My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2180: Chapter 2013: The Audience

Perhaps the rooftop is my only listener, there are some matters I don’t know whom to share with, I don’t want to mention that so-and-so anymore; once goodbye is said, it should be the end. Before, from others’ mouths, proved that he indeed was here!

"Zhentian, actually, deep down, you’re very aware that some things cannot simply be forgotten, just like what I did and said to you today. You think you can treat these as inconsequential, but deep down, are you really not conflicted? Deep down, do you really feel no pain?

I believe you’re just as hurt inside because you’re a man. As a man, you have your dignity. You don’t want anyone to be thinking about your wife, and you don’t want your wife’s heart to have any other man. That man isn’t you, which is a huge insult to you.

Over the years, I’ve seen your sincerity to me, but I’ve always chosen to dismiss it, turning a blind eye to your sincerity, and every earnest advice you offered, I pretended not to hear. I know this is very unfair to you, but there are some things I can’t help; I can only use this way to tell you to fight you, because maybe only this way will you slowly let me go.

I once read a book called "Letting Go is Another Kind of Beauty," letting go is a kind of fulfillment, do you know? When I saw this book, I was so surprised, I thought about why others can let go so perfectly, perfectly turn away, even when tears fill their face the moment they turn, yet they can decisively leave. Why can’t I?

If back then, in the days you pursued me, I had decisively turned away, would there not be the tragedy there is today? Would you not have been hurt so deeply by me? All this is my own mistake, yet it ultimately made you bear the pain with me. I truly feel very sorry.

Some things really can’t be let go of. You can’t let go of the past; the things I told you, you also have no way to forget. If so, why do we need to forcibly entangle ourselves together, with guilt and unease in our hearts? Is this the life everyone wants? This kind of life just pushes each other onto a dead end moment by moment, until there’s nowhere left to retreat, only then realizing what we did wrong, what kind of choice we made; and what consequences this choice brought, whether we got the life we wanted in this lifetime!"

Zhang Zhentian, how could he not understand what his wife meant by saying these words? What she wants is still just to have him let go, to let him leave her, but for him, isn’t that the hardest thing in the world?

"Maybe you’re right, but for me, I have no way to fulfill this. Maybe it’s my lack of broad-mindedness, but do you know? As soon as I think about letting go and the woman I’ve cherished and loved for decades no longer being mine, my heart feels like it’s being twisted by a knife. I cannot bear that pain, and I don’t want you to go through the same pain as I would. I just want us to have a stable life together; is it really that difficult? Can’t we both have a way to back down?

You think I can’t let go of things in the past, but today I want to clearly tell you, only if you’re willing to try to give me a chance, try to love me, try to stay by my side!

Then I’m willing to give up everything that happened before for you. I can treat all those things in the past as if they never happened. I’ll still love you as before, be by your side, never leaving you, until we face eternity together in this life.

Maybe you don’t really believe what I’m saying right now, but you know? Every word I say to you is heartfelt and sincere. I’ve never wanted to deceive you, even though you’ve told so many lies to me. In my heart, I still believe you. I’m still willing to make choices that aren’t wise in anyone else’s eyes for you. I only want you to stay by my side. I’ve gone to such lengths. I believe you won’t be as heartless as before, knowing full well the feelings you have for me in your heart, yet still keep me at a great distance..."

Zhang Yichen felt torn inside after hearing his father’s words, his heart quivering along. If even his father can let go of some old prejudices for his mother, for his lover, then why can’t he? His wife was also the one he had painstakingly searched for ten years to find. That kind of affection cannot be severed just like that. Can’t he make some sacrifices for her? Must he really be so tyrannical, let his life’s major matters be destroyed because of these minor ones?

Maybe only truly letting go of the past is the best choice for the future between us. Perhaps only this way can everyone truly realize what kind of life they want in this lifetime, and for what kind of life they will make what kind of choices. Maybe those choices will benefit oneself immensely, or maybe those choices will make oneself indebted for life.

Ran Zhihan also had some thoughts within. He didn’t understand why his parents could reach this point, yet his husband wasn’t willing to let go of some of his preconceived notions?

If his husband could do the same, how great would that be, how happy would his life’s journey be—only time would tell.

"Zhentian, some things are not as easily put down as you say; you should understand. Even if you swear here that you can let go of all the past, can you really get past that hurdle in your heart?

I don’t want you to force anything. I only hope you act and speak based on your true thoughts. I hope you can live happily. I don’t mind or care how painful my life will be; as long as you are happy, that’s enough. I have owed you too much in the past, never thought of making any changes for you, but now I want to give something for you!

I also hope you don’t foolishly invest all your emotions in me like before, or you’ll end up really tired. Someday my departure would also feel like the greatest blow to you, a conclusion I don’t want to witness. What I want is to see you happily smiling at me.

But the words you said today, I am truly moved, maybe I will really deeply fall in love with you one day, until that day comes, I will truly be unable to extricate myself, deeply trapped for this lifetime. If that day truly arrives, I hope you can indeed let go of the past like you said today, wholeheartedly live together with me!"

I won’t cherish those things that don’t belong to me anymore; some burdens always have to be borne alone!

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