Magic Breaker [Enby MC Anti-Mage LitRPG]

A soft sigh leaves my lips. 

Being honest is so hard. But I do it. Once again, I do it.

I sit in a room with Inu, one of my best friends, and Jess, her mother. And then I just… talk. About the way I interact with people. About why [Suppression] and [Selection] are the skills I started with. About how I try to be a decent person, and treat people with kindness even when that doesn’t align with my thoughts.

How I didn’t kill Vincent despite him making my skin crawl. How not using [Suppression] on my disgust is a kindness to myself. Letting myself dislike things is incredibly important, and something I only learnt later in life. 

And, of course, how I don’t care. How everything in this damn world strikes me as unimportant. I want people and animals to live on the simple base that I believe that life itself is something to strive for. Biodiversity is something to strive for. Fairness, too. 

But it’s a decision I make. It’s a decision to respect life itself, and a decision that some people do not deserve that respect. I try not to step on ants. I try not to kill insects. But if someone, say, shoots an arrow at Inu, that human is suddenly worth less than a bug. 

Jess looks at me at the end and the middle. She understands. I can see it in her eyes. The fact that she’s decided that some humans aren’t worthwhile. That some people need to die, because there is not enough infrastructure to let them become better people.

In a perfect world, everyone who hurts another person would be removed from the victim, educated on being a better person, and then respectfully reintegrated into society. But that’s not the world we live in. We live in a magical tower where people are granted superhuman abilities. Where Jess can throw fireballs and I can break people’s bones by simply looking at them right.

We live in a place where beastmasters can manipulate people into doing their bidding.

Where there are Eyes staring at our every failure, every weakness with glee and a desire to exploit it.

A world where the only way to be free is to rise up. Rising without stepping on people, as far as possible, but… I will not hesitate to defend myself or my friends. 

Jess is the same. I recognize it in her cold eyes as she nods along to my story. As her expression thaws and her lips shake slightly. As her eyes fix on me with a mixture of mourning and understanding. With pity. Because, unlike me, Jess is a kind person willing to do the cruel things.

And I’m a cruel person, trying to do the kind things.

She reaches out as if to pat my head, and I slide my chair backwards. Jess looks at me, then at her own hand, and withdraws it. “Sorry,” she says.

“It’s alright,” I reply, slowly. Because it is alright. She did not end up touching me, after all. 

Inu looks at me gratefully, and I can see Jess has thawed somewhat. Not completely, of course. She is a naturally cold person, that much I can tell. She got [Freeze] for a reason, after all. Same with her butchery skills. But, at least most of the magical influence on her personality is slipping away.

“Thank you, Snow,” Jess says, and Inu quickly mirrors it with a nod towards me.

I sigh, softly. “No problem,” I say. Then, I lay my arm on the table and drop my head into the crook of my elbow. “I’m exhausted now. That was my social battery for today.” I wave a hand. “Shoo.”

Inu snickers. “I’m not a cat.”

Even up against my arm, I smile faintly. Then, quickly it fades. Too much talking, for now. “Please,” I say.

And with that, there’s the scraping of a chair. “Of course, Snow,” Inu says. “Thank you again. Talk to you later.”

“Later,” I say.

There’s a moment where I feel Jess’ eyes linger on me, but then she, too, gets up and walks out. It’s good that my story helped Inu’s mom, even just a little. But I can feel the exhaustion in my bones. 

“Kuro, cover my eyes,” I say. Quickly, the shadow expands from the cowl, crawling over my face. It’s not unpleasant. It’s soft and cool and the texture is silky, a little like a sleep mask. I close my eyes underneath it, sinking into the darkness.

The door to my room shuts closed. I take a deep breath. A long, long moment to settle myself. I feel my heartbeat in my chest. Feel the way my vessel pounds against my ribcage. The way my bones creak under the strain. 

With awkward steps, I make my way back over to the bed, grabbing my headphones from the nightstand. They’re still completely out of charge, but that’s okay. I put them on, and muffle the world a little with [Suppression]. Everything quiets down. 

Just me, the heartbeat, and the growing ache in my chest. By now, I think I’m pretty sure I know what’s happening. I can feel my mana swirl in my vessel, my senses being more tuned to the energy than ever after my practice and acquiring [Observation]. It presses against the limits of its ever growing container, trying to escape. 

And the only thing keeping my vessel in one piece is my body. Powered by my heart stat. Which is, of course, far, far lower than my vessel. Would this kill me in the long run? It sure has been hurting more with every stat point in mana.

Not that that’d stop me.

Laying on my bed, tired of people, I have nothing to do but experiment with magic. So what if it’s dangerous? What isn’t? I am already creating a web of magic to interface with my brain and have given myself bleeding before. What’s the worst that can happen with my chest?

So, with the calm focus that came from reducing my world down to just one thing, I create a tether. A single line of mana, born from [Selection], connecting my vessel in on itself. It looks a little like a loop, but that’s not quite right. My skill, [Selection], connects me to whatever I select. Not my vessel. Not my mana. Me.

I can feel my vessel and the mana swirling inside it. Angrily trying to escape my body. It feels wild, untamed, energetic. Energy squeezed into a too-small space. It needs pressure to function.

I’ll give it pressure.

[Suppression] is my highest levelled skill. It’s strong, and I can wield it well. My mana churns into the ethereal pattern on the skill, and then that grey swirl of energy travels along the tether, and into my own vessel.

There’s a strange sensation in my chest. It’s a weak cast to start with, just to be safe, so I don’t hurt myself. I can feel the skill sink in, and my mana turns almost more… placid? No, that’s not the right word.

I can feel it calming, raging less against the confines of my body. But not because there’s more pressure. It’s not compressed any more than it already is, but instead, it fights its containment less. Instead, that fury is pressed against the edges of my skill. The mana fights back against the [Suppression].

And that, I can tell, is changing it. [Selection] whispers to me about the underlying nature of it. 

[Nullmage 7 > 8] 

More points flow into my vessel. It grows slightly. I understand more of it. My skills feed me information, and I process it. And then, there’s a faint bit of resonance. Where my essence fills in the gaps.

Mana is power. It wants to move. It wants to reject anything else. That’s why my mana dispels the skills of other people. Even now, it’s rejecting the suppression. But the skill is fed by itself, so my mana fights. With more and more violence as the seconds pass. 

And it will only fight more. It’s fun, then. This is a simple way to permanently enhance the strength of my mana. Then, that enhanced strength will feed my skill, giving it a stronger pacifying effect. 

Additionally, it lets me hide how strong I am. I can imagine that the roiling mana in my vessel would usually give away my stats to someone stronger than me, but with this? It might not, anymore. 

So, I keep the loop active. An instance of [Selection] and an instance of [Suppression]. Permanently feeding off my regeneration into pacifying my mana, having it grow angrier and angrier. Then, that angry mana pours into my skill all over again, pacifying it.

The pressure on my chest eases up. I smile, then activate a second instance of [Suppression] over my entire body, making it heavy and hard to move. There, now I’m still training my other stats. And, of course, my mind.

That one isn’t recorded cleanly in numbers, but the difference is obvious. By now, two strains of [Suppression] are doable, even in the background, while I focus on other stuff. I can still trace runes like this, for example. I can still use the mana maze, or read a book. 

A thin smile spreads on my face as I lay in my bed. The world is dark and quiet, my mana is placid, and my entire body feels heavy. A little like a weighted blanket. It’s almost cozy, now that the pain in my chest is replaced with a more even soreness and resistance across my entire body. 

For a minute, maybe three, I allow myself to simply enjoy the calm, quiet nature of the world, with the three suppression loops active - one for my mana, one for my body, one for my hearing. Then, I decide it’s time to stop resting on my laurels. Straining my mind, I move more of my mana, and decide to keep working on the memory bank.

My mana writhes against my control, my mind straining, and I feel a trickle of liquid from my eyes again. Kuro quickly drinks the blood, though, so it’s no trouble at all. I smile, laying on my bed.

I love magic. I want to know it all. And then, I will break any magic used against my friends. Because that’s the kind thing to do.

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