"Here they come!" Naomi shouted. Her green eyes flashed with intense focus. Green wind magic swirled rapidly around her combat boots. "Spread out! Do not let them trample the center!"
Laxmi dashed forward. The fire user laughed a wild, excited laugh. She threw a gigantic, roaring ball of bright orange fire. The fireball sailed through the air. It crashed directly into the lead boar.
The flames exploded loudly. Bright sparks rained down on the dirt. The boar squealed in surprise. The intense heat scorched the stone plates on its back. The monster stumbled, but it did not stop. Its armor was incredibly thick. It shook the fire off and kept charging.
"Their stone plating absorbs thermal energy!" Sayma yelled politely over the noise. She pushed her thick glasses up the bridge of her nose. She cast a glowing golden honeycomb barrier to protect Risa. "You must strike the joints, Laxmi! Brute force will not penetrate their shells!"
"I got this!" Zinia roared deeply.
The strong earth mage stomped her heavy boots onto the ground. She slammed her hands flat against the dirt. "Stone Pillar!" she commanded.
Three massive, solid columns of gray rock ripped violently out of the earth. The rocks shot upward right in front of the charging boars. The monsters slammed headfirst into the pillars. The impact was absolutely deafening. The sheer kinetic force cracked the stone armor on their heads. Two boars fell over, totally dazed by the collision.
The battlefield was pure chaos. Dust filled the air. The sounds of clashing magic and roaring beasts echoed across the quarry.
Ken Eliot stood completely still on the left flank. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets. His white shirt flapped loosely in the dusty wind. He did not get into a fighting stance. He did not pull out a weapon. He slouched his shoulders and let out a long, lazy sigh.
"This is entirely too loud," Ken complained to himself. He watched the dust cloud. "I really wish I had brought some earplugs. Or a pillow. A pillow would be fantastic right now."
Olivia stood a few feet away from him. The strict spear user fought with flawless, beautiful precision. She spun her silver-tipped weapon in a rapid, dazzling circle. She deflected a charging boar with the wooden shaft. She thrust the spear forward, striking the beast directly in its unprotected shoulder joint. The monster collapsed to the dirt instantly.
Olivia turned her head. Her sharp dark eyes locked onto Ken. She wanted to see him contribute. She fully expected him to summon some kind of defensive magic.
Instead, she saw him standing completely still. He was chewing on a piece of gummy candy.
"Ken! Move!" Olivia screamed angrily. "Engage the target! Do not just stand there like a useless piece of wood!"
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A massive armored boar broke away from the main pack. Its red eyes locked onto Ken. The beast scraped its iron hooves against the rocks. It snorted loudly. It lowered its head and charged straight toward the lazy boy. It moved with terrifying, lethal speed. It wanted to crush him flat.
Olivia gasped. She pulled her spear back. She prepared to dash forward and save him. She thought he was absolutely going to die. She thought his sheer stupidity had finally doomed him.
Ken saw the giant monster charging at him. He did not panic. He did not run away. He did not pull his hands out of his pockets.
He just tilted his head and blinked his sleepy eyes.
"Oh no," Ken mumbled lazily in his mind. "A big pig is running at me. If it hits me, it will definitely ruin my pants. I really need to do some laundry later. I guess I have to dodge. Time to use my ultimate evasion technique."
The sharp iron tusks were exactly one inch away from Ken's chest.
Ken suddenly dropped his bag of candy on the ground.
"My snacks!" Ken yelled loudly. His voice cracked with completely fake, highly exaggerated terror.
He threw his upper body violently forward. He bent completely in half at the waist. He looked like he was desperately trying to catch his falling candy bag. He moved with the clumsy, totally uncoordinated grace of a cartoon character slipping on a banana peel.
The massive armored boar sailed right over his back.
The beast missed him entirely. It flew through the empty air where Ken's chest had been just a millisecond before. The boar was moving way too fast. It could not stop its own momentum. It crashed headfirst into a solid, unyielding stone wall right behind Ken.
BAM!
The impact cracked the stone wall. The boar let out a dazed grunt. Its eyes rolled back in its head. The monster slumped onto the dirt, completely knocked out cold.
Ken stood back up. He dusted off his pants. He picked his candy bag up from the ground. He blew a tiny speck of dust off the plastic wrapper.
"Observation Haki," Ken joked casually in his mind. He popped a green candy into his mouth. "Ultra Instinct is very effective today. Or maybe I am just incredibly lucky. The world will never know."
Olivia stared at him. Her jaw dropped open. She stopped spinning her spear. She was completely, utterly bewildered. She could not process what she had just witnessed.
"What... what was that?!" Olivia shouted. She pointed a shaking finger at the unconscious boar. "You did not use a combat stance! You did not use magic! You just bent over to grab a piece of candy! That was purely accidental!"
Another boar charged toward Ken from the right side. It wanted to trample him.
Ken did not even look at it. He took a totally random, bizarre side-step. He stuck his arms out and wiggled his hips.
"I am practicing my dance moves," Ken announced lazily. He did a weird, goofy little spin. "It is called the Slacker Shuffle. It requires zero rhythm."
The boar missed him by a fraction of an inch. It slipped on the loose gravel. It slid sideways and crashed heavily into a deep mud puddle created by Ira's water magic. The beast got stuck in the thick mud. It thrashed wildly, unable to escape.
Olivia was absolutely furious. Her strict military discipline could not handle this level of sheer absurdity.
"You have zero discipline!" Olivia yelled at the top of her lungs. Her face turned red with anger. She stomped her boot on the ground. "You are treating a live combat zone like a playground! Your posture is terrible! Your evasion tactics rely entirely on dumb luck! You are a complete disgrace to the Vanguard!"
Naomi dashed across the battlefield. Her green wind magic propelled her forward. She leaped beautifully into the air. She landed gracefully right next to the stuck boar. She spun her twin daggers and delivered two swift, precise strikes to the monster's weak points. The beast turned into gray ash and vanished.
Naomi stood up straight. She slid her daggers back into their sheaths. She did not look angry at Ken. She turned her head and smiled a very warm, incredibly fond smile at him. Her green eyes sparkled with genuine affection.
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