Chapter 36: Chapter 36: Entirely Unhelpful
"What do you want?"
Marian looked offended.
"What a terrible thing to say."
Cassian remained unmoved.
"What."
A pause.
"Do."
Another pause.
"You."
Yet another pause.
"Want?"
The audacity.
Marian narrowed her eyes.
"I was simply being polite."
"You walked across an entire garden to speak to me."
"Perhaps I enjoy your company."
The words escaped before she could stop them.
Silence.
Immediate.
Catastrophic.
Marian froze.
Cassian froze.
For one horrifying second neither moved.
Then Marian recovered first.
Mostly because somebody had to.
"I mean conversation."
Excellent recovery.
Very convincing.
Not convincing at all.
Judging by the look on Cassian’s face, he agreed.
Unfortunately.
A smile threatened.
"Conversation."
The man was enjoying this.
Marian hated him.
A little.
Not enough.
Which was becoming a separate issue.
"Don’t."
"I’m not doing anything."
"You are."
"What am I doing?"
"Looking pleased with yourself."
"That’s because I am."
The infuriating man.
Marian immediately regretted approaching him.
Not enough to leave.
Unfortunately.
The realization should have alarmed her.
Instead she found herself glancing toward the archery field.
Adrian stood with several officers.
Discussing something.
A map.
Perhaps.
She couldn’t tell.
Nor did he look in her direction.
Not once.
The familiar ache returned.
Quiet.
Sharp.
Persistent.
When she looked back, Cassian was watching her.
Not Adrian.
Her.
Marian felt unexpectedly exposed.
As though he’d somehow seen the entire thought.
Ridiculous.
Impossible.
Dangerous.
She immediately changed the subject.
"You’ve made quite a reputation for yourself."
One eyebrow lifted.
"Have I?"
"Don’t pretend innocence."
Cassian looked deeply offended.
"I am the soul of innocence."
Marian laughed.
Actually laughed.
Several nearby nobles turned to look.
The realization arrived simultaneously.
Marian almost never laughed like that.
Not lately.
Not since Elena arrived.
Not since the fight.
The laughter faded.
Something else remained.
Awareness.
Dangerous awareness.
Cassian seemed to feel it too.
Because his expression changed.
Only slightly.
Enough.
A servant passed carrying refreshments.
Breaking the moment.
Fortunately.
Or unfortunately.
Marian hadn’t decided.
"You’re avoiding the subject."
"What subject?"
"The women."
Cassian groaned.
Actually groaned.
The sound delighted her.
"What women?"
"The dozens."
"Dozens."
"Possibly hundreds."
The groan intensified.
Marian felt vindicated.
"Your confidence is remarkable."
"That’s not confidence."
"What is it?"
"Experience."
Marian blinked.
Then laughed again.
The poor man looked exhausted.
Which only encouraged her.
"How tragic."
"It truly is."
"Being adored by half the Empire."
"A burden beyond description."
The deadpan answer caught her off guard.
Cassian looked entirely serious.
Which somehow made it funnier.
For several moments they simply talked.
Nothing important.
Nothing meaningful.
Yet the conversation flowed effortlessly.
One topic becoming another.
Then another.
Then another.
Marian couldn’t remember the last time conversation had felt so easy.
The realization unsettled her.
Because she remembered exactly who she used to have that with.
Adrian.
Years ago.
Before responsibilities.
Before politics.
Before Elena.
Before distance.
The thought arrived suddenly.
Painfully.
Marian glanced toward the archery field again.
Adrian was still there.
Still talking.
Still listening.
Still occupied.
The distance between them felt enormous.
Across the garden.
Across weeks.
Across months.
For one brief moment she wondered whether Adrian had looked toward her at all.
Then she became angry with herself.
Because what was she doing?
Waiting?
Again?
The realization soured her mood instantly.
Cassian noticed.
Of course he did.
The infuriating man noticed everything.
"What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Liar."
The answer came immediately.
Marian stared.
"You called me a liar."
"I did."
The audacity.
"The arrogance."
"The evidence was compelling."
Marian folded her arms.
Then immediately unfolded them.
Because she suddenly remembered he had seen her cry.
A deeply unfair advantage.
The worst part?
He knew it.
His smile said so.
The infuriating man.
For several moments neither spoke.
The autumn breeze drifted through the gardens.
Laughter echoed nearby.
Someone loosed an arrow.
Cheers followed.
Life continued.
Annoyingly.
Then a young noblewoman approached.
Beautiful.
Elegant.
Blonde.
The type of woman who appeared in romantic paintings.
"Your Grace."
Her smile brightened noticeably when she looked at Cassian.
Ah.
One of those.
Marian immediately looked away.
Because she absolutely did not care.
Not even slightly.
The woman began speaking.
Something about a dance.
Or a riding excursion.
Or perhaps a future social event.
Marian wasn’t listening.
Because she didn’t care.
At all.
Not even a little.
The fact that she was lying to herself became apparent almost immediately.
Unfortunately.
After a minute, Cassian glanced toward Marian.
Just briefly.
Then back toward the woman.
Polite.
Courteous.
Attentive.
Exactly as expected.
Marian suddenly felt foolish.
Very foolish.
What exactly had she expected?
The man was attractive.
Popular.
Well-connected.
Of course women approached him.
The realization should have been obvious.
Instead it felt strangely disappointing.
The thought appeared before she could stop it.
Oh.
And then:
He’s leaving.
The realization was absurd.
He wasn’t disappearing forever.
He wasn’t abandoning the conversation.
He was speaking to another guest.
Entirely normal.
Entirely reasonable.
Entirely—
Disappointing.
Marian stared at a flower arrangement.
Very intensely.
As though the flowers had personally betrayed her.
When she finally looked up again, Cassian was being led away toward another group.
He glanced back once.
Only once.
Their eyes met briefly.
Then he was gone.
Just like that.
For a long moment Marian stood where she was.
Alone now.
The noise of the gathering returning around her.
And for reasons she could not explain—
The garden suddenly seemed a little less interesting than it had five minutes ago.
The realization was so alarming that Marian immediately blamed Adrian.
Which was becoming her solution to everything.
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