“…Of course I saw it. How could I not? But we’re just pretending we don’t. He must’ve already been stressed enough with people demanding explanations, calling for a hiatus, asking what his diagnosis is. I didn’t want us to corner him on top of all that.”
The first to respond to Yoo Jay’s question was Cha Woon. As he recalled what had happened back then, he shut his eyes tight and let out a deep sigh, as if the memory itself made him dizzy.
“They said in the official statement that he just slipped and fell, but honestly, I don’t buy it. With Pantheion’s contract almost up, they probably just said that so he could at least finish out their last promotions. I’m pretty sure he collapsed because of psychological reasons. I mean, it wasn’t just anyone. It was Yutae hyung who heard such awful things from the fans……“
”…….“
“I should’ve asked how he’s doing now. But I didn’t, because I was worried it might just add to his burden.”
While Cha Woon went on at length, sounding like he had a lot on his mind, Yoo Jay—the one who had brought it up in the first place—remained silent, his expression calm but subdued. Just as the other members began to feel a bit uneasy, Nam Yihwon, unable to stand the heavy atmosphere any longer, irritably pulled his phone from his pocket and and declared.
“Ah, that much should be fine to ask. I’ll do it. I can’t stand this kind of situation.”
[Hyung, is where you got hurt okay now?]
And despite his bold declaration, the message he actually sent was rather timid. Yet, no reply came.
“Just wait a bit ……. I’m sure that’s not it.”
”…….“
”……”
An awkward silence dragged on for quite a while, and just as the manager, who had been reading the room, was about to suggest they head back, a new message arrived on the phone.
[Y]
Seeing only that blunt, stiff reply, Cha Woon rubbed his eyes hard, as if trying to deny the reality in front of him. Then, slowly lifting his head to look at the members’ faces, he made an expression like something had just malfunctioned inside him.
“…Is that all?
“Seriously, this hyung is the worst.”
“Right? He really has a talent for driving people crazy … Is that why he’s a superstar?”
“No, seriously, how’s Hyung ever going to date anyone if he keeps acting like this?”
“Well, he said he’s not interested in dating, so isn’t it fine?”
“Still, if he spends his whole life focused only on work, it just feels kind of pitiful.”
“No, the truly pitiful person is me, who keeps texting Hyung first, only to get dry one-word replies every single time. This is insanity.”
The unusual sight of grown men huddled closely around a small phone, whispering among themselves, naturally drew the attention of the nearby staff. Noticing the stares, the Prism members quickly moved to a more secluded corner and resumed texting with renewed focus.
“Try asking him to call. That hyung never gives a proper answer over text.”
“Yeah, yeah, I got it. You’re really acting like a backseat driver1.”
[Are you free for a call??]
[N]
[Why? Are you filming right now?]
He asked, wondering if maybe he was too busy with work to pick up the phone, but no reply came. When they asked the Pantheion members earlier, it sounded like he didn’t have any schedules after this. No doubt that hyung was ignoring them again, just because he couldn’t be bothered to take a call.
Having come to that conclusion, Nam Yihwon lifted his head and flashed a cheerful smile. Then, carving the final bit of patience into his heart, he jabbed at the screen with irritated taps.
[Hyung, since it seems like you find texting bothersome, I’m going to call you ^^ If you don’t pick up right away, I’m dragging all the members and barging into Pantheion’s dorm.]
“Chise-hyung, you know the address of Pantheion’s dorm, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then we’re good.”
After sending a message that was about 90% genuine threat, Nam Yihwon called Seo Yutae before even a full second had ticked by. This time, the ringing—usually repeated over and over—was cut off right before it could go to voicemail.
“…Hello.”
Fortunately, it seemed he had at least seen the message, as a rather sharp voice came through the speaker. But Nam Yihwon paid no attention whatsoever to Seo Yutae’s mood and went ahead with his question.
“Did you move somewhere? Why is it so quiet around you?”
Seo Yutae paused for a moment, then he made a strange sound, as if he was being pushed from behind.
“No reason. I just thought you might not hear me well.”
Just as Yoo Jay, who had been staring straight ahead the whole time, finally rolled his eyes down to glance at the phone, a sudden commotion came through the speaker; something rushing over, followed by a loud thump as it crashed into something.
He roughly surmised, based on instinct, that something small had suddenly rushed over and jumped into Seo Yutae’s arms. Just as he was thinking, ‘Did he run into a dog?‘, they heard Seo Yutae’s flustered voice say, “Wait.“, followed by the faint sound of someone else in the background.
“Hyung, I have to … go to Dad…….”
It didn’t seem like the speaker was talking directly into the phone mic; the voice was faint and kept cutting out, making it difficult to tell for certain.. But judging by how young the voice sounded, it seemed Seo Yutae was with a child who hadn’t even hit puberty yet.
“Sorry. I’ll call you back later.”
And before they could even ask about it, the call ended. As the Prism members blankly stared at the ‘Call Ended‘ message on the screen, an unsettling feeling creeping in among them.
Wait, how could someone with no acquaintances besides Prism, Pantheion, and Lee Saehwa suddenly be with a child, out of nowhere? Is he filming some kind of variety show with kids or something? But shows like that are pretty rare these days, and didn’t they clearly hear that Pantheion had no other schedules today?
“…I think I just heard a child’s voice. What was that?”
As Jo Inchan muttered that, the rest of the members, except for Jay, quickly nodded as if to say they’d heard it too. But the only person who could actually give them an answer had already hung up, so they were left once again in despair, forced to rack their brains.
“Seriously, what the hell ……. This hyung isn’t some legendary Pokemon, so why is he like this every single time? Please, can we just communicate like normal people?”
“Ask Pantheion if they know where Hyung is right now.”
“They said he’s not there. Apparently, he went out for a bit, said he had somewhere to go.”
“What on earth is he doing and where? He’s always just holed up in the studio, dorm, or practice room whenever he’s not with the other members.”
Then, Yoo Jay, who had been silent the whole time, quietly spoke up, “He does go out sometimes even without the other members. Like, to Lee Saehwa’s place, for example.”
“Oh, right. He could be with Lee Saehwa.”
“But as for why there’s a child at Lee Saehwa’s place … that’s something we’ll have to think about.”
“What if … what if Kang Hyukwoo had someone he loved?”
He was thinking back to the strange words Seo Yutae had let slip just moments ago.
***
“Hyung, I think I have to go to Dad now…….”
While I was reluctantly on the phone with the members of Prism—practically forced into it by something close to a threat—I was completely caught off guard when a child suddenly ran up and hugged me. What the kid said was shocking enough on its own, but the bigger problem was that the person on the other end of the call was a member of Prism. I quickly covered the phone’s mic with my hand, instinctively backed away, and hurriedly ended the call.
‘Surely they didn’t hear his voice, right?’
Chaeyul’s existence was bound to throw Prism into disarray.
Do you have any idea how many years the members of Prism endured hell because of Kang Hyukwoo? That bastard, who forced them into unfair contracts, assaulted and threatened them, and ultimately drove one of them to death, has someone precious to him?
This was outright deception. But when faced with a child who seemed like the very product of that deception, would the members really be able to remain rational?
“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can bring myself to wish that person well.”
“I really want Kang Hyukwoo to experience for himself what it felt like when we lost you, hyung.”
Jay was the one who had once gone absolutely berserk, swearing he’d kill Kang Hyukwoo. He hated him so much that he wouldn’t hesitate to commit actions that could’ve cost him his entire career, his whole life. Even I was shaken the moment I first saw the child. There was no way I could let the other members find out about the child’s existence.
I bent down to meet the child’s eyes and asked slowly, “Do you want to go back to your dad? Is that what Chaeyul wants?”
The child didn’t answer right away. Instead, he fidgeted with his hands and feet for a moment, then gave an ambiguous nod. I had told him he could go back anytime if he wanted to, and I truly meant it. If he genuinely wished to return, I was fully prepared to send him back. But something about the way he nodded felt forced, and it made me uneasy.
So I asked again, repeating the question to make sure, “Are you not scared of your dad anymore? Do you think it’s okay to stay with him now?”
I asked as gently as I could so he wouldn’t be frightened, and though he hesitated for a moment, this time he shook his head. Watching him keep scratching at the cheek where the bruise had been, it was clear that what Kang Hyukwoo had done still remained a trauma for him.
“Then can I ask why you said you wanted to go back?”
Since he was just a young child, he might not have fully understood his own feelings yet. So I asked him questions one by one, helping him reflect on how he truly felt. After hesitating for quite a while, he finally answered.
“…I just thought, if I keep staying here like this, Dad will hate me…….”
“…….”
“I thought about it, and I think I did something bad. Dad told me not to go with people I don’t know, but I did…….”
Those words made my chest tighten.
This child was still scared of Kang Hyukwoo.
But despite that, he seemed to be tormented by a mix of emotions: anxiety and guilt from having pushed Kang Hyukwoo away, and the pull of happy memories from the past that he couldn’t quite let go of.
“He even said he was sorry, but I kept saying I didn’t like him … he must have been hurt.”
Even if it was the person who hurt you, letting go of the only attachment you’ve ever had in your life is more terrifying and painful than you’d expect. It’s even more so if you’re not emotionally mature yet.
“I’m going to go tell him I was wrong…….”
What on earth am I supposed to say to this child?
Setting aside the question of whether you could let go of your attachment to that person, there were still far too many things to consider. Giving up a guardian meant facing realistic problems such as the fear of having to navigate this harsh world alone with no one to protect you, and the guilt of abandoning someone you were supposed to love.
Not having anyone to find you when you suddenly collapse, waking up in the emergency room with no guardian by your side, being left completely alone as your friends head off to visit their families during the holidays, having to shoulder the burden of making a living from a young age. The absence of family in the important moments of your life hurts far more than you’d ever imagined.
If I stop this child now, won’t he end up resenting me later when that moment comes?
I, too, had felt that same fear and lingering attachment; the impulse to defend and rationalize the actions of the very person who had hurt me, while still trying to love them. And because I knew all too well how hard it was to let go of those feelings, even while knowing they were wrong, I couldn’t speak carelessly as if it had nothing to do with me.
“He might not come home often, but my dad buys me the newest phone, never gets mad at me … He always tells me he loves me, and says I can do whatever I want.”
“Hyung, if you hate my dad, then I will hate you too.”
When I thought back to what the child had said to me before, it seemed like Kang Hyukwoo had been a fairly good father. I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that maybe Choi Jeokhyeon and I had ruined what was once a peaceful family. That thought kept haunting me.
At that moment, my phone chimed with a new notification.
[Kang Hyukwoo]
[Please let me meet Chaeyul just once.]
[I swear this will be the last time. If you grant me this one thing, I’ll do whatever you ask.]
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Translator’s Corner:
Sorry to bring bad news, but I’ll be locking this blog until the retranslations that I mentioned in my previous got deleted. I’m not going to accept any new access request too.
And updates might be halted for the same reason. Honestly, it really felt like my last straw. I made an announcement telling to stop it, but once I un-privated the blog, they uploaded 18 more chapters instead? This is really …. wow, people really do this to me? Even after reading all that, even after I specifically called them out, they don’t care at all as long as they can keep reading and getting that wattpad clout? sigh … the only reason I managed to update this was because I already did this yesterday.
Well, may the rest of your June be filled with happy things, everyone.
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