Monsters Wag Their Tails Only at Me

After meeting the spirit, we decided to spend the night at a nearby inn.

It was because both Margon and I were too exhausted to set out immediately after barely surviving drowning in the sea.

Margon found an inn with far better facilities than the one Morpha had secured before. Naturally, it attracted many guests, so Varen entered wearing a transparent cloak.

After paying for two of the most expensive rooms, Margon went straight inside. It was only early evening, the sun just beginning to set.

We had not even eaten dinner yet. He said he was fine, but it seemed he was far more exhausted than he let on.

Varen and I, of course, stayed in the same room.

The room was worth the money. The bed was soft, and gentle lighting filled the space. There was none of the damp, musty smell typical of buildings near a harbor.

Blended with the salty sea breeze drifting in through the window, the bedroom carried a refined, almost luxurious scent.

It was the kind of atmosphere suited for doing something embarrassing, but neither Varen nor I touched each other.

Varen sat quietly on the bed, silent, while I sat near the terrace, staring blankly outside.

I could not even feel how tired my body was, nor did I notice my hunger.

There were simply too many fragments of memory that needed to be processed and digested.

Ceryl Aylos. No, Ceryl Lavier.

All of his memories had returned. From the scattered fragments of early childhood to the moment just before I took over this body.

It felt like sitting comfortably and watching a 4D film. It was vividly real, yet at the same time, it felt like I was watching someone else.

The problem was the sheer volume of information. Having an entire life forced into my mind at once made it feel like my head would split apart.

And it was unbearably loud. Even back in Beljena, when Ordin awakened my abilities, I had struggled for a while with hypersensitive hearing.

But the moment we left the quiet sea and entered a small town, it felt as if I could hear the voices of all things. Even with the door closed, sounds seeped through the cracks, dizzying me.

I felt seasick even just sitting still. Things I could not possibly endure pressed down on my entire body.

At some point, I wiped away the cold sweat that had gathered on my forehead. Then I buried my face in my hands.

Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Ceryl from those memories. His pale face, unable to sleep, tormented by the voices of magical creatures, was vividly clear.

If just a few hours could exhaust me this much, how much suffering must Ceryl have endured, living his entire life in that noise?

Sometimes, I felt the urge to stab my own ears and make myself deaf. It would be useless anyway, since the sounds came directly into my mind.

Even so, on nights when it became unbearable, cruel impulses had occasionally surfaced.

...Who? Ceryl? Or me?

“Ceryl, you should lie down now.”

A gentle hand softly kneaded my shoulder.

I looked up with a pale face. Varen looked no different from usual.

He lifted me and laid me down on the bed. He brushed my sweat-dampened forehead and pulled the blanket up to my neck.

Then he lay on his side, propping his head on one arm, looking down at me.

His large hand patted my chest. The steady rhythm and Varen’s scent gradually eased my anxiety.

We simply looked at each other in silence. Varen could not bring himself to ask recklessly, and I could not figure out where to begin.

Time passed again like that. We did nothing, yet it was already close to midnight.

Only then did I slowly open my mouth.

“Varen, earlier in the sea...”

“You were called Lavier.”

After so much hesitation, I finally started, but Varen replied lightly. Only my gaze wavered weakly.

Varen brushed my sweat-soaked hair away from my face. The warmth of his fingertips lingered against my skin.

“I know as well. Lavier is the surname of human royalty. They say they have black hair and violet eyes.”

“......”

“I heard the last of the Lavier line died a hundred years ago and the family was wiped out. That’s why I didn’t recognize it.”

It sounded as though he was talking about someone else entirely. His voice was calm, devoid of any rise or fall.

For a moment, I remembered Varen standing boldly before the spirit, interlacing his fingers with mine.

“...Does it not matter to you whether I’m Aylos or Lavier?”

“It doesn’t matter what your name is.”

A faint smile slipped out at his unwavering response. Varen traced the corner of my lips with his fingertip.

Strangely, as I looked into his eyes, the chaos and noise in my head seemed to quiet down.

The only thing I could hear was Varen’s voice.

Feeling a little more at ease, I turned onto my side and faced him, smiling playfully.

“Really? It doesn’t matter what my name is?”

“I said it doesn’t.”

“What if... my name was actually something ridiculous?”

“Then it must be a strong name.”

His answer came without hesitation. I burst out laughing and buried my face in the pillow.

Only after seeing me laugh did Varen smile.

As my laughter gradually faded, I let out a long breath. It felt like the body that had been frozen stiff by the cold sea was finally thawing.

Blinking slowly, I confessed to Varen.

“I saw Ceryl’s memories. All of them, from the moment he was born.”

“......”

“They’re so vivid, it feels like I lived through them myself. Maybe that’s why... I can feel everything he felt too.”

The warmth of being loved deeply by his parents, even if only for a short time.

The emptiness when he heard they had died protecting him.

The helplessness of being forced into the facility under the name Aylos.

The despair of killing suffering magical creatures with his own hands.

Every scene was vivid, and with each one, Ceryl’s emotions came through intact.

To be precise, this body had always been Ceryl’s. The experiences and emotions were ones this body had gone through, so of course they felt like my own.

But understanding that logically did not make it any easier to accept.

As my thoughts dragged on, confusion naturally followed.

Without realizing it, I kept clenching and releasing the pillow, expressing my anxiety through my body.

“Ceryl was... in a lot of pain. He was alone for a long time, waiting for someone to help him.”

“......”

“He really... really didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to kill animals—no, magical creatures either. If I could, I wanted to save them somehow.”

“......”

“But I’m not a doctor. And when they cried that it hurt too much, that they’d rather die...”

“Ceryl.”

My rambling monologue stopped abruptly at Varen’s voice.

I fell silent, shocked by my own words. My eyes burned again as tears welled up.

The memories and emotions of two people were tangled together in one body. If this continued, I would no longer be able to tell which belonged to whom.

If that happened, who could I even call myself?

For the first time in my life, the sense of my identity collapsing filled me with indescribable terror. It felt like I was watching myself drift away right in front of me.

“Ceryl, you like stew.”

Then, out of nowhere, Varen started talking about food.

I looked up at him through damp eyes. He had narrowed his eyes slightly, as if recalling something.

“You always said a warm broth is a must when eating.”

“...I did?”

“In the forest, you seemed to eat anything, but you’re actually quite picky. You prefer bread over vegetables, and meat over fish.”

“...Was I?”

“You give fruit to the little ones every time you see it. Do you even realize they’ve gotten chubby because of you?”

The “little ones” Varen mentioned were Rami and Miya.

On such a long and exhausting journey, there was no telling when we would find fresh fruit again, so I always gave it to them first whenever I saw any.

But how much could such small creatures even eat? At Varen’s nagging, I shot him an annoyed glare.

He grinned and smoothly changed the subject.

“Ceryl, every time you meet a magical creature, you give it a name. You named that one Dolsuni today too.”

“...It was a female.”

“You called Karbe Yangsuni too. Do you always add ‘-suni’ for females?”

“Usually.”

“What about males?”

“Something like ‘dol’ or ‘pal.’”

Since it was a female dolphin, I gave it the name Dolsuni without much thought.

If it had been male, it would have been something like Doldol or Dolpal. It was fortunate it was female.

As I drifted into such pointless thoughts, Varen lowered his head and buried his nose at the nape of my neck, inhaling deeply.

“You do this whenever you meet a fluffy magical creature. You say it smells warm and nice, even though it’s just their natural scent.”

I shrank my shoulders at the ticklish sensation and asked with a laugh,

“I did that?”

“You did.”

His lips, filled with affection, brushed against my cheek. Warmth spread from where he kissed me.

“The Ceryl I love. That was you.”

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