The Main Character is the Villain

"Isn't that dragon a crazy fucking bitch?"

"Hey now, she's my mom."

"Fuck, so my mother-in-... no, that nuance is a bit weird. Anyway, how are we supposed to beat that? If we go in there carelessly, this whole neighborhood is going to be utterly destroyed."

"It might just have a large build and not be a big deal."

"Or we could just die right there."

I nodded my head at those words. Not only was the true identity of that giant eye unknown, but the status window didn't pop up properly either. This was a similar sensation to when I looked at Mimir or Ati. But it was even worse.

Name: Dagon

Race: ??? (This information cannot be checked at your current level.)

Level: ??? (This information cannot be checked at your current level.)

(This information cannot be checked at your current level.)

Traits

(This information cannot be checked at your current level.)

Absolutely nothing was visible. Even Ati or Mimir had visible traits at the very least, but for some reason, this bastard's traits couldn't be seen either. Lingering regret kept me circling around the lake. Perhaps due to the stimulation from the light earlier, I could see something squirming at the very bottom of the lake. Seeing me pace around the lake, Cellu and Eve spoke with an anxious tone.

"You're not going to tell us to go in, right? Mom is better at swimming than I am, so let's send mom."

"Heuk, Eve is stronger, so let's send Eve."

It was a heartwarming sight. Touched by their maternal affection, I decided to propose another method.

"Wouldn't it die if we poured pollutants into the water? Just pouring in something like hydrochloric acid."

I spoke while making a pretense of pouring a jar. Eve shook her head and said.

"Groom. We have to go in there eventually anyway. We can't use that method."

"Fuck, you're right. I should ask Ati."

In the end, that was the only method. I couldn't look up a strategy guide on the internet, but I had a living strategy guide named Ati, so she would probably be able to help somehow. I clicked my tongue and walked out of the dungeon. Both Eve and Cellu had faces full of regret. I had wanted to definitely get stronger by capturing the dungeon through this opportunity, but nothing was working out.

"What a shame."

"Yeah."

We were walking through the forest along the vast main street we had made while having a chat. At the end of the road, the coachman was standing in front of the carriage talking with the guards. I observed the situation with a serious expression. A stern-faced guard was interrogating the coachman about something, and the coachman was at a loss in front of the guard. We hurried our steps.

The guard hesitated a bit upon spotting us running over while pushing through the bushes. Then, upon discovering the mermaid Eve was holding, his face turned deathly pale and he drew his sword.

"W-W-W-What the! Stop! You evil bastards! Just what are you scheming with a mermaid...!"

"I am Peta Lucius, the lord of the Peta Territory."

"Peta Ter... I-Identification?"

"Here."

I took out the identification from my pocket and showed it to him. The guard lowered his weapon after checking the identification plaque stamped with the royal official seal. The other soldiers behind him also sheathed their weapons and stepped back. They were still keeping their guard up against Cellu. I spoke.

"What is going on?"

"Yes. My Lord. We apologize for the discourtesy. We are a patrol unit from the Alu Territory patrolling this vicinity. While patrolling the highway, we found the forest dug up and traces of a concealed carriage, so we were conducting an investigation on the coachman."

I thought we were hiding it discreetly in our own way, but it seemed that wasn't the case. I clicked my tongue and spoke.

"Ah, I see. So you are the patrol unit of the Alu Territory. Nice to meet you. I was actually heading to the Alu Territory myself."

As I tried to take a step, a guard blocked my path. When I stared at him intently, the guard looked back and forth between Cellu and me, then said.

"Could you explain why you came out of the mountain with a mermaid?"

I looked at the cave in the distance. From the outside, there was no sign that a cave was there. If they found out about the cave and pointlessly tried to capture it, only for a major catastrophe to occur, it would be a headache for me instead. I decided to hide the story about the cave.

"Do I have to say it here? It's a bit of a personal matter."

"Currently, the damage from mermaids in the Alu Territory is severe. In this current situation, for a lord of another territory to come out of the forest bringing a mermaid is a very suspicious..."

"We had sex."

The atmosphere froze. Eve, Cellu, the coachman, and the guards all stared at me with dumbfounded looks. The reactions of Eve and Cellu, who had become the direct persons concerned, were especially quite the sight. Eve blushed and let out a hollow laugh as she spoke.

"No, what the..."

"We did it. Didn't we? This 'sir' guard here insists on knowing. Huh? Fuck, I got horny and had some sex with my wife in the forest, and he just has to know about it. Right? Isn't that right, guard?"

The guard looked back and forth between the mermaid, Eve, and me with a flustered face. He scanned my priest's robe and shouted as if he had belatedly realized something.

"A-Ah, that mermaid is your wife... Ah! N-No way! The high priest who copulates with mermaids...!"

Thwack!

"You fucking bastard!"

"Eooooeok!"

I couldn't hold back at the word copulation. Eve actually seemed to burst into laughter at the word copulation, but my anger couldn't be stopped by that much. The guard, having been struck in the jaw, collapsed to the floor. Checking his status window, he wasn't dead, but he would struggle to eat for a while. After indifferently walking past him as he lay limply on the ground trembling like a frog, I spoke to the coachman.

"Coachman. Pull out the carriage. We need to go to the territory."

"A-Ah, yes! Understood!"

While the coachman pulled the carriage out, I lined up the other guards and said.

"Anyone else have questions?"

"No, sir!"

"Do you understand? It's not copulation. We are having sexual intercourse. Mermaids are sentient beings. Fucking respect them."

"Yes, sir! Understood!"

"Ahahahaha! Aheu... He said copulation, ahahaha!"

Eve was laughing to the point of shedding tears. I received a firm promise from the guards that they would keep their mouths shut and left the spot. Only after getting in the carriage did Eve stop laughing and barely let out a sigh. I asked.

"Was it that funny?"

"Ah, just because. It was so funny because it reminded me of Elsi always saying you were copulating. Seeing Elsi's face match with that guard's made it impossible to hold back my laughter, you know? Ahahaha... Ah, this is driving me crazy. Fuck, our groom was still fucking cool, though. You got mad because he saw me as a beast, right?"

"Of course. Beastfolk and mermaids are sentient beings that deserve respect."

I calmed my stinging conscience and nodded my head to Eve. In fact, rather than those thoughts, I had been much more furious about the fact that he called me something similar to a zoophile.

"It would be really nice if we could just end things by beating the bastards here, too."

"Yeah."

Cellu agreed with Eve's muttering. I also consented to those words. The carriage headed towards the downtown of the Alu Territory. From the guards to several other people, they repeatedly freaked out upon seeing Cellu riding inside my carriage, but I didn't care much. Both Eve and Cellu laughed it off once or twice, but they just kept their mouths shut and rode the carriage onward, seemingly getting annoyed.

The carriage arrived in front of the mansion of the Alu Territory. The mansion guards only allowed Cellu and Eve to pass through after I showed them the personal letter I had received from the king. Cellu seemed to have a lot on her mind, being held by Eve with a serious expression. Eve hugged Cellu tightly and growled at the surrounding guards. I restrained Eve and moved forward.

On the first floor of the mansion, there was a fool in a wheelchair. He was drooling and playing with a doll, and his name was said to be Alu Ted. I asked the servant who was guiding us.

"Who is that person?"

"That is young master Alu Ted. He became an idiot after eating potato salad at the recent kingdom ball."

"Because of a salad? My god. That's so terrible. In the name of the high priest of the Archdeity Church, I shall offer a brief prayer."

I prayed for Alu Ted's future for a moment before taking steps forward again. As we moved ahead, I spoke to Eve in a low voice.

"As expected, humans need to eat meat."

"Snicker."

Cellu looked at me and smiled meaningfully. It seemed like she knew something from the way she was grinning, so I shook my head and said.

"I didn't do it."

"Do what?"

"Whatever it is. They said he ended up like that while eating potato salad."

"Well, if you say so."

The servant stopped in front of the office. The hallway was composed of luxurious carpets and red-colored wallpaper. It exuded such a gloomy and dark atmosphere that made me wonder if it was a vampire's mansion straight out of a novel; upon looking around, I noticed all the windows were closed tight. Before the servant knocked, I asked.

"Why are all the windows closed?"

"Ever since the young master became like that, the lord has closed all the mansion's windows in order to hide the young master's condition."

"That is a pity."

"Then, will you meet the lord right away?"

The servant asked. I nodded my head. The servant knocked and said.

"You must not be startled."

As soon as the knock ended, a faint shout could be heard from beyond the door.

"What is it! Is it the butler?"

"Yes. My Lord. It is a guest."

"A guest, you say. I never invited a guest! Tell them to get lost right now! The city is utterly destroyed, and my one and only successor has lost his mind. The family line that has continued for 100 years is about to collapse with me as the last. Since there won't be anything else to gain once I die anyway, who would be looking for me?"

"They say it is a guest sent from the kingdom to fend off the mermaids."

"Mermaids? Fend off the mermaids? What, did you call that famous copulation high priest from the kingdom or something! Huh! Is he going to fuck all the mermaids and get them pregnant! And then chase them away! Huh!"

Eve was using all her strength to hold back from bursting into laughter. This time, even Cellu covered her mouth to suppress her giggles. The servant lowered his head deeply, suppressing his burning face as if he was the one embarrassed by it all.

"I apologize. Our lord is currently heavily intoxicated... He must not mean it."

"Me too!! It wouldn't have been this hard if I had just been a madman who fucked mermaids! Huh! If my wife had been a mermaid, if it had just been like that, resolving this matter would have been easy! Right! Tell him to come in quickly! Let's see the face of the bastard who came visiting this territory!"

The door opened. The lord slightly raised his eyes and looked at me. I spoke.

"Hello."

You fucking bastard.

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