My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2207: Chapter 2040: Penetration

Time after time, I adjusted my steps to match your probing, performing alongside you repeatedly.

"So you always thought I was with you for money, but you don’t understand me. That’s not what I wanted. I just wanted to live with the man I love the most. Upon achieving my dreams and marrying the man I love most, I realized that I was content with my life!

But for you, these probably seem insignificant, but to me, they are of immense importance. I can endure being overlooked by you again and again, I can endure your constant doubts, and I can endure not having you by my side when I look for you. But I cannot endure being wronged by you repeatedly, without even the most basic trust.

Over the years, in the eyes of others, we seemed to be a loving couple. But in truth, do you know how you’ve treated me? Do you have any sense of it? No matter how I try to please you, you always offer a perfunctory smile. Sometimes, it really hurts me, and I feel like a failure. Why, despite my sincere devotion, did I end up with this result? Why won’t the person I love ever tell me he loves me?

I can no longer discern truth from lies, but I don’t ask for much. Please don’t keep taking away my right to happiness. I just want to be with you. I’ve changed so much for you, yet I’ve come to realize that no matter how much I change, I can never match up to you. You have always been a bit above me because your education, your background, and everything about you are different from mine—worldviews, values, aspirations—all different. But do you know? Because of these differences, I followed you. With you, I slowly changed my worldview, my values, according to yours.

Do you really regard these as insignificant? Do you think that I, by nature, should grovel to you, because you live high above others, and I, as your wife, must remain beneath your feet forever?

Yichen, I am at a loss about how you perceive us now. Your indifference is driving me to the brink of collapse. I don’t know what to do, or how to face you. Many things weren’t my fault, but for your so-called dignity, to make you happy, I repeatedly humbled myself, only to find that no matter how weak I became, you would never care about my feelings. Why is what I want so hard to achieve?

Whenever I question you, you always try to evade. When we face problems, and I want to get to the bottom of them, you choose to unjustly accuse me. Do you truly believe in me? Do you really see me as family? On the day you confessed your feelings to me, throughout the years you genuinely cared for me, I regarded you as family. But you treated me as a tool for your gain."

"I never saw you as a tool. I just wanted you to be safe at home, not to run around unnecessarily. It’s not that I distrust you, but because of what you’ve done in the past, I found it hard to trust you. I’m also afraid. I also fear past events repeating and causing pain I can’t bear. Why? After hurting me so many times, do you now understand what it feels like not to be trusted?"

"When I was with you, I gave you my whole heart and told you nothing but the truth. I trusted you wholeheartedly. I never doubted you, yet you never trusted me. Maybe, in your eyes, I am despicable. Why do I have to comply with you in everything? Why should I bear all the blame on your behalf, even when I’ve done nothing wrong, just to keep you happy?

After much thought, I finally understood that everything I did was out of love for you. But in the end, I received only this result. Do you truly know me? You always thought I was with you because of Xiao Jing and the wealth, but among so many wealthy people in the world, it’s others who could give me complete trust. Yet I chose to be with you because I believed that one day I could warm your heart, which has grown cold because of me, with my changes."

"Remember you once said your heart had died, that you would never love again, yet you ended up with me. I’m not sure if you’re with me to torture or use me.

Why treat me this way? Why can’t you give me a stable life? Why must you repeatedly distrust me, which may seem trivial to you but is ultimately painful to me?"

"Zihan, some things are past. Let’s not dwell on them. Aren’t you living peacefully now? Why do you have to provoke your past acquaintances, whom you know have ill intentions? Why? Are you testing my patience?

My patience has limits. I can’t always endlessly tolerate and love you. I just want you to genuinely be with me, with no one else in your heart. But can you really do that? If you can, I wouldn’t need anything else!"

"It’s too late now for these words. You’ve unjustly accused me without distinction, without a word of apology, why should I forgive you now?

I truly want to ask you, how could you unjustly accuse me so indiscriminately in your heart? What do you take me for? Why, after making a mistake, unjustly accusing me, can you not offer even an apology, just because you can afford to be arrogant, because you have money?"

Let me sustain this pain, my outstanding performance in the group drama.

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