To heal a Rogue

BONNIE

So all that remained was to double down.

"I do," I said. "He’s selfish. You know... I begged him to reject me. Maybe if he had, none of this would have happened. Maybe I wouldn’t have needed to save him at all."

I laughed at myself then, short and bitter. My double down was a massive flop. I couldn’t do a fairly decent job of convincing myself.

"I sound ridiculous. This whole mess started the moment fate decided to string us together, and after that, I walked into that library by choice. I’m probably going to be trapped here like some bird in a cage until I die and that is because I do not know when to..."

I couldn’t even finish that sentence. It was hard to admit that dominoes this bad could be started with so simple choices. If I had let that Omega suffer from his burns then. I would have lived a fairly normal life. It was the same thing now too. Nothing had changed about me.

"I believe you’re going to be queen," Delta said.

"I don’t want to be queen," I said. "And if you’d actually been in that hall tonight, you’d know I was just made a breeder in front of all the visiting court."

"You’re very pessimistic," Delta said, tilting her head slightly. "Without a lot of the other negative traits attached to that sort of world view. It reminds me of my former mistress."

My eyes drifted to the covered photo frame across the room. "Lysander’s mother?"

"No," Delta said. "I wasn’t Lily of the Valley originally. I was Silvercreek."

That caught my attention properly. "Oh. You defected?"

"Something like that." She folded her hands in her lap. "I was personal Omega to a Luna. Well, an eventual Omega when she was demoted. Hazel Hughes."

"Oh," I said. "His dead chosen mate?"

It was hot piping tea when it had happened. There was so much drama with Silvercreek, Skollrend and Lily if the Valley. While I did not engage much with those, I knew a few things.

"Yes." Delta nodded.

"This might sound insane to admit," Delta went on, "but when she died, if I’d been sent back to Silvercreek, my life would have been taken along with hers. Alpha Lysander decided to make me Lily of the Valley instead."

"Why would you make that choice?" I said. "That sounds like jumping from a frying pan into a fire."

"Hazel tried to have her way with Lysander’s father," Delta said, "because she knew Lysander didn’t love her. The match has the time was made to protect her from the punishment of behaving for all her crimes. Alpha Wenzel, Lysander’s father was a man of rules. She calculated that if she could get him to take her during heat season, when she was most fertile, whatever crimes she’d committed would be forgiven the moment she got pregnant with his child." She sighed. "It was a mess. It led to Alpha Wenzel’s death. She was taken out in response by Alpha Lysander himself. There was no world where I would have survived what came after that. You could say he saved me."

"But she didn’t kill Alpha Wenzel, did she," I said. "I know it was Lysander."

Delta’s composure slipped for half a second before she caught it. "What... Where did you hear that?"

And that confirmed to me that she was in some way full of bullshit. Except she didn’t know. So why then was she so sure he was such a saint and white knight?

I scoffed. "Keep your secrets." Then I added, "It doesn’t change the fact that Lily of the Valley is no better than anywhere else. Little secret of my own. I’m a rogue who used to be an Omega there. It was hell."

Delta let out a small laugh. "Perhaps under his father, yes. With him gone, Alpha Lysander is actually a fair Alpha. Lily of the Valley has changed for the better."

"I also know how good their brainwashing can be," I said.

"I’m not easily gotten like that," Delta said. "Alpha Lysander will need to travel back to Lily of the Valley soon, to formally give up his seat as head of the pack before he is formally crowned as King of the werewolves. You could come with us. See for yourself."

I could tell she genuinely meant it. I opened my mouth to answer, some sharp retort already forming, when the door opened and his scent hit me first, warm and rich and instantly familiar, the bond between us pulsing sudden and alive.

I turned, and there he was.

The relief written across his face at finding me safe was so plain, so entirely unguarded, that the bond carried the shape of it straight into my chest before he’d even said a word. He crossed the room fast and pulled me into his arms, holding tight, and I stood there stiff for half a second before something in me simply gave in and let him.

In that moment, I could only wonder, with something close to dread, why my heart had chosen exactly that instant to skip a beat.

My body betrayed me before my mind could catch up. I hated that. Hated the way the knot inside my chest loosened simply because he was here, because he was alive, because his heartbeat was steady against my ear. It felt less like relief and more like surrender, and I had spent too much of my life fighting to surrender to anyone.

I pulled back first. Half because I didn’t want him to hear how loud my heart was beating and because the sentinels and the Gamma were now staring at us weird.

"You’re crushing me," I muttered, though there wasn’t much force behind it.

His hands loosened immediately, his eyes searching my face with an intensity that made it difficult to breathe.

There was no triumph there, no possessiveness, only quiet concern that looked painfully genuine.

"Are you hurt?" he asked softly.

Was he fucking serious? He was the one who was shot in the neck? I was fine.

But the look on his face... He was fucking serious about it. Whatever quirky remark I wanted to throw died then.

I shook my head.

"No..."

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