I wasn’t sure what to think as we took our seats in literature class. I would say any teacher would be better than Soleri, who was always a pompous jerk and made us read dumb books. But…if the Corinani on our schedule was the same one we’d met before…our new teacher seemed bad in her own unique way. For one, she was a Wildfire Hearts teacher, so why the heck were we stuck with her? She was also working as Jeans’ lackey for some reason during the whole Sharai Daggers business. She also gave everyone a book during finals called Free Yourself from Corinani-nomics for Cani, which she apparently wrote. Someone promoting their own book didn’t seem to be the right person for a lit teacher.
This class took place in a big lecture hall in the arts focused building on campus. It was also troubling that we’d be sharing this class with our rival Wildfire Hearts students. Now, I didn’t want to preemptively say everyone that went to Wildfire Hearts would be a jerk, because that would be silly. But my first impression of them wasn’t the best.
When Ms. Corinani arrived, the Wildfire Hearts side of the class booed and threw garbage at her, which seemed bizarre. Lillia looked like she was going to break her pencil in disgust at the lack of decorum.
“Ah, funny stuff, funny stuff,” Corinani said. “That bit always…always is something. It’s a bit we do, don’t worry. I came up with it, actually.” She coughed. “Anyways, half of you know me.” (More boos from the Wildfire Hearts side came her way in response). “Yeah, yeah! Also part of our bit, so don’t get all wacky and tattle on them, Rising Shards side. The half that doesn’t know me.” She shut her eyes as she pretended to push imaginary glasses up, sniffed. “Ms. Corinani’s the name, and yeah, I’m pretty epic. I’ve prepared a little video to help you understand that.”
Ms. Corinani played a video for the class, which was a mix of a slideshow and clips of sitcoms, but for some reason a few of the characters had images of Corinani hastily placed onto them. One show I recognized called Workplace Pals, because Berin watched it on the rare nights he wasn’t busy. They just seemed to be random moments from the shows that didn’t tell us anything.
“You would eat a salad with two forks.” A character from Workplace Pals that had Corinani’s face on them said. No one laughed to a painful degree.
By instinct, everyone in my nearby vicinity turned to Kalei. She stared on, wide eyed, as though a million snarky comments were brewing in her at once and she overloaded her mind trying to figure out which one to start with.
“So anyways, I’m also a best-selling author," Corinani said. "I wrote the hit Corinani-nomics for Cani, and its highly regarded sequel, Freeing Yourself from Corinani-Nomics for Cani, which will be our first book we study this semester. We will not be studying Killing Alix Corinani, the historical fiction novel, emphasis on fiction, about the failed assassination attempt on me outside an Ultra Taco in East Valataran that totally did happen.”
I was suddenly a bit glad Zeta wasn’t here for this. Kalei’s response whenever she got to it would surely be funny, but the secondhand embarrassment was too much for me, so I couldn’t imagine how Zeta would handle it.
Corinani spent the rest of class complaining about the publishing company that printed the one about her assassination attempt (which definitely sounded more fictional the more she discussed it) and how much they screwed her over, including a bit I wasn’t sure if I should report where she started teasing revealing the publishing workers addresses for some reason. Right before the bell rang, she slipped and fell on her face, then tried to say someone in the front row tripped her, then claimed she was just kidding.
“Kalei, I need your reaction. Like, right now.” Ko said.
Kalei continued staring blankly forward.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
She almost flashed a smile, but once more it looked like she found some ancient artifact that was telling her everything about the universe at once. “I…need a minute.” Overwhelmed with the potential snark from one class with Corinani, needed to call her mom for advice.
Having class with Caya right after felt like the teaching equivalent of water in a desert.
“Apologies for the Wildfire Hearts faculty you’re learning under,” Caya said. “They are held to a different standard.”
“Caya, genuinely, what the hell?” Kalei, who had regained her composure, asked.
“That bad?”
“She pasted low-res jpegs of herself over Workplace Pals clips. I didn’t know cringing could physically hurt so much.”
I think Kalei is the first person that I ever saw get Caya Kilander to remotely chuckle at something.
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