A vibrating noise awoke me from my restless slumber. I had set my alarm rune to wake me up early. Hyde always showed up at mid-morning to boss us around, and due to the debt I was now in, I had to listen to her. However, my genius strategy was to wake up at 5AM and leave before she even showed up. If she never told me what to do, I wouldn’t be disobeying orders.
I wasn’t even sure if this was necessary. Would Hyde even be returning after her psychological breakdown? She probably would. I’d bet a decent amount of money she had calmed down by now and was ready to work us all like dogs.
I got up out of bed, got dressed, and readied myself for the day. In my bag I put all the supplies I’d need. There was a possibility that the land of monsters was a paradise that I wouldn’t return from, so I took all my most important possessions.
I quietly opened the door and entered the hall. I didn’t want to wake anyone by making too much noise. It could be trouble if someone saw me leaving so early in the morning. I crept over to the exit.
A door opened. I turned to the direction of the sound, and it was Thaxted exiting the bathroom. “Phew, I’m never eating scorching hot pyre flakes again. I didn’t realise they’d be spicy. They really need to label things properly in this world.” Thaxted dusted off his hands and noticed me. “Oh hey, Yarm.”
“Hey, Thaxted.” Not being noticed was out of the window. At this point I just had to act natural.
“Why are you awake at this time of night?” he asked.
“Oh, you know. Just doing normal things like a normal guy.” I tried to whistle but I just blew air out of my mouth.
“Right…” He raised one eyebrow in confusion. “Oh, wait. I get it.” He gave me a wide smile and raised both eyebrows at me. “You’re a little backed up, huh?”
“What?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell. I’ve done it myself multiple times already.”
“Genuinely, what are you talking about?”
“But why were you heading in the direction of the exit? Don’t tell me you like to do it in public?”
The longer I spent here, the more likely it was for me to be spotted by others. I decided to just go along with the flow. “Uh, sure. Yeah. I do it in public.”
“Woah. I didn’t expect that from you. Anyway. Godspeed to you.” He held out his hand for me to shake.
I was about to proceed with the handshake, but I pulled back at the last moment.
Thaxted tilted his head. “What’s wrong, bro?”
“Thaxted, you just used the toilet, right? Why was it that I never heard running water coming from the runes in the bathroom?”
Thaxted took a step back. “Ah well, you see…”
“And I didn’t hear you using the wind runes to dry your hands.”
Thaxted became flustered.
“Let’s make a deal. You tell no one about me being here and I’ll tell no one that you don’t wash your hands? Deal?”
“Deal. Let’s shake on it,” Thaxted said.
“Let’s not.”
I trotted along to the shop of Mushy the mushroom. I arrived too early so I waited for her to open. Once I got the equipment I needed from her, I wanted to head straight towards the Demon Kingdom.
Mushy opened her shop at 8AM. She welcomed me inside with a bright smile. I picked out several items and placed them on the counter.
She went through the items and tallied the price. “Some non-perishable food, gloves, rope, a small bedroll, a tinderbox, a torch, a water bottle, a chalkboard, chalk, soap… and several thin needles. What do you need the needles for? Are you planning on sewing something?” she asked.
“Acupuncture.”
“I’m not familiar.”
“I stab people with needles to make them feel better.”
She looked concerned. “Maybe I shouldn’t sell these to you.” She set them aside.
“Just kidding. I’m planning on using them to stab monsters in the eyes.”
“Ah, well in that case, of course you can buy them.” She placed them back on the counter.
I was starting to better comprehend the societal values of this world. I didn’t like it, but I could at least use my knowledge to my advantage. “So how much for the lot of it?” I asked.
“200 GP.”
I placed 50 on the counter. “Can I get a discount?”
She shook her head and spores fell out. “Afraid not, kiddo.”
It was time to employ one of the tactics I learned from my time on Earth. “These products aren’t even all that good! The food is rotting, the tinderbox is faulty, the water bottle’s leaking, the bedroll’s got a hole in it. You want me to pay 200 for all this?”
Mushy blinked at me. “None of what you said is true.”
“Ah, c’mon. Don’t be stingy. Think of giving me this stuff as charity.”
She frowned and pursed her white lips.
“I didn’t want it to have to come to this.” I turned both my hands into finger guns and aimed at Mushy. “Charmer title activate!” Nothing happened. “Charming mode engage. Give me rewards Charmer title.” I pointed at Mushy and wagged my fingers at her, but nothing happened. “Damn title must be broken.”
The mushroom girl sighed. “I was going to put in a request at the guild for this, but I think I’ll ask you to do it instead.” She placed a sealed pouch on the counter. “I want you to deliver this for me.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you that. It’s private.” Mushy averted her gaze.
“Humph. I can already tell what it is just by your behaviour.” I shot her a knowing smile.
“You can?” Her cheeks went red and she twiddled her fingers together. “Goodness me, you mustn’t tell anyone. Please keep it a secret.”
“Don’t worry. I’m great at keeping secrets. As long as you pay me well, I’ll be the best drug mule you’ve ever seen!” I held my nose up high.
“Drug mule?”
“There’s no need to play dumb. When you hand me a bag filled with a mysterious substance and tell me it’s top secret, I’ll obviously know it’s drugs. So, what kind of drug is it? Magic mushrooms?”
“It’s not a narcotic! The pouch is filled with my spores,” she admitted after great hesitance.
“Spores? What do you want me to do with these?”
“Well, I haven’t been able to leave the city for a while. You seem like you’re going on a journey, right? When you find a nice area in the wilderness, I want you to spread my spores.”
“Spread them? To what end?” I scratched my brow in confusion. “Wait! Are you telling me to help you reproduce?”
“You don’t have to put it like that!” she stammered. “It’s a simple biological urge to want to spread one’s seed, isn’t it?”
“Ugh…” I cringed. “What would even happen if the spores grew up? Would they turn into half-mushrooms like you?”
“No. They would just mature into normal cute little red cap mushrooms. To make a half-mushroom I’d have to engage in a different act of reproduction.” Mushy curled her index finger and thumb into a circle and then pushed her other index finger inside.
“Stop it. I don’t even wanna know. I’m sorry but find someone else for your little procreation mission.” I used my palm to push the bag back towards the mushroom girl.
“I’ll give you a discount.”
“Ah well in that case, of course I’ll do it!” I grabbed the pouch of spores and put it into my bag. Mushy helped me fill my bag with all the merchandise that I bought. I wondered if I’d be able to carry everything. Most of the items were light but my Body was at -1. I hoisted the bag onto my back, and I just about managed to not fall over.
The thought of my Body level reminded me of something. “Mushy, can you explain Stats to me?”
“I’d be happy to. What is it that you wish to know?”
“Hypothetically if my Body level was -1, would that be bad?”
Mushy crouched down to my height and looked me dead in the eyes. “It would be very bad.”
A bead of sweat dripped down my forehead. “And hypothetically, if my System could reduce it further, would that be bad?”
Mushy’s eyes widened. “It would be extremely bad.”
More sweat started dripping down my face. “And even more hypothetically, if my System at times gave me no choice on choosing my stats, would that be bad?”
Mushy grabbed my shoulders. “That would be catastrophically bad. If your System forces your Body level to -4 you will die. Your max HP would be nothing. You would perish.”
Gallons of liquid sweat poured down my face. “I see.” I stuttered, “Thankfully that’s all hypothetical.”
Mushy wasn’t convinced. “At every opportunity, from now on you must increase your Body level, ok? Promise me that.”
“I promise.” I really didn’t want to die so I was more than happy to agree.
She held up her little finger. “Pinkie promise me.”
“Uh, no. There’s no need for childish—” Mushy glared at me in such a manner that I couldn’t refuse, so we made a pinkie promise.
The girl ruffled my hair. “Good. Now, if your Body level does go lower by something out of your control, come to me. I’ll try my best to get you a stat potion.”
Stat potion? I liked the sound of that. “Why wait until then? How much does one cost? I want to buy one of these potions.”
Mushy shook her head and moved back behind the counter. “I would have to sell my shop to afford one.”
They were that expensive? “Wait, are you saying you’d be willing to sell your store to buy me one? Why? Why go that far for a stranger like me?”
“You think your life is worth less than a measly shop?”
“Well, I obviously think my life is worth more, but I don’t know why you think that too. They say the tears of strangers are only water. Why do you care about my plight to such a degree that you’d sacrifice your business?”
“Do I truly need a reason to care about someone other than myself?”
I was just about to set off on a journey to betray the human kingdom and aid in its destruction by helping the monsters. It was a decision made by the clear lack of empathy I had known the citizens of this country to have. Yet, here was a person showing extreme selflessness.
She was willing to go above and beyond for a person she did not know. The compassion she demonstrated made my heart waver. The number of evil people in this world far outweighed the good, from what I had seen. However, if this kingdom were to fall, I would want the good spared.
It was a trolley problem-esque situation. Was I to let the train carry on as normal, or divert it to a path that killed many guilty and a few innocents? Wasn’t there a bloodless way to save those that suffered? I certainly couldn’t think of one.
I hoped the monsters would provide me the answers I sought.
“I appreciate your kindness, Mushy. You’re a good sport.” I gave her a thumbs up.
“Aww thank you, sweetie.”
“Get it? Good spore-t?”
“Get the hell out, brat!”
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