This epitaph was a gift from a good friend and fellow author Dan Parker, author of the amazing Mad Panda, a very gay, very violent, very family oriented story where I could not stop rooting for the MC, Louis "Mad Panda" Larose, and his family, as well as wish for every good thing to happen to them. Please give it a read!
Be fucking careful with your AI's suggestions. Get them to explain shit, ask for an image or, fuck, at least give them a fucking direction to go in if you're not stupid! Those assholes will slip in their little fetishes and hobbies or whatever the hell kind of shit they're into.
'Cause if you don't, they'll make you fucking like having a fucking tail with some fucking brain fuckery and BOOM! You look like a furry...
Shut up Altany!
-Samurai Mad Panda, answering a survey from Lazer Jack.
Cari and I walked into the Screen together, taking position near the head of the table. Cody looked like shit, and Bahamut was handed a tablet from a Great Horned Owl. “Good morning, Sire, Matriarch,” Cari groaned, making her displeasure known, “Last night, shortly after the party wound down, we detected a refurbished Vanguard drone attempting to infiltrate the Tower. Outsider traced its signal to a neighboring building and was able to capture three people associated with the Steel Panther PMC. Cody and I have spent the night working on untangling the situation and have come to the conclusion that we will be under attack in the near future by the four major PMCs.”
That was some shitty news to wake up to, wasn't it. “Well, I'm glad we were able to get on top of this now. Cody, I am a bit surprised you were working on this, though. Did you not sleep?”
He shook his head. “I saw Outsider bring them in last night, so what was I supposed to do? Sleep? Alone?” His tone was very bitter with that last word, causing Cari to chuckle.
“If you are feeling lonely, Cody, you could always join Harmony-”. Cari started to tease before he raised a hand to stop her.
“No. I won't do that… I won't become the boss who uses his position to sleep with his employees. It… feels gross.” he shuddered as if to make his point, then took a sip of what I'm hoping was coffee.
“I mean, there's also The Lower Six.” I offered. “And you don't even have use your owner privileges. Just pay normally.”
Cody remained silent for a moment before he motioned to the table. “We have a general idea of a battle plan, but we need your input to give the go ahead.”
I rolled my eyes at his not so subtle fleeing of the previous topic, but I went over his report. My eyebrows slowly climbed my face the more I read, while Cari studied the war map.
I closed the reports as I took a seat, rubbing my head. “Sands, why are people stupid?”
Cari glanced up at Cody. “All of this is, technically, speculation, isn't it? Have you sent in any Ravens to confirm this?”
Bahamut nodded. “We have, and they are still looking for more concrete evidence that more than the Steel Panthers are planning to attack. However, given both your official Family Profile and the Pandora's war path, it wouldn't make sense for only the Steel Panthers to try something so suicidal.”
Cody looked at me, eyes tired. I knew what he meant, and I could only sigh as I placed a hand on Cari's arm. “It's something we don't really need proof for, Cari. Call it intuition, or experience. If one is planning this, it's all but guaranteed that the others are in on it.”
Cari entwined her fingers in mine, looking conflicted. “Is… Is there any way we could mitigate this? Stop it before it happens? Maybe their leadership would be willing to negotiate?”
“It may technically be possible,” Bahamut spoke up, “depending on the Commanders present in the city. The shareholders all fled once Bestle declared war, so depending on the contracts and dispositions of the Commanders on site, they may be willing to break away from such suicidal orders.”
Cari looked relieved while I thought she was being optimistic. But, I chose not to say anything about that. “Bahamut. Do you think you could get a meeting set up between us and the four PMCs? It can be virtual if that helps them feel as though they are not walking into a trap.” Cari asked.
Cody chuckled. “Making it virtual would actually put them more on guard.” Cari looked at him in confusion, so he continued. “It's a cultural thing for PMCs, or, at least, the local ones. Any big business, like territory disputes or contract negotiations, or even hostage exchanges, must be negotiated in person. Each side agrees to a neutral spot and brings some of their strength to back them up, normally their strongest, as a sign of respect as well as a way to make sure their bases aren't attacked while the meeting takes place.”
Cari’s face shifted from confusion to shock to exasperated disappointment as she sat next to me. “Men and their posturing…” She muttered.
I smiled wryly at that. “Actually, if I'm remembering correctly, this was a tradition started by the Ephemeral Gravitas six years back, whose commander is a woman.”
Cari raised her eyebrow as Cody chuckled. “Miranda ‘Contract’ Alderman. Daughter of the founder of the PMC, Taylor Alderman. She grew up in the elite social circles, yet also smurfed her way through a building gang, where she learned that tradition. It had a track record that worked well with very few backstabbings, so she adopted it. ‘If all the big guns are in one spot where everyone can see them, and those guns are aimed at each other, then people would be more willing to talk over fight’. Plus, those big guns are watched constantly, so if they deviate away from the meeting place, that gives the others justification to retaliate.”
“And it has worked.” I chimed in. “The one job we had to attend one of those meetings was nerve wracking for us, yet everyone else was relaxed, treating it like a barbecue and not a stand off. But it is a good idea.” I stood and shifted my armor to battle mode as I made a call.
The war table shifted to show a screen of a secretary in a faux military uniform, more akin to those slutty costumes you see at Halloween parties than an actual military outfit.
“Good morning, and thank you for calling Ephemeral Gravitas's commander's office!” Her voice was definitely old Californian Valley, which made me almost want to hang up on principal. “You have reached Commander Alderman's secretary, Macy! Who's calling, and what can we do for you?”
I took a deep breath as I pushed down my annoyance. “This is Samurai War Games, and I would like to set up a parlayance between myself and the Four. Preferably before the Steel Panthers decide to do something remarkably stupid.”
Macy's eyes came into focus as she leaned into the camera. “Oh. My. Gods! You're actually War Games? Holy shit, the ID is legit! One moment, let me get my boss.” She stood and walked out of frame, yet we heard her open a door and yell. “Miranda! Get your tight ass down here, War Games is on the line and he wants to speak to you!” She returned to her desk quickly before she placed us on hold.
We were taken off of hold quickly as Macy looked embarrassed. “Shit, I thought I put you on hold before I got up. The commander will be with you shortly, please hold.”
Cari had to excuse herself as she ran to a side office to laugh loudly while Cody closed his eyes, smirking hard. I had to tighten my core as hard as I could to maintain professionalism, though I wanted to join Cari in laughing at Macy.
Soon enough, a new office appeared on screen as a new woman arrived. Short brown hair, Indian descent with a purple gem on her forehead, her eyes sharp as she glared at me through the screen, possibly ignorant of her secretary’s mistake. “Samurai War Games, this is Commander Miranda Alderman of the Ephemeral Gravitas PMC. I hear you wish to set up a parlay between yourself and the Four? May I ask the reason behind this request?”
I nodded, silently deciding to let Macy keep some dignity. “It has come to my attention that the Steel Panther PMC is planning to attack my home in the next few days.” That caused her eyes to widen sharply before she schooled her expression. “My immediate reaction was swift suppression of the offenders, as well as the Four as I saw it as unreasonable to assume that they would attack alone. However, my fiancé called for a more peaceful resolution first, to see if it were possible to prevent even more unnecessary bloodshed.”
I could see the gears turn in Miranda's head as she processed everything. “First, I would like to assure you that the Ephemeral Gravitas had not received any such requests to go against Samurai War Games or any of his properties, either from our shareholders or the others of the Four. Secondly, I would be more than willing to set up this parlayance if it meant preventing any more losses to the forces that should be dealing with the antithesis. Do you have a preference in terms of location?”
I shook my head. “No, any location would be fine. Although, I do question your resolve in dealing with the antithesis considering the state of affairs your territory defenses were in very recently.”
She exhaled sharply as she rapped her fingers against her desk. “That situation was… regrettable, and not my decision. The shareholders my father works with convinced him to take those actions against my own recommendations. Were I in charge fully, that would have never occurred.”
“Hmm. I have no reason to doubt you, yet no reason to trust you as of now.” I retorted. I actually did have reason to trust her, as her reputation spoke volumes as a competent commander, but images and all that. “That is something that can be discussed at another time, however. Please, set up the meeting as soon as possible, preferably before tomorrow at…” I paused for dramatic effect, as if I am checking a clock. “Three pm. Any later than that and we will assume the worst.”
She nodded grimly as the line ended. Cari slithered over to me and pulled me onto the blue egg we kept in the Screen. I shifted my armor back to comfort mode as she gave me a hug, deflating. “Thank you for this, love.” She said, placing a kiss on my head. “And I promise to stop putting you in positions where you have to speak publicly.”
I exhaled heavily at that. “Cari, love, you just made me a promise, one that I do intend to hold you to, especially since this is the second time you have agreed to this.” I placed a kiss on her hand. “I will give you a moment to decide if you want to reconsider, as I will have you take over all of my public appearances otherwise.”
She tightened her coils around me while smiling. “I know what I said, love. It is something I was planning on doing for you, anyways. Especially after seeing your social battery hit empty last night.”
Cody cackled. “Yeah, bro. We could have gotten any number of promises out of you last night with how fried your brain was. For a guy who can control entire companies of nanites at will, you are useless with people long term.”
“I mean…” I whined. “I think I did pretty good with Miranda…”
“And you did, love. You simply slipped into what Roger mentioned as ‘work mode’.”
Ah, right. Work mode… <I though I asked you to warn me when I slipped into that habit unintentionally.> I growled softly at Synaptic.
And I determined that the times you slipped into it were to your benefit, as you were, in fact, working. I will bring it up if you slip into it while in more casual settings.
I rolled my eyes at her as I ran my hand over Cari's scales. They felt softer after the massage I gave her on the Pandora, and she moved easier as well. “Unfortunately, I have to be there for this parlayance… Sands, I have to figure out who to bring…”
Cari chuckled at my whining as she looked at Cody. “So we just have to bring the strongest forces, right?”
He nodded wearily, watching a small Owl refill his cup with more coffee. “Yeah. Publicly, that would be Leman, Vulkan, and Rogal, as Jim is seen as a rear line guy. Probably six shuttles while we send some to Niltmore.”
Cari nodded. “I'll go as well.” That caused me to tense up, but she stopped me from saying anything by placing a finger on my lips. “I need to show myself in public as well, love, especially if I am going to be your spokesperson. Besides, I can easily defend myself against any fools who might wish us harm.”
I glanced at my point total, then I checked Cari's armor. A unique blend of Slytherian infantry and War Swarm Soldier type, and it was rated for lower leveled anti-material weapons…
<Synaptic, if I wanted to to buy Class III armor for Cari and I, how expensive would it be for the strongest you could make?>
For the Class III War Swarm Utilities catalog, three tokens and ten thousand points, and the single strongest armor I could make, with a combination of the Slytherian technologies and the complete combination of all your catalogs, would be forty thousand points. It would be effective against any hand held weapon of Class II and below. While certain large cannons could still affect you, that is limited to moving you, not dealing damage to you. And even then, with the spatial anchors installed, the weapon in question will need to be designed to impart enough force to shatter space itself. Something a few Vanguard are capable of, but humanity is not.
That said, this would prevent you from unlocking certain catalogs that you, Cari, and Roger need in order to upgrade your bodies.
<The Commanders can take Pandora to hunt a few more hives, then. Armor is more important. Please buy two sets of the armor for Cari and I.>
Unlocked Class III War Swarm Utilities
Purchased Hybrid War Slitherian Juggernaut Armor 2x
Points reduced to 62,340
Tokens reduced to 0
A box landed on the table, causing everyone to look at me questioningly. “Bahamut, set up a combat patrol to get me three more tokens after this mess is dealt with.” He nodded as I carried the box over to me on my Collection Swarm. I had gotten good at using them as extra hands, even if I could only do two things at once, and only one delicate action.
I opened the box and saw two large two-liter silver bottles. “And what did you get, love?” Cari’s voice was sharply sweet, causing a shiver of danger to run down my spine, but I just smiled as the bottles turned to a grey goo and flowed over us.
“Armor upgrades for the both of us. Class III armor that costs more than your gauntlets and has so many tricks. Look at the size of the user manual that came with them.” Just the appendix was the same size of the Class I Assault Swarm manual I read a while ago.
Once the nanites finished integrating, Cari turned my head and kissed me. A short one, but enough to make me feel fuzzy. “Look at you, buying something to protect your life without my prompting! I will figure out a reward for you later. But for now, I'm going to hug you while I plan for this parlay, alright?”
I nodded as I got comfortable in her coils, opening the new user manual to try and get an idea about what the fuck I just bought.
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