Sexx, Secrets and Orgasms

"Of course. You are an amazing man and the sex is what make porn stars blush, but I need more. A few days ago was the first time we actually had a conversation. I just don’t think you can or will be willing to give me what I want. I’ve known Evan for over a year and he has been faithful to the end and he hasn’t given up on me. I owe him a try. Who knows he may or may not be the one but I need to give it a try."

I felt my anger rising. I didn’t want her to go, but she was right. We hadn’t known each other long. But shit she wasn’t even willing to let us mature into something.

"A relationship takes time. If you truly want to be with someone, you should be willing to try. Who knows you and I may be a match."

She laughed and shook her head.

"I am a one woman guy. While most women fantasize about two men, I’m not interested in being involved in a triangle. The first night I saw you and Garrett, I was amazed how well you two are in sync. You feed off one another and I’m sure the women you two have been with would think the same. Let me ask you a question?"

I nodded for her to ask.

"When was the last time you actually had a woman to yourself before me?"

I had to think and I couldn’t remember.

"See you can’t even remember. I would hate to come between your friendship with Garrett. I need a man willing to give up a part of himself to me as I give him a part of myself to him. I need to feel safe and protected and for him to love me and never let me go."

"Fuck Garrett! This is about me and you. Maybe I can give you what you need." I could feel my hands gripping the chair.

"I wouldn’t want for you to have to chose. Friends before whores, right. I don’t want to be shared. We have had sex everyday since the ball. Do you really see a romance forming or one of us falling for the other to eventually someone gets hurt? I’m your neighborhood good time girl and that’s all I will be to you."

"Stop it Cadence! Don’t go there."

"Okay, have you told Garrett about us?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it’s none of his damn business! I will admit we have shared women in the past but I would never ask you to sleep with Garrett."

"He’s your best friend and you haven’t told him how we have been together every night for almost a week? Don’t you think he would be upset that you and I have been together? He was pissed at the ball when I told Ora to punish him. Don’t you think he is going to want payback? How do I know he won’t convince you to punish me? Could you stand there as he took his frustrations out on me knowing you know every inch of my body?"

"I don’t care if he knows and I would never let him touch you," I said standing up and pulling her in my arms. "You are right we haven’t really known each other long maybe we could get to know each other."

I could still smell the remnants of her perfume. I wanted to give her what she wanted but I knew it was too early to be talking about commitments and the future. Didn’t she know relationships take time to grow and sex wasn’t better than love?

"Let me provide for you. Just tell me what you want." I grabbed her hand and looked down into her eyes. I had plenty of money to take care of her and her family. My family was a pillar of the community and she never had to want for anything.

"I don’t want to be a kept woman. I’m not a golddigger."

"So you rather be with a man that you don’t even love and use him for what he can provide for you? If you are willing to take his gifts, his money and fuck him, that’s a fucking golddigger. Shit I’ve had quite a few of them so I know what a golddigger is."

"I think I do love him. That’s why I want to try."

"Just because someone tells you that they love you doesn’t mean you have to love them back."

"I know that. Do you honestly think you could ever love me Jacob?"

The elephant in the room had now been released. The question threw me as I released her. I backed away. At this time I had gotten an emotional and sexual attachment but love hadn’t formed. That love at first sight shit was a fucking myth, and I couldn’t believe women believed in that shit. What happened to getting to know the person first before jumping off the cliff heart first?

"You ought to see your face right now. I’m like a plague. Once people are exposed they run away. You all want pleasure from my body but no one is willing to put up their hearts but me. Evan is and if it’s not love now, I know it can turn into it."

"You don’t love him. If you did, you wouldn’t have been here with me. Where is he now? You haven’t once mentioned him in the time we have been together. Don’t confuse love with desperation or sex. You want to be loved and I understand that. We were put on this earth for that very reason but are you willing to give up yourself for someone that you don’t truly love?"

"Stop it Jacob. Don’t try to confuse this."

"Unrequited love Cadence that is what you have for him. Is your self esteem that low that you need the love of a man to solidify you? Sex is easy, intimacy is hard. Your naked soul is being exposed when you love someone. You will have fights, disagreements, even differences of opinions but just as the waves return to shore, love returns again and again. There are going to be highs and lows but each person have to make that commitment." My eyes were pleading with her to understand.

"He is willing to wait."

"So you mean to tell me he won’t get jealous when another man touches you like this?" I lightly touched her cheek.

"I signed a contract with Lilly and I made a commitment to her. I am a woman of my word." She said leaning into my hand.

"Break it," I said.

"You don’t understand. I live in Lilly’s house, she pays for my sister’s education and if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t be able to finish college. If I break this contract then I have nothing don’t you see?" She backed away.

"My mother committed suicide, my father dies of a heartattack and I am the one to have to pick up the pieces. I had no one to help me. It was only me. I was the one left to raise my sisters, ME! I saw how my mother depended on my father that was never around. We lived a horrid life. No love from either one of them. If they truly loved us they would still be here."

I could see the tears rolling down her face. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and take away the insecurities.

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