My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2213: Chapter 2046: Companionship

Who isn’t strong as they let longing fill their heart.

Actually, it’s very clear now. The fact that my husband could ask this question was just seeking some psychological balance. He couldn’t accept that the person he loved most fell in love with another man, while he remained forever a backup. His heart is in pain too, but some things aren’t just forgotten or changed on a whim. Everyone’s life path is walked on their own, and the road chosen ultimately represents the kind of life conclusion they will face.

"To be honest, I don’t know how to explain it to you. When I’m with you, I don’t have that heartbeat feeling, but when I’m with him, I do, because I love him. I would sacrifice everything for him, just to see him all the time in this life; merely seeing him daily is happiness to me. Maybe you don’t understand what kind of feeling this is, but I have no way to describe what that heart-throbbing feeling is like!"

"I get it now. So, in your heart, I’m nothing but a puppet to you. Maybe you never loved me all along, but do you know how deeply I love you? I’ve deeply fallen into your river of love, maybe never to escape in this life. All I want is a stable and happy life. I never thought about what kind of ending I would face in this life. I only thought as long as I had you by my side, I’d be satisfied!

Perhaps I was too foolish and too focused, as there’s no place for me in your heart, yet I considered you my whole life. Do you think I’m very foolish? If I had known this ending, why would I have done this in my life? I truly regret it, deeply regret giving you all of my love, yet you ultimately chose to completely abandon me!

If you’d told me these things before I fell in love with you, I wouldn’t have been sad or hurt. But why did you choose to say such cruel truths after I fell in love with you? Is this how you treat me? Do you overlook all my feelings for you? Why are you being so cruel to me? I’m a man, too; I have my dignity and pride. For you, I could abandon everything, even my principles and pride, but why are you so cruel to me?"

Hearing her husband say so much to her, how could Xia Jing’s heart not ache? It’s not that he doesn’t know some things; he just chooses not to speak because he doesn’t know how to explain them. Everyone has their secrets. You could say everyone lives in the abyss of pain; no one lives easily; everyone is suffering and struggling.

"Since you’re so eager to know whether I love you or him, what’s the harm in telling you? I have to admit, I don’t have that heart-throbbing feeling for you, so I never loved you. In my heart, I only love him. I would sacrifice everything for him because I believe that one day he will return to me, even if in the end I have to walk away from him. But, as long as I can see his back, it’s happiness, it’s joy. You may think I’m silly, but do you know this is my truest love for him? This love is something you can’t understand; you have no way to comprehend it. I haven’t loved many people in this life, but once I love with my heart, I love till the end, no matter what outcome I face, I’ll walk through it without regret!"

"It seems I really can’t compare to her. In your eyes, you’re always saying what’s good about her, never considering her any flaws. You place her goodness in your heart, so deep within your soul this love is something incomprehensible, irreplaceable. I understand now. In your heart, you love only her, while I, in your eyes, am dispensable. If she can come back to you, you’d abandon me completely at any time, is that it?"

Xia Jing really doesn’t know what to say. Saying this would completely hurt the last layer of their marital relationship, but not saying anything, would only make this all awkward and passive. Why does this kind of choice keep facing him? All he wants is a peaceful life; is it really so hard? Choice after choice, decision after decision, in the end, he broke everything completely.

"I’m sorry, I really don’t love you. I have no love for you. My heart now loves only her. For her, I would do anything, but I don’t have that affection for you; how could I be with you?

You clearly understand deep down that some things can’t be forced. Love is love, no love is no love, even if forcibly stayed it won’t be happy, right? You clearly know this, why force these questions on me? You also present me with challenges. Haven’t you considered? I really don’t want to say anything else, I just wish everyone can happily live out the rest of the days, even if it’s short, as long as I see you smiling blissfully. And today, choosing to confess everything to you proves I’m done hiding it from you, even if the final result isn’t what I wanted, I’ll accept it gladly!

I can’t bear to let all the longing torture me time and again. That longing is driving me crazy, I’m on the brink of collapse. Time and again, I endure the deep longing in my heart. Time and again I lie in your arms, thinking about where my beloved is. I never thought about when I became so passive. I just wanted a peaceful life, but why has it become so difficult for me? Why does it become such a hard puzzle with no solutions!

This time I let you down, and hurt you. Hopefully, in the next life, I can still be your wife. That time, I’ll love you dearly, wholeheartedly, and never treat you like this again. This time, it’s my fault for hurting you..."

In the end, the autumn wind cannot meet the peach blossoms, just like being so near yet so far away!

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