With his head still bowed low, Cha Woon clutched my wrist like a lifeline, his hands visibly trembling.
The other members, perhaps also finding it hard to speak to me first, were just staring at the floor like Cha Woon. Some of them only learned through this incident that I had continued making title tracks for Prism even after leaving the group, but none of them blamed Cha Woon.
On the contrary, the only emotions I could read on their faces were deep regret and guilt.
Why did they let Kang Hyukwoo film such a video, making it impossible to refuse Kang Hyukwoo’s unfair demands?
Why didn’t they realize earlier that Cha Woon was being blackmailed by Kang Hyukwoo?
Why did they criticize Cha Woon without knowing anything?
…Why did I leave these kids behind and put them in this situation?
Drip, drop. Between the occasional gasps of breath that escaped, I could hear the irregular sound of tears hitting the floor. The hand clutching mine was so weak, paralyzed by fear, that I could have shaken it off at any moment if I wanted to.
“Hyung, I … what I did to you…….”
It broke my heart to see my precious person fall apart like this. But I knew that whatever reaction I showed now would only make things harder for Cha Woon, so I just stood there in silence, my hand still holding his.
But even that small gesture must have felt like excessive forgiveness to Cha Woon. The moment he felt the warmth of my hand, he nearly flinched as if in shock, let go of my wrist, and immediately looked up at me with anxious eyes.
He was worried that I might feel rejected.
‘…Don’t tell me … is it because I left Prism after being rejected by Jo Inchan?’
Even though we were no longer in the same group, Cha Woon was still terrified that I might get hurt. If that was the case, then the ‘separation‘ he feared wasn’t just me leaving the group, but the possibility of me disappearing completely again.
Cha Woon kept glancing at me in irregular, almost panicked intervals, and when our eyes finally met, he quickly looked away again, as if fleeing, back down to the floor. Then, as if something inside him had broken, he sat blankly on his knees and slowly, hesitantly placed his hand over my shoe.
He wasn’t grabbing my ankle to stop me from leaving, nor was he begging for forgiveness, so his action held no particular meaning.
It was simply an act driven by a need to ease his anxiety.
Cha Woon wasn’t expecting anything from me.
“Get up, hyung.”
Unable to bear the sight any longer, Lee Chise grabbed Cha Woon’s arm and tried to pull him to his feet by force, but Cha Woon remained kneeling before me to the very end. At that, Nam Yihwon roughly swept his hand over his face and took a deep breath through his palms, as if trying to compose himself.
“Please … it’s not your fault, hyung. This all happened because of me.”
Jo Inchan kept begging Cha Woon with a face that looked like he might collapse at any moment. Just as I didn’t blame Cha Woon at all, Cha Woon didn’t blame Jo Inchan either, so those words held no real meaning.
Jay stood a little distance away from the other members, staring down at Cha Woon without making even the slightest movement.
“Hyung, you can’t endure it right now because you’re terrified. Because you don’t have the confidence to do well without Seo Yutae. The things you’re doing now will eventually come back to strangle you, but even knowing that, you still can’t let go.”
“I’ll stay quiet as you wish. When I look at you now … I can’t help but feel sorry for you, hyung.”
Perhaps it was because, some time ago, he had rebuked Cha Woon so harshly.
His wide-open eyes were shaking wildly.
“…….”
As the tense atmosphere stretched on, as if about to explode at any moment, Cha Woon began to mumble as if he were possessed by something.
“I wanted to write and post an apology letter right away … but the members kept telling me not to, and the CEO-nim wouldn’t give permission, so I haven’t been able to post it yet. I’m sorry. I’ll post it soon. Please just wait a little longer.”
“…An apology?’”
When I murmured the word that had just shocked me, he nodded insistently and compulsively added, “No matter what I do from now on, I’ll never be forgiven.”, as if to emphasize that he wasn’t expecting forgiveness.
An apology letter? That would be playing right into Kang Hyukwoo’s hands.
If Cha Woon gives in to his guilt and apologizes now, Kang Hyukwoo’s lies will end up seeming like the truth. And it’s not as if an apology would guarantee forgiveness in the first place. Even if the person directly involved were to forgive him, the public would still continue to criticize and mock Cha Woon without end.
Truly, it was a great relief that the Prism members were there to stop Cha Woon.
Even if the members hadn’t stopped him, Choi Jeokhyeon would’ve stepped in eventually. Still, it wasn’t uncommon for a celebrity, driven into a panic by intense public backlash, to act impulsively without their agency’s consent.
“What are you talking about? You can’t do that.”
When I snapped back to my senses and grabbed his shoulders, speaking sternly, he flinched and then mumbled hesitatingly.
“The fans will get anxious if I keep staying silent. I need to do something. As soon as possible…….”
“Their anxiety isn’t the real issue. Everyone is fighting, trusting you and just waiting for you to properly reveal the truth that you didn’t do anything wrong. If you apologize, no one will be able to protect you anymore. Then you’ll be playing right into Kang Hyukwoo’s hands.”
When I said that, Cha Woon blinked as if he had never even considered that possibility, then quickly avoided my gaze.
“…But I am at fault too, aren’t I? How can I just pretend I’m not?”
If the same thing had happened to another member instead of Cha Woon, he probably would have been able to stay rational. As the leader, he might have even handled the situation far more skillfully than the others.
The reason he couldn’t think straight was simply because he was the one directly involved in this incident. To him, his own worth was nothing compared to Prism, so rather than causing harm to the members, he thought it would be better to just quietly disappear.
In Cha Woon’s mind, he was no different from the villain who stole my song and drove me to death. He probably believed he didn’t even deserve the right to explain himself.
“Because I couldn’t compose a good title track for Prism, because I couldn’t handle Kang Hyukwoo’s threats properly … I had to use your song, hyung, and it’s also true that you had a hard time because of it.”
‘…Kang Hyukwoo!’
And Kang Hyukwoo, who had tormented Prism for a long time, surely knew that fact better than anyone. Kang Hyukwoo made the public believe that Cha Woon was the cause of my death, which was like striking Cha Woon’s most sensitive weakness: his guilt.
“No, that’s not true. The reason you had to use my song was because Kang Hyukwoo used Prism’s weaknesses to threaten you. I never once had a hard time composing songs for you, and I certainly never resented you.”
Thinking I couldn’t just leave Cha Woon like this, I tried to counter his self-reproach point by point. but my words only seemed to intensify his guilt. He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head, and then, in a voice that trembled as if he might collapse at any moment, he let the words spill out.
“…I know. I knew you’d say that, hyung. But that’s not normal, is it? Who wouldn’t resent someone for stealing their song and claiming it as their own? Hyung. you’re always thinking only about us … like it doesn’t matter if you get hurt in the process.”
“That’s…….”
“Now that I’ve realized it, what am I supposed to do? I, who lived on comfortably under your affection after you died … I feel it in my bones, just how cowardly and pathetic a bastard I was. I can’t forgive myself.”
His face, a bizarre twist of self-mockery and utter despair, neither laughing nor crying, slowly turned toward me.
“…….”
The moment I took in that face, my heart felt like it was crumbling.
A sudden fear gripped me—so strong that I wanted to cast everything aside, Kang Hyukwoo or whatever else, and just hide him in my arms right then and there.
And at the same time, I started to regret everything I had done.
“…I’m not the most important person in my world! Doing what’s best for me doesn’t directly lead to my happiness!”
“Hyung, you just can’t forgive yourself. You hate yourself so much that being alive feels unbearable.”
Ah… if only I had realized a little sooner … just how painful it is to watch the ones I love attack themselves. Murmuring those words to myself, I slowly moved my arms and knelt down in front of Cha Woon.
And then, holding his hand firmly, I whispered in a low voice.
“…I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you, for making you go through all this trouble you didn’t have to go through, for making you afraid of me disappearing, for everything.”
“What are you talking about? Why are you suddenly saying that, hyung…….”
“You want to say, ‘It’s not your fault, hyung‘, don’t you? But if I had still been alive, I could have proven your innocence right away when this happened, and none of you would have been blamed as the cause of my death. I still can’t forgive myself.”
As I honestly poured out the countless thoughts I had swallowed on the way here, Cha Woon’s face gradually turned pale. He realized that what I was saying was very similar to what he had just said himself.
But I didn’t stop and spoke while looking straight at their faces.
“…Do you resent me?”
“Of course not!”
Before the question I asked in a weak tone could even finish, a reflexive denial came back. Although I had roughly expected the members’ reactions, I had been unconsciously tense, so I took a breath to hide it. Then, turning my gaze toward Cha Woon, I placed my hand on his chest.
“How does it feel? Does it hurt?”
At those words, Cha Woon fell silent as if struck right to the core. I looked at him and smiled softly, then answered the question first, “I was in pain. It was as excruciating as being stabbed with a knife.”
“When I see you hurting yourself like this … it feels like my heart is being ripped to shreds. Do you know why?”
“…….”
“…Because I cherish you. And the other members feel the same way. Prism can never be truly happy if even one person has to sacrifice themselves. Just as you cherish the other members and want to protect them, we cherish you too.”
With each word I spoke, I could feel Cha Woon’s rapidly beating heart gradually return to a steady rhythm. Then, his chest began to rise and fall slightly. When I gently lifted his chin with my hand, his eyes, welling up with tears, looked up at me.
I gazed into them intently and continued, “…That’s what it means to have people who love you. We realized that far too late, and now we’re already covered in scars. So, from now on, let’s stop trying to hurt ourselves any further.”
“…….”
“I need you. So please, for my sake, let me protect you.”
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Translator’s Corner:
Family…. no seriously how can people read hundreds of this and hating Prism ….
Wow I was binge reading Reset Idol (it has 700+ chapters but it’s still ongoing oh my god now I’m trapped in another one chapter a week hell), and now Lee Chise just got dethroned one place down from the people I want to marry …. now my #1 is Yoon Eden, and #2 is Jeong Chanyang …. #ICanFixHim
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