As soon as I saw the coffee on the floor and Lee Chise’s message, the emotion I felt was bewilderment.
‘…Did he hear all of it?’
I could feel my heart thumping faster than its normal range.
If Jo Inchan had only heard the part about wishing the members of Pantheion and Prism to have courage, it would have been fine. In fact, I would have been glad. Jo Inchan was the person who needed that message the most, but I was usually too embarrassed to tell those guys directly.
But the conversation I had with Lee Danbi after that was something Jo Inchan shouldn’t have heard.
Because the words Lee Danbi cautiously uttered while hugging me and quietly catching his breath were more than enough to completely break me down.
“But hyung, why do you hate Seo Yutae-sunbaenim so much?
The moment I heard those words, I couldn’t think of anything.
It wasn’t that I was shaken because Lee Danbi directly mentioned my name. After all, I had already been seen with Prism, and I had shown that I was much more familiar with idol activities than the other members. So, there was no reason for me to be psychologically affected if my identity was revealed now.
Right now, I was simply reeling from the shock of suddenly having to face the fact that I hated myself, a truth I had been trying so hard to avoid until now.
“…What?”
My mind was a complete blank, and unable to find any words to answer, I asked Lee Danbi back in a daze. Then, his eyes, filled with the pure insight unique to a child, stared directly at me.
“Were you on bad terms with him? Or did something happen between you two…? Hyung, when you mentioned Seo Yutae-sunbaenim, your expression and tone were so negative that it’s hard to pretend I didn’t notice.”
“…….”
“The hyung I’ve known up until now is someone who supports and recognizes people who are passionate about their work and put their best effort in, no matter what others say. But I don’t understand why you seem to hate only Seo Yutae-sunbaenim so much. If it’s because of his scandal, I want to tell you that you’re mistaken … Seo Yutae-sunbaenim has always cherished his family, and the police investigation cleared him of any charges. The rumors are just the work of strange people spreading them without basis!”
Seeing that I didn’t respond, Lee Danbi must have thought I misunderstood the scandal, as he began to passionately defend Seo Yutae. But then, when he noticed me frozen stiff, he flinched, stopped, and hurriedly shook his head.
“Oh, no, I’m not trying to criticize you. I’m not going to tell anyone else either. It’s just … hyung, you’re someone I like … so I just hope you don’t hate someone for the wrong reasons.”
Seeing his reaction, which couldn’t hide his bewilderment any more than I could, I snapped back to reality and answered in a voice so small it was almost a whisper.
“…I know. That the scandal is nothing but nonsense.”
Hearing that, Lee Danbi seemed relieved, as he sighed and said, “I see. I guess I was meddling for no reason. I’m sorry.” Then he added, “As expected, there’s no way you’d be influenced by such ridiculous stories, hyung. I’m glad.”
“…It’s okay, I completely understand where you’re coming from.”
Fortunately, my conversation with Lee Danbi ended with that answer.
In the end, I never managed to say, “I don’t hate Seo Yutae.”
I just couldn’t bring myself to say that lie.
‘Things turned out like this because of me, how could I not resent myself?’
I wished Jo Inchan hadn’t heard that. Or if he had, I hoped he had let it pass without suspicion, just like Lee Danbi. With those thoughts in mind, I held the now-lukewarm coffee in my arms and headed back.
***
A few days after that conversation with Lee Danbi, we finally faced the long-awaited first round of the competition.
It seemed that Gong Seonghwa’s desperate plea and tears had been the turning point for Raize, as they showed a completely different side of themselves.
‘Did he even use his own emotional vulnerability to motivate his members?’
If the leader showed signs of wavering, the members were bound to be shaken as well. However, if even that agitation could be steered toward a positive outcome, then it was a legitimate form of leadership. It was a method I would never have chosen, as I despised showing weakness to my members, but there were many different types of leaders in the world.
‘As expected, Gong Seonghwa is quite capable. I guess he’s not just holding onto the first team spot for show.’
As I watched him, I couldn’t help but think that the one similar to Jay wasn’t Lee Danbi, but Gong Seonghwa. If Jay had been the leader of the group instead of me, he definitely would have given off a similar vibe to Gong Seonghwa.
It was a bit of a shame that Gong Seonghwa’s role model was me and not Jay. Well, reality and ideals didn’t always align.
‘Even though he always acts like nothing fazes him in front of people, he desperately struggles behind the scenes because he hates to lose, and he’s especially hard on himself……’
Each time I discovered another similarity to Jay, I felt a strange and growing affection, which left me with mixed feelings. I had known from the moment I learned he was a Sera that there was no turning back, but weren’t my cubs in a completely different category?
[7: Why do you keep greeting Gong Seonghwa so often these days?]
[7: While you take forever to reply to our texts.]
Meanwhile, Jay seemed to have taken a strong dislike to Gong Seonghwa and wanted to keep the two of us apart as much as possible. His effort was pointless, though. Gong Seonghwa wouldn’t have much interest in Han Seungbeom, who wasn’t Seo Yutae, anyway.
‘Is it some kind of internalized hatred?’1
…As expected, it seemed that similar people had a hard time getting close to each other.
Regardless of what happened, under Gong Seonghwa’s leadership, Raize’s performance had improved drastically compared to the mid-term evaluation, despite receiving no feedback.
Unlike in Lee Danbi’s case, Raize’s issue likely wasn’t due to the members having absolute limitations in their abilities, but rather to a matter of sincerity, hence the rapid improvement. The stage composition itself had been fairly solid from the start, thanks to Gong Seonghwa’s almost frightening obsession with and admiration for Prism.
[1st place: Raize]
[2nd place: Pantheion]
As a result, Raize proudly took first place.
And thanks to the dancers who generously lent their support at Lee Hwayoung’s request, Pantheion secured the spot right below them. Taking second place, beating out distinguished seniors who had been active for years, was a remarkable feat.
‘Lee Hwayoung seemed upset about having first place taken by someone else.’
Achieving such a result in his first performance was definitely something to be happy about. Aside from Lee Hwayoung, the other members were genuinely delighted.
However, the Prism members weren’t the type to let things end on a warm and fuzzy note. Most of the groups, including Raize, who had taken first place, received harsh criticism from Prism, and Pantheion was no exception.
“Hmm, I can tell that Hwayoung-ssi put in a lot of effort. Unlike the other seniors, he didn’t blindly try to copy Prism and instead tried to keep his own style until the end, which really shows his personality, haha. However, as a center, he still seems too inexperienced to fully pull off this song. He still has a long way to go. He looked like a budding sprout of talent growing steadily.”
“The stage composition was indeed better than in the mid-term evaluation, but this time, it felt overly focused on dancing. Because of that, Do Yuda and Baek Kiryang, both of whom have excellent vocal skills, didn’t stand out as much as they could have. But as you all know, Seo Yuseong’s part is too difficult to maintain its high quality when performed that way.”
It was all reasonable feedback that anyone who had watched the performance could agree with.
And as everyone had expected, the member who received the most criticism in our group was Lee Danbi.
“The performance as a whole seemed to have a lot of weak points. This is what happens when not every member properly fulfills their role in their position.”
“Even as the stage’s tension was rising, I noticed it would suddenly drop at times throughout the performance. If those moments had been improved even slightly, the performance could have been much better. It’s a real shame.”
“Pantheion is a group with an exceptionally high average abilities, so certain members tend to get overshadowed. During Pantheion’s regular activities, this weakness has been cleverly hidden, but in this performance, it was exposed due to the producer’s lack of experience. Well, the extremely short practice time was probably a factor as well.”
They didn’t explicitly say that Lee Danbi was the problem, but everyone present knew that the comment was pointing out his lack of skill.
“…….”
Lee Danbi himself seemed to be aware of it as well, as I could feel him letting out a heavy breath. He seemed to be intentionally doing that to keep his breathing steady.
It was probably part of the effort to get used to it that I had asked him to make.
“Thank you! I’ll work even harder.”
Then, with an energetic voice, Lee Danbi thanked them and bowed so deeply that his head nearly touched the floor.
“Thank you.”
“Thank you!”
Taking his cue, I bowed with the rest of the members, and then I glanced at Lee Danbi, who looked a little downcast.
‘If this goes on air as it is, there will probably be people saying that Lee Danbi is a burden again … I hope he doesn’t get too hurt.’
As I put my arm around Lee Danbi’s shoulder with a heavy heart, he gave me a small smile as if to say he was fine and wrapped his hand around my waist. His smile even seemed to convey a sense of relief, as if he’d shaken off some burden, but deep within it, there was a faint trace of fear.
Sensing that, I pulled Lee Danbi’s shoulder into a tighter embrace and whispered, “You did well”. He pressed his lips together as if sorting through his emotions, then soon lifted his head and answered.
“I know … I really did my best.”
Just as I was smiling back at the child, who spoke with a choked voice, the production staff signaled for us to leave the stage. I nodded toward them and slowly moved my legs to walk off with the Pantheion members. But at that moment, a hurried voice suddenly rang out from where Prism were seated, across the stage.
“…Wait!”
When I turned my head toward the direction of the voice, I saw Jo Inchan standing alone, his head bowed. I could see various emotions flickering across his shadowed face, partially hidden by his drooping hair.
And before he could even sort out his complicated feelings, Jo Inchan spoke again.
“I, I have something to say ……. Please wait just a moment.”
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Translator’s Corner:
Jay saw Yutae was almost doing his adoption process again and went nope …. not on my watch……
But when I read this chapter again, it’s crazy adsjkzd Danbi is like, the smartest in Pantheion, there’s no way he didn’t put two and two together about MC’s identity … at the very least he must suspect it’s one of two deceased Prism ….. but MC is too similiar to Seo Yutae in abilities ….. and he still asked and said all of that sjdhjfdhfjkh
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