This System had a screw loose. The options it gave me were all insane. How were the dialogue choices even produced? They certainly were not taken from my psyche. Not even my most intrusive thoughts could come up with sentences as idiotic as the ones I was shown.
This was not the time to be scrutinising the origins of the System. Time was ticking down quickly. It was a no-brainer to rule out the first option. After everything that had occurred, it would infuriate everyone if I started kowtowing out of nowhere. Not to mention my reluctance to lick the boots of a noble lowlife.
The second option was surprisingly the one that I wanted to pick. Thinking about it, no one would take it seriously. Who in their right mind would believe that some random kid was a terrorist that wanted cigarettes as ransom. It was too absurd to be real. Once I said the words, of course I’d receive some weird looks, but no one would arrest me, hopefully. Hell, even if they did arrest me, I would be absolved of guilt once they found out the bombs didn’t exist. I could easily play it off as a joke.
That was what my rational mind told me to pick. However, the Charmer title wanted me to pick the correct option. I had no idea what even constituted correctness in the mind of the System.
What was the correct option? Was it to become a bootlicker, a terrorist, or a violent madman? I believed them all to be incorrect choices, but clearly the System thought that a certain dialogue option was right.
I looked at the timer, and it was showing the number 2. With only a couple of seconds left, I locked in the final answer. My panicked logic was that the System seemed to enjoy violence. By giving XP, it rewarded killing monsters. I assumed it also wanted me to pick the violent option here.
[You have chosen the correct dialogue option!]
[Reward: you receive a duel with the duke.]
What the hell kind of a reward was that? I could have gotten that on my own! I didn’t need this stupid System to start a duel. This Charmer title was one of the worst things that the System had given me. It actively made my life worse at every opportunity. If only I could have cleansed myself of this useless title.
My mouth involuntarily opened. “Oi, nonce! Get your grimy ass over here and fight me. I challenge you to a duel. A level 15 hero is about to humble a level 40 nobleman.”
Wait, that was completely different than the dialogue that I picked. Why did it suddenly change?
Frome stopped her swing. No one saw she was about to knock out Gosport because I had drawn everyone’s attention to myself. “You’re level 15?” Gosport said. He wasn’t aggravated by my outburst. The other nobles whispered amongst themselves. Gosport continued, “Then the rumours are true. You heroes level up remarkably fast.”
“Perhaps the heroes really can defeat the Demon King and end this war,” said a noblewoman.
“They’ve been here for only days and progressed so far. The monsters could be eradicated within the decade.”
Gosport looked at me intensely. I could see no shred of the former arrogance he displayed. He looked like a completely different man. He had forgotten all about bullying poor Penrin. “And what of your stats? Are they high too?”
I puffed the collar of my shirt. “Well, not to brag, but I have -1 Body, 7 Mind, and 2 Soul.”
The room went deathly silent. You could have heard a lockpick drop. Not my lockpick, of course. Then the room erupted into uninhibited laughter. People held their bellies as they almost keeled over. A man was coughing loudly as he had begun to laugh while drinking.
I also began laughing. I didn’t know what was going on, so I decided to join in. The more the merrier, right?
Newmill approached my side and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Yarm, you know they’re laughing at you, don’t you?”
“Huh? Why? Did I say something funny.”
Gosport wiped tears from his eyes. “I have never encountered stats in the negatives before,” he said while trying to suppress his cackling. “That’s incredible. At level 15, your stats accumulate to 8 points.”
“Is that low?” I asked.
My words made the nobles laugh even harder. “That’s pathetically low. At minimum, one would expect the cumulative number of your stats to equal your level. You should have at least 15 stat points.” Gosport dabbed his face with a handkerchief.
This damn System really was screwing me! My stat points were far below average. Was I getting really unlucky on my slot machine spins? I had thought I was rolling well, but apparently not.
The duke went on, “Not only that, but your points are all placed into Mind, the worse stat of all.”
“No! Please don’t say that!” I held my head with my hands. “Mind has to be useful in some way, right? Wouldn’t it be good for a strategist or a tactician?” Had I really wasted all my 15 levels on garbage?
“Even the greatest generals have a Body level that is at least double their Mind. You can’t think your enemy to death.” Gosport and the other nobles were catching their breath from laughing too hard.
“Do I get a redo? Is there a way to refund my points or something? I wasn’t told any of this!” I remembered that I skipped over a lot of Hyde’s lessons. That was coming to bite me in the behind. If only I had listened to her back then.
“There’s no redo. You’ve wasted so much potential.” Gosport finally stopped laughing but kept a wide smile. “Just for a moment, I thought you might aid in defeating the Demon King. I realise now that you’d have difficulty beating a slime.”
“Hey, slimes are stronger than they look, ok? Me having lost to one doesn’t prove anything.”
A noblewoman slapped a table and made plates clatter. “He really did lose to a slime? How is that even possible? I suppose the king’s heroes are failed projects.”
Did I just worsen the reputation of my fellow Earthlings among the nobles? Oops.
“Clear some space.” Gosport created a ring devoid of people and furniture. “You wished to duel me, botched hero?”
I really wished he hadn’t remembered that.
The perimeter of the circle Gosport created was lined with excited nobles. He stood at one end, and I on the other. Newmill and Frome begged me to back down from the sidelines. The other nobles started betting on the outcome. They didn’t wager on who would win, that much was obvious. They wagered on how long I would last before losing.
“Are you ready to begin our battle?” asked Gosport. He took off his jacket and stretched his arms.
I shot him a fierce glare in a shoddy intimidation attempt. “I was born ready.” Then I immediately waved my hands. “Wait, no! Time out. Give me some time to prepare.”
“What last-minute preparations could possibly help you here?”
I opened up my System and conjured my slot machine. The surrounding nobles gasped as they witnessed the appearance of my big metal beloved. They could not see my System due to the privacy setting, but they could still see my level-up game.
“What are you doing?” Newmill asked with a worried expression.
“Gambling,” I responded. I was praying that the slots would give me something good. I had three coins to insert into the machine. I placed them all in. I tried to crank the multiplier up, but it was stuck on 1. It seemed that the multiplier did not work with slot tokens.
“What a curious contraption,” said a bystanding noble. “I have never seen anything like it.”
Gosport looked very irritated but did not stop me. I placed my hand on the lever and pulled. The reels rolled quickly but they looked far different than before. There was more text and colours. From my previous spins, I knew that the reels could land on a red-coloured Skill, blue Title, or green Stats. There was also the possibility of a golden reel.
However, this time there were more colours. The reels were rolling far too fast for me to make out the new text.
The three reels stopped in succession. Each bore the colour orange and displayed the word ‘Recipe’. I nearly flipped the slot machine. Did the System think I was a chef or something? I didn’t need a blueberry-pie recipe. I needed something to help with the duel.
[Choose your crafting Recipe.]
[Monster Wine] [Explosive Panacea] [Tranquiliser]
These were not the type of recipes I was expecting. Upon seeing them, I was reminded of how Georoald had crafted me some shoes using his System. I imagined he must have acquired the recipe for boots. I clicked over each of the options I was given. My will was determined not to waste this chance by picking something useless like the Charmer title.
[Monster Wine: A type of wine that monsters find delectable. (Body)]
[Explosive Panacea: A potion that makes the consumer explode and then cures them of all diseases.]
[Tranquiliser: When injected into a creature’s bloodstream, inflicts the Drowsy status effect. (Mind)]
Good roll, I thought to myself. Two of these were highly appealing in their own right.
The monster wine could allow me to befriend monsters. Emphasis on the ‘could’. I doubted any hostile monster would willingly drink anything I had to offer. Even the ones that were talkative, like the half-demon watermelon woman, would likely turn down my offer of wine. They would think it was poison.
The explosive panacea was rubbish. I imagined it was useful for an assassin who could pour it into someone’s drink. For me though, worthless.
The tranquiliser was my immediate inclination. I clicked on the word ‘drowsy’ for more information.
[Drowsy: Causes one to fall asleep after a certain amount of time.]
Amazing! I could use it to incapacitate monsters without killing them and then use the Spare Monster skill on them. Plus, I could also use it in this duel to defeat the duke.
I had numerous ways to inject the tranquiliser into my opponent. I could coat my darts with the liquid and then throw them at Gosport. Or I could’ve dipped my acupuncture needles into the tranquiliser and stabbed him. It was the perfect plan. The only issue was that I did not know how long it would take for the tranquiliser to put the duke to sleep.
I clicked on the Tranquiliser option and finalised my choice. With a plan in mind, I smirked to myself. I looked around for the tranquiliser. It was nowhere to be found. That was strange. It was not on my person, nor in my bag, nor on the floor. I checked my status page.
[Name: Yarm] [Age: 45] [Level: 15]
[HP: 90] [MP: 25] [XP: -10,267] [LP:0] [GP: 1115]
[Body: -1] [Mind: 7] [Soul: 2]
[Titles: Villain, Lockpicker, Charmer] [Skills: Cleanse, Spare Monster] [Items: Soundless Pick, Boots of Lesser Minor Speed, Lesser Mana Potion, 3 Acupuncture Darts] [Recipes: Tranquiliser]
It showed up on my System. I whispered to Newmill. “Hey, I just got a crafting recipe. Where is it? How do I use it?”
Newmill raised an eyebrow. “Do you have the ingredients to craft it?”
I realised at that moment, I was an idiot. For some reason, I had assumed the tranquiliser would appear in front of me like an item. I really wished I had paid attention to Hyde’s teachings.
“Psst!” Newmill whispered to me. “Are you using your System? Why can’t I see it?”
I shrugged and quickly came up with a lie. “Camouflage mode?” I facepalmed. I really was an idiot.
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