Rising Shards

I sighed as I dotted my notepad with a pen, as though that would fill up the list I was trying to brainstorm. I kept setting everything down on the kitchen table then picking it back up, caught in a loop of not getting anything done.

“You look like I how I feel when I’m doing taxes,” Evy said, stepping around me to brew coffee. “You’re not doing taxes right now, are you? Or finance-y budget-y things?”

“Thankfully not,” I said. “I just…” Evy bore witness to more cycles of me setting down the notepad and picking it back up. “So Zeta’s been going through one of her dysphoric moods again…”

“From the whole parents and Beast Tendency business, yeah…” Evy said.

“Yeah, from those, and from her reaction to her new friend who’s trans. And from like, everything,” I said. I looked out the window to the backyard, where the snowy trail of her laps around were still somewhat visible. She’d gotten so down or anxious or a mix of lots of bad feelings that she was just wandering out there until Evy talked to her and got her calmed down, which I was immensely grateful for.

“Is that new for her?” Evy asked. “Like, this level of dysphoric type feelings?”

“It happens every now and then,” I said. “Since she started transitioning, she’s been pretty chill about it. Like way more chill than you’d expect her to be given her whole...you know, she's pretty high strung. She got more anxious about telling me she was a lesbian than she did talking about transitioning. So for the most part she’s like that where she either is chill about it or puts it in the back of her mind. But sometimes a storm will come along and then her gender boat is on rough water. If that makes any sense.”

“I got it.”

“So because of all that, I wanna do something nice for her,” I said. “Something really cozy that she’d enjoy and not get anxious about, and maybe bonus something that would be reaffirming while she’s in a tough spot mentally. Got any ideas?”

“Hmmm,” Evy poured herself a cup of coffee. “We did trivia night…we had our mall thing…”

“The latter was more a test to make sure Oka was on the up and up,” I said. “Faleur family tradition and all.”

“And I got roped into that test as well.” Evy said.

“Uh huh, and you passed with flying colors.” I said. 

“Glad to hear it!” Evy said.

“And then immediately after was the whole daggers thing.” I said. Pretty much immediately after our little mall trip, some students went missing in the void, including one of Zeta’s closest friends, which resulted in a stressful day where Evy and some other teachers led a rescue mission into the void, while I stayed behind and was on lockdown duty in the library. “Again, she’s probably going through it from like, everything.”

Zeta also had a nightmare about Mom recently; her barely bottled up feelings about how her parents tricked her got too overwhelming. She said she was feeling better, and even point blank said she was glad to be trans, but I didn’t want to just assume things were alright and the bad mood would pass by immediately like she flipped a switch off. I wanted to keep her boat afloat, continuing with that sailing metaphor that felt right in my head.

“She kept her cool really well during the Sharai Daggers business, all things considered.” Evy said.

“Then we should also reward her for that, I think,” I said. “I feel like she needs something that really ties into the gender identity, the gay, you know what I mean, right?”

“Yeah, something to make her less worried about herself,” Evy said. “Or something to tell her it’s all OK and keep her on the path she’s on.”

“Yes!” I said. “I’ve tried to get her to pride parades, but she doesn’t like the crowds, and the last time I tried to get her to go, she said there was a parade float that was really scary, like some kind of gremlin thing? I don’t know if she saw it on TV, made it up, or had a nightmare about it. On the note of crowds, I still have no idea how you convinced her to go to a mat ball game.”

“There we go, let’s all go to another mat ball game!” Evy said.

“Pfft, I am good, thank you.” I said. 

“You know, there is that pride exhibit at the Cani science museum, that might be good.” Evy said.

I gasped. “Since when do they have anything pride related at the Cani museum? I haven’t been there in forever.”

“For the last few years at least,” Evy said. “I’ve done some guest lectures there, it’s a nice place.”

“How on earth do you have time for that?”

“I’m…decent at managing what I sign up for.” Evy said.

“Well, either way, I think this might be perfect,” I said. “Wouldn’t be as packed as a parade or a big event, she could learn a bit, and hopefully get some good queer vibes.” I wrote down the museum on the notepad and circled it a bunch. “I was ready to brainstorm a whole list, but then you had a winner right away. I should just ask you right away next time.”

Evy grinned, holding up her coffee mug. “I aims to please, Stel.”

“And you’re very good at pleasing!” I said.

And so we began planning to take Zeta to the big Cani museum in the city.

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