Anti-antithesis

Some days, you wake up and everything just feels right. Your bladder isn't screaming at you, you thought to cook for yourself the night before, so you have good food in the fridge, and no one is shooting up the neighborhood.

Other days? Other days you wake up hung over, with an empty fridge, and some fucker decides they want to raid your house because you shot their boss while you were drunk. Fucker deserved it, by the way.

-Vanguard MurderDeathKill, talking to a barista shortly after blowing up a police station for condoning said raid on her house.

Waking up in the morning, I quickly fumbled for the Cleanse I saw next to my head through my Scouts. Taking it, I felt the hangover fade rapidly as Cari shifted next to me, obviously woken up by my fumblings. I grabbed the other and placed it in her hand, which she grumbled about but took anyway. Her eyes opened groggily, but they were not bloodshot, at least.

“Morning, love.” She said, placing a kiss on my cheek.

I smile wryly at her. “Morning, love.”

My tone must have betrayed my melancholy as Cari woke up rapidly. “Hey, Victor, what's going on? Did something happen last night? Did you not enjoy spending time with everyone? Does someone need to disappear?” She asked firmly, yet in a quiet volume.

I shook my head. “No, no, it's none of that. Well, it's not about the party. I really enjoyed last night, talking to everyone, hearing their pasts and goals. Well, minus Mindy, but she really needed to sleep. I'll make time to talk to her later.” I muttered to myself.

Cari shifted to be sitting up, her oversized shirt shifting to have a snake glaring at me. “That is good, love. I'm very glad you enjoyed last night, even if you had to retire early. But I can tell something serious is bothering you. Is now a good time, or do you need a bit to process it?”

I chuckled softly as I sat up, still in my formal uniform from last night. “You know, it's a good thing I never plan on hiding things from you. You are way too observant.” I thought about giving her a side hug, but I stopped myself, causing Cari to look very concerned.

She adjusts to sitting up now, concern visible on her face. “I'm going to have to be firm now, okay? What's going on?”

I breathed in, held it, then released it as I let her concern for me settle in me, internalizing it, closing to ignore the voice in my head, telling me it's fine, cause Synaptic pointed out that it was not fine. “I had a long conversation with Synaptic last night about a topic I… wasn't ready, or expecting, to discuss.” I took a deep breath. “We discussed, in a very direct way, my gender identity and my lack of care over it. Or, rather, my lack of attachment to gender as a concept. And… a few other things, but that was a core bit.”

Confusion passed by her eyes that she shook away quickly. She reached out to grab my hand, but stopped before she did, asking with her eyes if she could. I nodded, and she placed her hand on mine, pulling it onto her leg. “Okay, that's a rather large and heavy topic to discuss while drunk. And it obviously affected you greatly. Are you comfortable talking about it now?”

I could feel her concern radiate through her touch as I took a deep breath. I didn't want to talk about it, but I knew I should, and if not with Cari, then who? “The crux of the conversation revolved around us, and Opal, and I could extrapolate Yerlette and Alice into the equation as well, eventually… about how we use sex as a way to connect as opposed to, well, talking or less intimate means. About how I might end up a ‘slave to your lust’. Her words, not mine, but… it did bring up a concern of mine…”

I fidgeted slightly, running my thumb over her hand. “I like the sex, don't misunderstand, but… I also would like to simply exist with you and Opal and not expect every touch to devolve into deep kisses and sex. Sometimes, sure, but I would like to have time to simply rest with you or Opal…”

Cari smiled softly as she rubbed my hand. “And that is a very valid desire, and a very valid concern. I know that we can be… a lot, and that we should probably work on that.” She sighed. “Opal and I can work on that easily, as it's more self control than anything, and Yerlette has always been more of a cuddle bug rather than a sex pest, even while drunk. Alice… she has a deeper problem that she should work on, but it's neurological, not psychological. But, so long as she doesn't use any heavy weapons, she is normally also just a cuddle bug.”

I nodded. “But if we plan to go to Japan with her, then she will want to use the cannons if and when we run into any antithesis.”

She sighed in understanding. “Yes, she will… I will talk with her father about what treatment options are available to… have her control those urges herself. Or, at least see if she is willing to. It is something the rest of us have considered, but we never really had an impetus to focus on.” She looked me in the eyes with a soft look. “You also mentioned something about your gender? And it didn't sound as if you had dysmorphia, but rather a lack of an identity at all.”

I adjusted to sit next to her, placing a hand on her hip and resting my head on her shoulder, grounding me in the sensation of her body next to mine. “Yeah… I have been working on my new body for a bit, trying to make it feel like me, you know. I have gone through… dozens of options, body types, even full female options or hybrids of the two. Yet, the only things I could say I wanted in the looks department are scales, the tail, and for my human form to be five foot eight. Literally everything else, I didn't have any attachment to…”

Cari placed a hand on my back and rubbed small circles, but stayed silent. I chuckled depreciatively. “Heh, Synaptic asked that, if you were to suggest anything, even if I were to become a woman, or a hybrid, I would accept it easily if it made you happy. And she's right, I would. In a heartbeat, even.”

“Oh, love. You…” She sighed as she leaned her head on mine. “They really did a number on you, didn't they…”

I assumed she was talking about Ci-Spi, which I had to agree with. I never really cared what happened to me, and the only reason I kept moving was because Roger and the others kept me going. I recognized that was unhealthy, but it helped us survive.

“Heh, I guess I really am pretty broken, aren't I?” I said quietly.

I felt her tense, and I could tell she wanted to admonish me. Instead, she pulled me into a hug. “Have you ever heard of Kintsugi?” She whispered. I shook my head. “It's an ancient art form, one that Aunt Susato specializes in. It's where you take a pot, a bowl, or anything ceramic, really, and break it, or find it already broken. You gather the large parts together and use gold to glue them back together. The gold highlights the cracks while fixing them, and it takes a delicate hand and fine temperature control to do it without shattering the ceramic further. And in the end, you are left with an even more stunning piece because of the cracks.”

She sent me a few pictures of different pots, cups, bowls and plates, all with huge cracks that indicate they were irreparably shattered, yet also put back together in stunning, mesmerizing ways. I could feel tears build up in my eyes with each picture until they finally spilled over.

As I wept, Cari simply held me, humming something. “It's okay to be broken. We just have to work together to fix you up, and you will become more beautiful for it.”

**************************************

Cody

Sitting in the DM Screen, I read Outsider's report on the three people she captured last night and sighed heavily. She was still in the middle of interrogating them, but what she learned so far was annoying, to say the least. The only good news was that they didn't seem related to the cult.

They belonged to a local PMC, the Steel Panthers, and were scouting out the Tower to invade it. Apparently, their shareholders didn't like Vic's call out the other day, not that I could understand why. He only stated how shit they were at their jobs and declared his intent to absorb their shit to do better. Totally not a reason to go to war with a Samurai.

I was too tired for this shit… I didn't even go to sleep last night, just took a Cleanse and a coffee and dealt with shit. Not like I had someone to cuddle with, anyways… I consoled myself with the knowledge that Buddy also didn't find a date last night, even though the bomb gremlin Wendy looked at him funny…

I sighed again as I turned to Bahamut. “Bahamut, I'm thinking that the other three PMCs will be invading as well, probably roping in dozens of smaller PMCs. What are the optics on striking first?”

Bahamut threw up dozens of screens, stocks, census data, estimated strength of the various PMCs, as well as the political landscape of Arizona, and data from that troop observation software Vic bought.

“Hmm… I must concur with that assessment, Cody, which is most regrettable.” Bahamut answered while rubbing his chin, “We might be able to get away with dealing with the Steel Panthers, as their internal communiques are buzzing with activity and we did just capture three of their men. We have justification to move on the Ground Badgers, as we have already shone them up and thus could absorb them under the excuse of a training camp. But the others…”

I checked the data and grew more annoyed. The other two major PMCs, the Iron Bulls and the Ephemeral Gravitas, had upped their public outreach by running ads and discounts, plus smear campaigns against the Monster Box. Not Samurai War Games, pointedly, just his PMC, and mostly headed by the Iron Bulls.

Going over the strength assessments, my annoyance deflated to frustration. The Steel Panthers were a heavy armor PMC, relying on their five high-grade super heavy tanks and a small detachment of IFVs to protect them. The Ground Badgers were all infantry, numbering in the hundreds, with a single mobile command center. The Iron Bulls were a balanced mix of the two, with three mid-tier super heavies, dozens of IFVs, and several hundred infantry. Lastly, the Ephemeral Gravitas utilized mech armors, coil guns, and personal power armors. While they may not have the numbers Iron Bull did, they were by far and away the strongest of the four.

Yet, they had all been consolidating their forces from across the state. They said it was to do a joint training exercise, but it was obvious they were preparing for war. Stupid fuckers, didn't they know we should be focusing on the xenos threat?

“So, we send Leman to the Steel Panthers to dismantle them and Rogal to the Ground Badgers to subdue them.” I said, moving tac-sim data around our War map. “But then we would need to send Jim with Vulkan to deal with one of the others, considering that they were both larger than the other two combined and better funded.”

“They should deal with Ephemeral Gravitas, considering the amount of reverse engineered Vanguard technologies they have.” Bahamut answered quickly, placing Jim and Vulkan near their base. “This would leave The Iron Bulls to attack our base, while putting pressure on the smaller PMCs to stay back.”

Cody rubbed his chin, feeling his wiry stubble. “We could send a warning to the smaller ones when we move out, telling them to stay out of it if they wish to live.” I offered, “We have a use for every able body we can get, and we need to make sure the Wall is staffed before we head out in September.”

Over ninety locations lit up on the war map, indicating every PMC currently registered in New Phoenix. They amounted to a bit over twelve hundred people of various strengths, but they were still people who could and would fight the antithesis if compensated.

Bahamut also pointed towards the Niltmore. “We should also warn them of the assault, as the gangs in the area might be paid off to attack them as well.”

Shit, that made sense. These fuckers would want to take us out from the roots, which also meant the Niltmore would be in danger. “How many shuttles could we deploy to assist them? Even if they only focus on heavy armored targets and vehicles, they would be a great asset for them.”

“We have sixteen as if an hour ago, so we could send three to each location, leaving four for home defense.” Bahamut stated. “Morrigan has been working on retrofitting them with the exotic armor, as well, so they could stand up to the super heavies for an extended time. If we could push back the assault by a week, we could also deploy our troops to be more aggressive, but that might be detrimental to both morale and our numbers…”

“Yeah, we should avoid having our human troops fight other humans for now.” I agreed. “Any chance we could go after the owners and shareholders? Ya know, really limit bloodshed?”

Bahamut shook his head. “All of them fled the state once Bestlé made their declaration of war. While it might be possible to go after their assets, we would only hit some of them.” He chuckled deeply then. “Unless Vizir Synaptic wishes to interfere?”

An eye appeared on the war table, appearing like an eldritch entity hovering over the city, ready to consume it. “If you were not already preparing for war, that would be something I could do. However, as it stands now, you will have to deal with the PMCs first before I will interfere.”

Huh. Will interfere, eh? Good to know where the line laid.

We continued like this for a few more hours, discussing troop movement and placements, how to deal with prisoners and the bodies afterwards (we would not use them as materials. Bahamut and I agreed that it would be terrible for our image), and when to strike. We knew it had to be soon, tomorrow at the latest, as that was the latest we predicted the PMCs would attack.

I got a ping from Synaptic saying Vic was available, so I sent him a message telling him some heavy shit is about to go down and to come to the Screen. Needed his permission to use the Commanders, anyways.

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