ROSES HAVE THORNS

Kurt leaned slightly toward Diana, keeping his gaze fixed on the arena where the Ayako is waiting for her next opponent.

"I need to pick some flowers."

Diana gave his hand a quick squeeze before looking up at him pleadingly. "Be quick, okay? I’ll be lonely without you here."

’Oh, good Lord...’

As he stood up and began navigating his way through the crowded rows, Ken’s voice boomed over the speakers, echoing off the stadium walls. ["AND CURRENTLY MAKING HER WAY TO THE ARENA, ELDORIA’S FOURTH COMPETITOR... LILY MATHERS!"]

"""YEEEEEAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"""

"LILY MATHERS, MY QUEEN!!!"

"I LOVE YOU, LILY! PLEASE BE MY MOMMY!"

A massive roar erupted from the Eldorian stands.

For Kurt, the deafening cheers quickly began to quiet down as he stepped through the archway and walked into the shadowed concrete tunnels beneath the coliseum. The further he walked, the more the sound of the crowd became a distant, muffled hum.

The three pairs of eyes watched him intently from the crowd near the tunnel as he walked inside.

When he finally pushed open the door to the men’s room, he found the place entirely deserted. The rows of white urinals and polished mirrors stood silent.

’Huh. Can’t really blame anyone; nobody wants to miss the action out there.’

As he walked past the long row of urinals, trying to decide which one to use, a faint sound caught his attention.

Sob... sniffle...

’... Is... Is that someone crying? I’m seriously running into a lot of situations like this.’

He followed the sound further in until he stopped in front of the very last stall in the row. The sobbing from behind the metal door was at its loudest here.

Kurt raised a fist and knocked lightly.

Knock. Knock.

"Hey. You alright in there, buddy–"

*BRAAAP!*

"Eurgh!"

A loud and uncomforting wet sound echoed from inside the stall, followed by an immediate, excruciating groan.

"Oh, sweet Goddess Bula, please have mercy on my soul!" the man inside wailed at the physical torment. "I swear to you, I’ll never visit the ladies of the night again! I’ll treat my wife like a queen! Just make it stop! Please!"

Kurt slowly pulled his knuckles away from the door as his face twisted into a mask of mild disgust.

He took a couple of steps back and cleared his throat. "Yeah... Goddess Bula, please let this man sit on this bowl until today’s entire tournament is over. Better yet, lock him inside."

*BRAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!*

"EURGH!! *Sob* Waah! Eurg– *brap* *sniff*"

’Holy timing.’

He walked back, choosing at least five urinals away from the crying man and began his business.

He was right in the middle of relieving himself when he heard the heavy creak of the restroom door opening.

Footsteps approached.

Kurt assumed it was just another spectator, but to his annoyance, the newcomer walked straight down the line and stood at the urinal immediately next to his and unzipped his trousers.

Without turning to look at him out of respect, Kurt spoke. "Look, buddy, not to be a dick – pun not intended – but there are at least twenty other empty urinals in here, not to mention the stalls. Mind scooting over a bit?"

The figure next to him didn’t move away, nor did he say a word.

"..... Haaaa." Kurt let out a deep sigh, finished up, and turned his head to glare at him. "Hey, what the hell is wrong with–"

The man swung a giant iron battleaxe straight toward his head.

Kurt’s instincts kicked in. He bent his knees and threw his upper body backward, the blade whistling past his nose closely enough to cut a few loose hairs.

CRASH!

The battleaxe slammed into the tiled wall, shattering the ceramic plates into a cloud of dust.

From the end stall, the crying man let out a terrified shriek.

"Ah! W-W-What’s happening out there?! Oh Mercy–!" *Braaaap!*

"Get him, boys!" the axe-wielder ordered.

Two more men rounded the corner. One of them lunged forward and thrust a jagged dagger toward Kurt’s ribs. Kurt twisted his torso, letting the blade slip harmlessly past his side.

The second attacker swung a spiked metal bat at his head. Kurt coated his left forearm in a layer of mana coating and raised it to block the strike.

CLANG!

The spiked bat struck his arm, but Kurt didn’t flinch. The attacker’s eyes widened in sheer surprise as the metal spikes failed to pierce his skin.

Before the man could pull the bat back, Kurt reached out, grabbed him by the hair, and violently slammed his head downward.

SHATTER!

The attacker’s face crashed straight through the urinal Kurt had just been using, piss and marble shards lodging itself in the man’s face.

Feeling a sudden, dangerous tingle from both the front and behind, Kurt moved.

He sprinted toward the returning axe-wielder in front of him, leaped into the air, and planted one foot firmly on the man’s shoulder. Using that momentum, he spun mid-air, stepping onto the shoulder of the dagger-wielder, adjusted his balance, and delivered a devastating, mid-air split kick directly onto both of their faces.

CRACK!

Both men stumbled backward with blood spraying from their broken noses.

Kurt landed safely on his feet, spotted the dropped spiked metal bat on the floor, and scooped it up.

He spun and drove the end of the bat straight into the stomach of the dagger-wielder. The man doubled over and coughed violently. Without pausing, he swung the bat upward in a brutal arc, catching him right under the jaw.

BAM—SHATTER!!!

The force of the blow lifted the man off his feet, sending him crashing backward onto the wall and down onto the wet urinal, completely unconscious.

He then turned to face the last remaining attacker – the one who had tried to lob his head off with an axe. The man was backing away while clutching his bleeding nose, his eyes filled with terror.

Kurt continuously tossed the bat from hand to the other and asked with a cold expression. "Who the hell are you guys? Who sent you?"

He stepped closer, squinting his eye as he looked at the man’s bald head and bulky frame. The familiar features slowly began to click in his mind.

"Wait a minute," a dark smile spread across his face. "You’re that bald piece of shit that Sophie gave the boot to back at the guild. Billy–"

"It’s Bigi, you fuck! Because of you, my entire life is ruined! The only thing I was ever good at was being an adventurer! And you took that away from–"

"Shut your bitch ass up! I’m not here to listen to your pathetic sob story. I’ve got a tournament to watch, and you’re already wasting my time. And now, hahaha... Now, I’m gonna make you wish you were never born."

Fearing for his life, Bigi raised his axe and swung it downward with all his might.

Kurt raised the spiked bat he was holding too and parried the heavy blade to the side. With his free hand, he formed a stiff spear with his fingers and thrust them directly into Bigi’s throat.

"G-GACK! *cough*"

Bigi stumbled back while clutching his throat and coughing with watery eyes.

Not giving him a chance to recover, Kurt channeled mana around the bat and swung it low, bringing it down hard against Bigi’s right knee.

CRACK!

"GYAAAH!"

The big bald man fell one leg on the floor. Kurt brought the bat down again, shattering the left knee this time.

CRACK!

"ARRRGH! STOP! PLEASE!" Bigi begged while clutching his broken legs. "Mercy! Have mercy! I’m sorry!"

"No. Apology not accepted."

He grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and began dragging him toward the very last stall.

BANG!

Kurt kicked the door open. Inside, the man with the stomach issues was trembling on the toilet seat, his eyes wide with absolute horror as he looked at the scary one-eyed man and the bleeding, screaming man in his grip.

"Move."

"I–I can’t! My bowels won’t let me!"

"I said, MOVE!"

The man scrambled off the bowl and ran out of the stall with his pants still bunched around his ankles.

"Hey!" Kurt yelled after him. "Don’t you dare leave this restroom, otherwise you’re next, Mr. Cheater."

"Y-Yessir!"

Kurt dragged Bigi into the stall.

"Please! Don’t! What are you doing?!"

"Screw you! You were trying to ambush me while I was taking a piss. I’m just returning the favor. Don’t worry. You won’t die... Probably."

He grabbed Bigi by the back of his bald head and lifted it up.

"WAIT, WAIT, WAI–"

SPLASH!

Kurt shoved his face directly into the toilet bowl, making sure to hold him in a way that kept his own clothes entirely clear of any... residue.

"Holy shit, that stinks."

He pulled Bigi’s head out of the bowl – his face now covered in brown waste, and a little "extra" sputtering out his mouth – then violently slammed his temple against the rim.

BASH!

Blood splattered against the white tile.

BASH!

More blood mixed with the teeth.

CRACK!

On the third strike, an ominous cracking sound echoed through the stall, and Bigi’s body went completely limp, his eyes rolling back as he lost consciousness.

"M-M-Mr. One-Eyed-Man! I... I can’t hold it anymore! It’s coming!"

Kurt tossed Bigi’s unconscious head back into the bowl. He stepped out of the stall, pointing a finger at the trembling man. "There. Go. Shit on him."

"I... I can’t do that! That’s horrible!"

"I said, go shit on him, you wife-cheating piece of crap!"

*Sob–!*

The man scrambled into the stall, trembling as he stood over the unconscious, face-down Bigi. With a look of deep, tearful remorse, he closed his eyes.

*B-BRAAAAP!*

"I-I’m so– *brap* I’m so sorry!" The man cried as he let his bowels loose right onto the back of Bigi’s head.

Kurt walked over to the sinks and turned the water on high. He grabbed the soap dispenser, thoroughly scrubbing his hands and forearms twice. When he was done, he sniffed his sleeves. Even though no physical residue had touched his clothes, the incredibly foul odor of the restroom seemed to have clung to his shirt.

"Dammit. Diana’s gonna smell this from a mile away."

He couldn’t go back smelling like a clogged sewer line. He needed a change of clothes, and he needed it fast.

BANG!

And so, he rushed out of the restroom, heading past the tunnels and sprinted toward the open fields where the merchant stalls and clothing vendors were set up for the tournament.

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