Vape Shop Isekai: A Retail Manager’s Guide to a Stolen World

"Sara!" Mark yelled back into the gray fog as the behemoth split them. "We have to go back!"

"No!" Simone shot to the lead, yanking the reins of her panicked horse. "You stop, you die! Come on!"

She didn't need some glowing UI ability or a mini-map; she would find the damn place herself. For the first time in her entire life, her body felt completely, undeniably right. There was no clumsiness, no heavy disconnect between her brain and her limbs. She was practically vibrating with elven agility and raw Ranger instinct, and she was going to exploit the absolute fuck out of that.

“Mark!” Cody called out over the thunderous, shaking footsteps behind them. “What is it? How do we stop it?”

Mark pushed his horse harder, his pale Changeling face looking terrified. “This is… not mine!”

If this wasn’t Mark’s creation, then it meant the rules were different, and she needed to figure out those rules fast. Simone looked back over her shoulder. The beast's thick green scales reflected the moonlight as it opened its massive maw, exposing razor-sharp teeth and a glowing, bubbling substance building in its throat.

“Get down!” Cody yelled from the back of the pack.

GLORP! The thing ejected a massive, perfectly tear-shaped ball of viscous white goo, launching it through the air. It landed with a heavy, wet slap right in front of Simone's horse.

Her heightened reflexes took over before conscious thought did. She pushed hard from the saddle, standing perfectly balanced on the galloping horse's back, leapt hard to the left, and pointed her finger at the rushing ground.

“Summon Dire Bear!” she screamed.

No sooner had the mammoth, nine-foot-tall bear materialized from thin air than she landed perfectly astride it, gripping its thick, coarse fur tight. With a hard yank and a mental command, she wheeled the massive beast around just as Mark and Cody’s horses blew past her in a panic.

“What the fuck, Simone?!” Cody screamed. Simone ignored him, having lost all perception of doubt.

“Mark! Turn around!” Simone commanded.

She charged the towering thing head-on. The Dire Bear roared, slamming into the Draggin's massive chest with shredding, brutal claws. The beast stumbled back, clearly surprised by the frankly stupid, suicidal attack. What the fuck was she doing?

The thing didn't look scared; it looked pissed. The Dire Bear landed heavily, stomping the earth and growling, ready for a death match. Its guttural battle cry completely drowned out Simone's tiny, sudden realization.

“Help.”

The Draggin recoiled and sprang forward, its fangs bared wide. Simone had no fucking clue what she was actually doing, but she yanked hard to the right. The bear jumped to the side, its heavy paw striking the thing’s cheek as it lunged past.

Suddenly, an orange ball of fur leapt from the back of a passing horse. Cody landed squarely on the crown of the Draggin's head, his feline claws sinking deep into its scales, tearing furiously at its eyes.

“Fuck,” Cody grunted as he slashed into the thing with his shortsword. “You.”

A sudden lick of pure flame torched the other side of the beast's head, causing it to jump back and hiss in agony, thrashing its neck to shake Cody off.

“Take that, motherfucker!” A roaring torrent of fire spewed from Mark’s outstretched hands. “Get out of my motherfucking world!”

Simone shook herself free of her awe, seeing her friends in the thick of it with her. But they couldn’t beat this thing. It was too big. “You were supposed to run!”

“The fuck we are!” Cody yelled, slicing desperately into the thick, scaly hide of the thing’s neck. “What’s the number one rule?”

“Don’t.” Mark wound his arms up, his hands glowing white-hot like he was about to throw a Kamehameha.

“Split.” He pulled his hands back, the heat singing the air around him.

“The.” He pushed them out, launching a massive, concentrated fireball directly at the thing’s underbelly.

“Party!”

The fireball landed squarely on its… was that a tail? The explosion caused the beast to yip and yowl, turning to frantically beat the flames out with its leathery wing.

Then, it got genuinely furious. It turned back to Mark, unhinged its jaw, and sprayed a massive, high-pressure jet of white goo. It hit Mark dead center, coating him head-to-toe in the sticky, viscous fluid. He just stood there, stunned for a horrifying second.

“Gross!” Mark yelled, shivering as he frantically started shaking the thick substance off his arms. “It’s cum!”

Simone looked at the towering beast for a brief moment, her mind racing. She was about to call the full retreat when she saw it. In the distance, glowing brightly over the dark hill, a massive bonfire blazed into the night sky. Sara and Raven.

“Follow me!”

Simone turned her bear and ran. As she passed Mark, she reached a hand out, grabbing the cum-soaked wizard by his robes and effortlessly hauling him up onto the back of the Dire Bear behind her.

Cody kept slicing with his sword and claws, clinging desperately to the back of the thing’s neck, but his small blade wasn't doing much more than annoying it. “Just go! I’ll ride it and try to cause damage!”

Simone spurred the bear toward the distant fire, and the furious Draggin whipped around, its massive appendage dragging heavily through the earth as it chased them.

Mark squeezed her waist semi-tightly, clearly a weak physical bitch compared to her new Ranger strength. “That was fucking epic! But it almost killed us! I don’t know what that thing is!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Simone yelled over the wind, pushing the bear harder as the beast thundered behind them. “I wasn’t about to lose all of you. I just got here, and I want to enjoy this body for a long time.”

“Heard!” Mark yelled back, pointing a dripping, sticky arm over her shoulder. “There! It’s Sara, Raven, and… a Minotaur?”

The strip mall parking lot came into sight. Simone bolted straight toward it. The crew in the lot were frantically tossing glass bottles into the fire to make the flames climb higher. The visual sparked a brilliant, reckless idea in Simone's brain.

“You need to jump off when we get close,” she yelled back to Mark.

“What?” Mark trembled. “No—”

Simone didn't wait. She forcefully nudged him off the side of the bear just outside the edge of the parking lot, executing a hard, banking left turn immediately after to draw the Draggin's attention entirely onto herself.

Cody leapt off the beast's neck, hit the pavement rolling, and scrambled to help the sticky Mark to his feet while Simone led the monster away.

Suddenly, glass bottles started flying from the parking lot, acting like crude Molotov cocktails. They shattered against the Draggin, bursting into bright flames against its green scales. It didn’t care; its blind rage was focused entirely on Simone and her bear.

She realized exactly what her friends were doing, so she kept leading it. She kited the beast in a massive circle around the back of the vape shop. As she rounded the corner, there was her team, acting exactly like the Bottle Kids from Sunnyvale Trailer Park, hucking bottles of highly flammable party liquor at the monster.

But there were more this time. Everyone was joining in—Sara, Raven, and even the massive Minotaur. Flames broke out in different spots across the beast's hide, and its movements slowed considerably under the assault.

Simone completed one full circle around the shop, the Draggin's colossal, dragging phallus having dug a deep, continuous trench behind it.

As the beast slowed, Cody sprinted across the asphalt, his shortsword gripped tight in one hand, Mark’s wrist gripped in the other. Using his feline momentum, Cody leaped high into the air, landing roughly on the back of the Draggin's neck and dragging Mark up with him.

Cody flipped the shortsword over in both hands and drove the steel down deep into the beast's spine. The Draggin barely flinched.

But then, Mark scrambled up, his hand glowing with fresh magic, and slammed his palm against the sword's pommel.

“Enlarge Weapon!” Mark screamed.

The small steel blade violently and instantly expanded to the size of a massive greatsword while still buried deep inside the beast's flesh. The Draggin shrieked a deafening, gurgling cry as its neck ruptured from the inside out. A geyser of thick, cum-like green blood spurted across the asphalt as the expanded steel burst through its scales. It came to a shuddering halt, collapsing forward and splashing heavily into the dirt, dead.

Everyone froze.

Simone unsummoned her bear. She stood in the snowy lot, breathing hard, her heart hammering a triumphant rhythm in her chest. She looked around, surveying the chaotic, flaming damage, and in between heavy breaths, a smile broke across her face.

“Hey… we have a moat now.”

“Why in the hell would you put a Draggin in the game?” Sara yelled, rushing from the safety of the parking lot to join them.

“Because Dragons are a part of the game,” Mark said, wiping slime from his face and looking completely confused.

After a very awkward, very graphic beat of Raven pointing out the beast's anatomy to the clueless creator, Mark finally understood.

“Oh,” Raven said, gesturing toward the towering, quiet beast behind them. “And this is my manager, Chadwick.”

“I don’t think we’re employed anymore, bro,” Chadwick said, giving a gentle, massive shrug. “We’re just bros now.”

“We have…” Sara started, looking at the flaming monster, the cum-soaked wizard, the shattered windows of the vape shop, and the massive trench surrounding it. “A lot to do. This place is a mess, and we need to clean it up. What do we do about this thing?”

Mark wiped a glob of white goo from his shoulder and shrugged. “Hope you all like dick meat. We have food.”

[SYSTEM ALERT: Draggin defeated.]

[XP Awarded: 24,000]

[Level Up Available! Unspent Attribute Points: 8]

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