I’ll Retire After Saving the World

TL: SHW

-Happy birthday to you!

-Happy birthday to you!!

A song that nobody, however generous, could have called well sung came blaring through the phone speaker. Less singing than shrieking, really.

-Happy birthday, dear...!

Of all the places to let their voices drop.

I shook my head, exasperated.

The part with the name was completely mangled. Through the mumbling I could just make out a few familiar words, something like Teacher, something like Woo I-rok.

Then the voices swelled again.

-Happy birthday to you!!!!

It wasn't a song anymore. It was a contest to see who could shout the loudest.

I'd put up with enough.

I reached out to end the video call. But Hong Seok-young, laughing heartily, smoothly blocked my hand and gestured toward Woo I-rok.

"I-rok, go on, blow out the candles."

-Whoaaa!! I-rok, make a wish!

-What are you going to wish for?

-Hey, what's the point if you say it out loud! You're supposed to keep it to yourself.

-That's such an outdated way of thinking.

The kids' voices clamored out of the speaker again.

Woo I-rok's flustered eyes moved between Hong Seok-young, the Pilot High students on the phone screen, and my face. In the end, though, the last place he looked was the big cake set in front of him. A pure white fresh-cream cake piled high with strawberries.

It wouldn't suit his taste. Because it didn't suit mine.

But in movies and cartoons, that cake had always looked delicious. It was about time he learned that ideals and reality don't always line up with expectations.

"The wax is dripping, I-rok. Hurry and blow."

"......."

Woo I-rok moved as stiffly as a small child clomping around in his father's shoes. The sight was funny enough that I lifted my phone and took a picture. Hong Seok-young gave me a dumb look, then raised his phone the same way. I thought he was taking a photo, but he started recording a video.

Finally, Woo I-rok squeezed his eyes shut.

He puffed out both cheeks and let it out with a whoosh. The candle flames, wavering precariously, went out.

-Happy birthday, I-rok!!

"Happy birthday."

With the hand that wasn't holding his phone, Hong Seok-young ruffled Woo I-rok's hair roughly. Woo I-rok squirmed and twisted this way and that to escape the hand, but his face was oddly flushed. He'd clearly grown used to Hong Seok-young pestering him and clinging to him all this time.

-Aw, we should be there too!

The kids on the other side of the screen had been fighting over the camera since the call started, and Lee Seung-yeon seemed to have won for the moment. He pressed right up to the lens. His face, that close, was comically distorted, but he didn't seem to mind at all.

-Teach, is it nice having a birthday party without us?

"It is."

-Isn't that a bit cold?

"What good would you lot be here anyway?"

-We were looking forward to your birthday so much...!

"From now on, Pilot High's vacation is in September."

-Aw, Teach!!

Shipping the kids off somewhere out of sight had ended up lasting longer than expected. They'd been worked ragged without a break as it was, so Hong Seok-young had used the chance to turn them loose and let them rest properly.

Where were they right now, again. Somewhere along the East Sea, maybe. Not Lee Mi-seon's family villa, but a resort affiliated with Daeyeon, from what I'd heard.

Herding them all into one place made them easy to keep an eye on, and the excuse was serviceable enough. Even Lee Mi-seon had been delighted, saying they should seize the chance while the kids were gone and clear out all the tedious, labor-intensive jobs at once.

Oblivious to what the adults were up to, Lee Seung-yeon told me with a regretful face that he'd been meaning to prepare a birthday present of his own.

-But I really was. Something totally awesome, too....

"Hand one over and every last one of you is getting supplementary lessons."

-Ugh. Why?!

"What would I do with presents from a bunch of broke kids?"

-Broke?

Lee Seung-yeon's eyes went round.

Obnoxious brat.... Fortunately, Lee Seung-yeon was punished by Sun Sun-jin on the spot. The camera passed into her hands.

-Teach Woo, are you maybe the handmade type?

"What are you talking about."

-If not, then....

"When you've graduated and earn your own money, buy me something then. I'll accept it."

Sun Sun-jin grinned at that, cat-like.

-Deal!

Somehow I felt like I'd misspoken....

-Then does that mean you'll do something for our birthdays after we graduate too?

"...I could buy you a meal, at least."

-You promise?

"No."

-Aw, come on, you have to keep your word!

"......I feel like I've made a mistake."

-You're imagining it!

Whether or not I was shivering with foreboding, Sun Sun-jin asked in an excessively bright voice.

-Teach Woo, we're allowed to give I-rok a present, though, right?

I glanced over at Woo I-rok. Hong Seok-young was making a fuss, pressing a plastic knife into his hand. Woo I-rok looked like he was about to stab Hong Seok-young with it.

No problem at all.

I turned back to Sun Sun-jin.

"Do what you like."

-Whoa! Then....

"I'll be checking it, so use your heads."

-......Yes, sir.

I let out a sigh.

The Administration lot would never have carried on like this. But they were full-grown adults and these ones were minors, so there was nothing to be done. I shook my head.

"Anyway, thanks for the wishes. Well then...."

-But, Teacher. When does our vacation end?

"We'll see each other when vacation ends."

-That's what I'm asking, when does vacation end?

"Don't just play the whole time; get some studying done too."

-Teach!

"Do some Sparring among yourselves. Understood?"

-No, the vacation....

"Hanging up now."

Sun Sun-jin's mouth opened and closed around something, but I ended the call. The screen went dark for a moment, then the date and time surfaced.

September 30th.

My birthday, and Woo I-rok's.

*

A birthday didn't mean anything remarkable happened.

In the end it was just one day out of three hundred and sixty-five, and attaching special meaning to a single date on the calendar was, if anything, the meaningless act.

Did monsters behave themselves because it was a birthday?

Did Dungeons stay quiet because it was a birthday?

Did the work disappear because it was a birthday?

...Ah, well. Fine, Father used to take the day off for a birthday. Not his own birthday. Mimi's. His dead wife's, that is.

I couldn't fault him for that much. Even I had something resembling empathy.

Woo I-rok ate the fresh-cream cake with an expectant look on his face. Sure enough, his expression turned peculiar at the first bite, he tilted his head at the second, and by the third he was frowning.

See, cake is too sweet to be any good.

Still, maybe satisfied at seeing a cake he'd only known from movies right in front of him, Woo I-rok seemed to be in a good mood the whole time.

"Ah, I-rok."

"Hm?"

Woo I-rok raised his head, still eating cake that didn't suit his palate. Bad as it tasted, he would probably finish the whole slice. Wherever he'd gotten it from, he was stubborn about all the wrong things. I watched Hong Seok-young grinning loosely beside him for a moment, then opened my mouth.

"You start school next week."

"......."

Woo I-rok's eyes went round.

"School?"

"That's right. You can go now."

"B-but I haven't finished all my studying yet!"

"It's fine. You can learn it at school."

Going to school ought to improve him a little. At the very least he wouldn't be sprawled on the couch watching cat cartoons all day like now.

"That's wonderful, I-rok."

Hong Seok-young marveled as if he were hearing it for the first time, when he'd known about it in advance.

"You'll be needing a school bag now, won't you. I-rok, shall ajeossi buy you a bag? As I-rok's birthday present. How about it?"

Hong Seok-young was still performing his courtship dance for Woo I-rok. Though I wasn't sure adoption qualified as courtship.

I snorted at the sight, then sidled over to Lee Mi-seon.

"Hunter Lee-nim."

"No."

Lee Mi-seon shook her head at once.

"...Sorry?"

"I am seriously busy right now. I have way too much work. So please find someone else."

Of course, I ignored what she said. No, I wasn't trying to hand her more work.

...Had I?

"Not that. The Dungeons the Guilds manage. Have they all been recovered?"

"......."

Lee Mi-seon looked at me suspiciously.

"Most of them. We're in the middle of Rank Readjustment with the Association's help... What are you trying to make me do this time?"

"Make you? I've been asking politely this whole time."

"Try saying that with a clear conscience."

"I asked."

"......."

Lee Mi-seon shot me a sidelong glare.

"In any case, if Rank Readjustment is underway... that means the work is nearly done, doesn't it?"

"Depends which work you mean."

"The Dungeon Management Act."

Lee Mi-seon let out a heavy sigh.

"Did Hunter Hong-nim tell you? Honestly, that man's mouth goes strangely loose every now and then."

He hadn't told me, in fact. In my case the act had come into effect around this time of year, so I'd assumed it would be similar here and thrown out a probe. But if Lee Mi-seon asked him about it, Hong Seok-young wouldn't deny it; he'd just laugh and say it was him.

After the Myeong-dong Incident, the state had recovered every Dungeon right it had granted to the Guilds. There had been talk of it even before that. Dungeons were reported at ranks far below the reality, so when a Dungeon Break happened the response came too late. Myeong-dong drove in the final nail. And the Association, which had been criticizing Korea's Dungeon management practices anyway, would have leapt at the chance to help with the rank re-examinations.

This was the right call, honestly. The state didn't strictly need to manage them; involvement in rank assessment alone would have sufficed, but I'd heard there were complicated political fights tangled up in it. Something Father had mentioned in passing.

Either way, this was better than leaving it to the Guilds. A Guild could tell even someone like Hong Seok-young no, but the state was another matter. If Hong Seok-young demanded they hand over a Dungeon so he could Raid it, they'd have no choice but to flatten themselves on the floor for him. And even if permission didn't come through, Lee Mi-seon would sort something out.

...Did that mean more work for Lee Mi-seon? Not my problem.

"When does it take effect?"

Maybe she'd caught wind of what I was thinking, because Lee Mi-seon was still watching me with suspicion.

"It'll be phased in starting the second week of October. S-Ranks have no rank left to adjust, so they'll be catalogued first, and everything below that will follow gradually...."

"Good."

"Somehow, hearing that come out of your mouth makes me uneasy, Teacher."

"You're imagining it."

I denied it flatly.

"There's a Dungeon I need to enter. Could you check on it for me?"

"A Dungeon you need to enter?"

Lee Mi-seon's brow furrowed. I had a fair idea of what she was thinking, so I shook my head.

"It's got nothing to do with that. Just one Raid to run, taking Teacher Han along."

"With Teacher Han?!"

An unexpectedly violent reaction. I looked at her as if to ask whether there was a problem.

"Listen, Teacher Woo. Even if Hunter Hong-nim gave you permission, stabbing a person is a crime."

"......Sorry?"

"Hunter Han Tae-kyung is a bit loud, but he isn't a bad person...."

A bit?

"If there's something about him that bothers you, let's settle it with words. I know a Dungeon is a convenient place to dispose of evidence, but if Pilot High teachers go in on a Raid and one of them doesn't come out, there's every chance that blows up into a real problem...."

Only then did I grasp what Lee Mi-seon was talking about. And what I was being suspected of.

No, was it Han Tae-kyung who was being misjudged here? He'd certainly been in a Guild before coming to Pilot High, and I couldn't begin to guess what sort of Guild life he'd led. I didn't want to know, either.

I cut her off.

"That's not it. We're actually going in to Raid it."

"...With Hunter Han?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

I looked over at Han Tae-kyung, who was pressing an enormous pink cat plushie into Woo I-rok's arms. Dejected as he was, he was still doing everything he meant to do.

"To see what Teacher Han is capable of."

***

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