SINFULLY YOURS

Chapter 1: Chapter 1. In The Past Now

Chapter 1. In The Past Now

Rosa Lin’s POV

"Stupid, disgusting slut! Who the fuck does she think she is?🤬🤬🤬🤬 Oh my god, don’t tell me she has corrupted my idol!😭😭😭😭"

"I can’t believe it! I’ve always suspected that her quietness is not pure. I knew she always had some darkness lurking deep down within her. Oh my god, such a dirty slut!😡🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬"

"I am so enraged!"

"I am very sure she took advantage of him. Her life must have been so miserable deep in the trenches."

"That must be why she’s trying to look for an opportunity to fuse herself with a star. I feel so annoyed right now! I could kill her!!!😡😡😡😡😡"

The insults, the rude remarks—they kept coming in one by one. My phone kept on flooding with endless notifications, vibrating non-stop.

I just sat on the bed, looking at it, my whole body shaking with tremors I couldn’t stop, my face already wet with tears I could no longer shed, my face drenched, my body shaking as I clenched tightly against my phone. I swiped away from the school forum and then checked the message that had destroyed my soul this morning.

*I’m so sorry I had to put you through all of that, the message read.

I’m just putting this to you as well, so you don’t feel like some stargirl just because you got to lay down with me.

You are not even really that good in bed. You are disgusting.

You irritate me.

Don’t try to leech yourself with me. You are nothing more than just a one-night entertainment—a conquest. So don’t you even think of contacting me ever again. I’m tired of your leeching attitude.

I’m tired of you trying to attach yourself to me.

I sniffed and switched off my phone, dropped it beside me, and then closed my eyes, tilting my head to look up at the ceiling, trying to hold myself back, trying to stop my shaking lips as more tears pooled around the corners of my eyes.

No, Rosa..., I kept thinking to myself, clenching my fist tightly. My body shook without control.

I shook my head and wiped wet strands of hair away from my face, placing my palm against my face to calm myself down. Then I quickly got up and looked at my suitcase I had already dropped on the bed.

Enough is enough, I thought. I can’t do this anymore. It’s of no use. What’s the point? I’ve literally dedicated my life to this, literally almost giving up 60% of my life foolishly because of what I thought was actually real. How stupid could I have been? How could I have ignored the signs?

If Mom was watching me right now, I’m sure she would be shifting in her grave, scolding me in whatever way she could.

I clenched my teeth tightly together. "Mom," I whispered. "Dad... wherever you are, I’m so sorry," I whispered. "I’m so stupid. My life is a fucking mess."

With my hands shaking, I began to shove all of clothes inside the suitcase. I’m done. I didn’t stop. My breathing became harsh. Mucus dripped from my nose; I wiped it quickly, with my entire body vibrating. My phone still kept vibrating and pinging with endless notifications and messages, but I didn’t even bother to look at it.

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t face the school. I can’t just continue this.

I finally picked up my phone, swiped down, and placed my phone on DND. Then I went over towards the only contact I wanted to talk to right now.

Mia Chen.

I quickly sent her a message, and in the next minute, my phone vibrated. She was the one calling. I blew out a breath, trying to school myself to sound casual, then I picked up the call.

"Hey, Rosa Lin!" she called out.

I closed my eyes tight, but I didn’t reply. Don’t break down now, I told myself. Don’t break down. But it was fruitless.

"Oh my god, baby girl, I saw the messages. I saw everything. What the fuck is going on? I hate being in the dark so much! What did you do? I’m confused. You have a lot of explanations to make to me right now," she said through the phone.

My lips shook. "Mia," I called with a shaky voice.

"Baby girl, oh my god, you don’t sound good. Where are you? I need to come over and pick you up right now. Are you at home?" she asked.

I sniffed and then wiped my nose once again, trying to calm myself down. Breathe, Rosa, I told myself. Breathe.

Then I exhaled.

"It’s okay, baby girl. Take your time," she said.

I clenched my teeth together. "I want—I want to move out," I said.

"Really? Why?"

"I’ll explain to you later. Just... please, I hope you don’t mind if I could stay over at your place for a while until I figure things out?"

"Yeah, sure," she replied immediately. "Definitely, of course! I’m coming over to pick you up, okay?" she said.

I nodded my head, even though she couldn’t see me. "Thank you so much."

"Anything for you, baby. Just hang on a second, I’m coming."

The call disconnected. My hand dropped down, and the phone slipped onto the bed as I looked at my half-packed suitcase. I blew out a breath once again, clenching my fist and noticing the way my hand was trembling. I really have no control of myself right now.

I hurriedly finished packing the rest of my suitcase. I need to escape from this shame. I need to escape from this life. If only I had seen the future, right from where I came, maybe I would have done things right. But I was blinded, so stupidly foolish and negligent, so naive.

A sharp, hot sensation I have never felt before flooded my chest. It didn’t take too long for me to finish packing my things. I went into the shower, cleaned myself up, wiped my face, and changed into a new set of casual clothes: a button-down baggy shirt and my usual denim shorts.

I came out, adjusting my hair and tying it into a messy bun. Then I picked up my suitcase and headed out of the room. I walked down the staircase, my suitcase clattering all the way, hitting against the handrails as I tried my best to keep it silent.

Mr. and Mrs. Lee were seated at the dining table. I could see them from the top of the staircase. They froze when they heard the sound and quickly looked up. Mr. Lee’s eyes widened.

"Rosa!" he called out and stood up immediately.

Mrs. Lee, who was casually pressing into her phone, just looked up with a raised eyebrow and looked back down into her phone, like I didn’t matter.

Mr. Lee walked around and stood at the foot of the staircase, a worried expression in his eyes. "What’s going on? Where are you going to?" he asked.

I didn’t reply. I folded the handle of my suitcase and carried it with both of my hands, walking down until I reached the bottom step and stood before him, looking at the ground. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Rosa, talk to me. Where are you going?" he asked gently, with worry in his voice.

I swallowed hard. I turned to look at Mrs. Lee. She still had her phone in her hands, but her eyes were sharp now, glaring at me with evident anger. I closed my eyes and blew out a breath.

You can do it, Rosa, I thought to myself. You are not going to die.

I smiled calmly and then fiddled my fingers. "Mr. Lee... Mrs. Lee," I said softly. They didn’t reply. "I just want to use this opportunity to thank you so much for how you’ve taken care of me all these years. Ever since my parents died, I’ve had no one else to turn to. I was alone in the world, but you took up the burden, took me in as your own, cared for me, and raised me up unto this moment where I can confidently stand on my own and make decisions for myself. I want to let you know I am really, absolutely grateful for it."

Mr. Lee looked at me with a frown. "Rosa, why are you saying these things? Explain to me, where are you going? Why are you carrying your luggage?"

Mrs. Lee didn’t say anything. I looked down at the suitcase and then breathed out, before slowly looking up.

"I want to move out," I said softly, avoiding their gazes.

"What?" Mr. Lee asked.

Mrs. Lee abruptly stood up from her chair, walking around the dining table and stepping over towards us. Mr. Lee turned to her. "Honey," he said calmly, "please, not now. Stand behind me, let me handle this."

"I’m not doing anything," she said. He gave her a look. She looked at him for a while, but she stood down behind him, folding her arms and glaring at me.

From the very beginning, I’ve never really understood why she hated me this much.

"Why do you want to move out?" Mr. Lee asked after turning back to me.

I looked up at him. "It’s my personal decision, Mr. Lee," I said. "I think I have finally come to an age where I can make decisions for myself and decide what I want to do with my life. I really don’t want to keep being a burden to you all. I just want to move out and figure out my life from here on. After all, I can’t stay with you forever."

Mr. Lee observed me with a frown. "Rosa, I know you are still struggling and things are not easy with you. Without our support, do you really think you can make it out there? Do you really have anybody else to depend on? Why do you necessarily have to leave now? Your life has been perfectly okay here. Why do you want to go?"

I closed my eyes and bowed down my head. I want to leave because you have a monster as a son residing with you all, and I can’t just bear to stay in the same building with him anymore, I thought to myself, struggling to fight the tears pricking at the corner of my eyes.

But then I breathed out once again and looked up at him. "I just feel it’s the best option for me, and I’ve already found a starting point, so you need not worry about me," I said.

"Really?" Mrs. Lee finally snapped, stepping closer.

"Honey," Mr. Lee said, calling to her.

"No!" She shoved him aside, and he groaned, slapping his palm against his forehead. "You think I don’t know the reason why you want to leave?" she snapped, forcing me to look up at her. She scoffed and shook her head. "I have close ties with the admin of the school forum. I have seen everything," she said.

"Seen what?" Mr. Lee asked.

She scoffed. "You do not need to know, honey," she replied, keeping her harsh gaze at me. "So what now? You realized your evil ways, and now you want to make yourself look like a victim?"

My lips trembled. My hands shook.

"You’re trying to make us sound evil, right? You went behind our backs after everything we’ve done for you, and committed this treacherous abomination. Now you want to make it sound like we chased you out, like we’ve tortured you!" she snapped. "Are you trying to implicate us?"

"Honey, what are you talking about? What happened on the school forum?" Mr. Lee asked.

"You do not need to know!" she snapped. He watched her with a crease in his forehead, his eyes moving from her back to me.

I breathed out, still trying to calm myself. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with her anymore. It’s a win-win for me. It’s not like I’ve had a single moment of peace of mind ever since I started living with them, even though I’ve been living comfortably. I have paid the price endlessly for staying with them, and I just can’t pay it anymore. This incident with Mac was the final straw. I couldn’t.

I clenched my teeth tightly.

The moment she stepped closer, I heard the vibration of a vehicle outside the building, followed by a loud honk, and we all turned.

"That’s my ride," I said. "I’m sorry, I have to go. Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Lee."

I didn’t wait for a response. I quickly brushed past the both of them, Mr. Lee turning around to look at me with disbelief. I heard Mrs. Lee scoff behind me.

"Good riddance," she muttered. "Let’s see how well your life goes on from here. Let’s see if you are going to survive without us." I heard her voice behind me.

I just shook my head. I don’t need to bother about that. There will always be a way. As long as there is life, there will always be hope. But for this moment henceforth, the family of the Lees are my past now.

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