The Sorcerer's Handbook

Chapter 430: Ashe's Harem

The projection for the Happiest Wife had already finished playing.

To put it simply, Harvey had achieved a major breakthrough in necromancy, creating a perfect undead wife. This wife fully understood Harvey's preferences, kept up with his train of thought, and loved him wholeheartedly. Working on research with Harvey every day was her happiest moment, and Harvey's progress was her ultimate source of joy. In that sense, the title Happiest Wife actually seemed fitting. After all, normal couples always had arguments and personal boundaries, while these two were like perfectly interlocking puzzle pieces.

At first glance, it even seemed logically sound.

Then Ashe, true to form, appeared again. With just a few words, he "tempted" the wife into realizing how much potential she possessed as an undead being. To better assist Harvey, she chose to pursue the path of becoming an undead sorcerer, no longer willing to remain merely Harvey's appendage.

At first glance, that also seemed oddly positive.

But because she chose this second path, she no longer qualified as the Happiest Wife. Consequently, the ranking was invalidated, and its reward was scrapped.

To most people, there was nothing wrong with this sequence of events. A necromancer creating an undead bride perfectly tailored to his tastes was perfectly normal. And for the Gospel's ranking to simply adjust the Happiest Wife title to include undead beings for the sake of inclusivity... Wasn't that just being politically correct?

However, to those who actually knew Harvey, it was absurd beyond belief. If Harvey truly needed undead-based sexual functionality, his sole undead companion wouldn't still be Alice, who was essentially a male.

That's right. Harvey had once had someone he liked, but that was before he deeply immersed himself in necromancy. It was like a cicada in summer. Once missed, it never returned. No matter how many people liked him now, Harvey, entirely immersed in his necromantic winter, could never embrace summer again.

Therefore, when Harvey looked at people nowadays, he only cared about their utility, not their sexual functionality.

Ashe and Iger were well qualified to testify to this point. Over the past few days, since they had been living in stacked bunk beds with zero private space, Harvey had plenty of time to observe them. He had already meticulously assigned various necromantic enhancements to them in his head, such as arm ghoul reinforcements, leg bone demon reinforcements, and heart lich reinforcements. When he looked at people, it really was no different from looking at cuts of meat.

Moreover, relationships were meant for emotional comfort. But Harvey, a madman powerful enough to not even need friends, probably did not need emotional comfort at all. In the middle of the night, he would never brood over melancholy thoughts; he would only repeatedly simulate his own death scenarios.

Ashe asked, "Harvey, what do you think?"

Harvey replied calmly, "It's not impossible my mind just fries at some point down the line. Maybe I'll come up with new ideas after seeing Iger get married. After all, human emotions are just hormones, and reproduction is one of the strongest hormone-driven impulses. It wouldn't be strange if I eventually gave in to biological instinct."

"But undead beings can't reproduce..."

Harvey looked at him strangely. "Hmm? Isn't reproduction just the creation of a new intelligent lifeform?"

"So you still haven't..." Ashe trailed off, suddenly following Harvey's logic. In a certain sense, necromancers really did "reproduce."

"So she's both your daughter and your wife?" Iger said calmly.

"Hey, Iger, don't put words in my mouth! I didn't even say that!" Ashe quickly reached over to cover Lys's ears. "There's a child here! Watch your language!"

Lys struggled free from his grip. "Aunt Perskin, say more. I want to hear."

Ashe stood there, wearing an expression of absolute shock. Σ(°△°|||)︴

Moving on, the book updated with seventh place on the Happiness Rankings. The title of Happiest Red Hat belonged to a familiar face: Cliose. As expected, before her achievements could even be fully introduced, Ashe made another sudden appearance. Just like before, he easily "abducted" Cliose, who seemed to develop a strong attachment toward him. This was promptly followed by the invalidation of the ranking and the scrapping of the reward.

For the sixth-place spot, the Happiest Merchant, Evelyn appeared on screen. It followed the exact same sequence of events, with Ashe ultimately flashing into the frame again, resulting in another case of a target being "taken away and domesticated."

Ranked number five...

The further down the ranking went, the more outrageous it became. Nearly everyone featured had some sort of connection to Ashe. In every single scenario, Ashe would inevitably appear, interfere with their paths, and cause them to deviate from their original fates, after which they would all end up following him.

Even more absurdly, many of the unmarried women shown in the footage, such as Cliose and Evelyn, displayed a profound attachment toward Ashe. This made Ashe seriously suspect that the Gospel had mistaken his species. He was a human, not a veela!

A perfectly normal Happiness Rankings had somehow devolved into Ashe's personal collection tour. The Gospel itself was starting to feel less like a divine record and more like a matchmaking agency.

Lys clung to Ashe, seriously evaluating her potential stepmothers, claiming this one was too short or that one wasn't gentle enough, acting as though Ashe actually had a choice in the matter.

[Happiness Ranking No.2: The Happiest Family Leader]

Seeing the title, Ashe, having already grown numb to the absurdity of the rankings, felt an ominous premonition.

Synopsis: With the help of her younger sister, Nona of the Senheiser family, Quinna Senheiser expanded and strengthened the family...

Lys immediately noticed Ashe stiffening up and asked, "Daddy, why do you get nervous whenever you see Aunt Annan's mother?"

Annan looked over the moment she heard this.

Ashe quickly shook his head. "Not at all! I'm just scared! Quinna almost captured us before. It's only natural for me to feel scared when I see her!"

Lys and Annan stared at him suspiciously, but ultimately lowered their heads to continue watching the projection.

At first, the footage proceeded normally, showing Quinna operating as the family leader and, with Nona's support, strengthening the Senheiser family. But then, after a familiar flash in the imagery, Ashe suddenly appeared once more.

Quinna immediately stood up, her entire body tensing. "You! Why are you here?!"

Ashe walked casually toward her. "Isn't it normal for me to be here? Didn't you always want me to become part of the Senheiser family? Now that I've come home, are you not happy?"

As he spoke, he reached out toward her. Quinna slapped his hand away. "Ashe, you are not welcome in the Senheiser family. Leave immediately—"

Smack!

Ashe pinned her back into the chair, their faces stopping mere inches apart, almost touching nose-to-nose. Staring directly into her eyes, he said, "How rude. Your heart is beating so fast. Are you nervous?"

Quinna gritted her teeth. "I'm afraid. I'm afraid of you! Ashe, how dare you—"

"You've said it wrong again," Ashe said softly, stroking Quinna's face. "What are you supposed to call me? Hmm?"

Quinna immediately flushed bright red. The dignified Sacred Realm Red Hat offered absolutely no resistance. Instead, her body stiffened against the chair, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She averted her gaze, bit her lower lip, and whispered, "Ma... Master..."

The next scene revealed a large bed.

"Pankey, give me a hand."

"On it."

Ashe and Pankey worked in perfect tandem. One covered Lys's eyes while the other covered her ears, instantly cutting her off from the world channel. Lys, of course, refused to accept this and struggled loudly against them. "Why won't you let me watch Daddy and Aunt Quinna?! Let me see, let me see! Did they kiss?!"

They had not.

Given that this projection was broadcast to the entire Gospel audience, the content was surprisingly restrained. It merely showed Ashe lying under the covers on a bed. Seeing this, the real Ashe breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

***

In the Senheiser Family District, a maid witnessing the scene drew a sharp breath. "So it was real! What they told me back then... word for word! I thought he was just lying... that man really is the leader's... The leader... the leader is actually capable of acting spoiled too! She even begged him... begged him not to... I wouldn't even dare to dream of something like this!"

[Happiness Ranking No.2: The Happiest Family Leader]

Synopsis: Quinna Senheiser could have become the happiest clan leader with the assistance of Nona Senheiser, but she unfortunately encountered Ashe Heath and became his captive concubine. This ranking is rendered invalid.

Reward: Void.

Culprit: Ashe Heath.

When the second-place entry of the Happiness Ranking ended, the room fell into absolute silence.

The atmosphere grew so heavy that even a Mind Class sorcerer wouldn't know how to break it.

Lys looked at Ashe with a deeply resentful expression, then turned her head toward Annan. "Annan..."

***

It was still just a simple address, but in this moment, the name Annan seemed to carry an entirely new weight.

Annan glanced at them expressionlessly and lowered her eyes. "The first place is coming."

[Happiness Ranking No.1: The Happiest Empress]

Synopsis: ...

There was no synopsis at all. The Book of Gospel immediately cut to the projection materials, as if it couldn't even be bothered to pretend anymore. Right from the very start, Ashe was already on screen.

In a grand palace, Ashe sat lazily upon the highest throne. A young empress sat on his lap, facing away from the camera so her face couldn't be seen. She hugged his neck intimately, looking every bit like the favored consort of the Harbinger of Disaster.

The projection ended.

[Happiness Ranking No.1: Happiest Empress]

Summary: With Ashe Heath present, the ranking is rendered invalid.

Reward: Void.

Culprit: Ashe Heath.

Ashe let out a long breath and finally closed the Book of Gospel.

This had been the most exhausting ranking for him yet, simply because he had spent the entire time playing the role of the villain.

Unlike the Family Rankings, where he could at least be considered a mere subordinate while the necromancer Harvey remained the true mastermind, in the Happiness Rankings, he was essentially the sole "consumer." From last place to first, he had single-handedly ruined almost everything in sight.

If evil had a defining color, Ashe's antics wouldn't even fit on the spectrum.

He glanced at Lys, who was busy replaying the empress scene, and said, "Stop watching that. She definitely isn't going to be your stepmother. I don't even know her... wait, huh?"

Lys suddenly tensed up and slammed the Book of Gospel shut. "Daddy, what are you surprised about?"

"Nothing. I just noticed that the empress's posture looks a bit like yours," Ashe said.

At that exact moment, Lys was also sitting on his lap, with one arm wrapped tightly around his neck. The resemblance to the empress on screen was indeed striking.

Lys froze for a second, then immediately pretended nothing was wrong. Placing her hands on her hips, she laughed loudly. "That's right! I am the empress! So you have to listen to me, Daddy! You're buying me ice cream tomorrow!"

Ashe ignored her and turned his attention to Annan and Iger. "Now that the ranking is finished, can you explain what exactly happened with the Woven Festival?"

Annan closed her own Book of Gospel and chose her words carefully.

"Do you know what a deus ex machina is? In ancient theater, when a major plot turn was needed and a god-like being had to appear, stage mechanics would suddenly lower a god onto the stage to resolve everything.

"In later literature, it came to mean forced, abrupt, and poorly foreshadowed plot developments. When an author gets stuck, they either bring down an angel to save everything... or drop a meteor to destroy everything."

Ashe thought it over for a moment. "So we are the angels?"

"No," Annan replied flatly. "You are the meteors."

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