Rising Shards

"Alright, so the big topic," Oka said. "Well, I guess we've been talking about it the whole time, but."

"It's definitely a biggie," I sent.

We both shot each other a glance. In spite of the mood in the air, both of us being naked under our blankets, and everything we'd talked about so far, there was still a moment of hesitation getting to the big, connecting topic about everything today. I think we both knew some big questions were coming up and we both started to calculate what our answers would be.

"Wait, hold on," Oka said out loud, setting her phone down. She held her palms forward, scoffing as they were now filled with red petals. "Got too excited."

"Oh, wow," I said as Oka shook her hands, petals falling onto her blanket but conjured more with each shake.

"Dang it," Oka said. "This is going too well, got me too wound up."

Oka scowled, but it was really cute.

"I'm glad I don't make lightning when I get...wound up," I said. As far as Cani side effects went, I hadn't experienced something like Oka's sudden petal making. Every time I'd seen it happen to her, it was in reaction to how she felt about me, which was very flattering.

Oka waved her hands past the bed, letting the excess petals fall to the ground. "Usually I get a bag right away, but I'll pick them up later."

"Does it ever happen while you're...in a heated moment, so to speak?" I asked.

Oka shrugged, getting what I meant. "Not during, well, once yeah, but usually it's in the buildup to the during. Dang it, it's a lot this time..."

"Kinda reminds me of my nosebleeds," I said. "Hey! We just kinda talked about it out loud a bit!"

"That's true!" Oka said. As she got the rest of the petals off the bed once she'd stopped conjuring them, she put on a dignified voice. "Excellent idea on the texting, my dear. Shall we return to it?"

"I think that's a most wonderful suggestion," I said, doing my best to do my own fancy voice.

"Kay, the petals have stopped, but my fiery passion for you is still unquenched," Oka sent.

"Heh, same here," I said. "So...sex, then."

"Uh huh..." Oka said.

"Like...what even is sex?" I chose maybe the wrong moment to get another little joke in, but if we couldn't be silly during heated moments, that would probably not be the greatest thing for us.

"Like what is it?"

"Yeah! I'm not even sure."

Oka's brow furrowed as she typed, and I tried not to laugh.

"Zeta. do you. not...wait...." Her brow furrowed even further as she typed, sending me a dictionary website link defining sex.

"Oka. I'm just kidding," I said.

"OH PHEW BECAUSE."

"Did you believe me that easily!??!"

"I PANICKED OK?????"

"After all the stuff we've talked about today???"

"I WORRIED I WAS AFRAID"

We both started cackling, bumping our heads into the other's shoulder a few times as we rocked back and forth. Once that settled we returned to that big topic.

"So...I know I've said it already," Oka took a deep breath. "But this is a field I want to explore with you. You don't have to be ready for it right away, and if you say you don't want to do it at all I won't be mad. But I do think it'd be good for us to gauge if we're on the same page about this. Or similar pages in this book of sexuality."

"A very good idea, I think," I said. "We're getting closer to it, I think. I don't want to say I'm ready right now, but...yeah, I feel that urge. I want to share it with you, too."

"So you'd be OK with me being your first time?"

"OK with?????? Obviously! I wouldn't want anyone else."

"And you don't think I'm like a freak for wanting it?"

"I don't," I said. I was a bit nervous talking about really doing it, but excited too. Oka had a bit more worried baggage that as she said probably stemmed from growing up in Tesata. So I had to be especially gentle for this stretch as we talked about intimacy. "I mean, I want you too."

"I know you were just kidding before, but as I'm thinking about it, everyone probably has a different definition of what sex is, and between two women it's like. Also could be lots. Does us talking about it here while we're naked count, even? Is this sexting?"

"It could be, but I think we have to be doing more than just talking about it, in my opinion at least," I said. Both of us felt another jolt at the suggestion of doing more, it was something we could do right now that we were both potentially more ready for than going all the way.

"Do you think we should wait a while yet still?" Oka asked. "For the big stuff, at least."

"I don't know, like I don't wanna say let's go right now, because we're only just figuring it out. Or not figuring it out, just..."

"Actually sharing it with each other."

"Right! I think maybe waiting until a certain point may not be good, because what if we set a date, like a date where we say we're going to go all the way for the first time. Like say we wait for my birthday (which is in a month or so!) and then we get there and we're not ready?"

"That's true, yeah. And of course I have your birthday on every calendar!" Oka said.

"Hehe, I got yours too," I said. "Also! Whatever we do! We both have to agree on it."

"Mhm," Oka said. "Easy rule to follow!"

"And I think..." I squirmed in my seat. "Maybe if we think less in like set things we have to hit, and just...go one step at a time, I think we'll get to sex when we're both ready that way."

"Hm. hm."

"Are you thinking of a counter to that or...?"

"No that was agreement! Agreement!" Oka said. "That could work, yes. Go step by step, and we get there when we get there."

"So...do you want to take a step today?" I asked. "Because to me at least it seems pretty obvious what we could try."

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