Under Yutae-hyung’s leadership, Prism achieved unprecedented success upon debut.
In fact, I think it would have been harder for us not to succeed. While our hyung’s exceptional producing skills played a significant role, the main reason was that the members’ inherent talent was simply too outstanding.
In the beginning, we were often ignored because of the overwhelming presence of Seo Yutae beside us. However, as the members gradually proved their skills to the public, it was impossible not to be captivated by their brilliance. I was so happy that I gradually forgot the despair I had felt when I saw the talent of Seo Yuseong and the other members.
“Let’s keep being Prism until we’re 20 or 30 years older!”
As I felt their happiness become my happiness, I thought, ‘So, this is what family is.’
Prism felt like an endless ocean, where the immense presence of Seo Yutae served as a vessel so vast it could never be filled, yet still overflowing with gifted members who packed every corner.
“Daesang! Once again, it’s PRISM!”
I was mesmerized by the unbelievable sight and considered myself so lucky to be a part of their journey.
“I majored in jazz piano, and I can also play the violin, guitar, and bass. I’ve been deeply interested in instruments since I was a child. I put these skills to good use by assisting Yutae-hyung when he composes music.”
“…Acting tips? Hmm, I don’t really know. I just do it.”
There were geniuses who achieved results that normally took 10,000 hours of hard work with just 10 hours of hard work. Some didn’t even need those 10 hours; they instinctively knew from the start, as if they were simply born that way.
“Yuseong-ssi, you often sing songs with a lot of high notes. Don’t you find it difficult?”
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a problem with not being able to reach a particular note.”
Since I was someone who had to put in the full 10,000 hours of hard work, I knew I couldn’t afford to hesitate if I wanted to keep up with them. I couldn’t even afford to waste time lamenting over what I didn’t have.
The hurried start, taken without even a moment to steady my mind as I watched the backs of those who had set off first, was unstable and lacking.
The reason I practiced so harshly was because I wanted to stay by the side of the people I love. I couldn’t care less about how much I had grown. I only wanted to become someone who was good enough to stand beside Seo Yutae and Prism.
Perhaps that goal was the cause.
The reason I started to feel an unquenchable thirst.
“Hyung, did you get any sleep? I noticed the lights in the studio have been on since the day before yesterday.”
“No, I haven’t slept at all. No matter how much I think about it, I’m not happy with the title track. I might have to scrap it entirely.”
“Haha, you too, hyung? Me too! I’ve rewritten my rap lyrics so many times I’ve lost count.”
When geniuses who achieve in just 10 hours what takes 10,000 hours of hard work not only put in 10,000 but even 100,000 hours with a smile as if it’s nothing, how on earth am I supposed to keep up with them?
[Seo Yutae, Lee Chise, and Seo Yuseong are just in a league of their own, and Cha Woon fills in all the emotional parts that Seo Yuseong lacks while also supporting the other members. Nam Yihwon is the top visual among male idols, excels on stage, and even acts. With the other members being on an entirely different tier, Yoo Jay and Jo Inchan’s positions feel really ambiguous~ Yoo Jay at least has the maknae role, but Jo Inchan lolol…]
[Speaking as someone who’s been a fan of idols for a decade, those kinds of people will never improve, haha. They simply don’t have talent.]
[Why does Jo Inchan have so many fans? Isn’t his core fandom pretty strong even within Prism? There are so many other members in Prism who are way more talented….]
Even when I cut down on sleep to work harder, even when I ate less to make more time for practice, the gap never narrowed.
Whenever I wavered because of it, Kang Hyukwoo would whisper words cruel enough to trample my heart.
“The more I see you, the luckier you seem. I have no idea why Seo Yutae chose someone like you as a member. Did you beg him, maybe, while telling him about your family’s situation?”
“Try reading the comments sometime, Inchan-ah. That way, you’ll understand your level and reflect on it. I’m honestly tired of even saying this to you. When someone gives you advice, you should at least try to improve, but you don’t even pretend to listen. Are you just going to ignore everything you don’t want to hear? Everything I’m saying is for your own good.”
At first, I just tried to let those words go in one ear and out the other.
Even to my younger self at the time, Kang Hyukwoo didn’t seem like a normal person, so I thought his purely subjective words weren’t worth listening to.
But, just like how repeated swings of an axe could bring down a sturdy old tree, that mindset couldn’t last eternally.
I felt as if I were gradually being chipped away.
When I took in the public’s reactions and Kang Hyukwoo’s words, my mind would blur, and darkness would creep into my vision before I even realized it. And with each passing day, it became harder to ignore what he said.
“Reporters keep contacting the company, asking if you’re the son of a single mother. If that’s why you were raised by your grandmother. You should really be grateful to me, you know? I’ve covered up all your weaknesses for you.”
“Seo Yutae doesn’t care about talentless people.”
Because I knew that some of Kang Hyukwoo’s words were actually true.
Where had the truth begun and ended, and where had the lie started and stopped?
“Everyone says you’re just freeloading off Prism, and there’s no way the other members don’t think the same. At this rate, you might get kicked out soon.”
I started having trouble telling them apart
Of all the seven members of Prism, Kang Hyukwoo criticized me the most.
Whenever Yutae-hyung wasn’t around, he would always come to me and pick apart my flaws one by one. I once wondered why he did that, but it wasn’t until much later that I realized I was the only member who worried about such things.
“When a dog barks, do you wonder why it does?”
Not even Cha Woon-hyung did.
“Hyukwoo-hyung criticizes me? … For what? Coming from him?”
Not even Chise-hyung did.
“Yeah, I’m the unfilial bastard who chased away my begging father who came all the way to my doorstep in the rain, and the rude jerk who now shamelessly has to face all those senior staffon set for the next few months after causing a scene. For once, that idiot actually said something right, f**k.”
Nam Yihwon didn’t even pretend to listen to Kang Hyukwoo.
Kang Hyukwoo must have seen through my weakness in the end.
I hid Kang Hyukwoo’s verbal abuse from Yutae-hyung, like I was trying to hide something I was ashamed of.
Of course, my biggest concern was that I didn’t want to worry my hyung, but I also feared that if I gave the impression of being someone who was always causing trouble, I wouldn’t have a place in the group anymore.
And before long, I came to believe that the people I loved were being harmed because of me.
“Is this part a little hard for you to sing in your range? Then I’ll revise it. Rather than just belting it out, you have a much more groovy feel compared to others…….”
When I heard those words from Yutae-hyung, I felt so terrible. I couldn’t even hear what he said after that. He must have been disappointed in me. I started to despise my slow, incompetent self, who couldn’t keep up with the other members, so much that it made my skin crawl.
After that, I practiced at a level that bordered on self-abuse.
As soon as I finished my schedule, I headed to the practice room without fail, and through that, my skills genuinely improved at a rapid pace.
[Jo Inchan changes his expression so many times just during his part. He’s a real genius idol… This is exactly why I love watching idols.]
[I’m not even a fan of Prism, but I come here every day just to see Jo Inchan’s ending fairy. How can someone’s eyes sparkle like that? He’s usually such an insanely cold-looking guy! The gap is unreal (1 year ago]
└ Looks like you’ve already crossed the point of no return. You’re just in the denial phase of becoming a fan (1 year ago)
└ Gap = Difference. The dark of the darkness! (1 year ago)
└ The fact that you eventually changed your profile picture to Jo Inchan is legendary… Inchan’s magic strikes again (2 months ago)
└ (2) hahaha Thumbnail has Jo Inchan? Clicked it without thinking (1 month ago)
Yutae-hyung would always smile a little whenever he saw me working hard and receiving good feedback. Sometimes, he would even give me brief advice while watching my movements.
That made me so happy I could hardly contain myself.
‘Ah, I really am doing well’. I was happy because I felt like I received that confirmation, and I devoted myself to practice even harder, wanting to see my hyung’s smile again.
But then one day, I sensed something was wrong.
“…What’s wrong with me?”
My knee started to ache.
“I don’t want to be weak and miss a performance over something like this. I don’t want to worry the fans either.”
However, just in time, I saw Yutae-hyung pushing through the pain and performing until the end despite his herniated disc, and I couldn’t say a word. I thought that complaining over something this minor would just mean I lacked a sense of responsibility.
It’ll get better soon. It’s probably just the arthritis I get often.
Contrary to my expectations, my knee’s condition gradually worsened, and I could no longer perform Prism’s choreography perfectly, which was considerably more difficult than other groups’.
[Those messed-up steps, damn lol. Everyone else, even the vocalists, are nailing the choreography, so why is this one person constantly out of sync? It’s even more noticeable because Seo Yutae is dancing so perfectly next to him … Honestly, ruining the group choreography like that is a major inconvenience for the whole team.]
[His footwork is sloppy. He should be stepping strongly and moving onto the next movement, but why does he keep dancing half-heartedly, with no strength? He knows his mistakes stand out even more on camera, right?]
I fell further and further behind.
Maybe that was the reason my hyung stopped smiling at me.
No, was it that I could no longer bring myself to look at my hyung’s face properly?
Somehow, Yutae-hyung’s face in my imagination started to resemble Kang Hyukwoo’s face.
And at some point, it resembled my own face.
“…Why can I only do this much?”
The only ‘real’ face of Yutae-hyung that I remember was when he showed the smile I longed for to Jay, who had belatedly blossomed in his talent.
I wasn’t normal back then.
Little by little, I started to forget how I used to smile.
Things that used to be as natural as breathing became difficult. I have to properly execute the steps I was criticized for, I have to make sure my limp doesn’t show up on camera. My mind was filled with thoughts like these, leaving me distracted.
[He looks really tired. It doesn’t seem as enjoyable to watch his facial expressions as it used to be.]
It was no different from burying the talent I had in the ground myself.
Unsurprisingly, the reactions from the public and fans were cold.
[1:28 Is he frowning here?]
└ It’s because Inchan is sick ㅠ He recently apologized at a fansign because his knees weren’t in good condition
└ Blood shield for real hahahaha Sick? What’s sick? He just lost his original intention. Soon, he’ll put on a dead fish look and be like, ‘Oh, really?‘ at the fansign.
Naturally, criticism directed at me would gradually rise to the top of the comments, and it was inevitable that my acquaintances, including the members, would see it.
“Grandma, I told you not to read the comments … Why did you look at them if you’re just going to cry like this?”
Just like that, I went from being the ‘proud grandson‘ to the ‘pitiful child‘ in the blink of an eye.
I think I got a call from my grandmother every single day.
“Alas, my poor child … I thought you were finally going to be loved and happy after growing up without parents. Oh, dear, oh, dear! If you’re going to suffer like this, both mentally and physically, then just don’t be a singer! I should have never let you do this!”
One day, after listening to my grandmother crying for hours because she was so heartbroken, I couldn’t take it anymore and exploded. It happened on a day when my schedule was particularly grueling, and an account spreading rumors about my family’s circumstances appeared for the first time.
“…Please don’t say things like that, Grandma. Why do you keep making me out to be a pitiful person ……. Grandma, when you do this, it makes everything harder for me. Please, help me, please let me live, please!”
After that phone call, my grandmother passed away a few days later.
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Translator’s Corner:
Hahaha … God please let me isekai to this novel right before everything happened, what the hell is this asdfghkjl;dsjklfjdsfkfdjf
Anyway there’s no update yesterday … who miss me (no). Idk but i feel like I’m growing weaker each day ??? I feel like I have less and less energy
“blood shield”, refers to putting up a shield at the risk of damaging one’s reputation. Shield is shield, like you’re defending someone. In this case, you defend them too much.
I’m sleepy I’ll put proper explanation later when I remember … fasting ruins my daily routine so bad I feel like I don’t have time to do anything and I’m sleepy everytime ……. i check for the typo later too ….
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