My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2219: Chapter 2052: Nightmare

I’m just a crazy fool, what right do I have to call you not smart?

Zhang Zhentian had never thought that his wife, being with him, would live such a hard life, even without a bit of happiness. What exactly had he, as her husband, done to make her feel so sad and distressed? In his eyes, was he truly such an incompetent husband? Obviously, he wanted his wife to happily live with him, but why was it that being with him brought her no joy at all? Every word his wife said felt like a knife stabbing into his heart, causing such pain. He gave everything to treat her well, yet ultimately received nothing but her growing coldness, and now every hurtful word she said to him today left him heartbroken. What more could he do to make his wife less miserable, so they could live happily together? Did he really have to completely let go and leave her for her to truly find relief and happiness?

As soon as this thought appeared in Zhang Zhentian’s mind, he quickly eradicated it. He didn’t want this idea to continue living in his mind because it made him realize how much he cared about his wife. He couldn’t live without her. If he truly let her go, whom would he rely on for the rest of his life? Was he really destined to live alone forever? He absolutely couldn’t let something like that happen. If it did, he would never be able to find happiness again in his life.

"Wife, I know everything I did before made you very sad. My actions embarrassed you, and I selfishly made you bear so many burdens for me. I know all these things are my fault. I shouldn’t have been so selfish to you, but I really cannot be without you. You leaving me is like pulling my tendons, stripping my skin, drinking my blood. You’re the only person I can’t live without in this life. So many beautiful memories—can you really just turn around and forget them? I don’t believe those things have vanished from your memory. I long so much to live with you. Could you give me some time, give me a bit of trust, perhaps another chance to stay together, let us truly be happy, isn’t it good to have each other? Why must everyone suffer so much? When you leave me, your heart is also in pain, and mine even more so. Why punish yourself with my mistakes?"

Xia Jing was also reluctant to let go of this relationship. After all, this was a relationship she’d gained after so many years, a marriage that spanned over a decade, with all its storms and challenges that they had faced together. How could she be so selfish to give it up today, to give up on this happiness they could have shared? Why was she still being selfish as she was in the past, only thinking of herself? But if she agreed to be with him again, who could guarantee that what happened years ago wouldn’t happen again? A lie once caused a divorce, so what benefit would she have in being with him again? What value would she hold in his eyes?

"I really don’t know whether to believe every word you say. Years ago, you made the same promise. Over a decade ago, you made promises too, but you never fulfilled them. Promises seemed like everyday occurrences, and no matter what promises you made, you never considered my feelings nor could you forget the pain those actions first inflicted on me. I could forgive you time and again, but a single lie resulted in our divorce, a wound in my heart that will never heal. I can’t forget it. Back then, you were so resolute, dragging me to the civil affairs bureau’s doorstep demanding a divorce. I agreed, and afterwards, you were always searching for me—I knew these things. But I can’t be with you again. Each time I’m with you, I’m reminded of that scene outside the bureau’s doors, my desperate pleas, your merciless and cold-hearted demeanor, dismissing my pleas despite my desperation. Even as you abandoned me, your heart seemed happy. I don’t know what you’ve been through during these years apart, yet you say to come back, just like that, like an order to have me return to your side. By what right? Why should I keep giving you this kind of treatment? Just because you were once my husband? Must I forgive you time and again? I’m not a Saint. I can’t handle a relationship like a Saint. You hurt me, and hurt is just that. If you hurt me, it won’t be healed by a few simple pleas or apologies. I can’t love you like I did before; that love has long vanished. Why should we keep making each other suffer? I want a life of my own, one without you in it. Without you, my life is happier than I ever was with you. I can freely do what I want and live carefree in my own world because with you, my heart was always considerate of you, worried our being together would hurt others. But you were never concerned about these things, only enjoying yourself. Someone who only enjoys oneself is unworthy of living with me further, and I too am unworthy of living with someone like you. Your selfishness frightens me, and everything you do makes me anxious. I don’t want to continue living like this. Each day is like walking on thin ice. I can’t bear it anymore; the mental stress is too much. I’m truly afraid that if I continue living with you, one day my mind will collapse. I don’t want that day to come too soon. I still want to live a while longer and see my son forgive me. I don’t want to lose this precious life because of you. Please stop bothering me. It’s not good for either of us!"

Your dependence is more like an intoxicant to my lonely life than your care. I, still holding onto the fantasy of being a supporting character, finally won the emotion and became a hero. No matter how much I bear, it won’t hurt...

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