My Living Shadow System Devours To Make Me Stronger

He sighed as he looked in the direction Evangeline had left. He was sure she’d be angry for a little while, but she would forgive him. She always did.

Damon was a little surprised. It seemed she wasn’t angry that Renata was a demon. She was more angry that he had known and never told her, and to make things worse, he had told Lilith everything.

It was becoming obvious that he had many secrets, some of which he would never let her know. Damon had a lot to hide, but lately, he felt like his lies were hurting the people he cared about more than simply telling them the truth ever could.

Iris... he had killed her father. How was Damon supposed to look her in the eye and tell her that? How was he supposed to come clean about that to anyone? His sister, his aunt, his uncle, his grandfather... how would they accept it?

Iris was very much a member of the family.

Then there was the fact that he was partially a demon, complete with horns and wings. How was he supposed to tell his sister?

’Hey, Luna. I sort of became a demon. Yay.’

Was he supposed to just tell her that?

His sister could never forgive demons because it was the demon wars that had taken her mother and father. Sure, they had died because of a human, but it had been a demon war. It had been demon gangs that had ripped them to shreds, and years of hatred couldn’t simply be forgotten.

How would he even face her?

Then there was Ric, whom he had taken from his mother. Was he supposed to tell Emilia that his promise of returning her son to her had been nothing but sophistry?

It was all so complicated.

Damon had been a liar when he had nothing to lose, and now he had everything to lose.

Lilith sat down beside him with a soft groan. She shifted carefully as she lowered herself onto the ground, one hand briefly pressing against her wounds. She had taken some serious damage, but she was still able to move. Around them, the light was beginning to fade as evening settled over the ruined camp.

"Why didn’t you follow her?" she asked softly.

"Can’t. She’s too fast, and I’m stuck in this body. I wouldn’t be able to catch up with her even if I wanted to."

He scoffed softly, then took a deep breath and let his shoulders sink.

"Besides, what would I even tell her if I did catch up? Another lie I weaved in a moment without forethought? She would think I was making a fool of her."

Lilith remained quiet for a moment before slowly leaning her head against his shoulder.

"We’ve come a long way from the academy. We’ve killed so many people, ruined many others, lied to almost everyone. I start to wonder... how are we different from the Temple? We’re an organization with its own ideology, and we kill anyone who gets in our way."

Damon lowered his gaze toward her hand and gently took it in his own. From the outside, it probably looked like two women were getting rather close with each other.

"I never really thought we were the good guys, so I can’t say I understand how you feel. We’re just trying to do our best to be better. I think that’s not much, but for now, it is enough."

"Then this is a drive for self-improvement?" Lilith asked in a whisper.

"I don’t know. We all want different things. Most of the people in the Unknown Order all hate someone or something, which makes me wonder... can you change the world on hate alone? On revenge?"

He stared into the distance for a moment, his fingers gently resting around hers.

"I feel like everywhere I turn, I find unique people who have the breadth of mind to forgive, and I just don’t understand. I mean, my own daughter still has the will to forgive someone who has done something so horrible to her. I don’t understand. I feel like maybe I messed up when raising her, or maybe I’m the one who’s messed up."

He lifted his free hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing briefly.

"I feel like the more I grow, the less I’ve changed. Maybe I’m still just that street rat who can’t see past his petty hatred, always trying to prove his strength just so he can have a small moment of respite."

Lilith could understand his frustration. She felt it too.

"I forgot what it felt like to be that helpless girl who could only run. I actually got arrogant enough to think I could face anything. I was wrong. Today, I lost your body. I lost to Aetherus. He was stronger and faster, and he still held back a lot. Then I realized I was going to lose you."

Her voice became quieter.

"Suddenly, I felt like that scared girl in the temple, praying to the god to help me."

She lowered her gaze, her expression becoming distant.

"I’m still unsure if we’re the good guys. Maybe we aren’t. It’s not that simple. Life never is, and maybe we just need to accept that."

Damon smiled faintly at her. He turned toward her and leaned closer, intending to kiss her, but Lilith immediately raised her palm against his face and stopped him.

"I have no idea where you found this body, and I don’t know where it’s been, so kiss me when you have your own body, my good sir."

"Tch."

Damon clicked his tongue and crossed his arms, deliberately turning his face away.

"That was cold, you know. But I get a kiss when I get my body back, right?"

She nodded and settled her head back onto his shoulder.

"You get a lot more than a kiss if you do."

Then she went quiet for a while.

"Evangeline is in love with you."

"Really? You don’t say. I can’t believe I never noticed."

Lilith reached over and pinched him, immediately sensing the sarcasm in his voice.

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