Isekai Hero Bartender

A cold compress on my forehead woke me sometime later. Kneeling over me with surprising tenderness in her eyes, Wynnie fretted with ‌anxious energy.

"Oh, thank the gods. I seriously thought that you’d died."

"Did I stop breathing?"

"Maybe? I was too afraid to check. I just cleaned up your mess and hoped for the best."

I looked around. From my vantage point on the floor, I could see that everything appeared freshly mopped. Probably, it was the first time she'd paid attention to the dirt in weeks. There were obvious boundaries between the clean and dirty areas on the wooden floor.

"Sorry about that. I’m super embarrassed. I think that wine really got to me last night," I mumbled.

Her look of concern turned to curiosity. "Do you think it was just the wine? Or could it be something else as well?"

"Like what?"

"Maybe it was something I said? When I told you about the Reborn, it looked like you'd seen a ghost."

"Or was one," I murmured.

The realization came back to me once again. I’d rolled a critical failure on my dexterity save right before chucking eight heavy dice to cast fireball. They'd all hit me in a sensitive spot on my skull.

It wasn't completely impossible that I’d somehow died.

And if I had, what did that make me? Some kind of isekai hero?

Fat chance. Isekai protagonists had skills. They had specialized knowledge that they could use to their advantage and get ahead in their new world. Isekai, maybe, but certainly no hero.

I was a bartender. Besides being pretty decent at a few video games and having a reasonable finger on the pulse of pop culture and indie fiction, I had no other notable skills.

If I were going to be some kind of hero here, it probably wouldn't be as a fighter. I sincerely hoped that wasn't what I would be called to do. If so, the town was in for a rough ride.

"In all the hubbub about last night, I think I forgot to ask your name," Wynnie said, helping to prop me up against the wall.

"Drew," I grunted.

"Drew? Is that short for Drewlian?"

"No, it's short for Andrew."

"And Drew, too? And Drewlian? I'm confused."

"My name is Andrew, but I go by Drew."

She tapped her chin and pursed her lips. "That is quite an unusual name. I'm not sure about otherworldly, but definitely uncommon. Do you have any incredible skills? Abilities?”

I thought back to my last busy shift. I’d been in the zone. Despite the flurry of tickets, none of them stacked up. My arms and body were a coordinated blur of expert precision, and I barely needed to count out my pours. Not even killing a bottle in the well could slow me down.

“I’m pretty good at measuring liquids, I guess.”

“That’s not much of a power.”

“I used to be good at some FPS games. Got almost decent at Olden Ring.” That was stretching the truth. “Not a bad chess player, too.”

She shook her head dismissively. “You can’t confuse me with your made-up words. I mean real skills. Actual strengths.”

“Like what?”

I didn’t love what it said about my life that I was drawing a blank. Did I really not know what a real skill was? Had I reached my thirties without knowing how to do anything of value?

“Legends of the last transmigrated souls still live in our bards’ songs. Selena united six warring kingdoms. Halvin brought fireworks and black powder cannons to the world, changing conflict forever. Natalie cured millions with the mold on an orange.”

“Oh, shit! I know that one! It’s penicillin!”

She rolled her eyes. “Everyone knows that one, Drewlian. Natalie made sure of it.” The cute innkeeper chewed the inside of her lip in thought. “Still, there is something odd about you. And it’s not just your appearance. Do you have anything besides a weird name and strange words to to convince me that you're Reborn?"

"I might have something," I said, thinking fast.

I reached into my pocket and fished around. It didn't take long, thanks to the size of what I was looking for. Phone manufacturers kept making these things bigger and bigger. These days, it felt like I was lugging a tablet around in my pocket.

I pulled out my phone and showed it to her. The screen lit up instantly, responding to the movement.

"Oh! An artifact! This must be very rare and powerful."

I shrugged. "This model is a few years old, and it's pretty popular. So where I'm from, it's actually not that rare, and the newer models are more powerful."

"What does it do?"

"Maybe I can show you a few things. Its main function won't work here. This place doesn't have the right, um, magic."

That was the easiest way I could put it. There was no way I could explain cell phone towers, the internet, data, or anything like that to her. I could barely explain it to someone who already knew about them, let alone someone with no frame of reference for any of it.

I unlocked the screen and navigated to my photos. Just for some wow factor, I selected a video from a few months prior. In it, I was making one of my award-winning cocktails in a competition. The video shifted into slow-mo for a few final shakes before I poured ‌the concoction into the glass. I garnished it expertly and presented it to the person holding the camera before the video stopped.

Wynnie's eyes went wide, and her breath caught in her lungs. She sat speechless.

"This is called a video. I have a few more, if you'd like to see them," I offered.

"Yes, please! That was the most incredible thing I've ever seen. That was you, wasn't it? Shaking that metal thing with liquid in it?"

"Yep. That was at a bartending competition."

"You looked healthier there! Are you ill? You seem to have lost weight."

I smiled. "Actually, I'm much healthier now. And I did lose weight, thank you."

I queued up another video, but before it could get more than a few seconds in, the screen went black.

"What happened?"

"The battery must've died."

"Bring it back to life. I want to see more video."

"Unfortunately, I don't think we'll be able to. This is probably dead forever."

"Because we don't have the right magic?"

"Precisely."

Wynnie let out a pained sigh that turned into something resembling a growl. She balled up her fists at her sides and huffed in an exaggerated fashion. It was kind of cute. Especially considering that I was probably more frustrated than she was about having no more battery.

After a few seconds, she stood. "It's just my luck. Something cool finally happens to me, and it only lasts a few seconds. Now the artifact is ruined."

Feeling a bit better, I decided to test out my balance standing as well. Tepidly, I pushed up from the floor, using the wall to help me. To my relief, whatever vertigo I'd experienced had passed.

"The phone… That artifact was probably pretty worthless here anyway," I consoled her. "It was only a matter of time before it died. What were you hoping for it to do, anyway?"

Her brow tented with unrealized hope. She looked at me with her heart in her eyes.

"I thought with the gold we could get from selling it, maybe I could turn this place into something. I know that as an ice mage, I'll never run an inn as well as a fire mage. But at least I could make it look nicer."

"What does being a fire or ice mage have to do with anything?"

She looked at me as though I were an idiot. Scratch that. She looked at me as though I were from another world, which was pretty fitting, I guess.

"Everybody knows that fire mages run the best inns. They can keep every hearth running perfectly. They cook food to perfection, never burning their meals. Imagine a steak seared perfectly every time," she said.

"Okay, I'm getting the picture," I nodded.

"The rooms are lightly heated, and there's a warmth to the place that settles into your bones and makes you relax. Everything that you want in a home away from home, they deliver in full."

"And I'm guessing that an ice mage can't do that?"

"I can make sure that your pillows are cool, if you're into that sort of thing," she said with a shrug. "Other than that, nobody likes cold dishes and drafty rooms. Guests feel unwelcome. It's the worst."

Something about what she was saying didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t just about the usual things that others might immediately clock on Earth, either. For example, she owned her own home at a young age. Or that the home came with a business attached.

But was she forgetting she had magic? Ice magic, at that?

I didn’t know the first thing about what ice magic was here, but my mind already raced with possibilities. No comic, movie, or book I’d ever come across depicted ice magic as undesirable. It was cool every time, no question.

For now, I didn’t even need to know how it worked. I was sure we could figure out some kind of advantage from it. In the meantime, there were several other ways we could improve things around here. Most of them wouldn’t require any magic at all.

"You know, I could help you," I offered.

She scoffed. "How? You say your coins are gold-backed, but I don't see any gold on them. They're worthless here."

I shrugged. "I may not have gold, but I have ideas. Some of them might even be worth something.”

“Ideas about what?”

“Like how to turn this place around. Instead of being a place you resent, I bet we could make it something you’re proud of.”

"You really think so?"

"Definitely. But let's start small. One thing at a time."

She tilted her head, studying me with those dark, soulful eyes. For a moment, I thought she might cry. Then, a slow smile curled her lips. I recognized that look. It was hope.

"Why would you help me? You don't even know me."

"Call it karma," I said. "Or maybe I just don't have anywhere else to be."

If I was going to be an isekai hero, dammit, I'd do what I could. These may be small stakes, helping a beautiful young innkeeper turn her fortunes around, but I was just a bartender, anyway. I had no delusions of grandeur.

It wasn't like I was going to have any hand in defending the town from the Black Ship Raiders, right? But at least I could give Wynnie a hand in running a better business. Maybe we’d even get her ice magic involved.

And I knew just where to start.

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