Sunset (16)
I held Seraphina close and comforted her for a long time.
I could feel her shoulders trembling faintly against my back.
When her crying subsided, I picked up the glass shards scattered on the floor and put them in the trash can.
A sharp fragment grazed my finger, but I felt no particular sensation.
To lighten the gloomy atmosphere and change the subject, I opened my mouth.
"By the way, Lineta... she's surprisingly normal."
"Normal, you say?"
Seraphina asked back.
"Didn't she sometimes act a bit off after being afflicted by that heretic?"
"...She took care of that herself, so you don't need to ask."
Lineta seemed to have flinched and trembled slightly for some reason, but I pretended not to notice.
Anyway, Seraphina sniffled slightly and continued speaking.
"By the way, your face... does it hurt?"
"Ah, I'll go to Estelle later and ask her to heal it..."
Seraphina's gaze sharpened instantly again, cutting me off.
"Who the hell is Estelle now?"
"The Saintess."
"Ah, yes. The Saintess? The Saintess will meet you?"
"Yeah, she will."
"Since when have you been so devoutly attending church?"
"I thought I was living a reasonably devout life."
Seraphina glared at me at my words, so I shut my mouth.
If I opened it further, I felt like I'd really get hit.
If I were hit with bare hands, that would be fortunate, but it would be with a spell that could fly from anywhere.
If luck was bad, Seraphina might even burn down this dormitory building.
Turning my fiancée into a crazy arsonist didn't seem like a very good idea.
"It's always only women around you."
I couldn't answer and scratched my somewhat itchy neck lightly.
"Lineta, go outside. We need to talk alone for a moment."
Seraphina said.
Lineta replied with a somehow bright expression, then left the room very quickly and closed the door.
I felt like I wanted to leave too, so I stared at the door for a long time, then Seraphina approached me.
She looked at my face, cupped it with both hands, and made me look at her.
When the wounded part of my face touched her palms, it felt a little stinging.
"From that girl you brought, to the unknown girls who'd follow you around, having fallen for you when you were messing around, to your sister, and now the Saintess.
Well, it's not like the Saintess will fall in love with you, but still, it's always only women who are by your side."
"It's not like I intentionally go around meeting only women."
"I know. Still, I trust you, and I love you, but I'm always uneasy. I want to stop being uneasy."
Seraphina grabbed me and pulled me up from my seat.
And she looked up at me from below.
"I can't possibly say that I don't care if you meet other women, or if you do something crazy like sleeping with your sister.
Still, if you love me, if you truly think you love me..."
Seraphina's voice trailed off slightly as she hugged me tightly.
"Have a child with me first.
And no matter how many other women you sleep with, love my child the most, and love me the most."
Seraphina said that, then gripped my face tightly, not caring whether she was touching the wound on my cheek.
Just like that, she hooked her legs inwards, pushing me toward the bed and knocking me down.
And she slowly crawled onto the bed.
I had to refuse.
Because I don't know if this one time will be enough to stop the demons.
Perhaps after all the demons were driven out, but certainly not now.
Therefore, I grabbed Seraphina's wrist as she climbed on top of me and began fumbling with my clothes, starting to take them off.
And just like that, Seraphina froze.
With a frozen expression, Seraphina, mounted on my stomach, looked down at me.
In that situation, we just stared into each other's eyes, silently, motionlessly.
Blue eyes gazed at me.
The faint light in the room reflected on their surface, twinkling like tiny dots.
There was no other movement.
Our lips were slightly parted, as if we thought we should say something, but all that could be heard was breathing.
Her wrist, held in my hand, was slender.
Her pulse was faintly transmitted to my fingertips.
It was a little faster than usual and didn't feel very regular.
The room was quiet.
I wished it wasn't quiet.
Because it felt like I was suffocating.
Only the faint sound of wind from outside the window, and the distant cries of an unknown bird, crept into the room.
My heartbeat sounded unusually loud.
How much time had passed?
A tiny droplet formed at the corner of her right eye.
It hung precariously, as if about to fall at any moment, then succumbed to its weight and streamed down.
The tear slowly carved a path down her cheek.
It reached her chin, lingered for a moment, then plopped onto my shirt.
A small, dark stain appeared.
Starting with that, a single tear flowed from her left eye as well.
Seraphina began to cry, but without making a sound like before.
She didn't heave her shoulders or frown her face.
Only tears, endlessly, continuously, streamed down.
They fell one by one onto my shirt, creating increasingly larger stains.
My grip on her wrist tightened a little more.
"If only I could turn back time.
If only I hadn't been scared of Levina when I was little, if only I could have helped you better when you couldn't even properly enter the mansion and hung out with thugs, if only I hadn't been swayed by what people around me said..."
And then Seraphina shook off my hand and began to strangle my neck with her left hand.
Her left hand was trembling violently, so my breath wasn't completely cut off, but I couldn't escape either.
"It all feels like my fault.
Because I didn't trust you, because you didn't trust me.
That's why you must have been next to someone else.
Still. You're still bad. You're bad."
Something unknown was pressing down on my body.
"Lavin, I'll say it again.
Can't you love only me?
Can't you look at only me?
Not love me the most, but can't you love only me?"
I didn't know what to answer, so I just smiled faintly.
"If you can't even do that, then do to me what you did to Levina, that crazy woman."
With those words, the oppressive feeling weighing on my body vanished.
Seraphina also released the pressure from her left hand, which had been strangling my neck.
And then she slowly fumbled with my shirt, trying to take off my pants, but I did nothing but stare at Seraphina.
Then Seraphina bit her lower lip and trembled violently.
Her teeth dug into her lip, and blood began to trickle down.
And once again, the oppressive feeling weighed on my body.
Seraphina raised her right hand and began to strike my face indiscriminately.
I tried to push away the magic and move, but something made of magic was tightly gripping my legs.
I flailed my hands, but I couldn't recklessly try to get up, fearing that if I pushed Seraphina away, she might fall backward and get hurt.
Thanks to that, I just kept getting hit by her fists.
My face swelled up, my nose was broken, and it became difficult to properly open my eyes.
Honestly, it was hard to even breathe properly.
As I struggled to breathe and then coughed, blood from my mouth splattered onto Seraphina's face, and only then did she stop punching.
The oppressive feeling weighing on my body and Seraphina's hand around my neck lost their strength.
I struggled to lift my right hand and caressed Seraphina's face.
Then Seraphina looked down at me, then hugged me tightly and remained still for a long time.
She paused when I grabbed her wrist as she tried to finish taking off my shirt.
"There's probably no man as disgusting as you."
"I also want to have a child with you and live happily ever after."
I spat out the saliva pooled in my mouth and said.
"Then...!"
"But if everything vanished in an instant after that, I don't think I could bear it anymore.
Being cursed by you, and being beaten like this, is better. I don't care if you kill me."
Seraphina didn't ask what I meant; she approached me and began to strangle my neck.
The last thing I saw was Seraphina, crying and laughing.
****
When I opened my eyes, I saw a ceiling that was more familiar than I expected.
It was my room.
Fortunately, I didn't wake up sitting in a chair in a room reeking of stale cigarette smoke and that peculiar, repulsive alcohol smell.
I definitely thought I was going to die.
I felt my face, and since it didn't hurt, it seemed like a priest had been by.
"Ah, you're finally awake."
It was a familiar voice.
I turned my head and saw Estelle sitting in the chair I often used.
"I don't know what one has to do to get beaten almost to death by the fiancée who claims to love them, but anyway, I saved you, so how about saying thank you?"
"Why am I here...?"
"Your sister brought you. She said your face was so swollen she couldn't even recognize you at first."
It seemed like my body had been messed with again.
What on earth happened that night?
Though thanks to that, I was alive.
Estelle looked at me with slightly closed eyes, then approached.
I looked at Estelle like that and said.
"Hug me tightly."
"We're not quite at that stage yet, are we?"
I didn't answer.
Estelle looked at me without a word, then hugged me tightly.
Even while hugging Estelle, I was thinking about how to reconcile with Seraphina.
Because Seraphina can't get by normally without me.
Just as I can't get by normally without Seraphina.
After sleeping with my sister, I felt lonely somehow, so I hugged another woman and thought such thoughts.
Even amidst this, time is passing.
The demons will come.
I have to drag everyone, without leaving anyone behind, with me to that fucked-up place swarming with demons.
And while doing that, I had to make Kyle reasonably competent.
There's nothing more important than love, yet there were so many things more important than love.
Come to think of it, looking out the window, it's night.
Seeing Estelle, it seems Kyle hasn't particularly come looking for me.
I'll hug Estelle tightly, and once my mind settles down a bit, I'll go help Kyle with his training, partly to vent some frustration.
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