After the special stage came Dearune’s performance. At that moment, a member of the filming staff knocked on the waiting-room door.
“Artists, please get ready to head up to the stage!”
Only then did Gowon tear his eyes away from the screen and bow deeply.
“I’ll be back.”
“All right.”
He might not be refreshing, but at least he always greeted people properly.
***
“This week’s first-place winner is Dearune’s <Paradox>!”
At the announcement, colorful confetti poured down over Dearune. Gowon applauded, bowed toward the other group, then stepped aside for the members moving to the center to give their acceptance speech.
He took a place slightly behind the hosts and stared straight ahead while Dearune spoke.
Chief Manager Park had said it was a shame, but Gowon felt nothing of the sort. Merely standing here was something he had never dared imagine.
And the claim that he would win first place next week...
Honestly, it was difficult to believe.
Could I really?
His debut had nearly collapsed twice when it was already within reach. What guarantee was there that nothing else would happen?
He seemed to have been born with less luck than everyone else, and meeting Baek Hanje and managing to debut truly felt like a miracle.
He must not ask for too much.
If he became greedy, the crime of daring might be pinned on him, and even what he already possessed could be taken away.
“Although he narrowly finished in second place, Gowon gave us such a passionate performance today. Please say a few words as well.”
“Congratulations to Dearune. It was an honor simply to stand beside you, and I’ll work even harder while following your example.”
As the host took the microphone back, Gowon could read That was boringly predictable in the smile on his face.
And in fact, Gowon had merely memorized the lines his agency had prepared for this exact situation.
Had the host expected him to sound disappointed?
But Gowon genuinely wasn’t.
There was only one lingering regret.
The thought that if the song Baek Hanje had given him had gone to someone else, perhaps it might have won first place.
Dearune’s encore began, and the artists lined up behind them started bowing to one another as they prepared to leave the stage.
“I’m jealous. When are we ever going to stand near the front?”
“Be born again. Doesn’t look possible in this life.”
“You bastard.”
The voices of the BigTree members who had shared the waiting room with him earlier drifted over from a short distance away.
They passed Gowon while looking at him with envy too.
“......”
It felt strange.
Sometimes his completely transformed life didn’t feel like it belonged to him.
Gowon followed alone behind the groups descending together.
Then someone grabbed his elbow and pulled him aside.
“Gowon!”
“...Kim Eumyul.”
The boy who had performed the special stage with the Dearune member was still wearing his pink school-uniform stage costume.
“It’s been a while. We haven’t seen each other since our debut fell apart. We used to see each other almost every day during <Debut Chart! 100>.”
“Right.”
“Wow, you’re still just as quiet. How did you even manage that speech earlier? Was it scripted?”
“......”
It had been scripted, but Gowon saw no reason to confirm it.
During the final ranking announcement of <Debut Chart! 100>, Gowon and Kim Eumyul had stood waiting for first place to be announced, just as Gowon and Dearune had moments ago.
Except back then, the confetti had fallen over Gowon, and he had received the microphone first.
Gowon had finished the survival competition in first place.
Kim Eumyul had placed second.
Kim Eumyul looked Gowon up and down.
“Wow, you really do look incredible. K-Dom is on another level. You could tell they spent a fortune on your stage too. Oh, should I call you Senior now? No, right? We’re fine as we are?”
“Talk to me the way you always did.”
“Right, of course. I knew you’d say that. Did you see my stage? What did you think?”
Kim Eumyul asked the exact question Gowon had wanted to ask Baek Hanje.
Senior, what did you think of my stage?
Gowon decided he had been right not to ask.
Hearing the question when he had no interest left him with nothing to say.
He had watched the collaboration stage closely, but he hadn’t been watching Kim Eumyul.
He had been watching Hari, the Dearune member.
She held the dance position in Dearune, so there had been plenty for him to study.
“You did well.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah.”
Gowon hoped they would part ways at that point, but Kim Eumyul continued following him through backstage and down the corridor.
“Still, praise from you doesn’t really sink in. You got scouted by K-Dom, debuted, and became a first-place nominee beside Dearune with your very first song. I probably don’t look all that impressive to you.”
“......”
“What’s K-Dom like? Senior Hanzel wrote your song, right? Have you met the rest of Young Ace too?”
Before they reached the waiting room, Gowon finally had no choice but to stop in a quiet area.
“Kim Eumyul.”
This was why Kim Eumyul made him uncomfortable.
Gowon was not naturally sociable, but even he felt some affection toward the friends who had suffered through the survival show with him.
Kim Eumyul and a few people around him were different.
There was always another meaning hidden beneath their friendly words.
“What are you trying to say?”
At Gowon’s blunt question, Kim Eumyul immediately changed his expression and waved his hands.
“We’re friends, so I’m just being honest about being jealous. How am I supposed to say anything to you when you look at me like that?”
“......”
“The truth is, our debut was delayed because of Choi Songhyeon’s drunk-driving accident. The debut team fell apart because of him, then they had to put together a new trainee lineup... A lot happened.”
What did he want Gowon to do about it?
These few lines of conversation were more exhausting than dancing violently onstage.
Gowon swallowed a sigh.
“You’ll debut soon too.”
“Could you say you all? There are a lot of people on my team who know you.”
...Right.
This was the most exhausting way he could have responded.
“We relied on one another a lot during the missions. It was a shame when you weren’t there. Remember how, during <Debut Chart! 100>, everyone found out afterward that you kept going off to practice alone and started following you? Now that you’re gone, I guess there’s no one left to motivate them. That’s Gowon for you.”
“......”
It had been nearly a year since the project group collapsed, yet Kim Eumyul hadn’t changed at all.
No.
Back then, Gowon would simply have ignored him and walked away.
The only reason he was listening now was because he understood the despair of losing a debut.
Kim Eumyul had suffered the misfortune Gowon had narrowly escaped, and something about him seemed slightly wrong.
As Gowon silently looked down at him, the smile Kim Eumyul had worn while subtly needling him finally cracked.
“Ha ha, Gowon. I knew you were cold during team missions too... but I suppose this proves all over again that your attitude produces the best results. You’ve always been impressive.”
“...I don’t know about that.”
“You know Songhyeon looked up to you too. Maybe if you’d kept him in line, he wouldn’t have driven drunk.”
“......”
“Gowon, listen. I’ve still been a trainee longer than you. This is my fourth year. But sooner or later, being a soloist has limits. You’re bound to become mentally unstable, and physically, it makes no sense to carry every schedule alone.”
“Enough—”
Just as Gowon decided it was time to end the conversation—
“Gowon, listen. I’ve still been a singer longer than you, you know? This is my thirteenth year. Compared to the risk of some bastard in your group ruining everything, carrying it all alone starts looking much better.”
Another voice cut into the conversation.
The crooked tone drew closer with every step.
“Of course, I’m not talking about myself. All six members of my group are perfect.”
Baek Hanje stopped in front of them and glanced at Gowon.
His eyes were already intimidating, but with irritation sharpening the sideways look, his expression became even more frightening.
“You weren’t coming back, so I wondered what you were doing. Turns out you were standing around listening to this pointless gaslighting.”
“Oh, Hanje.”
Shocked by his blunt language, Chief Manager Park tried to stop him, but Baek Hanje was faster.
“Gowon’s friend and junior. Everyone who goes on a survival show is young, aren’t they? Still, you must have come away with enough experience to make basic judgments for yourself. Or am I wrong?”
“Ah, Senior, I...”
“If someone drives drunk because Gowon didn’t advise him, then he was always going to do it. And if a team falls apart because Gowon isn’t there, then it was going to fail anyway.”
Kim Eumyul turned toward Gowon with a startled, diminished expression at Baek Hanje’s sudden appearance.
Had this been a survival show, it probably would have made an excellent editing point.
He soon lowered his head, his voice turning damp.
“Senior, it’s just that Gowon and I worked so well together, and I missed that...”
“You missed him?”
Baek Hanje’s eyes widened.
“Or do you resent losing him?”
“......”
“Only a slight difference in wording, but the meaning is very different.”
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