Rising Shards

A couple years earlier, when I got on my first "big" beam chasers team, I was so excited for my first game. Now it wasn't really my first game ever, but it felt like it was. I had been reading a bunch of biographies of my favorite players, and had it in my head that I was going to be the first to go on an undefeated streak from my debut to the pros. Again, years ago me didn't consider the stuff before that to count for whatever reason, maybe it felt too kiddy to me? Junior beam chasers involves players waddling around in thick protective foam suits so I guess I considered my career officially starting when our gear got lighter.

Anyways, I thought I'd win. 

And I lost my first game. 

And I didn't take it well, and ended up having a meltdown and needing to scream it out in the parking lot. My mom dragged me over there and stood beside me as I pretended I was just angry. I remember saying I wasn't crying a bunch until I believed it, and Ma let me have that little lie to myself.

"You're not gonna win every game," she told me. "If you win literally every single game, you wouldn't even be playing today, they would have had you pegged as a child prodigy when you were like six and then sent you to beam chasers child prodigy school already."

"Maybe I am one and they just didn't realize it yet?" I said.

"You're good at beam chasers already, but I'm sorry to say you're not a prodigy."

I sniffed. Just angry sniffs, definitely not crying. Mom sat beside me.

"I know it's hard," Ma said. "But it is the sign of a true great player if you can rise up from this defeat, it's how you respond to losses that counts more than your scores."

"Pfft, where'd you steal that line from?" I asked.

"I was watching that beam chasers movie with the little guy that bites it when he gets stuck in that mechanical claw thing," Mom said. "So inspiring! So heart-rending! Forced drama and pretty blatant emotional manipulation? Sure, but I still cried! And very quotable too, as I just demonstrated."

"Yeah, don't think I'm in the mood to rewatch that one," I said.

"Well, let's go home and rewatch something," Ma said.

I felt like I lost again when I got to the shopping spree. I didn't want to put that crappy movie on Ma liked, but I also didn't want to have a screaming, crying meltdown, so maybe I had grown up a bit (OK, I did want to have a meltdown a little bit).

We were still separated by which bus we were on, so I couldn't be on a team with Zeta, Oka, Lillia, any of them. They had these dorky looking shopping carts set up that were two shopping cart baskets welded together that had some kind of motor grafted onto the bottom, along with a chair in front for someone, panels on the sides to stand on, and a spot in the back for a pilot to stand with a two pronged handle to steer.

"Alright, so, uh..." The person they had running things for our group looked like she was my age, and not at all prepared to talk in front of a group of people. She dropped her note cards like twelve times before she started talking, which made me think of Zates any time she had to give a speech. "I-if you get onto your...big ol' Toy Holdings Presents: Mega Shopping Spree Mega Shopping Cart, one pilot..." Her voice faltered, but she muscled through. "And then people on the sides. Everyone will get a prom outfit at the end, and everyone gets a Glump and Mr. Sleebo toy, but whoever gets the highest value of shopping cart will also win a bonus prize."

There could either be six to eight people on a team. Three shopping cars would go at a time, with the pilot steering things around a bunch of store shelves that had been set up to give enough space for all this. The ones on the sides would try to get as much stuff into the cart as they could. 

"Ah, damn it," I said when they stuck me and Marms with Ovie's group, so us, Ovie, 09, Chellsi, Mikeila-Keila, and Risa. I sure as hell did not wanna be around them right then, even if they couldn't remember it (or maybe it was just weird void recreations of them, who knows), they still kicked my ass like an hour earlier. Roux and Raytris also tagged along, which was one too many by my count. "Is there gonna be enough room on the cart for all of us?"

"I can...maybe shrink down?" Raytris said, shrinking to a smaller size.

"And we shall sit in the front." Roux announced, taking Raytris in their hands and buckling up in the little seat in the front of the cart.

"As long as you all don't screw this up," Ovie said. "I want whatever that mystery prize is."

I resisted the urge to punch Ovie there, because I was still pissed about the stomping. But she didn't seem to remember, so it didn't seem fair to hold it against her.

"I vote Kalei drives," Risa said.

"Huh? Why me?" I asked.

Risa shrugged. "You look like you could use a win, and that's the first thing I could think of."

"Thanks, I guess..." I said. Kinda nice to have Risa still get me enough to know when I had my loser face on. I told myself to not be too harsh at her when she didn't remember what happened in the void, wasn't her fault. Nobody cared enough to challenge me for the spot, so I got the pilot seat (or really I got to stand at the steering stick thing. Marms stood to my left, with Risa and Chellsi in front of her, Ovie, 09, and Mikeila-Keila to my right.

I barely paid attention as the other teams went, wondering if all the good stuff would be picked over. The carts didn't seem to move super fast, so it wasn't exactly thrilling to watch them move around, like zambonis driving between aisles of toy merch. There didn't seem to be any gaming stuff, so I didn't really care about getting a bunch of plushies that I wasn't sure we'd even get to keep.

When it was our turn, the teams we'd be up against were already at their carts, with Oka piloting a team of Zates, Lillia, Iris, Maia, and Tay, and one that Anastasia drove with the devils.

I almost gasped when I saw Chickadee was actually with the devils again on their cart. Caeda, too. Maybe that cloaked girl was here, too.

What are you even gonna do? I thought, batting away visions of me ramming my cart into them, grabbing Caeda and Chickadee, and leaping away in Downside form before anyone noticed. She said if you did anything, she'd rat you out. We already lost.

But I had to do something, right? I couldn't just go from that haphazardly put together void mission to this haphazardly put together school event like nothing happened, could I? But what could I do here? Maybe confront Chickadee as soon as we were done? But then what?

Just stay out of it today. Maybe I should just do that.

"If you're going to space out, you might as well let me drive," Ovie said.

"I got it, I got it," I said, too busy speculating on what to do to really argue for it.

We didn't get a chance to talk to the other teams before we started, which would have been nice to say good game or something to Zates' group. They waved at me and I waved back. Marms tugged at my sleeve a bit and gave me a glance that I could read easily, a reminder that I promised her I'd tell them everything instead of keeping it a secret. Maybe after this I could finally do that so I could feel like I accomplished something today. But was I really ready to tell them?

The girl running things had a starting flag now. "OK, on my signal! May the best team, uh...win, or whatever!" She waved her flag, and we were off.

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