‘…Woo Kangwon?’
The distance was quite far, and we were speaking in such low voices that the content of our conversation couldn’t have been heard. However, that didn’t mean it was a situation that could be dismissed without any suspicion.
To others, there was no connection between Han Seungbeom and Jo Inchan. At best, we were probably just a judge and a contestant on Legendary Singer.
Since we hadn’t formed any particular bond during the program and were basically just strangers, the situation felt a bit off. It was only natural to wonder why Jo Inchan, who’s usually so reserved around people, would give me such a large bouquet and look at me that way.
“…….”
When I sensed Woo Kangwon’s presence and reflexively turned my gaze in his direction, Jo Inchan, who also spotted him, let out a disorganized, “Ah…”, and quickly turned back to me in a panic. I hadn’t done anything yet, but he grabbed my arm in a hurry, as if I were about to walk away at any moment.
Then he stood there, frozen stiff, staring at his own hand. Maybe it had been an unconscious reaction. He seemed out of it for a while before slowly looking up at my face and sharply sucking in a breath.
As if he’d made a huge mistake, his face crumbled into a pale expression. His green eyes darted anxiously through the air, then finally dropped to the ground.
Unable to hide the look of utter despair on his face, Jo Inchan slowly withdrew his trembling hand. A cold silence filled the air, as if his breath had stopped, and then a shaky voice slipped out.
Since he had his head bowed so deeply, I couldn’t really tell what kind of expression he had when he was apologizing.
After spitting out that one sentence, Jo Inchan hurriedly left the spot, like a child who had done something wrong and was running away.
“Wait…….”
No matter how I thought about it, he seemed to be in bad shape, so I tried to chase after him right away. However, I had no choice but to stop in my tracks when Cha Woon appeared and blocked my path.
“I’ll go after him.”
“…….”
Seeing that I didn’t immediately nod at his offer to go, Cha Woon calmly said, “It’s okay.”. Then, as if telling me to stay put, he gently pressed down on my shoulder and went after Jo Inchan.
In the end, all I could do was stand there helplessly, watching the two of them disappear into the waiting room. The tightly shut waiting room door had the name “Prism” written on it.
As I stood there blankly staring at it, I heard Woo Kangwon’s voice from behind me.
“Seungbeom-ah.”
I slowly turned my head and looked at Woo Kangwon.
“Manager-hyung is looking for you. Let’s go back.”
He must have been watching the whole thing from where he’d been standing all along, because instead of his usual warm and gentle demeanor, there was a quiet heaviness about him now. Still, unlike last time at the hotel, he didn’t avoid eye contact or try to walk away.
I remained silent for a moment, then replied quietly.
“…Okay.”
.
.
.
On the way back to the dorm and until we had our dinner, the members, still basking in the afterglow of the victory, were loud and excited, but Woo Kangwon remained silent by himself. I couldn’t pretend not to know why the guy who had been celebrating with everyone earlier had suddenly become so downcast, and it weighed heavily on my heart.
‘I haven’t heard from Jo Inchan either…….’
While I was slowly forcing myself to eat from the pile of food on the table, Do Yuda, in what seemed like an attempt to break the gloomy atmosphere, suddenly spoke up in an exaggeratedly cheerful voice.
“Whoa, this is seriously tasty. I was so hungry earlier I thought I was going to die. I can’t believe we didn’t have dinner until almost dawn…….”
“Didn’t you keep eating those protein bars? You’re already way past your carbs, protein, and calorie limit.”
“How is that a meal? That’s just a snack. Unless it has warm rice and meat, it doesn’t count as a real meal.”
“Do Pig.”1
The live broadcast went on late into the night, and after it ended, we had to say our goodbyes to the production team and fellow cast members, which made our dinner time extremely late. As a result, the restaurant was nearly closed, and there weren’t many dishes left to order.
I sighed quietly as I watched Lee Hwayoung, sitting stiffly and holding his chopsticks as if performing ancestral rites, while staring at the Korean-style meal set. I then placed a piece of ribs on his spoon and spoke.
“…Just eat it for now, even if it’s not to your liking. I’ll get you a proper meal tomorrow. You’ve used up so much energy. If you don’t eat properly, your muscles will shrink.”
The members shook their heads, muttering, “That hyung is at it again”, and just before Lee Hwayoung furrowed his brow, Woo Kangwon spoke up with a smile.
“It almost seems like there’s more than a twelve-year age gap between you and Nicholas.”
“…….”
It was a clear statement that pointed out something the members had been trying their best to ignore and brush aside. The atmosphere froze instantly, but since I had already anticipated that Woo Kangwon might have doubts about my identity because of what happened earlier, I answered in a calm voice.
“It’s more than just a a twelve-year age gap, I’m like an uncle to him.”
At that answer, Lee Hwayoung widened his bright blue eyes and grabbed my left arm, while Do Yuda began coughing, perhaps having swallowed food the wrong way. Baek Kiryang looked at Woo Kangwon’s expression with eyes that seemed to tremble like there was an earthquake, and Lee Danbi calmly handed Do Yuda some water. In the midst of all this, Nagi Zen just picked up a drumstick in front of him and started eating.
Woo Kangwon … quietly observed my reaction for a moment before simply nodding. However, even as he did, he seemed lost in thought. He lowered his gaze, then asked one question after another.
“…Did you treat Prism-sunbaenims in the same manner?”
I didn’t stop him from using that clearly respectful language, as if he were speaking to a senior. I just answered, acting like nothing unusual had happened, while lifting another bite with my chopsticks.
“Yeah, I raised them all the same way. Prism were younger than me too. Especially Jay and Seo Yuseong, they were even younger.”
I had no appetite since earlier, and since all the members except for me had already put down their chopsticks and were staring with their mouths open, I wasn’t sure what the point was in forcing myself to continue eating, but I did anyway.
Yoo Jay might be the beloved youngest in the eyes of the Prism members, but to Pantheion, he would still appear as a senior, far ahead of them. When I spoke as if I saw Yoo Jay as particularly young, the color drained from the members’ faces.
“I thought it might be the case. Among those who had such a relationship with Prism-sunbaenims, you’re the only one who has passed away and possessed outstanding leadership, dance, and composing skills.”
Woo Kangwon seemed a little shaken at first, tightly gripping his fist before he struggled to continue speaking.
“I’ve been trying to avoid talking about this topic until now. Common sense kept telling me that maybe you were just lying, or perhaps experiencing some sort of hallucination due to stress, but I tried to ignore those thoughts.”
“Why?”
“…Because I wasn’t confident I could fully understand Seungbeom‘s story.”
“…….”
“Do you remember? What state you were in at that time … I’ve never seen someone become so thin so quickly. Seungbeom was always someone who held on stubbornly, to the point where we worried about you, but you struggled to do everyday tasks like picking up a cup or standing up. Amidst all that, that man even said you tried to take your own life … you were like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at any moment.”
The guy squeezed his eyes shut, as if recalling my appearance at that time, and then, unable to endure the memory, he lowered his head and roughly wiped his face with both hands.
“I was afraid that if it were discovered that I couldn’t accept your identity, Seungbeom would be further cornered because of me, or that you would resent me. Just like back then, when I said those words without any ill intent, but you suffered as though you’d been stabbed with a knife…….”
“…….”
“I’ve had dreams several times where I heard voices blaming me, asking ‘Why did you say those things? Why did you contact his family and hurt Seungbeom?’. And it made me think that, if my reaction would only hurt you, maybe it would be better to just bury it and pretend like it never happened.”
‘That explains it. I did think it was strange how he never brought up what happened that day. I had no idea that’s what he’d been thinking.’
It was only natural not to understand such an absurd situation. In truth, it was Do Yuda, Zen, and Lee Danbi who were unusual; most people would’ve reacted just like Woo Kangwon. Even if I couldn’t accept that back then, pushed to my breaking point, that was the reality.
Woo Kangwon hadn’t done a single thing wrong, and I, the person involved, didn’t hold any resentment toward him. I couldn’t understand why that guy had to feel guilty in the first place.
“So that’s why you’ve stayed quiet until now, even though you didn’t fully accept it like the other members did.”
At that question, Woo Kangwon cautiously nodded before continuing his words.
“But holding out like that alone didn’t solve anything. I was constantly scared, afraid I’d step on a bomb I couldn’t even see, not knowing where it was hidden … In the end, all I could do was wait until I could understand your situation as best as I could.”
“…….”
“And every time I saw the indescribable bond between you and Prism-sunbaenims, I slowly found myself having no choice but to accept it. By witnessing that, I was finally ready to acknowledge your existence.”
There was courage in Woo Kangwon’s voice as he spoke, and it was filled with determination.
The guy who was meeting my gaze asked in his unwavering, firm voice.
“Why are you here, sunbaenim, leaving Prism-sunbaenims behind?” 2
The other members all seemed taken aback by the direct question, holding their breath and watching my reaction, but I didn’t waver. Just like Woo Kangwon, I was now ready to give them a proper explanation, so I began speaking in a calm voice.
“When I first opened my eyes, Han Seungbeom was in an abnormal home environment, and I needed to become financially independent as soon as possible to escape from it. Since this was the only thing I knew how to do, aiming to become an idol was the obvious choice.”
When I brought up Han Seungbeom’s family situation, the members swallowed hard, perhaps remembering how I’d reacted that day at the hotel when the topic of family came up. I shook my head, as if to say there was no need to worry, and continued.
“At the same time, I didn’t want to be thrown into a new group, get pushed around by the company, and be forced to treat people I didn’t even care about as my members. So I focused on building recognition as an individual, and Survive IDOL, where I could quickly wrap up group activities, felt like the perfect opportunity.”
I left out any mention of revenge for the sake of the members’ safety, but I never lied. I spoke only the truth, and as I looked back on my thoughts from right after the possession, I was once again struck by how little I had truly known myself back then. Letting out a deep breath, I felt it all over again.
“…The problem is, I admitted way too late that I tend to get more attached than I should, and I’m not the kind of person who can just push people away once I’ve taken them in, so it’s no surprise things started going wrong from the moment I entered that program. And to make matters worse, there were guys like you there too…….”
I let out a self-deprecating chuckle at my own patheticness, then quickly wiped the smile off my face and quietly looked at the members as I spoke.
“I’ve come to love you all much more than I ever expected. No matter what you think of me now, my feelings are genuine.”
“…….”
“As everyone now knows, I’m not Han Seungbeom, but I’m still your leader. At least until our activities are over, I’ll take full responsibility and make sure everything is finished the proper way, so don’t worry.”
Do Yuda, unsure of what to call me, fumbled with his words. Then, as if deciding ‘I don’t care anymore‘, he called me “Hyung!” just like he always had. After hesitating for a while, he asked in a small voice.
“Once our activities are over … what’s going to happen to us?”
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Translator’s Corner:
Happy 300 chapters … wow … never imagined I would reach this chapter in 5 months … let’s protect my fragile translator’s original intention and see each other until the ending….
Anyway, how can Jay have more votes than Yihwon in previous poll???
Oh anyway life update. I decided to install wifi instead of buying running shoes (well, I’m not even that into morning run, just try to have a defense to answer people who keep asking about my health ….) because apparently, relying internet connection on mobile data is too expensive when you have young child in the house whose only hobby is watching youtube …. so, it got installed today, but just right before I finished this chapter, THE CONNECTION GONE ??? THE MODEM LIGHT IS RED NOW, google says it’s LOS, I restarted it and did all the recommended things but it still red … why my luck is like this …. it has only been 5 hours since I got it installed …. I’ll cry ….
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