For a while, neither of them spoke.
Marian remained beside him, the sheet gathered loosely around her.
She had agreed.
She had told him she would prove herself.
And yet, now that the conversation had settled into silence, another thought came to her.
It had been there for several minutes.
She had tried to ignore it.
She couldn’t.
Her eyes moved over Adrian’s face.
There was something different about him.
Not simply the crown.
Not simply the authority that now seemed to surround him even in the privacy of his own chambers.
It was the confidence.
The composure.
The certainty with which he had touched her the night before.
Marian knew Adrian.
Or, at least, she had known him once.
He had always been careful with her.
Perhaps that was why the question suddenly appeared in her mind.
She hesitated.
Then, before she could lose her nerve, she asked quietly,
"Adrian?"
He looked at her.
"What?"
Marian lowered her eyes.
There was no graceful way to ask.
"After we separated..."
She stopped.
Adrian waited.
"Were you with anyone?"
The silence that followed made her immediately regret asking.
Marian looked away.
She had no right.
They had been apart.
She had been with Cassian.
She had chosen Cassian.
Whatever Adrian had done afterward was his own business.
And yet she had asked.
Perhaps because now that she had been with him again, she could no longer pretend that the thought didn’t matter to her.
Adrian studied her face.
"Yes."
The answer came simply.
Marian’s chest tightened before she could stop it.
She nodded once.
"Of course."
Adrian noticed the change in her expression.
"After we separated."
Marian looked back at him.
He held her gaze.
"Not before."
She was silent.
He understood the question she hadn’t quite asked.
"I never betrayed you while we were engaged."
Marian’s throat tightened.
"I didn’t mean—"
"I know."
He didn’t sound offended.
That somehow made the admission more difficult.
Marian looked down at the sheet.
"Was it... many?"
Adrian was quiet for a moment.
"A few."
She nodded.
Again, she had no right to ask.
And yet, knowing there had been other women made something uncomfortable twist inside her.
She didn’t want to imagine them.
She certainly didn’t want to imagine Adrian with them.
It was irrational.
She had spent those same years with another man.
She had loved Cassian.
She had chosen him.
She had no claim on Adrian during the time they were apart.
Still—
the thought hurt.
Marian drew a quiet breath.
"When?"
Adrian’s expression changed slightly.
"After my father died."
Marian went still.
She remembered that time.
The Emperor’s illness.
The uncertainty in the capital.
His death.
She had been there.
She had watched the Imperial household go into mourning.
She had attended the public viewing with her father.
And she remembered seeing Adrian.
Standing there.
Receiving condolences.
Already carrying himself differently.
Already becoming Emperor.
Marian lowered her eyes.
"I was there."
Adrian said nothing.
"At the wake."
"I know."
Her fingers curled slightly into the sheet.
"I should have spoken to you."
Adrian’s gaze remained on her.
Marian swallowed.
"But I didn’t know what to say."
"You were with Cassian then."
The answer was quiet.
Marian looked at him.
He wasn’t accusing her.
He was simply stating what had been true.
She had still been waiting for Cassian.
They were supposed to marry.
Her life had been centered around him.
And yet...
"I could have sent a letter."
Adrian remained silent.
"I could have at least offered my condolences."
Her voice became quieter.
"I didn’t."
She looked down.
"Even when I saw you."
She remembered the wake.
The solemnity of the room.
The Emperor’s body laid out for the court.
Adrian standing nearby.
And herself thinking about Cassian.
Wondering when he would return.
Wondering whether everything would still proceed as planned now that their supposed wedding date had passed.
Wondering if they can go to Ashford duchy and wed there instead.
She had been so wrapped up in her own life that she had failed to think about Adrian’s.
"I should have asked how you were."
Adrian watched her.
For a moment, there was something almost sad in his expression.
"You were grieving too."
Marian looked up.
"Cassian was missing."
She swallowed.
"That happened later."
"I know."
Adrian’s voice was calm.
"You didn’t know what had happened to him."
Marian’s eyes lowered again.
"No."
"You were waiting for him."
"Yes."
Adrian was quiet for a moment.
Then he said,
"You had your reasons."
Marian looked at him.
That was all.
No accusation.
No bitterness.
Just understanding.
And somehow that made the regret in her chest ache more.
"I’m still sorry."
Adrian’s gaze softened.
"You don’t need to apologize for everything."
Marian gave him a small, sad smile.
"Perhaps I do."
He almost smiled.
Almost.
Then his expression changed again.
Because for a moment, he remembered exactly what that period had felt like.
His father’s death.
The crown.
The funeral.
The empty rooms afterward.
And Marian somewhere nearby, waiting for another man.
He had loved her then.
He had wanted her to come to him.
She hadn’t.
And now she was lying beside him, apologizing for it.
Adrian reached for her hand.
His fingers closed around hers.
Marian looked down at their hands.
Neither of them spoke.
For those few seconds, Adrian let himself simply hold her.
No Emperor.
No former fiancée.
No tests.
Only the woman he had loved for most of his life.
Then the softness became dangerous.
He released her hand.
"We should have breakfast."
Marian blinked.
The change was sudden.
She looked at him for a moment, wondering whether he had said everything he intended to say.
Then she simply nodded.
"All right."
Adrian settled back against the pillows.
Marian remained beside him.
For a while, she said nothing.
Her thoughts returned to everything they had discussed.
His father.
The wake.
The letter she had never sent.
The fact that she had been there and still hadn’t reached for him.
And yet Adrian had understood.
He hadn’t blamed her.
He hadn’t made her feel as though she had no right to regret it.
Instead, he had told her that she had been grieving too.
Something about that stayed with her.
Perhaps because, beneath everything that had happened between them, she could still recognize him.
And perhaps he could still recognize her.
Marian looked at him.
She thought about what he asked of her earlier.
"Every time you have a reason to choose something else, choose me."
She agreed.
She had already known that was what she wanted.
But now, after speaking with him, the thought felt different.
More certain.
She had chosen Adrian.
Not simply because he was Emperor.
Not simply because he was the practical choice.
She had chosen him.
And if he needed her to prove that choice to him—
then she would.
No matter how long it took.
No matter what he asked of her.
She would choose him.
Now she only had to make Adrian believe it.
--
Tbc
AN: there is one important distinction here. The first time she agees in the previous Chapter, it was because she have been guilty of her choosing cassian. This time she agrees not only because she has chosed cassian before, but bec adrian is adrian.
Understand what I mean? It doesnt me she is already head over heels for him. I do not mean to diminish her love for cassian. Just that this is what it is.
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