I ACCIDENTALLY MARRIED A DUNGEON

"Do you think this is funny?," Hakimi shouted loudly. "Get the ropes off my hands immediately." He shook his head, struggling to organize his thoughts. "You’ve no idea whom you’re screwing with here. If I don’t reach the palace by midnight, Osbel himself will realize that something happened to me and send all the knights in town after me. You’re finished the second that happens."

"Really? But it has been a week now." Felix put the final cookie in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. "No one has come to find you yet."

"What?!" Hakimi felt like his heart was going to burst through his chest as he stared to the right. "A week? Does that mean they’re...are they dead?"

"Don’t be dramatic, I’m just playing around." Felix fidgeted with two cards, looking slightly displeased with their placement. "They’re still alive. It’s still afternoon. And those two are only unconscious. No worse than that."

"Fine. Fine, I got it." Hakimi’s tone was desperate now. "You want gold, right? I’ve got plenty of it. Just let me go, and I will get some for you from the Duke himself. You can keep them as hostages if you want."

"I need details." Felix looked at the cards for a moment, putting them back into place exactly how they were and picking up another set before him.

"What kind of details?"

"Whoever told you to act as Hakimi Morrow. Whoever decided it’d be fun to drag his name through the mud."

"What are you talking about? I am Hakimi Morrow."

"No, you aren’t." Felix didn’t even look up. "Your face is similar, I’ll give you that. But you aren’t the real deal."

"How would you know that?"

"Because I’m done." Felix finished arranging the cards and finally looked into the fake Hakimi’s eyes. "I know him personally. As a matter of fact, it was him who called me to find the one who was defaming him. You almost did it well, but you really got sloppy with it."

"Ha-ha." The fake let out an unpleasant laugh. "Bluffing? Sure, I can see that."

Felix carefully arranged the cards into a pile, tapping on its edges to make the cards straighter. "Let me explain to you very clearly. I don’t have much patience left today. I know for a fact that someone gave you that order. Name him and I will leave here without doing anything harmful. You will continue your normal life."

"I don’t know."

Felix’s eyes narrowed. From the stack, he took a single card and tossed it hard in the direction of the fake. It kissed along the fake’s throat and stuck into the wall behind him with a sharp click.

"I am serious."

The fake gulped, a thin trickle of blood running down his throat from the gash in his skin. " I’m serious too. I know nothing about whoever gave me the instructions. All I know from the voice is that she was a woman. She gave me ten gold coins and a piece of paper with instructions on how I was supposed to speak and behave."

"A woman." Felix slowly rose to his feet. "Anything else? Like her face? Her name? Her figure?"

"She wore all black clothes, from head to toe, only her eyes visible. About as tall as you. But I could tell she was a noble woman. Must have been one. Who else gives ten gold coins so casually?"

Felix remained silent. He walked across the room and pulled the stuck card free from the wall with a gentle tug. Then he turned and walked towards the door.

"Unbind me! I’ve told you everything I know!" The fake struggled desperately in his binds.

"I’ll let your friends know." Felix walked out of the room and opened the door.

..

He picked up a few groceries on the way home, set them down on the dining table, and headed straight up to his room. He settled onto the bed, folding his legs beneath him, mind already turning the day’s details over and over.

*The fake didn’t know more than that, I’m sure of it. But what’s the next move here? A woman with no name, no face, nothing to go on. I need something more concrete.*

He got up off the bed and crossed to the shelf near the window, picking up the ink-dipped quill. He dipped it once more and wrote out a short message across the card’s surface, careful with each stroke.

By the time he stepped outside, evening had already started settling over the street, the light softening into gold along the rooftops. He wasn’t in the mood for a long walk. He scanned the road ahead , spotting a group of kids chasing each other between the stalls, laughter echoing off the walls.

"Hey, you there."

One of the boys skidded to a stop mid-chase, turning back. "Me?"

"Yeah. Come here."

The boy ran up to Felix a little panting. "What do you need?"

Felix held out the card along with two silver coins. "Toss this card inside the Duke’s palace grounds. Just past the outer wall, doesn’t need to go further than that."

The boy studied the coins carefully before taking them, along with the card. "Got it. Inside the wall." He turned and took off running without another word, weaving fast through the crowd until he disappeared around a corner.

Felix watched him go for a moment, then turned and headed back toward the house.

Night settled quickly over the street, and Felix stepped out of the kitchen after finishing the last of the dishes, wiping his hands dry on a rag. That’s when the knock came at the door.

This late?

Felix frowned, still half drowsy from eating too much at dinner. He shuffled over and pulled the door open, and found a girl standing on the other side in a black and white maid’s dress, skirt short, stockings running up long past her knees.

Felix looked her over slowly, head to toe, brow raising. "Your introduction?"

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