Rising Shards

Fauni and her crew called over to us that we were leaving in ten minutes.

Ko was already on her feet, skipping rocks into the water. She held her hand out to Lillia.

“Wanna take the long way back?” Ko asked.

“That sounds lovely,” Lillia said.

They left with Lillia looping her arms around Ko, and Kai followed after her sister. The rest of us got real quiet. I wasn’t sure what the others were thinking. But I wasn’t one to just wonder, I was direct. I was most curious about Marms, as this was our first beach visit together. And because she was sitting the closest to me. I wasn’t sure if Aira and Michi could even hear us.

“Did you have fun today?” I asked. “Sorry, that makes me sound like a mom. But like, I hope you had a good time.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Marmalade said. “I hope I didn’t look too out of place.”

“Huh? Why?” I asked.

Marmalade gestured to her clothes. She wore a baggy shirt and some dual shorts/swimming trunks.

“Just having these this short is kinda big for me,” Marmalade said, playing with the end of her trunks, which went to just about the top of her thighs. “Then I got a bit self-conscious about how I looked compared to everyone else.”

“Nobody noticed, don’t worry,” I said. “I mean, if they did notice it’s because you look great.” She really did! “And if they didn’t notice, it’s because they were focused on themselves or dates and junk. Like Ko and Lillia, they were just all heart eyes over each other. Zeta and Oka were too busy thinking about making out somewhere.”

“Sounds like they wanted to do more than make out,” Marmalade said.

“Yeah, but they’re kinda innocent about some junk, so I wouldn’t be surprised if they chickened out,” I said. Still, I hoped they figured it out. A stable Zeta and Oka meant less stress for me. And obviously, the whole wanting my best friends to be happy component.

“You’re really protective of them,” Marmalade said.

“Pfft, kinda,” I said. “I know I keep yapping about this, but we all have to have each other’s backs. I got yours too, ya know.”

“I know,” Marmalade said.

“And I talk a big game, but I don’t have like, any experience,” I said. I dunno why I blurted that out.

“Seriously? I keep thinking you’re gonna tell me you had like fifteen girlfriends already."

“Nah,” I said. “I got bad luck.”

Well, that killed the mood. The thoughtful silence curdled into an awkward one pretty much immediately.

“Hey,” Michi said.

Crap, guess they could hear this. I kinda tuned them out. Plus side, that stopped the silence.

“Weird hypothetical question,” Michi said. “What do you do if you have a crush on someone you’re not supposed to?”

I felt the odd shockwave of it right away. But I swallowed down any big reaction to it and went joke style to cover for pesky emotions.

“Like a teacher?” I said.

“No! Like...and this isn’t about me,” Michi said. It was weird to see them even kinda flustered. It was definitely about them. “Just that question. What would you do?”

“Is this person someone sitting here now?” I asked, ignoring that last part.

“I said it’s not me!” Michi said.

“Hm,” I squinted. “If it hypothetically was you, would you tell us who your crush is?”

“Probably not,” Michi said.

“Are you sure you don’t have a crush on anyone? We won’t grill you about it, but I might about this hypothetical part.” I could feel the conversation slipping away, like I was possessed by my snarky side to cover up the knot in my stomach.

“OK, fine, I do have a crush on someone,” Michi said. “Now answer my question.”

“Is it me?” I asked.

“Nope,” Michi said.

“Damn, I’d have an easy answer for you, then,” I said.

“Yeesh, that’s cold,” Michi said.

“No, it was not! I would have said it’s fine to have a crush on me, so I wouldn’t be someone you’re not supposed to have a crush on,” I explained, adding, “Not that anyone ever would,” under my breath.

I sighed. If they did want to just talk about a made up scenario, I didn't know what I'd say. But they brought up the crush part, so I figured I'd run the clock out on that before we left. Marmalade seemed kinda checked out of all this, but again my snark side was in control so even though I knew I was probably making this awkward by being an ass, I couldn't stop myself, running through a bunch of names before gasping.

“It’s not Zates or Oaks, is it?” I asked.

“It’s not,” Michi said.

“Kay, cuz like, you could crush on them but I would tell you in advance that would probably go nowhere."

“It’s not Zeta or Oka!” Michi said.

“Are you gonna tell us or keep making us guess?” I said.

Michi smiled a little. “Maybe make you guess if you're not gonna answer my question."

"Ugh, fine, hm," I still didn't really know what to say. "I guess if I wasn't supposed to have feelings for someone I'd...try to make it go away? Marms, what would you do?"

Marmalade was up on her feet already, not quite inching away but I could tell what she was thinking. "Dang, sorry I don't wanna be rude, but like," she gestured toward the trolley.

"Ah, crap," I said. My running the clock out plan worked a bit too well.

What Michi asked us hit me the same way I imagine it’d feel if I was the lead guitarist for a huge band and broke all the strings mid-solo and the whole arena laughed. I didn’t know why, but even a day after that conversation it was still ringing in my head when we were back at school. I stared into my tray, sitting across from Zeta and Oka.

“People may say Tower has fallen off, but I think it’s never been better,” Zeta said. “How can you hate a season that’s given so many morsels to the Arlit X Alternate Arlit #15 ship?”

“I think it’s been really entertaining!” Oka said. “But I also think the fandom seems kinda. Really toxic.”

“I’m not going to argue with you there,” Zeta said.

“I’m new to this fandom, but I also don’t really want to be in this fandom,” Oka said.

“You’re smart! I’m just in too deep,” Zeta said.

“These are habits you can break,” Oka said. “Next time they blow up about Raina we’re gonna get you away from all that toxicity.”

Now this was more of a conversation I could handle. But even still, while my friends yapped about a trash show (a fun trash show), I just kept thinking about what Michi said. The cafeteria kinda faded out around me piece by piece until I was back on the beach. Not just because I’d rather be on a warm beach than a boring-ass school in the middle of winter, but because Michi’s words were almost branded onto me. The way they pushed their glasses up before saying it, their expression stoic, as if they didn’t know they were about to pull a rug out from under me. That damn question repeating over and over in my mind.

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