Elian followed Finn behind as they walked through the hall.
Everywhere was properly decorated, flowers adorning the walls, tables covered in beautiful cloths, and curtains beautified with silk colourful ribbons.
Maids and male servants were busy putting some finishing touches all over the place, making sure everything was perfect for the ball.
The engagement was really happening tonight.
They approached Lucien’s study and Finn gave Elian a slow nod before walking back to his post.
Elian took a deep breath and knocked once.
There was hesitation before the door was unlocked.
"Oh, good morning, dear Elian. Here to take on your new role?" Rowena asked kindly.
Elian lifted his face, glancing past Rowena’s shoulder and toward the man who was sitting behind his desk with his face buried in work.
"I was summoned by His Grace," Elian murmured, looking away from Lucien, who had clearly chosen to ignore him after summoning him.
Rowena nodded, "Oh, please, come in–"
"No need," Lucien cut in smoothly, never lifting his face from his work.
Elian swallowed down a lump, refusing to let Lucien’s attitude get to him.
"Why, my love? He said you asked for him," Rowena glanced at Lucien.
"He is my attendant. His duty is to stand in front of the door until I need him," Lucien stated.
Elian clenched his fists, his eyes locked on Lucien’s lowered face.
He knew this was Lucien’s way of keeping a watch over him, but he failed to understand why Lucien even bothered. Why would he stress himself over a person he didn’t love?
Obsession.
Lucien always told him how obsessed he was with him.
He used to think it was some flirty talk, but now, he knew Lucien meant every word he said.
"Alright. Then I shall let you get to your duty," Rowena flashed Elian a sly grin before closing the door in his face.
Elian sighed, glancing at Finn at the end of the hall.
Finn smiled encouragingly, nodding at him.
Gritting his teeth, Elian turned away from the door and faced the wall.
His forehead was creased, his mind thinking of ways he could escape before tonight. He couldn’t stand and watch Lucien give someone else the attention and affection he was dying for. It would kill his soul to watch.
"Ahh... Lucien..." Rowena’s soft moan suddenly drifted through the door.
Elian stilled, his palms instantly moistening with cold sweat.
"No..." he snapped his head toward Finn, who was staring at him with pity clear in his eyes.
Elian looked away, blinking fast to prevent his quick-forming tears.
"Ohh— yes — right there, Lucien —faster!" Rowena’s voice grew louder and louder.
Elian suddenly hissed when his nail cut through the skin of his palm due to how hard he dug them in.
He brought his palm up, staring at the small cut as blood slowly emerged from it.
Rowena was getting louder and louder and Elian felt like his heart was about to burst. Without thinking, he moved, running away from the door.
He ran straight through the grand hall, almost pushing a man down. But he didn’t stop; he kept running until he passed the stables and toward the river he and Lynda loved to visit.
That was when he let himself stop. His knees thumped the soft-grass river banks, his hands clutching the grass in silent rage.
He stared at the shimmering river through blurry eyes, his tears flowing like the water.
Lucien never intended to station him there as duty; he wanted to rub it in, to make sure Elian understood how things actually were.
Elian’s chest felt so tight that he had to gasp to breathe.
Why did he have to fall for such a heartless devil?
Why did it have to be Lucien?
Why did Lucien have to be so mean to him?
Making him stand and listen to him pleasuring Rowena was the height of it. Seeing it through Rowena’s memories had already broken him, but hearing it right in his ears? He was completely ruined.
"You’re a hard one to keep up with," Cassian suddenly spoke behind Elian.
Elian didn’t bother to hide his heartbroken tears; he kept sobbing, letting his heart shatter to unredeemable pieces.
Cassian’s footsteps sounded softly over the grass as he approached Elian. Slowly, he lowered himself beside Elian, placing a gentle hand over his back.
"It’s alright, Elian," he murmured, rubbing Elian’s back.
Elian didn’t move; he knew Cassian wanted to make him feel better, but he also knew the man knew nothing about his pain, and he wasn’t in the brightest mood to narrate his agony at the moment.
He just remained silent, Rowena’s voice rising repeatedly in his ears.
"He doesn’t deserve you, Elian. You’re too good for him... I mean it," Cassian said in his softest tone.
That got Elian to lift his head.
His nose was red and moist, and so were his eyes and cheeks. He sniffled quietly, confusion clear in his eyes.
"You... you know?" he looked bewildered.
Cassian smiled, gently taking Elian’s hands off the ground.
"I heard you... with Finn," he said.
Elian sighed, "I was that loud..." he muttered, frowning and wondering if any other person heard.
Cassian shook his head, "No. My room is next to yours and I had just stepped out...." he hesitated.
"I meant what I said... Lucien does not deserve you. I know it feels like your world is ending now, and I understand. But I also want you to understand that love is not pain... and it should never be one-sided." He used his thumb to gently wipe a tear from Elian’s cheek.
Elian laughed softly, "Like you and me, too... right?" He asked, holding Cassian’s gaze.
He was no child; he knew Cassian had feelings for him, the man had even kissed him in front of the duke and the princess. What other proof did he need?
But, just like himself and Lucien, he was never the one withholding the love from Cassian.
The world was really not fair.
"No." Cassian settled on the ground, folding his legs under himself.
"No?" Elian asked, mimicking Cassian’s posture.
Cassian nodded, "We’re nothing like that." He placed his hand on Elian’s knee.
"How?" Elian asked, wiping the remaining tears from his face.
"I love you, yes. But you don’t hurt me," Cassian smiled softly.
"You might not love me back right now, but you’re not hurting me to show that. And, I understand that your heart is with someone else right now; I’m willing to wait," he explained.
Elian shook his head, "Don’t wait," he murmured.
Cassian furrowed his brows, "You will keep loving him?" he asked slowly.
Elian bit his lower lip, "I don’t know how not to," he confessed.
Cassian sighed deeply, "He really does not deserve you."
Gently, he cupped Elian’s delicate jaw, his thumb caressing his jawline smoothly.
"You can stop, Elian. You know you can... this is not how you want to live, is it?" He questioned, his eyes softening.
Elian blinked away, shaking his head, "It’s not," he murmured.
Cassian nodded and slowly pressed a kiss on Elian’s forehead. "I can help... if you’ll let me," he whispered.
Elian’s heart fluttered; Cassian was everything he wanted in Lucien, yet, he couldn’t bring himself to accept the affection that was right in front of him.
Cassian chuckled, "I’m not insensitive, Elian. I’m not asking you to love me now. I just want to be something more than acquaintances... great friends..." He tucked a loose curl behind Elian’s ear, "I mean it."
Elian took a shuddering breath and slowly nodded, "Great friends, then." He managed a small smile.
"You know... we can stay here for the rest of the day," Cassian smiled mischievously.
Elian chuckled, "He will know."
Cassian nodded, "Yes."
Elian furrowed his brow, "I don’t want any trouble from him anymore," he mumbled.
Cassian smirked, "He can’t make trouble now.... what would he tell his fiancé when she asks why he was mad? That he is missing his lover–"
"Scandal," Elian corrected.
"Scandal?" Cassian questioned.
Elian nodded, "He calls me his scandal... his hidden scandal," he explained.
Cassian sighed, "You won’t be my scandal. You will be my man, my equal, my soulmate... that is if you ever decide to love me back." He added the last part in a low tone.
Elian stared at Cassian’s face; those icy grey eyes gazed at him like he was his world, just the way he wished Lucien would look at him.
Slowly, he leaned in, his heart beating loudly for what he was about to do.
"You don’t need to–"
Elian cut Cassian off with a soft kiss.
Just lips, nothing deep and messy.
"I hope this soothes your ache for the love I can’t give you at the moment," Elian murmured, his cheeks flushed as he looked away from Cassian.
Cassian remained frozen, his throat bobbing up and down as he licked his lips slowly.
His eyes found Elian’s flushed face and he cursed under his breath, "Elian..." he raked his fingers through his hair, "You don’t have to do that... it actually does not soothe me."
Elian blinked rapidly in panic, "Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you liked –"
"I don’t like you..." Cassian chuckled lowly, "I love you. And kissing me like that only makes me ache for you, Elian, and..." he trailed his finger along Elian’s hairline, "You’re not ready to soothe that ache." His voice lowered suggestively.
Elian gulped and looked away, "I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking," he murmured.
Truly, he had only wanted to make Cassian feel good and thank him for being here for him; he just did not realize that love was a flame... just like Lucien’s touch set him on fire... so did his touch set Cassian on fire.
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