Adventures of Superguy

July 6, 2010 - Central City

West Family Residence

10:49:18

“Walli! Connor! Get up, you lazy bones! I don’t care if you were fighting supervillains and escaping from mad scientists all night. Its almost 11 AM!” 

Two sets of eyes snap open in alarm at the shout and the insistent knocking at the bedroom door of Wallis West. The look of shock and fear is mirrored in each face as they simultaneously sit up in bed. The dark haired boy looks around in panic, painfully aware of his lack of pants and sticky situation. The red haired girl beside him is utterly but gloriously naked in the late morning sun, and her head snaps back and forth at superspeed as she looks from the door to the rest of the room.

Rudy’s insistent parental knocking comes again like the footsteps of a prison guard approaching death row.

“Walli? Honey? Are you still in there…” and then they hear the sound of their death knell as the doorknob begins rattling. 

Panic can scarcely set in before a very pale white and tinged with fiery red blur bundles him off the bed and shoves him into the closet before slamming the door in his face. He finds the discarded sweatpants are now in his hands as he can see through the slatted door of the closet. The blur zips about the room and returns to the bed, pulling the covers up to her chest just as Rudy opens the door and barges into his daughter’s room.

“Oh, there you are, honey. I thought you two might have actually gotten up and run off to do hero things early. But clearly not, huh?” Rudy teases, his hands on his hips.

“Ah, come on, Dad! It's summer break! And we had a late night. Plus, Aunt Jesse says we’re benched for a couple of days. Which means I can actually get a chance to relax!” Walli says, putting her arms behind her head and leaning back as if she intends to spend the day in bed.

“Oh, no you don’t, missy. You have a guest over, and you are not going to just loaf around all day watching TV and eating snacks. You’re hosting that boy, which means keeping him entertained. Speaking of which, where is Connor?” Rudy asks, looking around the otherwise empty bedroom.

Shit, pants! 

Suddenly overcome with a need to not have his twig and berries out, he scrambles in the awkward confines of the closet to put his legs through the holes and get them back on. But in those close confines he almost falls and thumps against the closet wall, cursing lightly. Now he’s tangled in one of Walli’s spare costumes and the sweats around his knees.

“Uh! He slept in the closet!” Walli shouts a little too desperately.

Tangled in her wardrobe, he can’t see but can imagine the incredulity on Rudy’s face. He finally gets the sweats up around his waist and reaches for the closet door, practically falling out of it. He is confronted with the look of surprise on both West family members' faces as he tumbles out.

“Oh, sorry, Mr. West! Yes, I slept in the closet! You surprised me, sorry.” He grins in what he hopes is a self deprecating way.

Rudy has a hand over his mouth and looks like Connor had just grown three heads and each was advocating a contradictory form of revolution.

“You… slept…in the closet?” He slowly manages to ask.

Thinking fast, the boy elects to make a play for sympathy.

“Yeah, it reminds me of the pod at Cadmus. It was more comfortable. I’ve never slept in a bed in this world…” He trails off and looks away, trying to appear downcast.

Rudy claps both hands to his mouth and his eyes grow misty, which causes a stab of guilt in Connor.

Ah, now I feel like a monster. After all those years of hating anyone pitying me, now I’m leaning into it…

Rudy walks forward and pulls him into another embrace, patting his head and sniffling. 

“Oh, you poor thing! Don’t you worry about it. You can sleep in the closet, or wherever you want, while you get settled. But we’ll make sure you have a bed anytime!” Rudy promises over his shoulder, patting him on the back reassuringly.

Stricken with guilt, Connor catches Walli’s eye and mouths help to her over her father’s shoulder, but she just gives him a shrug and throws up her hands. Apparently happy with playing on her father’s generous sympathies is better than getting caught naked in bed together. 

Finally releasing Connor after getting the back of his shirt slightly damp, and once more patting him reassuringly, father turns back to daughter and produces a heavyweight paper envelope with a monogrammed S shield in red on it, and hands it to Walli, who takes it with surprise.

“Well, this arrived for you, I presume. Not sure if Jesse dropped it off, but its definitely for you. Now, get moving, you two! You may not have superheroing to do but you can do something productive with your day. No more loafing, up, get, vamoose!” Rudy says as he shoos them both up and out of the room and down to the kitchen for a decidedly late breakfast.

When did she get her clothes back on…

There are mouthwatering stacks of pancakes, enough scrambled eggs that it must have taken a whole carton, at least a pound of bacon on a plate, and a serving bowl of mixed chopped fruit waiting for them. Both youths descend on the spread like a plague of locusts, and Connor is not much slower than Walli in tucking in. Shortly, there is nary a speck of food left on the kitchen table, and Rudy simply looks down at the empty dishes of what would have passed for a continental breakfast buffet five minutes before, and sighs.

Having secured the last strip of bacon by dint of super strength alone, much to Walli’s consternation, he savors the final bite and asks the question that’s been on his mind while his mouth was occupied.

“What’s in the letter?”

She glares at him and her eyes swear revenge as she eyes the disappearing bacon strip, but she opens the envelope to reveal a simple cardstock card. Flipping it open, a black credit card falls out and she catches it. Written on the interior of the card, in black marker, is ‘For Expenses.’ The only signature is the Bat symbol.

“Oh shit!” Walli exclaims, holding up the card. “Wayne Financial Black Card! Score!”

“Walli, language!” Rudy says sharply, but without heat. 

“Right, sorry. Shazam! We’re in the money!” She declares, holding up the card like a holy relic.

Holy terror, did Batwoman just give me an unlimited line of credit? Or am I only supposed to buy McDonald’s with it? “Expenses” is kind of broad. 

“It doesn’t say what kind of ‘expenses’?” he asks, unsure and reaches for the cards.

Walli pulls it back playfully and grins at him. He reaches again and she continues playing keep away with it until he glowers at her, unable to catch her due to her speed.

“Its for me, anyway.” He says, crossing his arms.

“But you’re from a whole other universe! You probably don’t even know how to use a credit card, or where to go to get stuff.” She argues, unconvincingly.

“We have credit cards back home, and I’d probably try the mall. You do have malls here, right?” He holds out his hand expectantly, waiting.

“Walli…” Rudy warns from the sink as he washes the dishes from their breakfast.

With a sigh she hands the card over, and he takes a look at it.

Aw, man, I was hoping it would be a Bat Card! But then that would be a little too obvious. But this thing has basically no limits. Sick!

“Why don’t you take Connor to the mall and get him some clothes, honey? You’re more than welcome to keep wearing my hand-me-downs, Connor, but if you keep eating like that they’re not going to fit. Not that they really do now…” Rudy says, a hand on his cheek as he looks down at Connor’s attire.

The threadbare and comfortable t-shirt is practically see through and with his taller, broader build, he is practically bursting out of it. If he flexed hard enough, he probably would. The sweat pants end at his calves. 

Yeah, I could definitely use some clothes. And some… everything.

“That’s a good idea…”

********

Central City Shopping Center was a lot nicer than Connor expected. A grand edifice in Neo-Classical style with copious windows and walls of glass, supported by Grecian columns, it was clean, bright and crowded, even for a Monday. It was shaping up to be a hot, dry Mid-Western summer day in Central City as Walli parked her dad’s yellow grocery getter hatchback in the parking garage of the mall. The sun was beating down and there was nary a cloud in the bright, blue sky. 

Huh, they sure do have a lot of solar panels here…

The parking garage’s top level had them, and their dark reflective panels covered the mall’s roof. That was something he had noticed about his new universe; a lot more solar panels and electric vehicles. Architecture was another; a lot of buildings had the Neo-Classical look he associated with old public buildings from the early 20th century back home. It seemed to be part of the aesthetic here.

Maybe that’s a Central City thing? I was never as much of a Flash fan as Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. Metropolis is art deco, Gotham is Gothic, maybe Central is Neo-Classical?

It was nice, he decided. Central City was nice, the weather was nice, Walli was nice, and being alive was nice. He took a deep breath of cool parking garage air as they got out of the car.

“So you never got your license?” Walli asked as she locked the doors and they headed inside.

“No, I got sick again when I should have been taking driving classes. And then…” He struggled to finish the sentence as he felt the parking garage’s gloom intrude even more on the bright day.

“Shoot, sorry! Goddess, I keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I don’t mean to. Sorry.” She said guiltily, avoiding his eyes.

He sighed. This was an all too familiar conversation and he hated it, now more than ever.

“Its okay, Walli. I got over it a long time ago. When you are sick like I was, you get used to the questions, and only having bad news to tell people. Its not your fault, it is what it is. Or was! I’m better now, I’ve got a fresh start, and Batwoman’s money burning a hole in my pocket.” He reassured her breezily, and she brightened at it.

Just gotta keep telling myself that, too. Its over; it went as bad as it could go but I still somehow came through it. I got the ultimate consolation prize.

That thought brought a genuine smile to his face as they entered the mall.

Walli clearly knew her way around the place, a typical American teenager. But she apparently didn’t do a lot of shopping with guys, as she kept bringing him to clothing stores that exclusively carried clothes that… didn’t suit his style.

What the hell is this?

Every other clothing store catered to men, supposedly, but seemed to all have pastel, neon, and every other kind of brightly colored clothes for men. But not just shirts and pants, but what he could only call blouses, flowy silky shirts that were often cut quite low, almost to the navel. The number of crop top tanks available was disconcerting, and the tightness of the average pair of men’s pants was shocking. It took a lot of looking to find even a pair of jeans that he wouldn’t have categorized as skinny jeans.

There were even skirts and dresses marketed to men, if the models in the ads were any indication. He grew increasingly taciturn as his hunt for appropriate clothing was increasingly stymied. 

“Wow, I knew guys were picky about clothes, but this is taking forever. What’s wrong with these ones? You’d look great in these!” Walli declared, holding up a pair of black skinny jeans that would have to be painted onto him. He gave her a deadpan stare.

“Because it doesn’t ‘fit’. I’m not an emo kid going to a rave, Walli.”

Her face screwed up in incomprehension.

“Wha?”

They locked eyes for a long minute as both struggled to mentally bridge the divide. 

He heaved a sigh as he finally came to understand the problem and endeavoured to explain it to her.

“Okay, so back home, very few guys would wear anything like… this.” He said, waving to a svelte male mannequin next to him, wearing black booty shorts, thigh high socks, and a yellow crop top and choker.

“Well, that makes your universe sound terrible, I gotta say.” Walli said wistfully, looking the mannequin up and down like a prize bull.

Connor groaned and rolled his eyes.

“Its not, I promise you. But things are different there, clearly fashion is one of them. I just want normal clothes! Tshirts, jeans, cargo shorts, hoodies, jackets! Surely there are guys who wear that kind of stuff. Right?” He asked, pleadingly.

The gears slowly turned in Walli’s mind as she processed what he meant. Then she lit up like a Christmas tree.

“I got it!” she announced and dragged him to a store that looked like a hiking outfitter but mostly sold casual and athleisure wear. It was full of sensibly dressed men and boys, unlike most of the mall’s patrons who had proved to him that this wasn’t an elaborate prank and men really did dress like that here. There was a distinct preference for hiking boots, flannel, jeans and vests, and he felt right at home. The place was called Amazonia, and seemed vaguely familiar but still slightly off.

Walli was delighted that he had found somewhere appropriate to get clothes, and he started filling a shopping cart, and then another. He had nothing, and who knew when Batwoman might cut him off? Might as well get what he could while it lasted.

I wonder if she expects receipts back? I have no idea how expenses work…

Never having had a job, least ways one that allowed expenses, all he knew was that it usually involved reimbursement. 

Then I should be fine; I’m not putting anything on my card. It’s Batwoman’s card! So she doesn’t have to pay me back.

A sudden thought chilled him to the bone and froze him in place.

She’s not expecting… ME to reimburse HER, is she? She’s a freaking billionaire! Batman wouldn’t nickel and dime me, would he?

Walli noticed him freeze and looked concerned.

“Hey, you don’t think Batwoman will want me to pay her back for all this, do you?” He asked worriedly.

Somehow fighting a supervillain is less frightening than owing Batwoman money. Why would she even care?! But you don’t stay a billionaire by giving money away to punk kids…

“Ha, don’t worry about it! Bats apparently foots the bill for most of the Guild’s expenses. I heard she steals crooks' ill-gotten gains to pay for all those wonderful toys. And our expenses too, I guess.” Walli reassured him.

He breathed a sigh of relief and resumed his shopping. A selection of t-shirts, jeans, cargo shorts and pants, athletic shorts, some polos (in blue and red), flannel button ups for being ‘fancy’, and a field jacket in olive drab, and a black leather jacket. He added a selection of the same hoodie in various dark colors; grey, black, brown, black, grey. It was summer now, but he’d need a winter wardrobe too, he assured himself. Even if he was probably immune to normal heat and cold and wouldn’t need warmer clothes. Superpowers ruled.

I can't believe its summer. I missed spring entirely…

Footwear was next. Some sturdy boots seemed called for, considering his new ‘profession’, so he got outfitted for war. There were shoe stores that sold the kind of sneakers that appealed to him elsewhere in the mall, and at least footwear was still relatively gender neutral. Though he did see both men and women in heels. 

Invulnerable ankles or not, you’re not getting me in heels.

The last selection at Amazonia was socks and underwear. The former was easy while the latter was harder. Many of the choices… simply didn’t appeal. The prevalence of jock strap style underwear and briefs, even at such a practical store, boggled him. Whatever he even thought worth considering seemed to disappoint Walli immensely. Having seen what more ‘fashionable’ stores here sold for men’s undergarments, he could imagine what she was thinking. He finally decided on a half dozen packs of identical red trunks, and instantly decided that was all he was going to wear in this universe. Walli grumbled at that choice too and was equally confused by his apparent delight in them.

As they went to check out at Amazonia, he noticed the two men in front of them in line had their hands in each other’s back pockets as they leaned against one another, waiting for the clerk to bag up their purchases. That set off a detector alarm in his head, and he slowly scanned the rest of the store and customers in line, before leaning over to Walli and asked her softly.

“Walli… do the guys who shop here… like comfortable shoes and drive Subarus?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” She asked guilelessly.

Connor bit his lip at her confusion. 

So that’s a cultural reference that went over her head. Dang, this is gonna be hard. Whatever. I don’t care what other people wear, they can dress however they like, and so can I.

A sartorial choice made, they paid and Walli insisted on carrying the bags. Her struggle with them was endearing, so he let it slide. Their next stop was shoe stores, and he got a couple pairs of sneakers, all in red, which again amused him but puzzled Walli. He offered to get her something but she demurred.

“I have to get all my shoes from Sister Terrific, otherwise they just burst into flame.” She said quietly, making him chuckle. They shared a look that made his heart skip a beat, and he could hear hers speed up again.

They continued the excursion and upon finding an electronics store, Walli insisted he needed a phone. There appeared to be two options, really; Wayne Tech or LexCorp. Wayne Tech’s offerings were practical, sturdy, dark in color and promoted their open architecture and commitment to security. LexCorp’s offerings were sleek, elegant, fashionable and wildly overpriced. LexCorp phones also looked wafer thin and they’d break if you breathed on them too hard, but they were very pretty. There was, of course, a portrait of the eponymous CEO on that side of the store above the offerings from his company. 

Yeah, that’s not evil or anything; like having a picture of the Dear Leader in every office. Lex must have bought Apple at some point; I bet he can spy on every phone he sells. God, he’s even dressed like Steve Jobs in that photo! Nice to see Lex remains a dude, fem-Lex would be… weird. I feel like we’re probably going to meet at some point. If that lion’s mane and chinstrap beard weren’t so magnificent though, I’d say its weird to see him with hair. But he has fixed the baldness a few times in the comics. 

Considering who his benefactor was and who made the competing product, he instantly decided on Wayne Tech, and the eager cashier helped him as he went hogwild on protection plans and prepaid services. It was a sturdy black flip phone, but the kind that opened two ways. He really liked the feedback of the keyboard. He protected it with the most military grade case they sold.

“Let me help you set that up!” Walli said as she snatched it out of his hand, her thumbs moving faster than even he could see as she did something.

“What are you up to?” He asked warily.

“Just making sure you have my number! And the rest of the team’s, of course.”

Taking it back he looked through his short contact list. 

BESTIE - Walli, of course…

BIRDIE  - Robin, presumably.

LASSIE - Kaldura, finally.

“‘Lassie’? Really?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What? I was trying to keep the rhyming going…” She said, waving his concerns away.

Probably better Kaldura doesn’t see that. I can change it later.

“Riiight…”

“Oh, quiet you! Hey! Have you given any thought to a costume?” She asked, deflecting from the previous topic.

“Well, not really. It hasn’t even been a day…” he trailed off as something even more glorious than the sight of Walli last night filled his eyes.

The seams were heavily reinforced. The zippers gleamed with chrome. The lapels flared out at the perfect angle. The cut was impossibly cool.

And the color!

It could only have been more perfect if someone had color matched the cape.

It had to be his!

His prize sat on a mannequin, wearing a white band shirt whose name he’d never heard before, ripped jeans and red sneakers. But all that mattered was the Jacket.

Motorcycle cut, Epaulets, impossibly cool. And dyed the most perfect shade of red.

He stormed into Goth Tropics and took no prisoners. Like destiny, the only one of the jackets that fit him was the one he spied on the mannequin. Clearly, guys his size didn’t normally shop here, though the wall of band and graphic tees, anime inspired hawaiian shirts, nerdy tchotchkes and pop punk blasting from the speakers appealed to him. He added a collection of t-shirts with the colors and emblems of various Justice Guild members to his wardrobe, as well as the Jacket. The last thing that caught his eye were a few studded and grommeted leather belts in a bright and familiar shade of yellow, which were added to the pile.

After he checked out and added further to Walli’s burdens, he asked her a question that had been bugging him in the store.

“Do your aunt and the others get royalties on these things?” He asked, pointing at the bag full of t-shirts.

“Ah, some of them do. Aquawoman doesn’t have a secret identity, but she doesn’t really need the money either. Wonder Woman puts all her profits into charities. Jesse Quick has a shell company that collects the royalties and puts them into a trust.” She explained, putting a little emphasis on her mentor’s codename. He nodded to her and tapped his nose to show his understanding,  which made her snort.

“Gotcha. What about Supes?” He asked, his eyes locked on another storefront.

“Uh, she used to, I think? But there was some fallout on the deal and she stopped worrying about it. So now everything is technically counterfeit with the big S on it. She even let the trademark lapse.” 

That gives me a mean idea…

“Come on! I have an idea for the costume, I need to hit this place up and then we’ll get lunch.” He said as he led the way. The mention of lunch (even two hours after their late brunch) motivated her to haul the bags with renewed vigor. 

After a half hour of explaining his design, and letting the in-house artist go wild on a few sketches, he put in a substantial order for which the t-shirt printing shop was overjoyed. He got the sense they were used to people who wandered in and wasted time asking about shirt designs they were never actually going to have made. That done, they headed to the food court, and he treated Walli to whatever she wanted from Big Belly Burger.

Connor only got a simple cheeseburger, fries and soda, but there was a mound of food on the two trays Walli carried back. She looked a little under strain after carrying all the bags and now this smorgasbord, but insisted she had it. As they ate and chatted, he had to subtly remind her to not use her speed while eating with a subtle kick to the shin, repeatedly.

“Sorry, just famished! I forget sometimes.” She said between burgers.

“Yeah, the secret identity deal seems like a real pain. And hard to maintain. Like, if Lex Luthor really wanted to know who you were, couldn’t he probably find out?” Connor asked innocently.

I wonder how far the Guild goes to protect its secrets. The League did some serious shit, but if it's your family on the line, who wouldn’t?

Looking around conspiratorily, Walli leaned and told him the truth.

“The bad guys know there’s some lines you don’t cross. Because when they do, the Guild takes the gloves off too. Its not worth it for most of them, so they don’t go after secret identities and families. Luthor and ones in his weight class aren’t bound by anything, of course. He’d kill to know Superwoman’s secret identity!” She whispered.

Connor’s eyebrows raised as he listened, but said nothing.

Swallowing the last of a burger, Walli continued.

“So, about last night…”

“Wait.”

“What? Is now not a good time?” She asked, looking around worriedly.

“Yeah. No! I mean, do you hear that?” He asked, contradicting himself.

“What? No, what are you hearing?” 

“Like, a bell ringing that just keeps going.” He cast around for the source of the noise.

Walli also looked around, but clearly heard nothing. Nobody else in the food court was reacting either. Then she snapped her fingers.

“Silent alarm!”

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