[JO INCHAN’S POV]
Bam!
As I dashed into the waiting room like I was fleeing, Jay, who had been sitting on the sofa playing with his phone, slowly turned his head to look up at me. Despite how obvious it was that I wasn’t in a normal state, there wasn’t a hint of surprise on his face.
His gaze seemed to ask me, “So why did you walk straight into that mess on your own two feet?”
“…….”
I only realized after I met Jay’s gaze.
The reason why Jay had flatly refused to go when Woon-hyung and Chise-hyung said they were heading to Pantheion’s waiting room to congratulate them on their victory, and why Cha Woon-hyung, who believed in maintaining basic courtesy no matter the circumstances, had silently tolerated Jay’s absence.
“You couldn’t congratulate them, could you?”
At the question, asked in a calm voice, I quietly answered, “…Yeah”, then shut my eyes tightly and tilted my head back toward the ceiling.
I didn’t want to appear emotionally broken in front of Jay.
More than anything, I didn’t want to break down in tears like I was weak.
But outside, there was Hyung. In the end, this was the only place where Jay and I could hide, so I stood there, frozen, as if my feet were glued to the ground.
I was weird these days.
Even when I was kicked by Kang Hyukwoo or strangled by Lim Seunghoon, it just felt like my dry insides were being eroded, but nothing ever bled out like this. Right now, I felt more alive than I did back then, yet for some reason, it also seemed more painful.
It was painful to live, to have desires.
The hope of living a better life made me confront the things I had lost and failed to obtain, the pain and reality I had desperately turned away from, and it plunged me into despair.
‘If I had just stayed in a state of giving up on myself, I wouldn’t have had to feel this way.’
But returning to the time when I lost Hyung was too terrifying to bear, and since I didn’t think Hyung would want that, I was left confused about what to do.
I was simply swept up in it.
As I kept my eyes shut, desperately trying to suppress the surge of emotions, Jay quietly turned his head away from me. Considering there was nothing in particular to look at in the corner where his gaze landed, it must have been an act of consideration for me.
It seemed Jay had known from the start that I would end up like this.
But I wasn’t wise enough, nor did I know myself well enough, to see it coming.
If I had known beforehand that things would turn out like this, would the outcome have been any different?
‘No, I would have still gone even if I had known.’
I needed to see with my own eyes whether Hyung really looked happy next to those kids, whether he was showing the same face he had shown us.
“…Thank goodness, you look happy.”
That was the responsibility I had to bear for making my hyung unhappy.
“I should have told you not to go.”
But Jay, seemingly not thinking the same, just muttered to himself.
And when a hand lightly tapped my back, I turned around to see Woon-hyung’s face.
“…Hyung.”
It was hard to read his expression. The expressionless face, without a single wrinkle, was quite familiar, but the low, sunken look in his eyes was different from usual.
“What about the Pantheion kids? You said you were going to congratulate them.”
The long silence was uncomfortable, so I forced a smile and asked, but my hyung didn’t answer right away. He just quietly stared at me, and it wasn’t until I lowered my head to hide my face that he finally spoke.
“You’re more important.”
Should I be grateful that I had already lowered my head earlier? My face instantly crumpled at the words thrown out without any hesitation.
Then Woon-hyung, looking a bit awkward, hesitated for a moment before placing his hand on top of my head. He carefully patted it while his eyes darted around. Watching him, I could clearly feel that the person standing behind me was someone different from Yutae-hyung.
If it had been Yutae-hyung, he would have pressed my head down firmly and slapped my back hard with no hesitation.
I felt pathetic for still thinking of someone who could never return even at this very moment, and I also felt a sense of guilt toward Woon-hyung, who was clumsily trying to fill the void left by Yutae-hyung in any way he could.
I couldn’t tell if he noticed or not, but Woon-hyung continued speaking in a quiet voice.
“I do feel bad for Pantheion, but for me, Prism will always come first.”
At those words, the question, “Then what about Yutae-hyung?“, instinctively rose to the tip of my tongue, but I managed to hold it back. I wasn’t the only one who was having a hard time in this situation. Everyone was in pain, and still, they were doing their best to hold on. I reminded myself of that once again.
“I’m sorry, because of me…….”
After I apologized, Woon-hyung responded, “Why are you always apologizing for everything?”. He awkwardly removed his hand from my head and, looking embarrassed, quickly started talking about something else.
“Anyway, a senior staying too long in a junior’s waiting room is just going to lead to negative talk … Lee Chise said he’s worried about you and urged me to go. He said he’d take care of everything and handle it himself.”
Then, after glancing at my face once more, he sighed deeply and added, “Nam Yihwon, that crazy guy, went off to smoke because he said he had a headache. He said he’s quitting e-cigarettes. Compared to him, you’re doing just fine.”
‘So that’s why I haven’t seen Nam Yihwon around since earlier.’
On the outside, I just nodded, but inside, I thought maybe that was actually better. After all, it was something he could solve on his own without bothering anyone else.
While I was having those thoughts, Jay, who had been occasionally shaking his right leg since Woon-hyung entered, stood up and asked Woon-hyung.
“Is Hyung outside?”
“Nope, he must’ve gone back to the waiting room now since he needs to start getting ready to leave soon. Why?”
“I’m going out to the convenience store for a moment.”
As soon as Jay heard that Yutae-hyung wasn’t outside, he quickly touched his chest as if checking something, then gave a half-hearted response before dashing out the door. Woon-hyung, watching his back, stood there dazed for about two seconds, then suddenly seemed to realize something. He placed his hand on his forehead and muttered in annoyance.
“Ha, I shouldn’t have brought up the topic of cigarettes…….”
As always, I grasped the situation half a beat slower than the incredibly perceptive members.
‘…Can a person really become such a heavy smoker in such a short time?’
Until before Yutae-hyung passed away, our youngest used to hate even the smell of cigarettes and would scold his hyungs for smoking. Now, he’s become a full-fledged addict.
“Just forgive him for today, hyung. I guess he’s been stressed out. Everyone had a hard time today.”
Swallowing my bitterness, I said that, and Woon-hyung let out a deep sigh and crossed his arms, his expression softening a little. I gave him a faint smile and pressed my wrist hard against my throbbing temple. Then, after glancing down at the cigarette pack that Jay had tossed into the trash—the same brand Yutae-hyung used to smoke—I finally forced myself to speak.
“I, after Yuseong passed away, I used to go to Hyung’s house quite often.”
“…I know. I did the same thing.”
“We kept going to see him until he suddenly moved to a place we didn’t know, but every time, Hyung avoided us … In the end, the only thing we could see was trash. I wasn’t even sure if he was eating properly, because all I saw were piles of those blue cigarette packs.”
“…….”
“It’s just, looking at that makes me think of that time.”
As the image of Hyung standing in front of us at the funeral home, looking perfectly fine, suddenly flashed in my mind, I pressed my lips tightly shut and bowed my head. Then, as I pressed my eyes hard with both hands, Woon-hyung approached and placed his hand on my shoulder. Leaning into the weight of his hand, I finally opened my mouth.
“I feel like all I do is make Hyung unhappy…….”
The waiting room, as quiet as a dead mouse without Jay, Seo Yuseong, and Nam Yihwon, was filled only with the sharp sound of someone’s stifled breathing
***
After that, I received several calls from Hyung. I, who had collapsed and couldn’t get up for a few days as soon as I got home, missed those calls a few times.
When I woke up quite a while later, I think I was really taken aback by the amount of missed calls.
“Wow, it’s the first time I’ve seen that many calls from Hyung. You should screenshot it as a memento.”
“Or, don’t pick up, so he can finally try to empathize with the person who’s been trying to contact him.”
It must’ve been pretty bad if even Nam Yihwon joked like that.
Obviously, I had no real reason to take Nam Yihwon’s words seriously, so I hurriedly called Hyung and apologized for getting back to him so late. Then, my hyung let out a breath he’d been holding, sounded relieved, and told me it was okay, that he had heard from the other members that I was sleeping.
After making sure that I was really okay, Hyung brought up the topic of Prism’s next agency. Just like before, several companies had made offers around the time of our contract renewal, but when he told me to turn them all down, I was confused at first.
“Uh … I asked Choi Jeokhyeon to start an agency. As you know, Pantheion’s contracts are ending soon too. The kids kept insisting they wanted to stay together under the same company, so I went through some trouble.”
“…I see. Congratulations.”
Apparently, he had established a new company to resolve Pantheion’s next contract issues.. Since my hyung was someone who had zero interest in anything other than idol activities and working out, forming a partnership with Lee Saehwa was well within expectations.
“What are you congratulating? I’m bringing you guys over too. I can’t trust other companies.”
“What?”
But I hadn’t expected him to bring us to that company too.
When I stayed silent for a moment, stunned, my hyung gruffly asked, “Are you listening?”
“That doesn’t mean you can 100% trust Choi Jeokhyeon, so you guys also need to be on your guard. Don’t just rashly sign anything without properly checking for any shitty clauses.”
And at what he said next, I thought, ‘Of course. That person isn’t a good person, and he doesn’t care about us at all‘. Whenever that person even so much as brushed past their line of sight, Woon-hyung would freak out, and Jay would look absolutely disgusted. Who in their right mind would let their guard down around someone like him? The only strange person like that was Hyung.
Lee Saehwa was not someone who was friendly toward us. In fact, it would be more accurate to describe him as openly hostile. Knowing that well, I couldn’t shake off the lingering sense of unease, and yet, I could feel my heart race at the faint sliver of hope that kept surfacing in my mind.
‘If we belong to the same company, wouldn’t there be a day when we could stand on the same stage?’
It seemed the members were no different from me; there wasn’t a single person who opposed Yutae-hyung’s suggestion. Woon-hyung’s face turned pale, and Jay frowned as best as he could, but in the end, it was the best answer we could find at that moment.
As time passed and more articles about Prism’s contract renewal spread, Seras started sending us messages every day, urging us to leave our current company.
[Please, please, please, please, please, this time for sure, please let them finally escape RH]
[Prism full group contract renewal (escape RH) – 10 years of trying to break free from the regime]
└ Oh, you’re a newbie
[Just starta company, guys. We’ll take care of feeding you]
I had always been aware of the fans’ opinions, so I felt sorry because we were never in a position to act on them. But now, we were finally able to grant their wishes.
“…You are free.”
We are free.
Just as I smiled softly as I pondered that fact, the doorbell rang.
Ding-dong.
‘…Who is it?’
The other members are all still out on their schedules and it isn’t time for them to be back yet, so who could it possibly be? The moment I checked the intercom screen with that thought in mind, I instinctively flinched.
“Open the door, Jo Inchan.”
Kang Hyukwoo was at the door.
[END OF JO INCHAN’S POV]
You can support this translation through Buy Me a Coffee or Wishlist!
Translator’s Corner:
Well, we still have 81 chapters left for a reason. Prepare your heart.
Anyway, confession time, I think I’m on … translation slump ? Well, I used to be really happy translating this since I did it out of personal love, and I still am, but these days … after the whole retranslation thing and the thing that happened before that, I feel a little bit … hmm, let’s just say I have PTSD for people blaming me on this blog. I’m an avoidant type, so I just want to run away………
It might just me being dramatic but well, I asked like, 6 unnies and all of them angry too (I even got scolded), I asked the men too for balanced opinion, and they said I should be upset too … well, anyway, it’s already passed. If you’re on twitter, yesterday there was someone with the audacity to share a drive full of fan-tl danmei epubs … they took down the tweet after getting attacked, but they showed no remorse at all and said just dm if you want the link. After that some tlers locked their tls and I even saw one who announced they won’t updating on NU anymore and asking NU to remove all their links … after seeing that, I got a reality check that annoying things don’t just happen to me but others as well, and people nowadays have no manners … so now I’m not that resentful anymore
OMG I JUST TYPED THAT AND THERE’S A NEW COMMENT SAYING THEY CAME BECAUSE PEOPLE ON TIKT*K RECOMMENDING THIS NOVEL ????????????? PLEASE DON’T ????? recommend it all you want, but use the real title, not this fan translation title and don’t show where you read it too … are these people trying to send me straight to the stake ….
no but seriously why are people like this … I already asked several times not to …. you guys realize that this is a free wordpress blog and i’m not getting adsense or anything like that, right … so even if you want to help me gaining more views, i don’t need that, i don’t want that … i picked this up because it’s underrated … if i wanted clout, i would pick up famous novel like DoD-level or things that already have manhwa adaption ……
Oh and thank you for a kind person who came telling me the hunter is hunting on wordpress now (sorry I hid your comment since it mentioned forbidden name. Guys, if you want to mention any publish*r/other site name, please censor it) …. haha I’m already mentally preparing myself. The close neighbour’s m-tl site just got burned to ash too ………. I guess it’s really stressing for all the fan tlers lately, you all really should start reading all that to-be-read tabs …….. I’m going to keep things slow for a week to make the NU rankings free falling (when I updated daily, the activity ranking stayed on top 100, maybe that’s why it attracted too many attentions). Perhaps I should use this time to read those 400+ chapters of Manager Kim now ……. and catching up to the youngest top idol …..
Let’s play safe and see each other until the side stories.
Visit and read more novel to help us update chapter quickly. Thank you so much!
Use arrow keys (or A / D) to PREV/NEXT chapter