Sexx, Secrets and Orgasms

Cadence POV

After putting on my clothes at the hotel, I came home and called Evan but unfortunately he didn’t answer. I went to the wine chiller and poured myself a glass of wine. The white wine was smooth as it eased down my throat.

"Awe," I said as I twirled the liquid in the glass.

The house was empty so I just laid on the sofa, kicked my shoes off and turned the television on. One of the late night celebrity news shows was on. I was half paying attention until I saw a newsflash that Robert had proposed to some high society socialite named Bebbie Cartwright from Texas.

Of course she didn’t look like me, but was the perfect type to suit his image. Ms. Perfect had long blonde hair, baby blue eyes and looked like she could hula through a Cheerio. Older, mature, classy, polished. Of course I wasn’t anything close to that.

The picture of them together looked forced. It wasn’t love, probably more of a business transaction. Beb’s family owned a few oil wells and real estate. They showed them getting on a helicopter, traveling to who knows where. He wasn’t going to be happy. He would just keep going through life trying to figure out what he wanted.

It had finally dawned on me, thinking back on it, that the moment I told him I wanted him to give me himself, his whole demeanor had changed. I thought I had done something wrong, but in fact I had just let myself fall for him. A young girl’s crush, that’s all it was. The first man to show me some type of affection, and I got all giggly eyed like the world revolved around him.

I was still young, but I didn’t have to be stupid. Once I chose this lifestyle I needed to be equipped to roll with the punches. I was what men wanted, a fantasy girl that gave them something they couldn’t find in a girlfriend or a wife. It was okay to live my life, but I needed to keep my heart guarded.

It was funny that I wasn’t mad or jealous seeing Robert with Beb. Just a little surprised. He didn’t love her and she didn’t love him, and she would never give him the happiness he wanted. It sucked to be him. I still believed I could be happy. I had a feeling that maybe one day I’d find my Prince Charming, one who would accept me and the lifestyle I chose to live. I could still get my happily ever after, right?

Going to counseling had really helped. It was time for me to stand on my own two feet and take control. I poured another glass of wine and leaned back on the sofa, watching them flash more pictures of the nonexistent romance between Robert and Beb, holding hands and walking red carpets in Texas. They looked like night and day. I wondered if her stuff was dried up like the desert. I couldn’t help but laugh. Maybe I needed to put the wine down.

I guess I knew deep down that things between Robert and I had fizzled the night I left that hotel. I think I had grown attached to him because he was older and I felt safe with him, but deep down he could never give me what I wanted. The sex was good and he was my first, but it was nothing but sex to him.

Funny thing was, hurt as I was, I ran straight to another man’s arms instead of calling my best friend Emily. I ran to Paul unknowingly, and he basically told me to get over it. He didn’t sugarcoat anything, and that was what I needed. Paul was a great lover, had me where I couldn’t walk or move, but could there be more than that? He liked control, and I didn’t always mind him having it. The question was whether he’d ever let me have some too. He reminded me a little of my father that way, older, controlling, and if he didn’t get his way he dropped you like a hot potato. Who knows, he could be in Dubai with some rich princess while I sat here with Mr. I Have No Dick. Maybe I still had a soft spot for him. It had been six months. Not that I was counting.

Evan never tried to control me. He held me through my breakdown and never once disrespected me. He wanted to be my friend first, then a lover, and I’d had a lot of firsts with him. The way my body responded to his soft touches was out of this world. He never rushed, he let me learn my own body without being afraid of it. That night at the ball he rocked my world without even penetrating me. Those hazel amber eyes were panty dropping, and he was wealthy like the others but never had to flaunt it.

Evan and I shared something real, but with everything going on with Karenna, I never wanted to be the reason he lost his shot at a happy ending. It takes a real man to fight for a child that isn’t his, and I tipped my hat to him for that. I wished my own father had shown me half that kind of love.

My dad and I weren’t close. My mom put him out so many times I sometimes wondered if they were even still married in any real sense. Maybe once there had been love there. I’d like to think so.

I see Marci with Frank and I can see it, that real thing. I even see the affection Ben has for Lilly, though she’s too stubborn to see it herself. Love gets thrown around so easily by people who don’t mean it. Even Chief Little Dick got a pebble of me tonight, and that’s the thing about this job. It doesn’t matter how many times they tell you not to get attached, you still give a little of yourself every time.

I got up, turned off the TV and headed to my bedroom. I pulled out my briefcase and grabbed the pictures, laid them side by side, and took another drink. The resemblance was remarkable. I ran my fingers over both photographs, almost hoping some magic would reveal the unknown, but of course it didn’t. There was a kinship there, and one day I’d find out why. When Lilly came back, I would ask her. Maybe, like the old saying goes, everyone has a twin.

I jumped in the shower and washed my hair. Reader, I could only call tonight a drive-by fuck. My meal should’ve been on the ninety-nine cent menu. I should have paid the General not to ever pull that thing out again. Now I understood why he needed the help. I couldn’t help but laugh. Since I was home alone, I decided to just sleep in my undies. Before long I had fallen asleep with an empty bottle and an empty glass. Peace.

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