The Perfect Knight and the Illusionist (BL)

MARIUS

I first felt it in the cold silence of Janice as she walked past me without a greeting despite me saying ’good morning’ first. Beatrice next to her reciprocated, but I saw her squeeze Janice’s arm as if a morning greeting was something she had to force out of her.

It didn’t come anyway.

Then there was Thomas, who still seemed to hold resentment toward me. As I walked out of the dormitory with Skylark, Thomas put his arm around him and ushered him away, rushing ahead to the main building. Skylark looked back and said, ’Catch up, Mario,’ but my feet were sluggish and hesitant.

During lunch, I realized that our usual ’group’ had split. Dimitri, Briant, and Alexis sat with me, but Thomas was quick to grab Skylark again and take him to the other side of the dining hall to sit with Isabelle, Beatrice, and Janice.

Dimitri thought nothing of it. Alexis was excited about the upcoming festival and the public debate session that his club was going to hold. Briant mostly remained quiet, only occasionally throwing glances in the direction of Skylark, as I had been doing.

It was once we were done with lunch and returned our trays that Briant spoke to me.

"Are you okay, Marius?"

I didn’t have anything substantial to say, except that I had a hunch that I was being avoided.

Sensing my uncertainty, Briant rephrased his question.

"Did anything happen between you and Leo?"

"No. We have been getting along... perhaps better than ever before," I said.

"How about with Thomas?"

I was concerned that I would sound petty and bitter if I told Briant about a little squabble we had a few days ago.

"Nothing unusual."

Briant then smiled and immediately said back,

"You are not a good liar, Marius. If you have anything on your mind, you can always tell me."

"Thank you," I said, and thought maybe I could consult him about the situation, although I didn’t quite know how to put the current awkwardness between some of my friends and me into accurate words. Then Briant said,

"I’m not pressuring you. But just know that your secrets are safe with me, if it is anything confidential."

I could feel the genuine sincerity in his promise.

And that’s when I felt something collapse inside me.

I did make the promise to keep things between us too.

Then I immediately went and reported it to Falken.

It was the right thing to do, I was convinced then, and I was convinced now.

But doing that took a toll on me, I realized, although I couldn’t fathom how doing the right thing weighed so heavily on my heart.

"I’m sorry, Briant."

I apologized because I felt I had to, but without naming what it was for.

Because I couldn’t.

"No need to be sorry about it, Marius. Take your time," Briant said, gave me a warm smile, and walked away.

After the classes, I had another job to do for the student council: go and discuss the kick-ball exhibition match they would hold at the festival—freshmen versus seniors. This time, there were no particular instructions regarding what the club must do for the special guest—just that the match be played fair and square in good spirit, and that it had to finish by ten-thirty in the morning.

When I went over, kick-ball team members were practising running and passing. Receive the ball while running, pass it back without breaking the rhythm, keep running, and receive it back again while keeping the pace.

What a simple, beautiful game.

The kick-ball team’s captain was cooperative. They already played their matches fair and square in good spirit. And there was no problem with the schedule.

All good, then.

As I was about to leave, Dimitri walked over to me.

"Good to see you enjoying yourself, Dimitri," I greeted him first.

"Aye, Marius. How’s your student council work going? You must be very busy," he said and gulped down water from a bottle.

"I don’t mind being busy, but... it seems I have been making some people unhappy doing what I had to do."

For the first time, I was able to articulate it.

Unhappy.

That was the word.

Discontent. Resentment. Protests.

They all stemmed from people being unhappy. They were threats to order, to be managed and controlled.

But when it was my friends feeling that way—

What do I do?

"Don’t worry about it, mate. You are working hard and doing it well. Some people just can’t appreciate that," Dimitri said, patting me on the shoulder with his big hand.

No.

Thomas and Janice are not the types who don’t appreciate the good, hard work of others.

"Dimitri."

"Yeah?"

"What would you do if doing what you have to do made people unhappy?"

Being lost in my head actually emboldened me enough to ask.

Dimitri didn’t ponder long before answering the question. He simply said,

"If it made people around you unhappy, I’d question if it was something you really have to do."

Question.

That wasn’t allowed... was it?

"Later, mate. I gotta go back to the training."

With that, Dimitri ran back to join the other members.

I stood and watched the kick-ball team train. They were concentrated, running hard, focused on technique, sweating.

They play for the team, they play for the badge.

There was a lot about them that was like the ethos of the Royal Knights.

For the first time, I wondered whether I should have joined the kick-ball team instead.

I then shook my head.

No, somebody had to do student council work. It wasn’t going to make me win approval from everyone. That could never be possible. The Valenkrafts didn’t make our name by being popular, but through dedication and loyalty to the Empire.

But I couldn’t deny one thing: no matter how right it was, causing unhappiness to people I cared about hurt.

I could sacrifice myself a thousand times over.

But I didn’t want to force that upon others.

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