With a relaxed gesture, Choi Jeokhyeon pushed the cup of coffee toward me. What else could his intention be in doing that to someone who was already getting up and preparing to leave? He was trying to prevent me from leaving his sight first and foremost.
Even though I saw through all of his actions, I pretended not to notice and turned my gaze elsewhere, starting to think.
‘It’s impossible for me to go in and drag Kang Hyukwoo out myself. The ideal outcome would be to make Kang Hyukwoo disappear from Jo Inchan’s sight on his own. Calling the police is an option, but for the sake of future activities, it’s better to handle it as quietly as we can…….’
Then, I immediately snatched my wallet from the table and, almost absentmindedly, said to Choi Jeokhyeon, “I’ve got something urgent to take care of, so I have to leave now. Let’s talk later. Sorry for taking up your time.”
“Something urgent?”
At that moment, a cold, emotionless voice came back at me. Judging from his perfectly calm expression and tone, it didn’t seem like he was asking out of genuine curiosity about what had happened. He already figured out something had happened to Jo Inchan; what he was really asking was whether it truly counted as something ‘urgent.’
When I frowned at that, Choi Jeokhyeon smiled softly and stood up. Then, with neatly spaced footsteps that echoed with the sound of leather shoes, he walked over and stopped right in front of me, blocking my way as he began to speak in a soft, measured tone.
“Why is that urgent? It’s not your business.”
It was a clear statement drawing a boundary between Jo Inchan and me. I didn’t even bat an eyelash at him before I yelled, “I don’t have time to talk to you right now!” and tried to dash past him to the door.
‘Ugh, seriously!’
I cursed loudly in my mind, scowling in annoyance as I turned around, only to see his bright red eyes calmly fixed on me.
In the silence, our eyes met for a long moment, and when I dropped my gaze to the floor, feeling slightly uncomfortable, his tightly sealed lips part.
“No, it has to be now. I’m doing this because I don’t want you to go there right now.”
“What the hell is wrong with you!”
“What are you planning to do when you get there? Are you going to stand in front of Kang Hyukwoo and warn him not to go near Jo Inchan again? With that body? Just leave it alone, whether Jo Inchan is in danger or not.”
I let out a low sigh as soon as I heard those words.
‘I had a rough idea ever since the issue with Lee Danbi’s contract came up…….’
As expected, Choi Jeokhyeon didn’t seem to have much regard for anyone else but me.
He cooperated in bringing together the Pantheion and Prism members as I asked, but he merely fulfilled the usual role of a company, showing them no generosity.
“…Do you really think I can do that?”
“Of course not, that’s why I’m stopping you like this.”
Since Pantheion had given up on group activities due to issues with their contracts or musical direction, each member had no choice but to go their own way and work individually. And because Lee Danbi hadn’t yet developed the level of skill that Choi Jeokhyeon expected of a solo artist, he didn’t feel the need to take on the risk of bringing him in, unlike with Baek Kiryang.
‘I also can’t blindly force him to do something that would cause a loss just for my benefit.’
The cold attitude he was showing toward Jo Inchan right now was also for similar reasons. Perhaps Choi Jeokhyeon saw Jo Inchan as someone whose value had dropped due to various issues, a high-risk individual who wasn’t worth securing.
“I just want to give you everything you want, as much as your father couldn’t, but I’m not particularly interested in increasing the number of people under my wing. Honestly, I’m fine with things as they are now, so I don’t really care what happens to Pantheion or Prism.”
Since the contract hadn’t been signed yet, he had no obligation to protect Jo Inchan. That left only the personal bond between me and Jo Inchan, but Choi Jeokhyeon seemed to dislike that even more.
“But sometimes, I have this lingering doubt. Are the things I do for you, the things you ask of me, really doing you any good? Because you’re always wearing yourself out trying to help others, but you almost never ask me for anything for yourself. Actually, the reason you wanted to see me today was also to negotiate about Lee Danbi, right? To bring that child in, no matter what it cost.”
His words hit so close to what I was thinking that I couldn’t say anything back. Noticing my silence, Choi Jeokhyeon smiled gently and added, “I hope you weren’t actually thinking of saying you’d pay the penalty fee yourself.”
“Paying that amount of money isn’t really a problem for me. After all, I didn’t start this for the money. The problem is you … You’re too willing to sacrifice yourself for your people.”
“…….”
“Who in the world would go so far as to pay a penalty in the hundreds of thousands just to help a child they’ve only known for a short time? And do so without even telling the person involved … On top of that, not long ago, you even reached out to Lim Seunghoon again. That wasn’t even for you, but for the Prism members. From the moment you made a deal with Lim Seunghoon using those conversation records, you’ve practically made it impossible for yourself to escape Kang Hyukwoo’s suspicions.”
Until the topic of the penalty came up, the words “Didn’t you do the same thing for me?” lingered at the tip of my tongue, but then I remembered that my relationship with Choi Jeokhyeon was much longer than my time with Lee Danbi, so I couldn’t bring myself to argue.
It was also hard to deny that, to some, my efforts to save the Prism members with everything I had might seem abnormal.
“Even with all this, Kang Hyukwoo won’t be able to figure out your true identity yet. But he will come to know that Han Seungbeom is behind all of this. He might have already figured it out.”
“It was inevitable. Even if it wasn’t specifically for Jo Inchan, if I wanted revenge, I had to face him sooner or later … Let go!”
“Yeah, that’s probably true. But why does it seem to me that your desire for revenge is more about Prism than your personal grudge? … It’s about time you admitted it, Yutae-ya. Because Kang Hyukwoo isn’t showing any signs of letting go of Prism … because he keeps trying to torment them, you’re anxious, so you’re trying to end it with your own hands instead, right? That desire for revenge isn’t even because of what happened to you. It comes from what your little brother and the members went through.”
“…….”
“You were already in so much pain, tormented with guilt just for hurting Lim Seunghoon. Do you really think continuing to step forward like this will do you any good?”
“…Stop jumping to your own conclusions. Even I can’t perfectly understand my own feelings, so thinking you completely understand me is just delusional.”
To be honest, if something were to happen to the people around me, and if this body wasn’t Han Seungbeom’s but mine, I cherished the members so much that I could give them my liver or kidney without a second thought.
‘If necessary, even my life…….’
As many people had pointed it out to me, I did try to be conscious to some degree that not many people thought or acted the way I did. Still, a part of me kept thing, ‘Wouldn’t anyone do at least that much for their family?‘
No matter what others said, to me, the members of Prism and Pantheion, as well as Choi Jeokhyeon, were my family. So, to me, this was simply the natural thing to do. But it seemed that didn’t sit well with Choi Jeokhyeon.
“What if Kang Hyukwoo has found a new weakness and got a hold of Jo Inchan again? Are you going to risk everything for Prism once more, facing danger head-on? This time, the situation might be even worse. Have you not considered the possibility of getting into another accident like last time if you keep getting involved with Prism?”
Setting aside the still very young Pantheion members, the Prism members had been doing well on their own, relying on their own strength, until Kang Hyukwoo’s attack. They were the kind of people who could overcome incredibly difficult situations that ordinary people couldn’t withstand. The fact that these strong individuals were now falling apart so helplessly meant that the environment they were in had reached a point where they could no longer get back on their feet without someone else’s help.
Didn’t I say before? That not all the hardships in this world came at a level that people could bear. I knew full well the desperate situation they were in, and yet, you were telling me to just left them to overcome it on their own every time a crisis came, to abandon them? That was something I could never do.
“What do you want me to do, then? Just leave the members alone? While putting myself first? Don’t say something so ridiculous.”
As I tried to brush off Choi Jeokhyeon’s words and pull away from his grip again, he instead grabbed me with even more force, lowered his head to look me in the eye, and spoke.
“I told you, I want you to live a happy life. But is this really what’s best for you?”
“…I’m not the most important person in my world! Doing what’s best for me doesn’t directly lead to my happiness!”
I briefly glanced at the clock, which kept ticking away, and, feeling impatient, I abruptly shouted in a sharp tone. Then, surprised by the sound of my own voice, I gasped and looked up at Choi Jeokhyeon with eyes full of panic.
“…….”
Then, my eyes fell upon Choi Jeokhyeon’s face, rare as it was, with his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth shut.
‘…Why, why are you looking at me like that…….’
It wasn’t until after a while, after staring at that expression for quite some time, that I realized the problem wasn’t the tone of what I had just spat, but the content.
“…Ah.”
Is there anything more shameful than having others find out that I don’t value myself? It felt as though I had exposed my deepest flaws with my own hands. But more than that, the way he looked at me, as if he pitied me, made me feel so guilty, like I had done something terribly wrong to him. I wasn’t sure why, but I just felt lost … like I had made the mistake of hurting someone else’s precious possession.
“…Yes, I know that’s what you’re thinking, Yutae-ya, and that’s why I’m acting like this.”
The soft words that then reached my ear seemed to amplify my guilt. At that, I flailed my hands in the air for a moment before grabbing Choi Jeokhyeon’s hem. After struggling to find the right words, I finally opened my mouth again, my breath trembling.
“…I’m not doing this for them. I’m doing this to save myself.”
“…….”
“I, I can’t endure something like what happened with Yuseong twice. The members, you, all of you have to be alive and by my side … that’s the only way I can survive.”
At some point, I had subconsciously realized it. I realized that by pouring affection into the people within my fence, I was drowning out the deficiencies within myself. I needed it, even if it seemed abnormal and imperfect in the eyes of others.
I did it because I felt like I would suffocate if I let go, even for a second.
“So, please understand me…….”
At the words I let out like a plea, Choi Jeokhyeon didn’t answer. He just squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to swallow something down, then soon picked up his phone. As soon as the call connected, he spoke in a low voice,
“…Release the article.”
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Translator’s Corner:
a greater woman has faith … but even statues crumble if they’re made to wait … i’m so afraid I sealed my fate no sign of soulmates i’m just a paperweight in shades of greige spending my last coin so someone will tell me it’ll be okay …. i guess a lesser woman would’ve lost hope, a greater woman wouldn’t beg, but I looked to the sky and said, please…..
ugh The Propechy is really good for this, we just need to change the gender
something about this chapter really … breaks my heart …. in a good way. Like, I feel like my life is really miserable too, but even I will not say I’m not the most important person in my world. Admitting it with his own mouth … to the very person who considered him to be the most important in his world …. this is the peak of self-sacrifice MC….
Also, I’m on Chapter 270 of Manager Kim, somone please spoiler how much longer until he met his sibling … this sound like another Seo Yuseong scam. I was going to take a break to read it all, but I can’t just run away when people sent me coffee……
Anyway, I’m going to un-lockdown later to see how I’m feeling about it. If things don’t get better then … well, at least I already tried.
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