Livestream Matchmaking: My Intel Infinitely Refreshes

Chapter 34: Chapter 34: Bodily Sanctification

["There are too many guys like this."]

["Not me. I’m just watching the streamer. I haven’t gone on a blind date yet."]

["I wonder if this girl follows her blind date’s Douyin account. If she does, I have a way to help that bro out."]

["Can someone find this woman’s Douyin? I could find the guy through her."]

There were some real detectives in the stream. Someone posted in the comments that as long as the woman’s Douyin account wasn’t set to private, they could find her.

Zhang Zhe read this and didn’t find it the least bit absurd.

He even felt like lending them a hand.

"How can you talk like that?"

The woman hadn’t seen the comments and had no idea she had already incurred the public’s wrath. It was nighttime now, so there weren’t any of the daytime’s radical feminists mindlessly backing her up.

"Something like a blind date naturally takes time."

"What’s wrong with me being a little cautious and wanting to get a clear picture of things? Is that a crime?"

"How many people are you dating at the same time?" Zhang Zhe shot back.

"Just one. What about it?"

"If it’s really just one, then perhaps I’ve misjudged you."

Zhang Zhe said sympathetically, "You’ve spent a whole year and still haven’t gotten a clear picture of his family situation. A normal person, no matter how slow, should have figured out most of it within three months."

"This... To be honest, I don’t even dare to laugh. I think you might have an intellectual disability, and if I laugh, people might accuse me of discriminating against the disabled."

"You’re the one with an intellectual disability!" the woman immediately retorted.

But an insult like that had no bite. A curse without any substance or context wasn’t just harmless; it only proved that she was getting flustered.

Zhang Zhe smiled faintly. "Never mind whether I have a disability or not. Let me ask you another question."

"You’ve been stringing this guy along for over a year. Haven’t you been able to find a better blind date prospect in all that time?" He feigned a sudden realization. "Don’t tell me your family, or the matchmaker, thinks you can’t find anyone better?"

"As for you... well, I’m speechless."

["The streamer’s speaking the truth."]

["Riding a donkey while looking for a horse. She can’t find a horse, so she’s stuck riding the donkey."]

["This girl’s about to get mad. The streamer’s going to get called out on Xiaohongshu."]

["I think the streamer’s already been called out before. What’s one more time?"]

Seeing the comments, Zhang Zhe immediately remembered he still had the hidden quest to "Climb the Heavenly Rankings."

He quickly spoke up, "Miss, if you think I’m wrong, feel free to go on Xiaohongshu and let people be the judge. Please, don’t be polite. You don’t even need to blur out my profile picture or the stream’s name."

"No need." The woman responded coldly. "I know I can find someone better. You don’t need to worry about me."

"And I’ll find someone better sooner or later."

"You’re a man, so of course you’re only going to speak from a man’s perspective. And here I thought you might actually offer some useful advice."

"Wrong, wrong, that’s not the word." Zhang Zhe quickly corrected her. "You should be calling me a misogynist. Otherwise, your post won’t get any traffic."

"You really are a misogynist. No wonder you’re 30 and still not married."

"Yes! That’s the one!" Zhang Zhe nodded repeatedly. "That’s the vibe. Make sure you get yourself into this exact state of mind when you write the post. Otherwise, your words won’t have any emotional impact."

["Oh man, I can’t. I’m dying of laughter."]

["Streamer, you’re one of a kind."]

["No wonder you’re a matchmaker. You totally deserve to make money doing this."]

["The girl can’t win the argument, so she tries to be passive-aggressive, but she didn’t expect the streamer to be a master of it too."]

...

After the stream ended, Zhang Zhe glanced at his private messages.

’Holy cow, the detectives are still going strong.’

Based on the girl’s follow list, someone had already figured out which university she attended and was close to pinpointing her exact class.

Someone else had used the backgrounds of her selfies to locate the city she lived in, which was indeed one of the cities in the Su Zhong Region.

But the most impressive one was a guy who sent Zhang Zhe a "mini-essay":

"This girl wasn’t a good student, so she couldn’t stay in her home province for university and ended up at a mediocre school far away.

"The school was probably terrible, the male students were subpar, and she isn’t good-looking herself, so she never managed to get into a relationship.

"Her major was useless, so she couldn’t get a job in a big city after graduation. She had no choice but to go back home and live with her parents, calling it ’being a homebody’ to save face.

"She won’t say which specific city she’s from, which means her hometown is probably some poor rural town, and her family isn’t well-off. That guy she’s dating is the best she can get, but she looks down on him, so she just keeps stringing him along.

"There are a lot of people like her all over Su Province, especially non-only-daughters from rural areas. I’ve been on dates with plenty of them. Nothing much to say about it. They’ll come to their senses once they get older."

Zhang Zhe analyzed people with the help of his system cheat.

But this bro who wrote the mini-essay had distilled his wisdom from personal experience. ’If he keeps going on blind dates like this, he’s going to achieve sainthood in the flesh.’

Curious, Zhang Zhe replied, "Bro, are you married now?"

The guy replied instantly, "Yep, married. Kid’s already two. That’s why I love watching unmarried people make fools of themselves every day."

"No offense to you, streamer. I wasn’t talking about you."

"No worries, no worries." Zhang Zhe sent back a grinning emoji.

’Looks like going on a lot of blind dates really does pay off.’

This guy had probably reached a point where, after hearing a woman’s self-introduction on a date, he could mentally "dissect" her and figure out seventy to eighty percent of her story.

It was like how a seasoned veteran of karaoke clubs could tell at a glance which parts of a photo were digitally enhanced, ensuring he’d never end up picking a "monster."

Zhang Zhe himself was still a ways off from reaching that guy’s level.

But the path ahead was similar.

As long as he made good use of the intel from his system, no demon or monster, no matter how tricky, would be able to hide from him.

...

The next day, Zhang Zhe was up bright and early again.

He wanted to go to the matchmaking agency first to edit the recording from last night’s stream.

Especially the part with the last woman. He had to edit the clip to show the full context of what happened.

’What if the guy being strung along happens to see it?’

’That would be saving an innocent fellow man.’

It was a great deed that would surely build up some good karma.

Karma was a mystical thing. It might seem useless, but if you accumulated enough of it and your luck meter landed a critical hit, even an ordinary person could take off in an instant.

Perhaps Zhang Zhe had accumulated a bit too much good karma over the past two days. That morning, just as he finished editing the video, Boss He from the matchmaking agency came running over, his face alight with excitement.

His old, wrinkled face was beaming. "Xiaozhang, you’re a real lucky star!"

Zhang Zhe nodded, not quite understanding. "I do like playing Fortune. Especially with Noxus. He’s a must-pick for me."

"What are you talking about? I don’t understand." Boss He looked confused for a moment. "I meant you’ve brought good fortune."

"Didn’t I tell you before? The marriage rate is a bit low right now, so the relevant authorities are definitely getting anxious."

"A while back, Wang Po’s matchmaking events were really popular. She came to our city, and our agency was the one that helped coordinate and organize things."

"We’ve worked with Wang Po before?" Zhang Zhe was pleasantly surprised.

He had watched quite a few of Wang Po’s highlight reels back then.

"Open your eyes to see the world, close your eyes to list your demands"—that phrase perfectly described the female guests on Wang Po’s show.

At the time, Zhang Zhe had thought Wang Po was decent enough, but her words lacked bite. If he were the one on stage, there were a few people he would have definitely given a good talking-to.

He never expected that he would now actually be a Matchmaker himself, even if it was just part-time.

"We worked with her, and the collaboration went very smoothly."

"So this time, the leadership thought of us again."

"And so, I just casually mentioned that our matchmaking agency’s online dating events are doing quite well, and that our livestreams often have over a thousand viewers."

"When the leader heard that, he immediately made a decision and said he’s coming to visit us this afternoon."

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