The Life I Refuse to Waste

Zeldryn tried to remember how the protagonist of Life Really Is Happy, Right? had first sensed Mana.

Unfortunately, his memories of that part were extremely vague.

Reading an explanation in a novel and actually putting it into practice were two completely different things.

Back then, Zeldryn only needed to imagine the scene without questioning whether the author’s explanation truly made sense.

Now, he had to turn that abstract writing into something real.

“If I remember correctly, he sat cross-legged like this.”

Zeldryn climbed down from the stool and walked toward the bed.

He sat cross-legged on top of it and placed both hands on his thighs.

The novel explained that Mana was the energy of the universe, spread throughout the entire world.

It existed everywhere, much like the air that constantly surrounded humanity.

However, only a Manholer could sense and see it.

Once someone successfully focused their mind on Mana, they would begin to see tiny particles scattered around them.

The appearance of those particles was extremely abstract.

Each person could perceive them differently.

Some saw Mana as red, blue, green, black, transparent, or another color entirely.

It all depended on how each person’s mind interpreted the energy of the universe.

The color of Mana was not its true color.

It was merely a form created by the perception of whoever saw it.

As far as Zeldryn remembered, the protagonist had seen Mana as tiny blue particles.

The protagonist had even been capable of seeing those particles floating around him since infancy.

“All right.”

Zeldryn slowly drew in a breath.

“First, I need to see Mana.”

He closed his eyes.

Darkness immediately filled his vision.

Zeldryn tried to empty his mind before focusing all of his attention on the mysterious energy known as Mana.

Several moments passed.

Nothing happened.

He still saw nothing but the ordinary darkness that appeared whenever someone closed their eyes.

Zeldryn tried to regulate his breathing.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

He attempted to sense something in the air, but no unusual sensation appeared.

No warmth.

No cold.

No colored particles.

Nothing at all.

“How am I supposed to see something I can’t even sense?”

Zeldryn began to feel confused.

The explanation in the novel had made it sound incredibly easy.

The protagonist merely focused his mind, and Mana particles appeared one by one within his vision.

But when Zeldryn tried it himself, he did not even know what he was supposed to search for.

He decided to try another approach.

If the protagonist saw Mana as blue, then perhaps Zeldryn needed to imagine the same color.

He began visualizing small blue dots in the darkness.

One dot.

Two dots.

Then dozens of tiny points scattered throughout his mind.

However, he immediately realized that they were not Mana.

They were nothing more than products of his imagination.

He could change their shapes, colors, and movements however he wanted. Whenever his concentration weakened slightly, every dot vanished immediately.

There was no sense that the particles truly existed around him.

Zeldryn opened his eyes.

“What the hell is this?”

He stared at his hands in frustration.

“There’s nothing.”

A troubling possibility entered his mind.

“Don’t tell me the novel’s explanation was complete nonsense.”

Then an even worse possibility appeared.

“Or maybe this body has no talent as a Manholer.”

Zeldryn immediately shook his head.

He hoped both possibilities were wrong.

If this body did not possess a Mana Hole, then his entire plan to gain power would end before it had even begun.

“No. Maybe I’m doing it wrong.”

He recalled the explanation about Mana’s color.

The color each person saw depended on their perspective.

The protagonist saw blue, but that did not necessarily mean Zeldryn would see the same thing.

“Maybe I should try another color.”

It sounded strange, but he had no better option.

Zeldryn closed his eyes again.

This time, he tried imagining red particles.

It did not work.

He changed them to green.

Still nothing.

Black.

Purple.

Transparent.

Yellow.

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Everything that appeared was only ordinary visualization.

Not a single one felt real.

Time continued passing without him noticing.

The sunlight that had previously entered through the window slowly shifted direction. The air inside the room also began to feel warmer.

Morning became afternoon.

Zeldryn remained seated on the bed.

His back and waist had begun to ache, especially since his body had yet to recover from the beating the night before.

Even so, he refused to stop.

“Why is this so difficult?”

Zeldryn opened his eyes and released a long breath.

The protagonist of the novel had been able to see Mana since infancy.

That fact once again reminded Zeldryn how absurdly talented the protagonist of this world had been.

“Damn protagonist.”

He rubbed his forehead.

“You were already cheating from the moment you were born.”

Zeldryn reconsidered the concept of Mana.

Mana was the energy of the universe.

It was spread everywhere.

Naturally, a Manholer should be capable of absorbing it.

However, to absorb Mana, someone first needed to see or sense it.

The problem was that Zeldryn could not find any trace of that energy.

The desire to give up suddenly began creeping into his mind.

Perhaps Zeldryn’s body truly did not possess a Mana Hole.

Not every noble child inherited that ability.

Even though Zorin Giorry was a Tier 5 Manholer, that did not mean all of his children were guaranteed to be born as Manholers.

But Zeldryn’s pride refused to accept that possibility.

The father of this body was a powerful Manholer.

The chance that Zeldryn had inherited a Mana Hole should have been fairly high.

More importantly, Reka had read the novel all the way to its conclusion.

He possessed knowledge that most people in this world did not have.

If he failed simply because he could not complete the most basic step, all of that knowledge would feel completely useless.

“There must be something wrong with my method.”

Zeldryn sat cross-legged once again.

He straightened his back, placed both hands on his thighs, and closed his eyes.

This time, he did not try to choose a color for Mana.

He also stopped forcing it into any particular shape.

Zeldryn focused only on one simple fact.

Mana existed.

Even if he could not see it, the energy still surrounded his body.

“If I can’t see you, then I don’t need to wait until I can.”

Zeldryn slowly inhaled.

He imagined the energy throughout the room moving toward his body.

Not blue particles.

Not red or green ones either.

He simply imagined something invisible approaching him from every direction and gradually entering his body together with the air he breathed.

At first, nothing changed.

But Zeldryn maintained the visualization.

He imagined natural energy entering through his skin, his nose, and every possible opening.

Something from outside moved toward him.

Closer.

Closer.

Then, within the darkness of his vision, a tiny point appeared.

Zeldryn nearly lost his concentration.

The point was yellowish orange.

Extremely small.

It was almost impossible to see, like the light at the tip of a needle inside a dark room.

But it was different from every visualization he had created before.

He had not created it.

Zeldryn could not move it or change its color however he pleased.

The point simply remained there, floating in the darkness.

“This is it.”

Zeldryn’s heart began beating faster.

“This is Mana.”

He wanted to open his eyes and shout in excitement, but he immediately restrained himself.

He could not lose his concentration.

There was only one particle.

He had not accomplished anything besides seeing it.

The novel explained that someone could only begin absorbing Mana after becoming capable of seeing or sensing its existence.

Zeldryn focused his mind on the yellowish orange point.

He imagined the particle moving closer to his body.

Slowly, the point began to move.

Zeldryn did not know whether it was truly following his will or if he was simply becoming more aware of its position.

Either way, the point appeared to be drawing closer.

Now another problem emerged.

Where was he supposed to direct it?

Zeldryn knew that a Mana Hole was located below the navel.

But he had no idea what a Mana Hole actually looked like.

Was it shaped like a hole?

An empty space?

Or was it merely a term for an invisible organ?

The novel only explained its location, not how someone was supposed to connect a Mana particle to it.

Zeldryn tried guiding the particle toward his lower abdomen.

He imagined the yellowish orange point entering his body and traveling toward the place where the Mana Hole should have been.

However, the harder he forced it, the dimmer the particle became.

“Wrong.”

Zeldryn immediately stopped.

The particle had nearly disappeared.

He tried to maintain his focus, but the point continued fading until it completely vanished from his vision.

Darkness filled his sight once again.

Zeldryn waited for several moments, hoping the point would reappear.

Nothing happened.

He finally opened his eyes.

“I failed.”

Zeldryn released a long breath.

A moment later, his entire body froze.

Something inside the room was different.

Dozens of tiny yellowish orange points were floating before him.

No.

Not merely dozens.

Hundreds, perhaps even thousands of tiny particles filled the entire room.

The particles drifted through the air with extremely subtle movements. Some slowly followed the breeze entering through the window, while others remained still like dust suspended beneath sunlight.

However, their glow was much clearer than ordinary dust.

“What the hell is this?”

Zeldryn blinked several times.

The particles did not disappear.

He turned his head to the right.

There was Mana.

He looked to the left.

Mana was there too.

Above the bed, around the desk, near the wardrobe, and even between his body and the floor, yellowish orange particles were everywhere.

Zeldryn slowly raised one hand.

He tried touching one of the particles floating in front of his face.

The tip of his finger passed straight through it.

There was no sensation.

No warmth.

No cold.

No pressure or touch.

The particle did not break or move aside either.

His finger merely passed through it, as though the two existed on different layers of the world.

Zeldryn tried again.

He opened his palm and swept it through several particles at once.

His hand passed through all of them.

“So they really can’t be touched?”

Mana was directly in front of his eyes, but it possessed no physical form he could touch.

Its existence felt similar to atoms.

The particles filled the world and existed everywhere, but ordinary humans would never become aware of them.

Even a Manholer could only see and sense Mana after successfully opening their perception toward it.

Only now did Zeldryn truly understand the novel’s explanation.

Mana was not something that appeared only when summoned.

The energy had filled the entire room from the very beginning.

Mana existed in the air he breathed, around his body, between objects, and perhaps throughout the whole world, without a single place being completely empty of it.

“So the explanation in the novel was true.”

Zeldryn stared at the particles floating around him with shining eyes.

“Mana really is everywhere.”

Until now, he had simply been incapable of seeing it.

His earlier attempt had not created a single Mana particle.

The first tiny point he saw had merely been the doorway that opened his perception to all the Mana surrounding him.

Zeldryn continued moving his hands through the particles.

Every one of them passed through his palms.

Strange.

The sight should have made the room feel overcrowded, but because the particles did not obstruct his vision and could not be touched, their existence felt naturally woven into the world.

“Hahaha.”

Zeldryn chuckled.

“So this is what the world looks like through the eyes of a Manholer.”

However, when he examined the particles near the window, his eyes caught something else.

The light entering the room had turned dark orange.

Zeldryn looked outside.

The sky, which had previously been bright and clear, was now approaching sunset.

“What?”

He immediately looked around the room.

The shadows cast by the desk and wardrobe had grown longer. Evening sunlight entered through the window and blended with the glow of the Mana particles filling his room.

From his perspective, he had only been concentrating for several minutes.

“It’s already evening?”

He had completely lost track of time.

Zeldryn did not know whether he had entered an extremely deep meditative state or had simply focused so intensely that he stopped noticing his surroundings.

But for now, the attempt had been enough.

He had not succeeded in absorbing Mana.

He still did not understand how to find or use his Mana Hole either.

But one thing had been proven.

Zeldryn’s body could see Mana.

That meant he was a Manholer.

A smile slowly appeared on his face.

“At least I didn’t fail at the first step.”

Zeldryn looked at the particles filling the room once again.

Their color was not blue like the protagonist’s.

Through his eyes, Mana appeared yellowish orange, almost like gold.

“So from my perspective, Mana looks golden.”

He quite liked the color.

However, his excitement did not last long.

GROOORR!

A loud sound suddenly came from his stomach.

Zeldryn immediately held his abdomen.

The hunger he had previously failed to notice struck him all at once.

“I’m starving.”

He glanced toward the window again.

The novel had never mentioned that attempting to sense Mana could take this long.

Did every beginner Manholer experience the same thing?

Or had he genuinely entered some kind of deep meditation?

“I didn’t even feel the time passing.”

Zeldryn tried to rise from the bed.

Both of his legs immediately felt stiff after sitting cross-legged for so long.

He grimaced while slowly straightening them.

“I’m starving, my entire body hurts, and now my legs are numb too.”

Zeldryn looked toward the bedroom door.

Not a single servant had brought him food since morning.

That felt extremely strange.

He was the son of a marquis.

Even if he had been discarded in a border mansion, he was still a noble.

A servant should have delivered breakfast or lunch without needing to be called.

But evening had arrived, and no one had knocked on his door.

“Don’t tell me the previous Zeldryn gave them another strange order.”

He searched through the fragments of memory inside his head.

Perhaps Zeldryn had forbidden the servants from entering his room.

Or ordered them not to bring him food unless they were summoned.

Considering how easily he became angry, that possibility made sense.

“Or are they all still inside the hall?”

Zeldryn suddenly remembered that he had ordered every guard and servant to gather and take revenge on Henry and Aeglo.

Perhaps the situation downstairs had not ended yet.

But several hours had already passed.

There was no way they were still beating those two men.

“Or maybe they really are?”

Zeldryn fell silent.

After seeing the servants’ hatred earlier, that possibility no longer seemed impossible.

He rubbed his face before looking toward the door again.

Whatever the reason, he could not remain inside his room and wait for food to appear on its own.

“Looks like I’ll have to check for myself.”

Zeldryn slowly stood.

The moment his feet touched the floor, pain surged throughout his body again.

His face immediately twisted.

“Damn it.”

He had just spent almost the entire day trying to discover Mana.

Now his next challenge was far simpler.

Finding something to eat.

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