“Seo Yuseong must have sent you guys to give me a moment to catch my breath.”
I thought, Seo Yuseong has to be there for Prism to truly be together.
So, I announced our reunion before the rolling blue waves of the sea.
“…Hyung.”
“Don’t make that face. We came all the way here to let Seo Yuseong see us reunite too, but if he saw you guys right now, he’d probably tell us to stop making a fuss again.”
I know.
Seo Yuseong was no longer here.
“If you think of me, just look up at the stars. I’ll always be there.”
Even Seo Yuseong himself had once said something like that to me, so he was surely not here but up in the night sky. But since stars couldn’t be seen in the daylight under such a blue sky, I didn’t know where to go, so I came here.
Yeah, this was nothing more than a consolation for the living.
“Anyway, that guy was too blunt … You guys had a hard time because of him too, right?”
I spoke Seo Yuseong’s name, hoping that by saying it over and over, the longing that had welled inside me would eventually run dry. But the more I did, the more the loneliness doubled and came back to me, leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Perhaps this method wasn’t right for me after all.
“Ha, I should take a picture of your faces right now. Too bad I didn’t bring my phone.”
The one saving grace was that every single member looking at me had a teary, runny-nosed expression, which naturally made me laugh. The guys I had watched through the camera always wore the cool faces of ‘the esteemed Prism-sunbaenims‘, but when I saw them in front of me like this, they just looked like ordinary people.
‘I can’t believe I was going to leave these guys behind…….’
As I quietly watched them, I found it hard to tell whether I was dreaming or not. The more my longing for Seo Yuseong grew, the more my longing for Prism gradually eased, keeping my heart from bursting with pain—and for that, I was truly relieved.
‘I should stop staring now.’
I thought that if I didn’t start looking away soon, I might end up burning holes into the members’ faces. Or maybe Seo Yuseong might call me out for acting foolish. But strangely enough, as if something in me was malfunctioning, I just couldn’t tear my gaze away.
I felt like I needed to say something before the members started noticing that something was off.
With that in mind, I quickly turned to the first person I saw.
“You need to put on some weight. You were already skinny, walking around looking like you’d topple over, and now you’re getting even thinner? Is the leader position so unsuitable for you that you’re this stressed out?”
“I don’t want to hear that from you, hyung. It’s plain to see, you ended up like that because you barely ate properly even with that body. Those damned burgers, hot dogs … You’ve always stuffed yourself with nothing but garbage food. I knew you’d end up like this someday.”
“…….”
‘Oops, I poked a sore spot.’
Cha Woon’s thin frame had been bothering me for a while, so I gave him a little scolding, but I ended up getting punched in the stomach for it. Feeling a cold sweat coming on, I narrowed my eyes and pretended not to hear him. But as soon as he finished speaking, I hurriedly changed the subject.
“Lee Chise, well, you’re always the one I worry about the least … but you should really cut back on the sweets while you’re working. At this rate, your teeth are going to rot.”
“Yeees, I understaaand.”
Lee Chise, who had been chuckling while watching me, replied nonchalantly before shrugging at Cha Woon. Cha Woon just shook his head and sighed, like he couldn’t do anything about it.
“Nam Yihwon, cut down on the drinking. Now that I’m by your side, don’t push yourself to go to the charnel house. You were born with a handsome face, but those dark circles just keep getting worse…….”
Nam Yihwon tilted his head at the words I had absentmindedly blurted out without thinking. Then, with a soft smile, he spoke in a slightly teasing tone.
“Born with a handsome face?”
Now that I was by his side, he seemed to have regained a bit of his spark for life, and his original personality was starting to return. Thinking I had spoken too carelessly, I pretended not to hear, but he casually rested his elbow on my shoulder and teased, “Yeah, hyung, even you have to admit my face is pretty handsome, right?”
I pushed him away and replied indifferently, “As long as you don’t overreact like this”. Then, I looked up at Jo Inchan.
“You have to keep getting regular treatment for your knee, and if your condition isn’t good, tell the people around you properly and don’t push yourself too hard. Getting injured isn’t something to be ashamed of. If anyone gives you a hard time for being in pain, I’ll kill them.”
“…Okay.”
And then, with some difficulty, I finally voiced the words I had kept in my heart all this time.
“I’m sorry for pushing you without even realizing your knee was in bad condition. I should have paid closer attention and found the real cause, but back then, I thought that as long as the visible results improved, everything troubling you would be resolved. I was really immature as a leader.”
When I apologized, bringing up the time when Jo Inchan was first injured, he abruptly lifted his head as if he had just heard something absurd. Then, with his face on the verge of tears again, he mumbled in a trembling voice.
“…No. I just hid it because I was scared. I was scared that if I showed you how weak I was, hyung, you would abandon me ……. I was scared of that, so I pathetically tried to hurt you first, hyung.”
“…….”
“I was wrong. Really, I regretted it so much. But I know that doesn’t erase what I did…….”
As if there were so many things he felt sorry for, or as if he were in some kind of rush, he clasped his trembling hands together and rambled on with frantic apologies.
I watched him quietly, then gripped his hand tightly. As I felt my warmth gradually seep into his cold fingers, I recalled the words Jo Inchan had once said to Han Seungbeom.
“Even if that member says something harsh, please don’t take it to heart … He doesn’t really mean it, he’s probably just saying it because he’s anxious and on edge. He’s not thinking straight.”
All these years, we’ve sacrificed too much for each other, hidden too much from each other, and suffered because of it.
Fearing that the blades piercing us might also wound the ones we loved, we built a tower of misunderstandings and lies. As a result, we found ourselves isolated at such a great height, alone and too afraid to even look down.
But we were fools who suffered more from losing each other than from being stabbed by blades, so in the end, our actions were nothing more than a poor choice. Ironically, we had been driven to the edge of a cliff for so long that we couldn’t even properly see such a simple truth.
“Now that I know how you felt … it’s okay now.”
Muttering to myself with self-mockery, I heard his breath hitch sharply, and then the trembling in his hands came to a stop.
“It would’ve been better if I had known it a little sooner. Don’t you think?”
“…….”
“…Back then, we were definitely too young and had no room to breathe, right? But now, it’s different. We’ve learned from our mistakes.”
We had remained in the past for too long, so there was no need for any more regrets.
What mattered was that, in the end, we had come to realize that we cherished each other endlessly, that running and hiding would only hurt us both, and that we were always ready to understand and support each other.
“So, from now on, we’ll be able to get through it.”
Let’s never forget them, I made that vow to myself and ran my fingers through his bright red hair, tousling it into a mess. Then, I turned to the members and started talking about the future.
“It’s been ages since your last full group comeback. How long are you going to keep Seras waiting? Now, you need to come to your senses and start being active right away.”
Then, Jay, who had been standing quietly the whole time, grabbed me with a grim expression.
“What about you, hyung?”
“…….”
“We finally reunited, don’t you want to perform together as Prism? Hyung, deep down, you missed it too, right? The stages we stood on together, and Seras too!”
I lowered my gaze at his words, took a moment to choose my words carefully, then pressed my lips tightly together and stretched out my arms and legs, showing them to the members. And then, I spoke plainly about the reality.
“…I miss it. But realistically, it’s impossible.”
“…….”
“Just being able to come back to life and have a conversation with you guys is already an undeserved stroke of luck. So, I have to take responsibility for the choice I made.”
The members’ expressions crumpled at my words.
And then I heard the predictable words, “We can’t do it without you, hyung…….”
I cut them off with a stern look.
“You don’t want to be active without me? What do you think I’m going to say to that?”
“S-Stop talking bullshit…….”
“…….”
I muttered to myself, “No, I didn’t mean to say it that harshly”, but then I thought maybe I might have said something like that when I was active as Prism, so I decided to just keep quiet.
“Right, this is a group I built. How can you just give up on it like this? What about Seras? They’re just as precious to you as I am. Even you guys have to admit that sounds ridiculous, right?”
Then the members drooped their ears and tails like sad animals and, with reluctance, nodded after a long hesitation. Feeling a little sorry for them, I belatedly added, “I wish I could go back too”, and rubbed my neck.
“Last time, your body just … recovered on its own. Isn’t that how your original body is supposed to work as well?”
Cha Woon, who had been silently listening to me, then asked me as if he were probing for anything that might work. Honestly, hearing it like this without any prior explanation, it sounded absurd. But what was truly absurd was the fact that Cha Woon’s wish might not be a completely absurd idea. It was like catching a rat while stepping backward.1
‘Because I saw my body alive and well last time.’
“Hyung, what are you talking about…….”
However, Jo Inchan, who hadn’t witnessed the accident scene, looked at Cha Woon with a slightly cold expression. His face clearly showed that he was thinking, ‘What on earth are you even saying?’. Noticing this, Cha Woon’s ears turned red with embarrassment and he shifted his gaze to the other members.
“You guys saw the recovery too!”
“…….”
“…….”
However, his plea for help was pointless, as the other members turned their heads away as if they hadn’t heard a thing. None of them had the confidence to logically explain that absurd event to Jo Inchan, nor the willingness to take on the hassle themselves.
Then Cha Woon, looking totally betrayed, opened his mouth and looked back at me one last time.
‘What am I supposed to do about this?’
If I gave them hope that my body might still be alive and well, their disappointment would be too great if it didn’t turn out to be true. In reality, all I knew was that my body was being kept in that strange house. I had no idea how I could get back there, so I couldn’t bring myself to speak about it recklessly.
‘I’m sorry, Woon-ah.’
“…I lost consciousness back then, so I don’t remember it well.”
In the end, when even I, his last hope, feigned ignorance, Cha Woon was left looking like someone who had just spouted nonsense. Facing Jo Inchan’s empty stare head-on, he could do nothing but tremble alone.
I felt a moment of pity for Cha Woon, then, as if atoning for the lie I had just told, I playfully patted the members on the back and said jokingly.
“Well, should I start a company? That way, we could hold agency concerts regularly, or see each other more often. I can’t just keep you guys stuck in that company forever…….”
“…Really?”
The members’ eyes instantly sparkled. As I faced their burdensome gazes, I belatedly realized that I had just created karma with my own mouth. Yet, for some reason, I didn’t feel like backing out, so I simply nodded.
“First of all, if we’re going to do that, there’s a mountain of things we need to resolve … So for now, let’s all do our best in our respective positions. Let’s believe that at the end of all this, happiness will eventually come to us.”
“…….”
“Because I’m going to make it happen.”
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Translator’s Corner:
Finally we reached this point … today’s recommended song is Winner – Fool
But you know. It’s kind of funny. I remember how, in the early chapters, almost everyone was like “Let’s Prism disband, they’re toxic” “Let’s MC be happy in Pantheion and leave Prism”, but now the popular sentiment is “Bring back Seo Yutae to Prism” T_T
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