Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain frowned. He frowned deeply, and quite a lot, which was usual for him. He was a frowner, and what was on his screen made him frown even more.
The HUD, or heads up display, a screen showing various statuses of the void node the five highly trained Cani marines were about to enter, did not spell a good trip for Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain and his four loyal squadmates. It spelled a very bad one.
“Damn,” Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain said, frowning. “It looks like it’s gonna be a rough day. Rougher than usual.”
“Rougher than usual? What, you’re gonna smile for once? That would be a rough day for me.” Rifle Funnyman laughed.
“I concur with the Colonel,” Sniper “Goggles” Techboy said. “The void monsters in this node aren’t just deadly, they’re super deadly.”
“Super deadly?” Sgt. Dr. “Energy Drink” Jomes said, utilizing his gigantic biceps to hold his big gun and dramatically reload it. “Sounds like a super good time.”
"I'm not sure I'd agree with that," Sniper “Goggles” Techboy said, utilizing his own very large arms (though not as large and massively toned and ripped as the other Void Marines) to push his thick glasses up.
They were all very muscular, some of the strongest Void Marines to ever do it.
“You boys need to get it together,” Adalaide said. She leaned against the wall, crossing her beefy arms. “And it smells like you need a bath, too. What is it with Cani boys and being so stinky?”
As the group continued their witty banter, Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain looked around his ship, the Unlimited Shark DX3.
Other than his wife, this ship was the most important woman in his life. The elite class void traversal star cruiser could carry up to sixteen average sized soldiers, but only five of the most muscular Void Marines. It was 319.1256 meters long, and 156.362 meters wide. It sported 3048 square meters of the finest metals that could handle the various terrains and environments of the void. There were many rooms in the ship, including a workout station where the muscular Void Marines could lift weights. Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain loved the ship dearly. He sincerely believed the onboard artificial intelligence of the Unlimited Shark DX3 was smarter than the Void Marines' genius tech guy, Sniper “Goggles” Techboy, which was saying something because Sniper “Goggles” Techboy was very, very smart. With four megaturbo hexablaster engines, a quadrillion pleated denim drive, and a black hole powered core, this baby could take them to any place in the void no problem. Which was good, because wherever the Void Marines went, problems seemed to follow.
As he thought long and hard about his beloved ship, the screen dinged.
“Fangs at the ready!” Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain said. “We’re here.”
Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain did his usual ritual before a big battle. He took a moment to retreat to his quarters, giving a soft kiss to the walls of the Unlimited Shark DX3, the cold metal made from the same alloys and materials that coated the outside, cold and unwelcoming to anyone else, but feeling warm and welcoming to Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain's lips. He never knew if he'd make it back after a mission, so he wanted to make sure his beloved ship knew how much he cared about her. He whispered the words he always said to his ship. "If you were a real person and not a void spaceship, my wife would be in trouble, ha ha. Farewell for now, my beloved ship, the Unlimited Shark DX3." Then he gave the walls a fist bump, and a hug. Then he left, ready for action.
"All set, Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain?" Sniper “Goggles” Techboy said when Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain returned.
"Aye," Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain said bitterly. "As ready as I'll ever be."
“Let’s go, Void Marines!” Sgt. Dr. “Energy Drink” Jomes yelled, rallying the team into the drop zone.
The five super soldier Void Marines had big bulky armor on, strong enough that only they could wear with their big muscles. They also had the finest blasters, as none of the group were fans of wimpy weapons like bloodsabers. They dropped into a strange world, blasting the ground as they fell, screaming into the darkness.
It was a bloody day. They fought lots, and fought hard. If Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain thought he was frowning a lot beforehand, he frowned even more fighting off some of the most deadly void monsters ever. They were endless, with more arriving almost faster than they could blast them. Almost. Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain’s team was the best across any world, void or otherwise, and they knew how to fight good.
The campfire afterwards was celebratory after such a dangerous battle. Sgt. Dr. “Energy Drink” Jomes fired all his remaining blaster ammo into the sky, screaming with joy that they’d survived.
“Easy there, Jomes,” Rifle Funnyman said. “You’d think the sky was our real enemy with shots like that aimed directly at the sky, fired with your blaster.”
“I’m just relishing in the thrill of battle,” Sgt. Dr. “Energy Drink” Jomes said. He was a bit of a loose cannon, shown by him firing all his ammo at the sky with his blaster.
“That’s true, battle is very thrilling,” Adalaide said. “But you know what’s even more thrilling? Going home safely to my family.”
“Statistically speaking, the thrill of battle grants fifteen percent more serotonin than family,” Sniper “Goggles” Techboy said.
“What would a nerd like you know about family?” Adalaide said.
Sniper “Goggles” Techboy frowned. There was nothing in his simulations that prepared him for a question like that.
"Thought so. A nerd like you wouldn't know anything about family." Adalaide was gruff, but she was honest. This type of tough but fair verbiage was common for her.
“Aw, lay off the nerd,” Rifle Funnyman said. “Family’s overrated.” Rifle Funnyman was a bit of a jokester, but he was also a loner, a firm believer in the power of being alone.
They argued about this for a while, long into the time the campfire’s burning flames came into fiery existence. Until Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain lifted a single fist, silencing his crew immediately.
“Adalaide’s right, for once,” Lt. Colonel Chalk “Turbo” McStormRain said. “When we’re out here in the void, there’s no telling what we’ll see or face. Even our incredible Cani powers which we totally use a lot and weren’t forgotten about sometimes aren’t enough to win the day. It’s a struggle out here, and every trip I wonder if I’ll make it home. But when we do, man, I gotta tell ya. There’s nothing I love more than coming home from battle to spaceship. And, also my wife, of course.”
They all nodded solemnly. The battle was far from over, but they all had something to fight for.
To be continued…
(not really. April Fools!)
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