig can only give him advice and talk to him.” Azazel-sensei replied. “He needs true Dragon training.”
“Ah, the original combat form. I understand now. You're saying that you want me to torment the boy until he’s strong enough.” Tannin said, nodding slightly.
Issei made a panicked noise as he stared at Azazel-sensei.
It looked like Issei’s training would be especially brutal.
Asia held her hands to her chest and looked at him with open concern.
Tannin narrowed his eyes at Issei and smiled.
“This will be interesting. This is going to be my first time training the one who harbours Ddraig,” he said.
It looked like he was getting ready to eat Issei.
[Please control yourself, Tannin. My host is weaker than you imagine.] Ddriag quickly said.
“It should be fine as long as he doesn’t die, right? I can do that much. Leave his training to me, Azazel.”
Azazel-sensei nodded his head in agreement.
I glanced at Rias to see her reaction.
She seemed to be nodding in agreement as well.
It looks like as long as Asia can heal him then no one cares how rough the training is.
Rias had switched from distracted to fully focused when Azazel-sensei had started to discuss training.
The others reacted as I expected.
Asia looked worried.
Xenovia seemed to also think this was completely reasonable.
Yuuto looked fondly exasperated at Issei’s panic.
Gasper-kun looked overwhelmed.
But Akeno and Koneko were both distracted.
They each had a complicated look in their eyes as they weren’t fully present after hearing Azazel-sensei’s training plans for them.
Then Azazel-sensei spoke again.
“You will have twenty days in human world time to train him. I’d like for him to reach Balance Breaker by then. Ise, work as hard as you can without dying.”
Azazel-sensei turned to the rest of us next.
“Follow the regiments I’ve given you. I need to leave to check on some other things. I’ll be around occasionally during your training. Good luck.”
Azazel-sensei turned to leave after that and waved to Issei as he went.
“Now, each of us will need to focus on our respective training. I believe in you all and know you will succeed. Now go.”
“Yes!” The rest of us, minus Issei, replied.
The group began to move away, but Issei, Tannin, and Rias stayed behind.
I watched Rias for a moment as she began to talk to Tannin and Issei.
I debated staying to try and talk to her again.
Then I looked at the rest of the group.
Yuuto, Xenovia, Gasper-kun, and Asia were further ahead and were beginning to break off to head to their respective training.
Akeno was nowhere to be seen already.
That worried me.
Koneko had fallen behind the main group and was staring at the ground as she walked.
I watched her for a moment before I heard wing beats and Issei screaming.
I turned back and saw Tannin flying away while holding Issei in his claws.
Rias watched them leave for a moment before she turned and walked away from the garden.
She didn't even look in my direction as she went.
It hurt a little bit that she was so deadset on avoiding me, even when we could easily be alone to talk.
My mind kept circling the same unanswered question.
What about it had made her panic and now avoid me?
I knew it was my fault.
Or at least the fault of something I had done or allowed to happen.
Was she embarrassed?
Was she angry at me for suggesting it in the first place?
Or had she seen something in my face that frightened her?
That thought made my stomach turn.
I did not like the possibility that she might have seen something that I had let slip.
I could want warmth and closeness and still understand that it led nowhere.
I knew that.
But if Rias had seen something in my face that she recognized as a hungry wanting in me that had taken control for a moment, that would explain the avoidance.
And if she felt cornered when I approached her alone, chasing her to talk now might only make things worse.
I shook my head and turned to follow Koneko.
She was further away now, but still in sight.
I still needed to talk to Rias about what had happened between us.
I wanted to talk to Akeno after seeing how she reacted to Azazel telling her to embrace her Fallen Angel heritage.
But right now I had to make sure Koneko was alright.
She was stubborn, and if left alone, could hit the wall that Azazel-sensei had told her she would and she would try to force her body through it.
It was hypocritical, but I wasn't going to let her hurt herself like that.
Not if there was a way for her to avoid it, even if it required her to face something painful about herself.
I quickly caught up to her.
She didn't turn or acknowledge my presence.
“Koneko-chan.” I said, as I placed a hand on her shoulder.
She went stiff under my hand and froze for a second before turning to look at me.
Her face was tense, like she wanted to snap at me like she had with Issei.
Instead she took a breath before speaking.
“What is it, Yuki-senpai? I need to get to my training, and so do you.”
“I think that we need to talk, especially after hearing what Azazel-sensei said to you about sealing part of yourself.” I replied.
She frowned and narrowed her eyes at me.
“He said something similar to Akeno-senpai. Shouldn't you be talking to her?”
I slowly nodded at her question.
“I will eventually. But I want to talk to you right now. I’ve been worried about you since before we left for the underworld and I don't think I can wait to talk to you about it any further.”
Her glare changed to a suspicious look.
“You noticed before we had left?” She asked.
“Of course I did. We spend a lot of time together and I pay attention to you Koneko-chan. So of course I would notice something eating away at you like that.”
She looked away for a few seconds and when she looked back her face had gone back to its normal expressionless state, but her cheeks were slightly pink.
I blinked, slightly confused.
Then she spoke before I could question her about it.
“...Fine, we can talk, senpai. But, let's go somewhere else. It's not really something I want to talk about in the open like this.”
I nodded.
“Alright, there should be a private sitting room nearby. We can talk there.”
Koneko looked at my face before turning to start walking.
“Let’s go, Yuki-senpai.”
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